Category: Infertility to Surrogacy

While Oct. 15 may be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, those who have suffered the loss of a pregnancy or baby take time throughout the entire month of October to remember their lost children and to spread awareness.

Many hopeful parents who turn to American Surrogacy have experienced a miscarriage or infant loss prior to pursuing surrogacy. All of us at American Surrogacy offer our support to those who are remembering a lost pregnancy or infant this month. Remember, your surrogacy specialist is always there for you. She is also happy to connect you with an infertility counselor, should you need a little extra support during this time of the year.

However, one of the best ways to help others during this month is to educate yourself and to spread your new knowledge. There may be a lot about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month that you don’t know about. Here’s your chance to learn and share:

Who Observes Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day?

The United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, Wales, Norway, Kenya and Italy all honor lost pregnancies and babies on Oct. 15. The day culminates in the Lights of Love International Wave of Light, where candles are lit for an hour in remembrance at 7 p.m. local time across the globe.

Anyone who has ever felt the pain of a lost pregnancy from miscarriage, or the loss of an infant due to illness, stillbirth, SIDS and more spend the month of October honoring that loss. Parents and families of the children who have passed away are those who most commonly observe this month, but their cause is often shared among friends and loved ones.

How Many People Are Affected by Miscarriages or Infant Deaths?

The number of people who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or baby may come as a surprise to you. If you yourself have never experienced this, then it’s likely that at least one person in your life has, whether you know it or not. Even if you think you’ve never been affected by this kind of tragedy, someone close to you probably has.

Here are some of the statistics behind pregnancy and infant loss:

• An estimated 15 to 20 percent of confirmed pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
• In 2016, there were 23,161 infant deaths in the U.S.
• The global infant mortality rate has dramatically decreased from 1990 to 2016, going from about 64.8 deaths per 1,000 live births, to 30.5 deaths per 1,000 live births.
• The top three leading causes of death for infants in the U.S. are chromosomal abnormalities and various types of congenital malformations, low birth weight or premature birth-related problems, and SIDS.
• Most infant deaths in the United States occur within the first 27 days of life.
• A lack of health care access is one of the highest contributors to infant death, so poorer rural areas are most affected, most commonly among minority ethnic groups.
• Mississippi is the U.S. state with the highest infant mortality rate, while New Hampshire has the lowest rate.

Ways You Can Participate in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Whether you’re a grieving parent or you simply want to show your support to those who have been affected by pregnancy and infant loss, there are several ways you can take part in Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Month:

• Spread awareness and share stories through social media using the hashtag #PregnancyAndInfantLossRemembranceDay.
• Join or organize a local gathering for the Lights of Love International Wave of Light and use the hashtag #WaveOfLight.
• Do something kind for someone who is grieving, like making them a meal or offering to listen or babysit their older children so they can have a night out.
• Join a pregnancy or infant loss support group, either online or in your area.
• Wear the pink and blue ribbons that signify Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day to raise awareness.
• Contact your representatives about initiatives that can improve maternity and infant healthcare access and education, so that those who are most at-risk (mothers in the first trimester and babies in their first year of life) have better access to life-saving medical care.
• Share simple pregnancy and baby care information (about preventing SIDS, prenatal health, etc.) through social media to reach mothers who might not otherwise have access to reliable and accurate healthcare information.
• Offer your support, and never judge anyone who has lost a child for any reason.

Tragically, even with the best medical care, children can leave us just as soon as they come into our lives. A parent’s grief can last a long time, even if their child’s life was a short one. But your stories and shared experiences may help others who are going through similar emotions. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone.

There are many people who are remembering lost pregnancies and babies this October. American Surrogacy joins those who are hurting in honoring those who were gone too soon, and we offer our condolences.

What are you doing this October to help raise awareness about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month? Let us know in the comments below.

An estimated 1 in 8 couples will be diagnosed with infertility. So, if you’re grieving after your diagnosis, you’re not alone.

Grief is the most common reaction to infertility. Some people grieve their original dream of having biological children, or they grieve their body’s inability to become pregnant or carry a child. Others may also be grieving pregnancy loss. There is often the feeling of loss of control and identity when a person is diagnosed with infertility, and the grieving process is an essential part of rediscovering yourself after infertility.

Wherever you are in your current family-building journey, here a few things to keep in mind and to help you through the infertility grieving process:

Everyone Grieves Differently

If you’re dealing with infertility alongside a partner, it can be difficult if they grieve differently than you do, or if they process their feelings at a different pace. Your friends and family may also grieve for you in their own way.

Be patient with them and with yourself.

It can be frustrating or lonely when everyone is hurting, but try to stay compassionate with one another. Continue to communicate how you’re feeling and what you need from others.

Responses to infertility can manifest in different ways for different people, including:

• Anger or blame
• Feelings of guilt or shame
• Sadness or depression
• Numbness or emotional detachment
• Disbelief or denial through seeking help from many different health professionals
• Hyper-focusing on your infertility and having an inability to concentrate on anything else
• Trying to ignore your infertility by focusing on everything else

After learning of their infertility, one partner may tend to bury themselves in their infertility diagnosis, while the other may avoid it as much as possible. Grieving differently can make a painful time even harder, but try to continue to support one another as you deal with your emotions on your own terms.

Ways to Help Heal from Infertility Grief

Not sure how to start making peace with what you’re feeling? Here are a few methods that can help you begin processing your infertility grief:

• Create a representative space to honor lost pregnancies or lost dreams of having a child in the way you’d initially hoped for. This could be a space on a shelf where you put items you purchased for a child, or a garden that you plant and care for.
• Write about your thoughts and feelings. Putting pen to paper through journaling or through letters to a lost child or a future baby can help you look at your emotional progress and see hope for a different path to parenthood someday.
• Use creative outlets or hobbies to keep from falling into depression or hyper-focusing on your diagnosis. Keep hiking, running, making jewelry or whatever you like to do to help get back to feeling like yourself.
• Talk to others. Join a local infertility support group, talk to your partner, friends or family members that you feel will listen the best. Consider talking to an infertility counselor.
• Plan for things you can look forward to, such as concerts, taking a trip, visiting friends, or taking classes of something you’ve always been interested in, whether that’s cooking or boxing. This can help if you’ve felt like you’re not in control lately, and it also gives you a few fun things in the future to look forward to.

There’s no right or wrong way to tackle your infertility grief. As long as you’re acknowledging that grief and giving yourself the time you need to begin feeling at peace, then you’re doing great.

Move Forward When You’re Ready

Moving forward means that you may need to let go of painful things that can hold you back from living a full and happy life. That may be letting go of your dreams of having a child who is biologically related to you or carrying a pregnancy yourself, or letting go of miscarriages or children you’ve lost. This doesn’t mean that you’ll forget what you’ve experienced, but it does mean that you’re ready to take the next step in your life. Moving forward is a necessary step after the grieving process, and it looks different for everyone.

When you feel like you’re ready to move forward after experiencing infertility grief, there are different paths your life can take:

• You may decide to try fertility treatments or IVF.
• You might work with a gestational surrogate and/or egg and sperm donors to help you have a child.
• You may be comfortable with adopting a child who is not biologically related to you.
• You might decide that your life will be full, happy and meaningful with or without children.

There is no right or wrong way to move on from infertility. There’s also no timeline for reaching the point where you feel ready to move forward. People reach that point at their own pace, so be patient with yourself and with loved ones. This is a process that’s personal and unique to everyone.

Some important things to remember:

• You’re not alone — many people come to terms with infertility and understand what it’s like to grieve.
• You’ll be happy again, and you’ll find a new path for your life and you can be a parent if you want to, even if it’s not in the way you’d originally planned.
• Be kind with yourself and others, and don’t be afraid to seek infertility grief counseling if you need to.

Infertility grief is difficult but it is manageable with some work, and you will heal. Until then, take care of yourself. When you are ready to start discussing your family-building options, know that American Surrogacy is here to help.

When Mother’s Day rolls around each year, much is said in consideration of all the hopeful mothers struggling with infertility. But there’s an equal party of struggling people during the next month’s celebration — hopeful fathers — that doesn’t get as much awareness or support while going through the same thing.

At American Surrogacy, we recognize that intended fathers cope with the same difficult emotions as intended mothers. We also recognize that, due to societal pressures and norms, most of these men suffer in silence — afraid of compromising their “image” as a man by admitting these difficult emotions.

Know that the specialists at American Surrogacy will always be here to offer you support and guidance during these difficult times. We have worked with many men in your situation, whether you are still struggling with infertility, considering surrogacy or in the middle of the surrogacy process.

Entering this Father’s Day weekend, there are three things we want you to know:

You Are Not Alone

Infertility, whether due to medical or social situations, is more common than you may think. Millions of people across the United States struggle to have a child, so there are many people out there sharing the same disappointment and frustration that you likely feel.

In the United States, 1 in 8 couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. That’s not including all of the single men and women — LGBT or heterosexual individuals — who must use assisted reproductive technology methods to have a biological child.

About 1/3 of infertility issues are attributed to male factor infertility, another 1/3 are due to female factor infertility, and the last 1/3 is a combination of both partners or unexplainable. Whether you are struggling with infertility due to your own situation or because of your partner’s complications, know that you are not the only one in your situation. Just because infertility remains a taboo subject not discussed by many does not mean it ceases to exist.

At American Surrogacy, we know your situation exists — and we are here for you.

Don’t Be Afraid to Share Your Feelings

Unfortunately, it can be harder for men struggling with infertility to open up about their emotions, whether to their loved ones or to mental health professionals. If they have a partner, they are often expected to be “the strong one,” especially if their spouse is the one diagnosed with infertility. If they are single, it can be even harder to open up with no partner to turn to.

However, on days like Father’s Day — when these emotions can be triggered and stronger than ever — opening up is important to coping with the struggles of infertility. Keeping harmful emotions bottled up inside is not healthy; it can even lead to physical manifestations of your feelings.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones and share your thoughts while coping with infertility. They will not think any less of you for doing so; in fact, asking for help and sharing deep emotions is a sign of strength. It can also create a stronger relationship with your loved ones.

An infertility counselor may be helpful if you are still determining where to go from here. If you are in the middle of your surrogacy process, your surrogacy specialist can always provide professional support and counseling to help you move forward from these difficult times.

Even if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings aloud on Father’s Day, find a healthy way to express them. Write in a journal, throw yourself into a project, or work out to release your pent-up emotions. Healthy expression of your feelings can help you to enjoy the day with any father figures in your life, rather than dwell on the sadness of another year without a child.

You Can Still Become a Father

Finally, remember that just because you are childless on this Father’s Day doesn’t mean you have to be next Father’s Day. There are many different ways for hopeful fathers to bring a child into their lives, whether through assisted reproductive technology or adoption. Each path has many different processes within it, so you can find the one that works best for your personal hopes and dreams.

If you are considering surrogacy, you can always contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for more information about this process. We can answer whatever questions you have and provide the information you need to make the best choice for you. If you are interested in adoption, we can also refer you to our sister agency, American Adoptions.

On this Father’s Day, it may be difficult to put on a happy face and celebrate your father like everyone else when you so desperately wish to be one yourself. More than anything else, remember that you always have the right to do what makes you happy on this day — and that there are options to make your fatherhood dreams come true.

When it comes to babies, family-building, adoption and surrogacy, the conversation tends to revolve around women. It’s easy to assume that because mothers are the ones carrying the pregnancy, they are also the ones who care most about having children — and, when efforts to conceive naturally fail, it’s easy to assume that women are the ones with the fertility problem.

But the truth is that male factor infertility plays a role in 30 to 50 percent of infertility cases, according to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), and it can be just as emotionally challenging to overcome as female infertility.

If male infertility has played a role on your path to surrogacy, you’re not alone. To open up the conversation about male factor infertility, here are five important things everyone should know about the condition:

1. There are many different causes of male infertility.

There are many factors that can contribute to male factor infertility. According to RESOLVE, the national infertility association, some common causes include:

• A blockage or other structural abnormality that affects the flow of sperm
• Low sperm count or quality caused by a sperm production disorder
• Ejaculatory issues that prevent the sperm from ever reaching the egg
• Immunologic disorders that prevent fertilization
• Azoospermia, a condition in which the testicles do not produce any sperm
• Obstructive azoospermia, in which sperm is produced but blocked by an obstruction
• And more

Some of these infertility issues are caused by underlying health problems, like hormonal imbalances. Prior surgeries and radiation from cancer treatments can also damage reproductive organs and sperm.

2. Seeing a doctor should always be your first step.

If you and your partner have been trying to conceive for one year without success, it’s time to see a doctor about possible infertility issues. Both partners should schedule a consult and have a workup done to determine the potential cause of their infertility (and identify any other underlying health issues). Of course, you should also always see a doctor if you notice any lumps, swelling, pain or other abnormalities affecting the groin area.

Some men are reluctant to take this step, but when it comes to your reproductive health, it’s important to be proactive. Seeing a doctor is the only way to get to the bottom of what’s causing your fertility problems — and to make a plan for how to move forward. Your doctor will assess your medical history and perform a semen analysis and other medical tests to diagnose your fertility problems.

3. There are options for overcoming male infertility.

With rapid advances in reproductive medicine and technology, there are now more options available to couples struggling with infertility than ever before. Depending on the type and cause of your infertility, there are several courses of treatment your doctor may recommend, from in vitro fertilization (IVF) to sperm washing and intrauterine insemination.

There are also more family-building options today than ever before. If fertility treatments aren’t right for you, you might consider other family-building options, like surrogacy or adoption. While it’s important to remember that these options are not “cures” for infertility, they will allow you to finally bring home the child that you’ve dreamed about for so long.

4. Male infertility can have emotional implications.

Just like for women, an infertility diagnosis and treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster for men — even if they’re not willing to admit it. Society often links manliness and fertility, which can lead men to experience shock, anger, sadness, guilt and low self-esteem following a male factor infertility diagnosis.

Talking about these feelings can be difficult, but it’s important to acknowledge the emotional pain of infertility in order to fully heal and move forward with your family-building journey. Infertility counseling may help you in coming to terms with your infertility diagnosis, communicating with your partner and deciding what steps to take next.

5. Infertility isn’t one partner’s problem.

Whether you’re dealing with male factor, female factor, unexplained or combined infertility issues, this condition doesn’t just affect one partner — it affects both of you. Pinpointing the cause of your issues to male factor infertility isn’t about “blaming” one partner; it’s about getting to the root of the problem so you can move forward with the family-building option that’s right for both of you.

Remember to communicate openly with your partner and support each other through this journey. It takes two (or more) to build a family, so you should both be on the same page when it comes to the next steps following an infertility diagnosis.

If you are considering surrogacy as a family-building option, or if you would like to learn more about moving from infertility to surrogacy, contact us today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Whether you are ready to start the surrogacy process or still exploring your infertility options, you will wonder at some point about how to choose a fertility clinic that’s right for you, if you haven’t done so already. With so many professionals available to you, it can be overwhelming to find the perfect professional to meet your parenthood goals and preferences.

The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can always offer advice and referrals to trusted fertility and surrogacy clinics for your situation. Before you even begin pursuing the surrogacy process, it’s important that you have the correct medical information and options from an infertility expert at a fertility clinic.

Like with selecting any other family-building professional, intended parents should always do diligent research when choosing a fertility clinic. Only once you have done that can you move forward with your parenthood dreams.

Here are a few things to consider about choosing a fertility clinic:

1. Determine what kind of services you are interested in.

There are many different kinds of infertility treatments, and it’s okay not to know exactly which ones you want to pursue when you first contact a fertility clinic. If you are still exploring your options, you may want to choose a fertility clinic that focuses on less invasive infertility treatments. If you already know which path you wish to take (for example, starting surrogacy), you can research the more advanced treatment options at different fertility clinics.

2. Understand what treatment plan you’re comfortable with.

Some infertility doctors will be more aggressive than others in their treatment plans, and some may suggest treatments that you are uncomfortable with. Make sure that you understand all of the infertility options available to you and discuss them with a prospective fertility professional before committing to their program. Your personal goals and expectations will play a role in this discussion.

3. Find a clinic that specializes in your treatment plan.

As mentioned, it’s important to select a fertility specialist who offers the treatments you’re interested in — and it’s also a good idea that your chosen professional specializes in that treatment. For example, if you’re interested in pursuing surrogacy, you’ll want to work with a professional who focuses on completing surrogacies for people in situations like yours. Remember, if you need references for medical professionals that complete the surrogacy medical process, American Surrogacy can provide them.

4. Determine whether you need an egg, sperm or embryo donation.

If you will need a donor gamete during your infertility treatments, you may wish to seek out a fertility clinic that either has a donor bank in-house or works closely with a trusted donor bank. Many times, fertility clinics will have partnerships with certain donation banks, so intended parents should ask about this relationship if they think they may need an egg, sperm or embryo donation during their infertility or surrogacy process.

5. Understand how your doctor will adjust treatment as necessary.

Not all infertility treatments will work the first time, and intended parents may need to readjust their family-building process to obtain success. Before committing to a fertility clinic, you should speak with the doctor to learn more about how he or she will adjust your personal treatment plan if the original does not work. Unfortunately, not all doctors will automatically do this, so make sure you are working with a professional who will keep your faith throughout your family-building journey.

6. Know what your budget is.

Infertility treatments can be expensive, whether you are pursuing simple in vitro fertilization or a more involved process like surrogacy. As you continue your treatments, it’s not uncommon for the expenses to add up. Infertility treatments can leave many intended parents in financial distress, so it’s important that you select a fertility clinic that is within your budget. Because it can be hard to say “no” to treatments because of financial difficulties, all intended parents should also speak with a financial advisor to understand exactly what their budget allows for. From there, they can best determine which fertility professional meets both their budget and their family-building goals.

7. Above all else, pay attention to your comfort level.

While there are many aspects involved in selecting a fertility clinic, the most important is making sure that you are comfortable with your professional. Your fertility doctor will guide you through one of the most important times of your life, and you will work intimately with him or her throughout all the ups and downs of your treatment plan. If you do not completely trust your medical professional, you will likely not have a positive experience during this process.

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Knowing how to choose a fertility clinic can seem overwhelming, but it will be one of the most important decisions of your family-building process. Before selecting a fertility clinic, consider speaking to your doctor or a fertility counselor to learn more about what options are available to you. The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can also provide references when you contact them at 1-800-875-2229.

Oftentimes, the path to surrogacy is filled with emotional ups and downs — including devastating heartbreaks. Whether that’s from an inability to get pregnant, a miscarriage or other infant loss, many families who work with American Surrogacy experience a tragedy in their family-building journey before they turn to our agency for help.

That’s why we’re recognizing the month of October as Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Awareness Month. Far too many families grieve in silence, never having the opportunity to come to terms with their loss of an infant or a pregnancy — so we’re encouraging all families (whether they’ve dealt with this tragedy or not) to take time this month to recognize those who have experienced this loss. No one should have to grieve alone, and this month of remembrance helps those to live with their loss in a healthy way.

President Ronald Reagan first proclaimed this month of remembrance back in 1988, saying:

“National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.”

While the entirety of October is an awareness month, Oct. 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. “Remembering Our Babies,” an organization to spread awareness of this issue, encourages everyone to light a candle at 7 p.m. on Oct. 15 to represent the pregnancies and infants that were lost too early.

The organization also offers guidance for coping with grief of a lost pregnancy or baby throughout the year. Friends and families can view suggestions on how to support and counsel loved ones going through this grief process.

In addition to the worldwide candle lighting, you can also see if an organization near you is hosting an awareness walk or activity within the month of October. You can also submit information about an event you’re hosting for advertising on their website.

For those who are dealing with an infant or pregnancy loss, it’s important to commemorate this day and acknowledge what you’re feeling. Some ideas include:

• Releasing balloons or butterflies
• Planting a tree
• Having a memorial service
• Giving to a charity that supports infants and children and their families

Whatever you decide to do on this day, it should be something that makes you feel better, even if it that feeling is bittersweet.

The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy are also available to provide counseling and support to our intended parents who are coping with their grief during this difficult month. We can also refer you to trusted professional counselors for more support, if you need it.

You may wish to reach out to others who have experienced an infant or pregnancy loss. Try these support groups and resource centers for more suggestions on coping with your grief:

• Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support
• E.N.D.
• BabyCenter’s Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss Community
• Healing Hearts

You can also find a full list of infertility and infant loss groups in the United States here.

While this month can be difficult, remember that you are not alone. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and appropriately cope with your grief, so don’t be afraid to reach out for help and support from others if you need it.