As a surrogate or intended parent, you will get a say in the intended parents that you will be carrying for or the surrogate you want to carry your baby. It’s important that you match with a person or couple who shares your values and surrogacy goals. But what if you choose the intended parents or surrogate and further down the line change your mind? Can you choose a different person or couple?
Yes! You should never be made to feel like you have to surrogate for intended parents that you don’t feel comfortable carrying for or choose a surrogate who you don’t want to carry your child. You will always have the right to choose the person or couple you feel best align with your surrogacy goals. Surrogacy is a complex and collaborative process. Having that special connection with the intended parents or surrogate will make for a positive surrogacy experience and foster a lasting bond.
The Choice is Always Yours
If you want to pursue surrogacy you will be able to create a surrogacy plan. This will include your preferred compensation, roles and responsibilities, any contact arrangements once the baby is born and more. You will never be forced into doing anything you want to do. Surrogacy is a collaborative effort, so your input will always be valued, even if that means changing intended parents or surrogates.
While you can change intended parents or surrogates, it’s important that you carefully consider what you’re looking for in the couple or person you will be embarking on this journey with, not only for your sake but for theirs as well. You can take all the time you need to find the match that you feel aligns with your surrogacy goals. Surrogacy is a big decision, so it’s important that you feel completely comfortable with the person or couple you have chosen.
How do you know when you’ve found the right match? Many surrogates say they could feel it in their gut.
“It was just a gut feeling. The moment she messaged me there was just something there,” said Megan about her first conversation with her intended parents. “It’s just kind of like, when you know, you know, and… I just knew that they were going to be my family.”
Your surrogacy specialist will work closely with you to create a set of preferences for the intended parents or surrogate you are looking for.
Whatever you’re looking for in intended parents or your surrogate, your surrogacy specialist will find a person or couple who meet those preferences and present you with their profiles. Once you find a match that resonates with you, your surrogacy specialist will be able to set up a meeting so you can get to know them and ask any questions you might have.
With the help of your surrogacy specialist you’ll never have to ask, “Can I change intended parents?” “What if I’ve changed my mind about the surrogate I’ve chosen?” You always get to choose the intended parents or surrogate who is right for you, and you will never have to make a choice until you are 100% confident in this decision.
How to Change Intended Parents [Finding the Right Connection]
When embarking on a journey as important as surrogacy, we understand that your surrogacy goals may change as you progress through the surrogacy process. It will always be within your rights to change intended parents if you feel this is what’s best for you.
But, how do you change matches when making this decision? There are a few steps involved:
Step 1: Tell your Surrogacy Specialist
Your surrogacy specialist is there to support you in whatever you need. They understand the complex emotions that come with surrogacy and will never judge you for changing your mind about the intended parents you want to carry for or surrogate you want to carry for you. They want your surrogacy process to be a successful and positive one— and that can’t happen if you aren’t working with the right family.
Always be up front with your surrogacy specialist. They will be there to help you work through your feelings and potentially address any fears you might have. Whether this decision stems from miscommunication or a misunderstanding, they’ll help you pinpoint exactly what you are looking for in intended parents or surrogate.
After you tell your specialist about your decision and you’ve talked through everything, they will break the news to your previously selected person or couple, and then help you learn more about how to change intended parents or surrogate and find the right match for you.
Step 2: Think About what you Want
If you decide to change intended parents or surrogate, it’s important that you identify the reasons why. Only then can you find the right couple or person to work with.
Your specialist will talk with you in detail about your preferences and surrogacy goals when they talk about how to change intended parents, including what you didn’t like about the previous match. Together, you will create an updated list of preferences for the ideal intended parents you would like to carry for, and they will start collecting more surrogacy profiles for you to view.
No matter how long it takes, you will find what you’re looking for, just like Nichole did.
“We just decided we just wanted to work with each other; we have that connection that people say, ‘When you know, you know,’ and it’s true,” Nichole said. “You just know when it’s the right people to work with.”
Step 3: Choose a New Surrogate or Intended Parents
The rest of this process will be the same as choosing your initial match. You will get the chance to ask questions about the person or couple and even speak with them over phone to confirm they are the right choice for you. Think about the concerns you had about the last match, and make sure those are addressed before committing to this partnership.
What to Consider When Changing Matches
It’s normal to have reservations about intended parents or your surrogacy plan in general. Surrogacy is a big endeavor, and it’s nothing that you want to rush into before you are 100 percent ready. And that’s why many surrogates, like you, want to know, “Can I change intended parents if I need to?”
The answer is yes. However, if you’re a surrogate, it’s important to recognize that intended parents have been through a lot, so it’s important to be 100% confident in your decision so that you aren’t jerking them around. Many prospective surrogate mothers and intended parents have an idea of what they want their “perfect match” to look like on paper, and it can be difficult to find intended parents or a surrogate that you feel that special connection with.
No one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find a match that’s perfect for you. To get more information on what to do if you change your mind about a match, reach out to a surrogacy specialist today.