If you’re struggling with infertility, Mother’s Day can feel like a spotlight on everything you don’t have.

The emotional labor of trying to be okay for your friends and family becomes unsustainable. This year, give yourself permission to not be okay.

And for those ready for other avenues beyond fertility treatments, surrogacy can offer a path forward.

If you’re thinking, “I already know about surrogacy, I’m just not there yet,” that’s valid. Surrogacy is a choice you should only make when and if it feels right.

 If you’re curious about or are in need of support resources, connect with us when you’re ready or continue reading.

What if I Don’t Want to Cope with Infertility on Mother’s Day?

For many women navigating infertility, Mother’s Day is not just difficult, it’s emotionally depleting. It’s the well-meaning advice that drains the most: “Just stay positive.” “It’ll happen when you stop trying.” “At least you can still…”

Unsolicited advice, words of encouragement and self-care tips start sounding like being told to hide how you’re actually feeling.

The same recycled advice—take a walk, journal, practice gratitude—can start to feel hollow, especially when it comes from people who’ve never lived through the kind of grief you carry.

It’s exhausting to keep pretending these surface-level tips are enough. You’re allowed to say, “I’m tired and I just want this to be over.”

Mother’s Day, Infertility and Disenfranchised Grief

You may be experiencing infertility grief in a form that looks less like sadness and more like rage, numbness or even resentment toward a world that keeps celebrating something you’ve been denied.

These emotions are valid presentations of disenfranchised grief—the kind society doesn’t recognize or honor.

Unlike the public rituals that accompany death or visible trauma, the mourning that comes with failed IVF cycles, empty nurseries and years of trying in silence is often met with hollow encouragements like “stay hopeful” or “give it time.”

Over time, the pressure to stay positive, to show up or to put on a brave face can evolve into a resentment rooted in burnout. It’s important to give yourself the time and space to experience this grief, and to set boundaries that protect your wellbeing.

If you’re in need of additional support, RESOLVE offers support groups for infertility grief. If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide, call 988 or fill out this form.

Give Yourself Permission to Opt Out of Mother’s Day This Year

What you’re feeling could also be emotional detachment—a defense mechanism that helps protect your nervous system from chronic disappointment.

It’s common among women facing infertility burnout, especially after multiple rounds of treatment, invasive procedures or failed cycles. This doesn’t mean you’ve given up; it means your body and mind are asking for rest.

Radical self-protection might look like canceling plans, turning off your phone, avoiding social media or doing something completely unrelated to babies or brunch.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Skipping Mother’s Day isn’t giving up on motherhood, it’s giving yourself space to breathe.

Connect with Others Dealing with Infertility on Mother’s Day

Below are some Reddit communities for those struggling with infertility, experiencing IVF failure or are still trying on their own.

• r/InfertilitySucks: A subreddit for venting about all of the difficult experiences of infertility.
• r/infertility: A community for all things pertaining to primary or secondary infertility and/or recurrent pregnancy loss.
• r/stilltrying: A place for those who are considering or pursuing treatment and/or are still just trying.
• r/IVF:  Whether you’ve experienced multiple IVF failures or are considering this as a path, this community understands what you’re going through.

Honoring Your Mom While Dealing With Infertility Grief on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day gets complicated when you’re grieving what you don’t have, while trying to show up for the mother you do.

Start by being honest with yourself. What part of the day feels overwhelming? Identify what you can give without self-erasing.

If you’re close with your mom, share your truth: “I want to celebrate you, but this day is hard for me right now. Can we keep it simple this year?” Let her show up for you, too.

If the relationship is more complex, it’s okay to quietly adjust your role in the day without explanation. That might mean sending flowers but skipping the gathering or calling your mom the day before.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can show up for your mom and set boundaries that honor your grief.

Surrogacy: When You’re Ready to Take Your Power Back

For many women, infertility strips away the one thing they fought so hard to hold onto: control.

The body doesn’t cooperate. The tests don’t give answers. The treatments come with no guarantees. After months or years of hope and heartbreak, it’s no wonder the idea of surrogacy can feel like surrender.

Surrogacy is not a cop-out or a failure. It’s a choice.

Choosing surrogacy is a deeply intentional act of parenting. You’re not at the mercy of your biology anymore. You’re building your family with agency.

Here’s what you gain when you explore surrogacy:

• A clear, step-by-step plan: No more waiting in limbo.
• Real timelines: You could be matched and moving forward within months.
• Control over your process: You choose the surrogate, the journey and how involved you want to be.
• Emotional and legal support at every step: We can help coordinate with reputable legal and medical professionals.

This is a bold step toward the life you’ve imagined. And by next Mother’s Day, you could be preparing for the arrival of your child

How We Can Help You Redefine Motherhood Through Surrogacy

Motherhood is not defined by how your child enters the world. Surrogacy can be a profound extension of maternal love—a shared journey between intended parents and a surrogate.

At American Surrogacy, we’re here to support you every step of the way—whether you’re just beginning to explore your options or are ready to take the next step.

From helping you understand the process, to matching you with a highly-qualified surrogate, to providing ongoing emotional and legal support, we are committed to making your journey to parenthood empowering and deeply personal.

On a day like Mother’s Day, it’s important to remember that motherhood is as much about the love in your heart as the path that led you there.

When You’re Ready, We’re Here

You don’t need to explain your pain. You don’t need to justify your exhaustion. And you certainly don’t need to keep pretending you’re fine.

Whether you’re seeking space, validation or a new path forward, you deserve real support—not platitudes.

If and when you’re ready to talk about what’s next, American Surrogacy is here. Contact us to get started.