When you’re a surrogate, carrying someone else’s child is a life-changing responsibility and partnership that you take very seriously. You understandably want to make sure that you have a strong connection with the parents — you shouldn’t settle for carrying for just anyone.
There’s no such thing as a “perfect” intended parent, because there is no such thing as a perfect person. There is, however, the ideal match for you! They’re out there right now, longing for a child and waiting for someone like you to help them. Remember that American Surrogacy will help you to find and match with those parents, so contact us whenever you’re ready to get started.
But, how will you know when you’ve found those intended parents that are truly right for you? Aside from that important gut instinct of “just knowing” and, of course, sharing the same surrogacy goals, here are seven deeper things to look for in an intended parent:
1. They’ve Grieved Any Fertility Loss, and They’re Excited About Surrogacy
You’ve likely thought about how, if you were to match with a couple who struggled with fertility or pregnancy loss, this grief may affect your relationship. Will feelings of pregnancy envy mar the joys of the shared journey? Can you all honor those losses while moving forward?
In most matches, intended parents are absolutely ready and able to move forward with surrogacy after grieving infertility.
American Surrogacy works with intended parents to make sure that they’re emotionally ready for surrogacy after infertility grief, but you yourself will also need to feel that these intended parents are as excited about this as you are.
2. They Don’t View Surrogacy as a Business Transaction
Gestational surrogacy is far from transactional! There is compensation and a lot of paperwork involved, certainly. But neither you nor American Surrogacy would want to work with intended parents who view this experience as some kind of business transaction.
And no child wants to feel as if they were the result of a simple transaction.
You’re pursuing surrogacy because you love families, and you want to help someone create their own family. So, it’s important that you find intended parents who are also coming to surrogacy full of love — for you as well as for their future child.
3. They Get to Know You
It can be a little awkward to get to know strangers at first. Surrogacy is an intimate and vulnerable experience in many ways. But your American Surrogacy specialist will help you all get through the early stages and have the important conversations.
However, the sign of a good fit is the intended parents’ interest in getting to know you for you. It’s important that they ask questions about your abilities as a surrogate, to be sure. Hopefully, they’ll ask questions about you, your family and your interests, too, purely for the sake of creating a connection.
4. They Aren’t Just Looking for the Cheapest Option
Surrogacy is not an inexpensive family-building process for hopeful parents. It’s more than reasonable to receive fair compensation for the sacrifices, risk and effort you take on when completing fertility treatments and carrying someone else’s child — but some intended parents will want to cut corners on costs where they can.
You aren’t in this for the money, and the right intended parents will understand this. They’ll also have researched everything you’ll need to undertake as their surrogate, and they’ll understand why some amount of compensation for that is fair.
If an intended parent is making choices based purely on cost, then they’re likely not a good fit.
5. They Talk about How Surrogacy Will Be Discussed With Their Child
This is something that all intended parents should be ready to talk about with you. Like with children who were adopted, the best policy for children born via surrogacy is openness, honesty and positivity from day one.
The right intended parents will express how they plan to talk about you with their child. Will you stay in touch so that their child can meet you someday, if he or she is interested? Will they share details about you so their child can have a clear picture of his or her birth story? Children need to understand their personal histories, and you’ll be a small but important part of that. How do you want to be talked about?
6. They Respect Your Opinions
Although this is their child and the intended parents will be leading for much of the surrogacy process, the right intended parents will also understand that this is your body. You’ll know it’s a good match when you meet intended parents who ask about your wishes and express that they will respect your input when decisions need to be made.
As the parents of this child, these people will be making many of the choices that lie ahead. However, their decisions will affect you. The right intended parents will understand this and will never put you in a position that makes you uncomfortable. This is a team effort, and they should see you as the “Most Valued Player!”
7. They Feel “Right” to You
Most of our surrogates (and intended parents) at American Surrogacy say that, outside of sharing the same surrogacy goals, they had a gut instinct that the match was just “right.” Sometimes, even something as small as a shared interest will spark that serendipitous feeling, while in other moments you may feel drawn to intended parents because of their personal story. It might just be something about their personalities and relationship.
Whatever it is, as long as you share the same goals for the relationship and journey ahead, go ahead and follow that feeling! It’s likely your heart and gut telling you that this is the right decision.
Ready to find your ideal match? Contact American Surrogacy for more information about becoming a gestational surrogate now.