5 Tips for Extended Family to Get to Know a Surrogate

You’re just received the good news from someone special in your family — they’re about to start the surrogacy process as an intended parent! Although it’s probably a shock at first, we bet you’re over the moon and can’t wait to meet the newest addition to your beautiful family.

You already know your family member pretty well (we hope!) But how exactly are you supposed to get to know their surrogate? And how will you involve and include them in your own family?

Whether you’re an aunt-to-be, a close cousin, or soon-to-be grandparents for the first time, below are some tips for doing just that.

Tips for Getting to Know a Surrogate

1. Try to Put Her Needs First

For our first tip, we want to remind you that getting to know a surrogate should be based around her comfort level. We know that you’re understandably excited and that you have plenty of questions that you can’t wait for her to answer. But, she might not be ready for that right away.

The surrogacy process is a big change for intended parents, but it can also be equally overwhelming (if not more so) for a surrogate. We know that rejection is hard for everyone, but try not to take it personally when you’re feeling left out. It’s not because of you or anything you did.

After giving a surrogate enough space, she may come around — and be just as excited to get to know you, too!

2. Enjoy a Family Meal

Good food brings good people together! Sitting down for a meal is a great way to ease some of the first-meeting jitters.

Start by asking the intended parents what their surrogate’s favorite meal is. You can also share some of your own favorite recipes with her.

If she’s comfortable with the idea, you can invite more of your family and friends over for the gathering. Of course, don’t forget to look up what foods are safe for pregnant women to eat if you need a reminder!

3. Do an Activity Together

There are plenty of fun ways to get to know each other. Take a day off and explore some of her favorite places in town. You can plan a nice day out at one of her favorite restaurants. You can also take this opportunity to spend some time with the surrogate’s family as well.

Any activity you plan together will mean more to her than you know, so don’t be afraid to get creative! Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s something that you think she would find fun.

4. Use Social Media

Social media is one of the best ways to stay connected with a surrogate’s life (and pregnancy). If a surrogate is comfortable with the idea, you can always add her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. You might also talk to each other about tagging each other in some of your favorite photos. Don’t forget that there’s also video chatting if you can’t meet in person right away.

Things to Keep in Mind

Everyone wants to make a good first impression. Before you get to know your family member’s surrogate, there are some questions that you should and probably shouldn’t ask. Here are just a few of them:

What to Ask

  • What is it like to be a surrogate?
  • What are some of your favorite hobbies?
  • Is there anything you’d like to know about us?
  • How did you feel when you first became a surrogate?
  • How many times have you been a surrogate?

What Not to Ask

  • How much money do you make as a surrogate?
  • Won’t it be hard to give the baby to their parents?
  • Isn’t it hard to be a surrogate?
  • Why do you want to be carry someone else’s baby?

Learning the right things to say and do when getting to know someone can be stressful. If you’ve just started and you’re anxious about your new relationship, know that it’s okay to you make mistakes — everyone says the wrong thing at some point. The most important thing is that you get back up and try again.

If you have any more questions on what to and what not to say when getting to know a surrogate, or if you’re looking for some additional tips, please call a specialist today.

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