The Pros and Cons of Finding Intended Parents Online

When you choose to become a surrogate, you will have many decisions to make in order to create the surrogacy journey that’s perfect for you. One of these decisions is how you will find your intended parents — with the assistance of a professional or on your own.

With the advent of social media, some surrogates and intended parents are bypassing the agency route for matching, choosing instead to connect with each other in online surrogacy groups, classifieds and listings. This will always be an option for you as a surrogate, but it’s important that you full understand the pros and cons of independently finding intended parents before you decide to take this path.

The Pros of Finding Intended Parents on the Internet

As mentioned, a surrogate finding intended parents on her own has become much easier over the last few years with the explosion of social media. There are many social media groups that exist exactly for this purpose — to connect intended parents and surrogates from all over the country and all over the world.

So, why do surrogates choose to find intended parents independently if the professional matching services provided by an agency will always be free to them?

  • You could save your intended parents money. While the matching services for a surrogate are always free, matching professionals do require intended parents to pay for these services to find a surrogate. When you choose to find intended parents on your own, you will prevent them from paying these expenses — although there is a possibility that additional costs associated with this process can still be expensive.
  • You can find a match for a traditional surrogacy. It’s very rare for surrogacy professionals to work with intended parents and surrogates pursuing traditional surrogacy because of the potential complications associated with this process. If you wish to become a traditional surrogate, you will likely need to find intended parents on your own.
  • You have more control over finding intended parents who are perfect for you. Some surrogates enjoy the sense of personal responsibility in finding intended parents on their own, especially because this match will shape the rest of their surrogacy experience. They may be able to search for specific details that they couldn’t with a matching professional and have more extensive options to choose from.
  • You may have a deeper, more personal relationship with your intended parents. Because you and the intended parents will be in contact from the very beginning, even before you solidify your match, you will by necessity have a closer and more personal relationship. There will need to be a great level of trust because of the lack of professional mediation.

 The Cons of Finding Intended Parents on the Internet

Despite the benefits of finding intended parents independently on the internet, there are some potential disadvantages that surrogates should be aware of before taking on this personal responsibility. Finding intended parents independently is not the right path for everyone, so all surrogates should take the time to research both sides of this option before deciding what is right for them.

Here are some things to consider about this surrogacy path:

  • You must take on more responsibility for the screening and matching process. When you work with a matching professional, all intended parents presented to you will have already been screened and approved for the surrogacy process. When you find intended parents on your own, you will need to work with them to confirm you have the same surrogacy goals and preferences and that you all complete necessary screening before moving forward. Some surrogates prefer a professional handle these responsibilities.
  • There is a potential for finding intended parents who are not eligible for surrogacy. Because many intended parents do not undergo necessary screening before finding a surrogate online, intended parents who are perfect for your surrogacy goals and preferences may not be approved for the surrogacy process after your match. In this case, you would have to start your matching process all over again.
  • You may feel pressured into an independent surrogacy after finding intended parents on your own. Even if you choose to find intended parents on your own, you may wish to work with a surrogacy professional for the rest of your journey. However, when you find a match independently, there’s a higher chance that those intended parents will wish to complete a fully independent surrogacy. You may find yourself agreeing to a surrogacy process you did not originally desire in order to keep your “perfect” match.
  • There is more potential for scam or fraud when finding intended parents on your own. Again, because intended parents have usually not been screened before finding a surrogate independently, there is a higher risk of intended parents not being who they say they are or otherwise engaging you in a scam.
  • It may take longer to find the perfect match. Intended parents online have all kinds of different surrogacy goals and preferences and, when you don’t have a professional actively searching for you, it can take a long time to sort through all the potential matches to find the one that is perfect for you.

At American Surrogacy, we highly recommend that surrogates find intended parents through our pre-screened, intense matching services, rather than take the potential risks of matching on their own. To learn more about our matching program, please contact our surrogacy specialists today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Our agency is also happy to work with surrogates who have already found intended parents to guide you through the rest of your identified surrogacy.

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