Whether you’re currently in the surrogacy process or still deciding if it’s right for you, the path to where you are today has likely been a long one filled with many emotional ups and downs. In addition to the small successes you’ve achieved, you may also have experienced heartbreak.
Despite the sadness these days may bring, many intended parents choose to mark the anniversaries of some of these heartbreaks, like past miscarriages, the moment they realized they couldn’t carry a child themselves and the beginning of their surrogacy journey (especially when the process hasn’t yet produced a child of their own).
While it can be a day full of grief and sadness, it’s important that you acknowledge this day and what it means to you. Ignoring the importance of this day can have dire effects for your mental health, especially as you’re also going through the emotionally trying process of surrogacy. The best thing that you can do is embrace the feelings and memory of this day — and take certain steps to help yourself get through this emotionally difficult time.
1. Communicate What You’re Feeling.
A big part of acknowledging this sad anniversary is sharing your feelings with others. Keeping what you’re feeling inside will only elevate those difficult feelings, while letting them out one way or another can be extremely cathartic. It can be comforting to turn to a trusted friend or family member (or your partner if you are going through the surrogacy process with them) to talk about your feelings. Having someone to share your feelings with can help immensely with the loss and loneliness you may be experiencing on this day.
If you don’t feel like sharing your emotions with someone else, that’s okay. Instead of ignoring your feelings, however, try to let them out through journaling or another emotive activity.
2. Commemorate the Anniversary with Something Positive.
While this day will be a sad day, you can take steps to make something good out of it. It can help to symbolically let your negative feelings go; perhaps write down your thoughts on paper inside a balloon and release it into the air, or bury your feelings in a box. To leave a positive impact on a negative day, perhaps plant a tree or donate to a charity that means something special to you. Whatever you can do to make yourself feel a little better, make that effort to add some positivity to this day.
3. Seek Out Support.
No one should go through these difficult times alone, so we encourage all intended parents coping with a sad anniversary to reach out to their surrogacy specialist for support. Our specialists can provide emotional support, as well as refer you to trained counselors if that’s something you need. Most of the time, though, you may just need a sympathetic ear — and your surrogacy specialist is well experienced in the feelings that intended parents like you go through during these difficult times.
You may also wish to seek out support groups for intended parents like yourself. You may find comfort in talking to people who have been through the same situations as you. You can search support groups by state here, or look online for other internet support groups.
Everyone is different, and the way you decide to address this sad anniversary will ultimately be up to you. However, we highly encourage that you do take steps to acknowledge and honor this day; it’s an important part of your parenthood journey and who you are today. Remember, this sad day is just one stop on your road to becoming parents and eventually holding that special little bundle of joy in your arms.