Surrogacy is About More Than Getting a Baby [8 Life Lessons of Surrogacy]

When you choose surrogacy as intended parents, you’re not just getting a baby — you’re going to learn some important life lessons along the way.

First, here are a few things to remember before you choose to start or grow your family through surrogacy:

  1. Gestational carriers will be sacrificing a lot to carry your baby for you — she deserves your respect.
  2. Putting effort into building a relationship with your surrogate (and her family) can turn your surrogacy experience into a lifelong bond.
  3. Your surrogate is eagerly anticipating the day that you get to meet your baby!

If this sounds like a journey that you’re ready to start today, call American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY (2229). If you meet the requirements to become a surrogate and you’re ready to begin your journey, contact us online at any time.

Next, let’s take a look at some of the life lessons that go hand-in-hand with your surrogacy experience.

1. Respect for Surrogates and Intended Parents

When a woman chooses to carry a child for you, she is doing more than becoming pregnant. Her family, her body and her time are putting in the effort to help you start or grow your family. On the other hand, you having the courage to ask for help when you’re struggling to conceive a child is brave. Trusting a woman to carry the precious gift of a child for you while you shower her with love and appreciation is one of the ways that can bring others faith in humanity. Both gestational carriers and intended parents deserve respect for their loving efforts.

“We were all able to grow in this experience, and it taught us a greater appreciation for what we have and who we are. Surrogacy helped me appreciate the profound luck that many of us have with conceiving and birthing our children and helped me bring about a greater respect for those that cannot. — Kelli, a surrogate

2. Patience [It’s a Virtue of Surrogacy]

Once you decide to choose surrogacy, as a surrogate or as intended parents, you’re ready to get pregnant and have a baby. But, this doesn’t happen in nine months — it could take a year or two. You must be armed with patience and the knowledge that it will happen, even if it doesn’t happen on the first try.

“When you want a baby, you want it right now — you wanted it yesterday — so it’s very, very hard to be patient, but in the end, it’s worth it,” Lindsey said. “You want it to be a happy ending for everyone and, if you’re patient, it will come.” — Lindsey and Shiloh, intended parents

3. Compassion and Understanding

You know the adage of walking a mile in someone else’s shoes? This certainly applies to surrogacy. You may not be going through the pregnancy yourself, but your surrogate is. Asking her how she’s feeling and really taking the time to listen can make a world of difference in your personal relationship with your surrogate. Even joining her at prenatal appointments, if possible, can bring you much needed compassion and understanding.

“Once, in my 2nd trimester, I mentioned to the [intended] dads that sleeping was becoming uncomfortable,” Chelsie, a surrogate, said. “Days later, I came home from work and had a delivery on my front porch — they had bought me a pregnancy body pillow! This is just one of the many sweet things they did for me and my family.”

4. The Humility of Surrogates and Intended Parents

It can be hard to ask for help, especially with something as personal as fertility. When you reach out to American Surrogacy and ask for help finding a prospective surrogate to carry your child for you, it can be a humbling experience. Watching a woman that you may not (yet) know very well go through the rigorous medical process of preparing for embryo transfer, and then carrying your child for nine months, can quickly help you realize that she is a selfless and brave woman — she wants you to have a precious gift that you may be unable to create for yourself.

Cassie, a surrogate, explained the simplicity of the humbling experience of surrogacy to her children in this way:

“[The intended parents] need help having a baby — mommy can help them have a baby.”

5. Surrogacy is About More Than Getting a Baby

You want to start or grow your family through surrogacy, but you will get more than the precious gift of a baby. Through surrogacy, you will meet your incredible surrogate and her family — the spouse and children who are supporting her in the process of carrying your child. You will get the opportunity to get to know wonderful people for nine plus months or even for a lifetime.

“We got our dream baby, but more than that we met amazing people along the way and had renewed faith in humanity and the kindness and love that can get you through tough chapters in life.” — Katie and Bryn, intended parents.

6. An Appreciation for Health

Being unable to carry a child often has to do with health conditions. For example, heart conditions, diminished ovarian reserve, low sperm count and other conditions that make pregnancy dangerous or extremely difficult. Prospective surrogates must have a clean bill of health and proof that their previous pregnancies were low risk and healthy throughout. Surrogacy can be a reminder that some people develop health concerns throughout their lives that prevent them from doing the things that they want to do, like having a baby, and that’s OK.  

 “There are so many great people out there that want a child but can’t do it without help. You were blessed with a body that cannot only give you a family but could help build another!” — Alexis, a surrogate

7. A Surrogacy Support Team Makes All the Difference

When a woman plans to become pregnant with her own child, she has the support of her family and friends before, during and after childbirth. But when a woman becomes pregnant as a gestational carrier, she needs the extra support of American Surrogacy and you, the intended parents. Surrogacy is a unique journey that involves extra supportive people because so much planning, time, effort and love are going into the arrival of your precious child.

“I began the medications, and between the parents, [surrogacy agency], and family, I had people checking on me often to ensure everything felt right. We had the first transfer…and I was confirmed pregnant. It was an amazing feeling knowing we were on our way.” — Kelli, a surrogate

8. It Takes a Village [to Have a Child]

When you choose to have a baby through surrogacy, there are many people involved. It may seem like it’ll be just you (the intended parents) and your surrogate, but that’s not the case!

First, once you reach out to American Surrogacy you will get assistance from your screening coordinator and case manager. They will be involved in your journey from beginning to end, cheering you on and answering all of your questions.

Next, you begin the matching process which will result in you meeting your prospective surrogate. She will already have children of her own who you may get the opportunity to meet. Often, your surrogate will be married as well, which means you’ll probably meet her spouse, too.

Finally, you’ll meet with an attorney for contract negotiations and then there will be many other professionals behind the scenes. Fertility doctors, nurses, lab and ultrasound technicians are just a few of the many people involved in helping you have a baby. (Don’t worry: American Surrogacy can help you find these professionals and resources!)

Last, but not least, are the extended family and friends who are looking forward to meeting your baby. These are people who have been by your side as you made the decision to choose surrogacy. All of these people help make it possible for you to meet your baby for the first time and will be there for you as you embark on your journey to parenthood.

If you’re ready to begin your surrogacy journey today, call American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY (2229). Contact us online at any time if you meet the requirements to become a surrogate and you want to learn how you can get started.

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