When you’re starting the surrogacy process as intended parents, you may have hopes of being there for every step of the surrogacy process and attending every doctor’s appointment — but this may not be a possibility for every intended parent.
Sometimes, you find the perfect prospective surrogate — but she’s located farther away than you may have hoped. This shouldn’t deter you from pursuing the match. It’s common for intended parents and surrogates to live a distance from each other, and many successful surrogacy relationships flourish despite a long distance.
At American Surrogacy, our surrogacy specialists will always be available to help you through the challenges of a long-distance surrogacy — and help you understand how this kind of surrogacy can actually be easier than you think. In fact, there are a few steps that are key to managing when your surrogate is located far away.
First, Set a Communication Schedule
Being an intended parent who lives a distance from your surrogate, one of your greatest concerns may be the fear of not knowing what’s going on. You may worry that communication with a long-distance surrogate may be much harder and instead wish to match with a surrogate closer to you.
However, it’s important to remember that wherever your surrogate is located, you will not be a part of her life 24/7. While she will be carrying your baby, she will also have her own responsibilities to attend to, including her family and her job. It’s unrealistic to expect that a surrogate keeps frequent communication with you as her first priority, regardless of where she’s located.
Instead, to maintain healthy boundaries while making both of you happy, you’ll set a contact schedule. For example, you may agree for her to video-chat you at every doctor’s appointment, talk once a week and email every other day. Therefore, for most surrogacy contact, communication will be the same no matter where the surrogate is located. When you both know exactly when you’ll receive your next contact, you won’t need to guess or worry about how things are progressing — you’ll just wait for your next scheduled talk.
Next, Keep Busy
No matter where you’re located in relationship to your surrogate, it can be a stressful time to wait until your baby is born — especially when you can’t do much to impact the development of your unborn child. That’s why it’s so important that intended parents like you take the time to keep busy to prevent yourself from worrying too much and impacting your daily life.
As your surrogate’s pregnancy proceeds, stick to your regular schedule. Take advantage of the free time you have now, as there will be little of it once your bundle of joy arrives. Of course, feel free to stay in contact with your surrogate as much as your contact schedule allows, but also find a way to spend your time in the wait between these contact periods. Many of our intended parents say that staying occupied and keeping up with their usual schedule makes the waiting process much easier, no matter where their surrogate is located.
Also, Keep the Surrogate in Mind
While your contact schedule plays a large role in developing your relationship with your surrogate, in a long-distance relationship, you may wish to take other steps to strengthen your relationship. If frequent in-person visits aren’t possible because of the distance, consider doing other things to express your gratitude and willingness to get to know her personally.
When you have your scheduled calls and emails, don’t make them all about the surrogate pregnancy and your baby; ask her how she’s feeling and get to know a little bit more about her life. Learning more about your surrogate will go a long way to establishing a personal relationship and, even when you’re not talking about your surrogacy, you will feel reassured that this wonderful woman is taking care of your unborn child.
Beyond just getting to know her, you may want to take extra steps to communicate your appreciation because you can’t do it as often in person. For example, you may send her small, meaningful gifts from your state so she knows that you’re thinking of her. Your surrogacy specialist can give you advice on what kind of gifts are and are not acceptable to send.
Finally, Give the Surrogate Some Space
As mentioned before, a long-distance surrogacy can be stressful for intended parents because of the literal and figurative distance they feel from their unborn child. However, it’s important to respect your surrogate and her ability to have a healthy pregnancy. When you overwhelm your surrogate with frequent contact and questions, you’ll create a relationship in which neither of you are happy.
Remember that before a woman can become a surrogate with American Surrogacy, she must pass extensive background screening. Therefore, when you’re matched with a surrogate, you can trust that she’s prepared for the surrogacy process and will do everything she can to have a healthy, successful surrogate pregnancy. She wants to help bring this baby into the world just as much as you do. Trust in the surrogacy process and in her ability to carry your baby, and you’ll have a much better long-distance surrogacy relationship.
Our surrogacy specialists are always available if you have any questions about matching with a long-distance surrogate or how the long-distance surrogacy process works. We want to make sure all of our intended parents and surrogates are happy with their surrogacy process, no matter the distance, which is why we will always be there to offer advice and support during this time. To learn more today, please call us at 1-800-875-2229.