It’s becoming more and more common for intended parents to use donated embryos as part of their gestational surrogacy. For many people, it makes sense: Embryo adoption is usually much cheaper than a fresh IVF cycle, and gestational surrogacy gives a degree of control over pregnancy that private domestic infant adoption cannot.

However, embryo adoption — increasingly called “snowflake adoption” — is not for everyone. In fact, if you’re a single or LGBT intended parent, embryo adoption could likely be much harder for you than it would be for a married, heterosexual couple.

Why? Keep reading below to learn more.

The Religious Overtones of Embryo Adoption

As more hopeful parents go through the in vitro fertilization process to become pregnant, there’s been an unanticipated result: a growing number of frozen embryos being stored indefinitely. For many intended parents, the idea of discarding embryos that they worked so hard to create is emotionally difficult. And, for a group of certain intended parents, discarding embryos would be akin to “killing” frozen children.

For many reasons, leftover embryos have been donated to organizations promising to give these “snowflake babies” a chance at life with someone else desperate to become a parent. In turn, the process is frequently called “embryo adoption” — invoking the same emotions as the adoption of a child already born.

As a New York Times piece reveals, embryo “snowflake” adoption is increasingly tied to organizations affiliated with anti-abortion rights or Christian organizations — many of which receive federal funding. Whether intentional or not, many of these organizations have closely affiliated themselves with the mindset of “pro-life” advocates. In their views, donated embryos are not just cells that can become a child; they already are a child.

An intended parent need only look at advertising materials from some of the biggest embryo adoption centers to see the evidence:

• From the National Embryo Donation Center: When couples decide that their family is complete but still have embryos remaining… they can thaw them out and let them die… Embryo adoption allows the genetic parents to give their embryos a chance for life.
• From Nightlight Christian Adoptions: Just as each snowflake is frozen, unique and a gift from heaven, so are each of our embryo adopted Snowflake Babies. We hope to help each donated embryo grow, develop and live a full life.

For these professionals, an embryo is more than just a collection of cells; they are children waiting to be born. This viewpoint overlooks the fact that, for many intended parents, a created embryo may or may not grow into a fetus for many reasons — quality of embryo, likelihood of implantation and more.

What This Means for LGBT and Single Parents

Putting aside the never-ending controversy of that position, what does this ethical viewpoint mean for intended parents wishing to use a donated embryo in their gestational surrogacy?

Here’s the quandary: Organizations that have this view of life at conception often have specific ideas of who should be a parent — specifically, that only heterosexual couples should pursue embryo adoption.

Both the National Embryo Donation Center and Nightlight Christian Adoptions have specific requirements for hopeful adoptive parents. In the case of NEDC, only a couple of a “genetic” male and female who are married can adopt, and embryos cannot be adopted to be used in a gestational surrogacy. Similarly, Nightlight’s initial application requires a mother and father to fill out their information, and the agency’s overarching requirements necessitate that an adoptive couple have a “spiritual home environment,” among other things.

Clearly, those who don’t fit the heteronormative expectations of these adoption agencies don’t have this option with those agencies — no matter how well-prepared they are to become parents.

If you’re a single intended parent or a member of an LGBT couple, embryo adoption may not be possible for your gestational surrogacy. That’s why it’s so important to seek out LGBT-friendly adoption agencies and donor centers. Unfortunately, there is still a great deal of prejudice out there for nontraditional families, and the steps it takes to bring your new addition home may be a bit more complicated than for a heterosexual married couple.

For a more comprehensive look at requirements of embryo adoption agencies, check out the Embryo Adoption Awareness Center’s list. It’s always a good idea to speak with a professional in person to determine whether you are eligible for their embryo adoption program.

Even if embryo adoption is not a possibility for your family, there are many other paths you can take to achieve your gestational surrogacy. To learn more about them, give our surrogacy specialists a call at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). Our agency happily works with all intended parents — regardless of marital status or sexual orientation — and we’d be honored to help you bring a child into your life.

You probably know that some gestational surrogates can experience postpartum depression. The bombardment of hormones rushing through her body (coupled with the potential emotional stressors such as not returning home with a baby) can cause this condition, which usually goes beyond mild “baby blues.”

But did you know that the new parents of a surrogacy-born child can also experience a kind of postpartum depression that’s often just as severe, even though they didn’t give birth?

All New Parents Can Experience Forms of Postpartum Depression

Even though they’re not subjected to the hormonally-triggered changes that gestational surrogates are, new parents who have welcomed a child via surrogacy can just as easily suffer from post-surrogacy depression. This is an experience that’s commonly shared by new parents who have welcomed a child via adoption, too. Many of these parents are surprised to find that they’re experiencing a form of postpartum depression — without ever having given birth to their child.

You may find yourself in a similar situation — one in which you’re surprised or are even briefly in denial that you could be experiencing postpartum depression without giving birth. However, this is not uncommon for any new parent, regardless of how your family came to be.

That’s because many of the causes of postpartum/post-surrogacy/post-adoption depression seem to be non-biological. Instead, they are a result of other common stressors.

Why You?

Experiencing post-surrogacy depression can be uniquely affecting for new parents who have welcomed a child via surrogacy. You’ve likely had to work harder than most to have this child. You’ve probably been waiting for this moment for a long time, so the fact that you don’t feel like you’re “supposed to” can be even more devastating, because you’ve had to fight especially hard to become a parent.

You may be experiencing some difficulties bonding with your child. While this isn’t exclusively experienced by parents to surrogacy-born children, it’s not an uncommon obstacle in early days, and it can feed into a cycle of depression for you.

Many new parents, regardless of how they have a child, struggle with their new reality and this new person in their life. Parents are exhausted, overworked and emotionally fragile with worry for their young child.

Parents who had their child via surrogacy (or adoption) in particular have recently experienced a long and grueling emotional journey. Now that it’s over, some parents are surprised to find that it’s hard to return to normalcy after these emotional rollercoasters.

Ultimately, you need to be gentle and forgiving toward yourself for experiencing post-surrogacy depression. You’re certainly not alone, and there’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

What Are the Symptoms?

People experience depression in different ways, but some of the most common symptoms of postpartum depression for new parents include:

• Depression and mood swings
• Excessive crying
• Insomnia or sleeping too much
• Loss of appetite or eating too much
• Intense irritability and/or anxiety
• Difficulty bonding with the baby
• Avoidance of the baby
• Obsessive worrying about the baby or fixations on small anxieties
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

Sometimes, the person experiencing the postpartum depression isn’t the one who first notices the changes in themselves. A friend or family member is often the first person to spot changes in mood or behavior.

If someone you love has suggested that you might be experiencing post-surrogacy depression, listen to what they have to say. If you feel that someone you know might be suffering from post-surrogacy depression, gently reach out and ask how they’re feeling.

Not sure what a normal post-surrogacy recovery should be like? Contact a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy.

Reading the stories of others who have battled postpartum depression, particularly those who have experienced it after going through IVF, surrogacy, or adoption, can sometimes bring comfort to new parents via surrogacy and also help them recognize symptoms in themselves.

What Can You Do to Treat Post-Surrogacy Depression?

You may need to try a few options to find what works best for you, but there are a number of ways to help ease the symptoms of post-surrogacy depression, including:

• Talking to your loved ones. Lean on them for emotional support, as well as practical support for things like taking care of the baby when you need a short break.
• Counseling or therapy. Reach out to your American Surrogacy licensed social worker or contact a therapist, preferably one who has experience with postpartum depression and surrogacy.
• Many people are hesitant to try medications like antidepressants or antianxiety medications, but for some, even a low dose can help get you back in balance. Talk to your doctor.
• Talking to people who have been in your shoes. Find support groups with parents to surro-born babies and ask them about their experiences with post-surrogacy depression. It can be helpful to talk with people who have had similar experiences.

Continuing to care for yourself physically, even when it feels difficult, will also do a lot to improve your mental and emotional state. Exercise regularly, stay hydrated, eat healthy and take moments to relax or meditate. These can seem low-priority as a new parent, but caring for yourself physically can help keep some of the minor symptoms of post-surrogacy depression at bay and help you to continue caring for your family.

If you ever experience suicidal thoughts, or thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, please call 1-800-273-8255 immediately.

Remember that any new parent can experience forms of postpartum depression, including parents via surrogacy. This is something that affects many people, and it’s not something you need to experience alone. Contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) if you ever need to connect to more resources to help with post-surrogacy depression.

In many ways, the experience of deciding to become a parent is a universal one. It involves a serious reflection upon your lifestyle and your hopes and goals as a parent. You have to prepare for your new arrival and get ready for the way that your life will soon change — for the better!

However, there are extra steps that must be taken when nontraditional family-building methods are used — and when would-be parents may not meet heteronormative “ideals” for raising a child. If you are an LGBT intended parent considering surrogacy, you probably have a long list of things to consider before moving forward with this family-building process.

We always encourage anyone considering surrogacy — whatever their sexual orientation or gender identity — to talk with our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). They can answer whatever questions you have and help you decide whether surrogacy is right for your family.

Every family’s situation is different, and what’s important to you in your family-building process will likely be different from that of another family. Still, there are a few important things we suggest LGBT intended parents think about before starting their gestational surrogacy journey:

1. Gamete Donation

By design, any LGBT intended parent who wishes to pursue gestational surrogacy will need a gamete donation — either a donated egg or sperm cell, usually combined with their own genetic material. This is a big decision to make; finding a biological parent for your child can be stressful and involve some big choices. It’s a good idea to start your search for a gamete donor before you even start your surrogacy journey.

Consider contacting a gamete bank early on in your family-building process. If you have a partner, make it a mutual experience of researching banks and donors to find the one that works for you. Our specialists highly recommend using an identified donor only; an anonymous donor can cause identity issues for your child as they grow up.

If you can secure a gamete donation before your surrogacy process begins, it will likely cut down on the time spent preparing for your gestational surrogacy. You’ll be one step closer to having the child you’ve always dreamed about!

2. Response from Others

While it’s no one’s business but yours and your partner’s, your family-building process will likely become a topic of discussion among friends, family and even strangers. Everyone has an opinion on which family-building path is the “best” one. When you announce you are pursuing gestational surrogacy, be prepared for insensitive and ignorant questions and potential pushback.

People may ask, “Why don’t you just adopt?” as if adoption is as simple as going to an agency and “picking out” a child. They may ask intrusive questions about whose gamete is being used to create the embryo, or what kind of role your gestational carrier will play in the process. Remember that you don’t owe anyone an explanation when it comes to this personal journey, but you should be prepared for how to respond. If you feel comfortable doing so, treat these comments as learning opportunities for your loved ones.

3. Raising Your Child

Being a parent in and of itself is challenging. Being an LGBT parent adds extra complexities. While society’s acceptance of LGBT individuals is constantly progressing, there will always be the potential for prejudice and intolerance for those who don’t fit into the heteronormative image of a family. Unfortunately, it’s possible that your child will be the subject of some negative and insensitive comments as they grow up.

It’s important that you normalize your family makeup to your child from the moment you bring them home, as well as give them the tools to respond to questions and comments from peers during their childhood. Remind them that families can look many different ways, and there is nothing bad about the way that their family is built.

At the same time, you will also need to prepare for raising a child born via surrogacy. You’ll need to normalize and explain their birth story from a young age. In age appropriate ways, you’ll also need to explain the concept of a gamete donor and support them in whatever path they want to take regarding their biological parent (whether that’s meeting them, contacting them, etc.). Your surrogacy specialist can always provide guidance for these conversations, should you need it.

4. Local Surrogacy Laws

While adoption is now a protected family-building method for all LGBT individuals, this is not the case with surrogacy. Because surrogacy is a process regulated by individual state laws, certain states may make it incredibly difficult for LGBT intended parents to safely pursue gestational surrogacy. LGBT intended parents should specifically search out an LGBT-surrogacy-friendly state for their family-building process.

American Surrogacy can help. We can match you with a gestational carrier in a state where you will have the necessary legal protections to establish your parental rights, whatever your personal situation.

5. What’s Right for You

Finally, the biggest thing to consider before pursuing surrogacy as an LGBT intended parent is whether this family-building method is truly right for you. There are no clear answers to this question; it will involve you and your spouse thoroughly examining your personal desires and evaluating your ability to cope with the financial and emotional challenges of surrogacy. You have a few ways you can add a child to your family, and we encourage you to consider all of them before deciding what is right for your family.

Our surrogacy specialists are always available to help. They can answer whatever questions you may have and even discuss the pros and cons of adoption and surrogacy for LGBT intended parents such as you. We know this decision-making process can take some time, so please feel free to reach out early in your journey for the support and information you need. Good luck!

In an ideal surrogacy situation, intended parents and their gestational carrier “click” from the very first time they meet. They share the same goals and preferences, are excited to start a relationship with each other, and are committed to the challenges and rewards of their upcoming surrogacy journey together.

Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.

For reasons both in and out of their control, sometimes intended parents find that their gestational carrier is not the perfect match they thought she was. This can be an incredibly difficult situation to be in; you’ve already become attached to the idea of your surrogate and you are one step closer to having the child you have always dreamed about. It can be devastating to start back from square one with another surrogate.

Because it’s such a personal process, there is really no right or wrong when it comes to switching surrogates after starting your family-building journey. However, there are some important things you’ll need to consider if you find yourself in this kind of situation.

Having a surrogacy professional by your side can make all the difference. If you are wondering about the logistics of switching surrogates, or you’re not sure if looking for a new surrogate is the right choice for you, don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist. They can guide you through this complicated time.

Why Would I Need to Find a New Surrogate?

Sometimes, it’s hard to imagine having to switch surrogates until it happens to you. Maybe you’ve been blessed with a great surrogacy match from the very beginning, or maybe your surrogacy professional has spent a lot of time narrowing down prospective surrogates to find the perfect match. You may wonder why people would ever feel the need to completely start over in their family-building journey.

Every intended parent is different, but here are some reasons that some people find themselves looking for a different surrogate:

• The surrogate doesn’t pass her initial screening. In some situations, a woman that seems perfect on paper won’t pass her medical or psychological screenings. This may happen because she lied on her application materials or a previously unknown factor interferes with her ability to be surrogate.
• The surrogate becomes pregnant with her own child. While a surrogate undergoes her medical protocol, her contract stipulates that she must refrain from sexual intercourse. Sometimes women don’t follow those rules and accidentally become pregnant before the embryo transfer procedure. In other situations, a woman who is in the very early stages of the surrogacy process (and has not yet signed her contract) accidentally becomes pregnant.
• Multiple embryo transfers fail. In an ideal surrogacy, a surrogate will become pregnant upon the first embryo transfer. However, there are situations in which multiple embryo transfers fail. Just like intended parents, surrogates can develop unexplained secondary infertility, and intended parents may be forced to find another woman to carry their child.
• The surrogate and intended parents develop irreconcilable differences. Sometimes, situations and relationships change. Ideally, all of these issues are hammered out before the contract negotiation stage — but, if something arises during this negotiation that hasn’t been discussed before, it can be a deal-breaker for both parties.
• The surrogate experiences major life changes. A woman who started surrogacy knowing it was 100 percent right for her may experience unexpected changes in her situation that now makes the journey impossible. Perhaps her spouse loses their job, her family is relocated to another area, or a close family member gets sick. Sometimes, things are just out of her control and require her to end her surrogacy journey.
• The intended parents have a gut feeling that something is wrong. In other situations, it’s hard to pinpoint an exact reason why intended parents want to look for a new surrogate. If you have a feeling something is “off” about your surrogate, listen to your gut.

What to Consider Before Asking for a New Surrogate

If something happens that leaves you thinking, “I want a new surrogate!” it’s easy to get worked up and panic about the future of your surrogacy process. However, it’s important to note that the first thing you should do is take a deep breath. Jumping to conclusions and making big decisions without forethought can add a lot of time and effort to your family-building journey.

Before you start the search for a new surrogate, ask yourself this:

• Have you talked to your surrogacy specialist? When you’re working to bring a child into the world, the smallest things can sometimes seem like huge roadblocks. When you talk to your surrogacy specialist about the problems you’re having, they will be able to determine whether they are good reasons for finding a new surrogate or can be solved with a little communication. Your surrogacy specialist can also play a key role in mediating your conversation with your surrogate, if need be.
• Have you signed a contract, or has your surrogate started medical protocol? If the answer is yes, the process of finding a surrogate will be much more involved and add a great deal of time to your surrogacy journey. Your surrogacy contract will need to be voided before you do anything else. If the answer is no, it will be a bit easier to start your search for a new surrogate, although it is best done with the assistance of your surrogacy professional.
• Are these issues covered in your surrogacy contract? A contract is a great resource for clearing up disagreements. The surrogacy attorneys involved will have made notes about all kinds of situations you may have never imagined, and your disagreement or concerns may be alleviated by what your contract details for this kind of situation.
• Can the issues be solved with open conversation? Unfortunately, miscommunication can be common during the complicated process of surrogacy, especially if you and your gestational carrier live in different states. It’s easy to jump to conclusions, but we encourage you to first try to talk it out with your gestational carrier. You may find that your worries are completely unfounded!
• Are you ready for the added time of finding another gestational carrier? Sometimes, surrogacy matches just aren’t what intended parents expect. This can be disappointing; you deserve the best surrogacy partner for your family-building journey. However, remember that no one is perfect, and individual surrogates may have some flaws. Before you start searching for a new partner, remember that it takes time to find a gestational carrier. Switching surrogates can add months or even years to your journey. Think about this hard before making any important decisions.

If you are having trouble with your surrogacy relationship, don’t forget that your surrogacy specialist is always there to help. Call our offices at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today to learn more about our process of finding you the perfect surrogate.

As an intended parent, you want what is best for your future child. This involves a crucial step: selecting the woman who will carry your child for the first nine months of their existence. You know that every gestational carrier has to meet certain requirements before being matched with you — but what if you have other requirements you want your surrogate to meet?

It’s completely normal for intended parents to have preferences when it comes to their gestational carrier. In many cases, your surrogacy specialist will work closely with you to match you with the perfect surrogate for your situation. Did you know that you will actively be involved in this search? That’s right — you will play a key role in finding the woman to carry your child.

Intended parents have a lot of questions when it comes to what they can specify in their gestational carrier, but one request seems to be trending in the recent years.

Can I set specific diet restrictions for my surrogate?

In the article below, we’ve delved a little more into this topic. However, the best person to talk to about your particular surrogate preferences will always be your surrogacy specialist. Don’t hesitate to reach out today to learn more.

Can I Request a Vegetarian or Vegan Surrogate?

There are a variety of trending diets today: keto, Whole30, carb-free, and more. Two of the most popular are vegetarian and vegan diets. For various reasons — including ethical and health — an increasing amount of people commit to eating no meat or animal products in their daily diet.

If you’re an intended parent who commits to one of these diets, you likely have plans to raise your child on the same diet as they grow up. It may also be important to you that you hire a surrogate who shares your diet preferences. Know this: It is certainly possible to find a vegetarian or vegan surrogate, but it may require extra work and patience on your part.

As “trendy” as they may be, vegetarian and vegan diets are still fairly rare — only 5 percent of Americans are vegetarian, while 3 percent are vegan. For this reason, it will likely take longer to find a surrogate who already has this kind of diet restriction, as the percentage of women who choose to become surrogates is already low among the population.

In terms of finding a vegan or vegetarian surrogate, it’s much more likely for you to be matched with a woman who already practices this diet than for you to matched with someone and then request they change their diet. A diet change such as veganism or vegetarianism is a big commitment; remember that many surrogates have children and spouses who may or may not be able to share those diet restrictions, and it can make her life much harder if she is required to completely change her diet when she is already giving up a great deal to be your gestational carrier.

One of the best ways to find a surrogate who meets your diet preferences will be searching for one on your own. Working with an agency is possible, but it may take longer for your surrogacy specialist to find a surrogate who shares all of your other preferences, too.

For more information on how many vegan or vegetarian gestational carriers work with American Surrogacy, please contact a surrogacy specialist today.

What Diet Rules Can I Make for My Surrogate?

This topic brings up another relevant issue: a surrogate’s overall diet. When you are an intended parent, you don’t have the degree of control over your baby’s development as you would if you were carrying your child yourself. It’s normal to be frustrated and want to make sure your surrogate is having the healthiest pregnancy possible — which is why you may wonder what kind of diet and lifestyle rules you can have your surrogate abide by.

When it comes to diet, there is one important rule that every gestational carrier must follow: Eat a healthy diet that promotes the growth of the child inside of her. This includes getting her daily servings of fruits and vegetables and necessary vitamins and minerals. It also includes her required prenatal medication. All of this is part of her “healthy pregnancy” and will likely be detailed in the contract she signs with her intended parents.

Any additional dietary needs or restrictions will also need to be highlighted in the contract, as well — but the contract shouldn’t be the first time these issues are brought up. While they may seem small, these topics play an important part in the matching process. Your surrogacy specialist will make sure your match conversation with a potential surrogate includes your desires for her diet during pregnancy, which means a surrogate must be on board with these dietary changes before a match is even made. Then, the details will be solidified with your surrogacy contract.

It can be stressful for intended parents to think about their surrogate’s diet and lifestyle. Often, it can be stressful enough that they wish to detail every “can” and “can’t” in a surrogate’s contract. However, remember that the woman who carries your baby is just as dedicated to your child’s health as you are. She likely will already have plans for a healthy diet and lifestyle during her pregnancy, which means you will need to have a certain degree of trust and faith for her decision-making as your surrogate. Micromanaging her life may put you at more ease, but it can also negatively affect your developing relationship.

So, if you have any questions or concerns about your future surrogate’s diet and lifestyle, your first point of contact will always be your surrogacy specialist. They will always be the best person to explain their policy on these details and can help you find the surrogate that is perfect for your family-building journey, whatever your preferences may be.

“I’d be honored to carry your baby!” “I’d be your surrogate for free.” “Why would you go to a surrogacy agency when I could just do it for you?”

When someone you know says something like this to you, it comes from a place of love. Becoming a surrogate for someone is one of the most loving things a person can do. But identified surrogacy, — where you partner with someone you know, like a friend or family member — can come with some emotional complications and can sometimes make the process riskier for those involved.

So, how do you convey to this woman that although you’re grateful for her expression of love, you have to decline her generous offer? Here’s how:

Step 1: Thank Her!

She may be a little hurt that you’re declining, but growing your family is a big deal, and you need to do this your way.

Start by thanking her (a lot) and letting her know how much her offer means to you. Understanding where her offer to carry your child comes from can help her to feel more heard. She probably loves you, sees how much you want to have a baby and wants to help.

Your relationship with this woman is unique, so you’ll probably know best how to approach this delicate topic. Just a few tips to keep in mind:

• Trust your instincts and your knowledge of your relationship.
• Make sure she knows how you feel about her offering such an incredible gift to you.
• Let her know how much you love and appreciate her.
• Maybe offer other ways in which she can help in your journey to grow your family.

Step 2: Explain Why You Need to Decline

She may feel better if she understands the complexity of surrogacy and your reasons for declining her offer. Sometimes over-explaining can feel like a cop-out, so use your best judgment and your instincts of your relationship with this person.

There are a number of reasons why you might be turning down her offer to be your surrogate. Some of the reasons you might have, and feel the need to explain to her, can include:

• You don’t want to jeopardize your relationship with her. The surrogacy process is an emotional one. Jealousy isn’t uncommon, finances are something that needs to be worked out in detail, things like pregnancy complications or selective termination are difficult topics you’d need to talk about, and more. All of this can put strain on even the strongest relationship.
• She doesn’t meet the requirements. There are strict health, emotional and legal requirements for prospective surrogates, and not every woman is going to meet them. You may have greater knowledge of these requirements, so you already know she won’t be eligible for surrogacy.
• She doesn’t have much knowledge of the surrogacy process.Becoming a surrogate, although rewarding, can be demanding, and the women who do so go into the agreement knowing what they’re in for. They’ve carefully researched the process, and they’ve signed on with an agency after being thoroughly screened and proving their commitment. Offering to become a surrogate is a kind thought, but actually committing to do so after seeking out the process is another matter.
• You don’t want to have your surrogate present in your everyday post-surrogacy life. Feeling constantly indebted to this woman — who is likely a friend, family member or peer — would become too much if you see her on a regular basis after the baby is born. However, when you work with a surrogate that you only see occasionally, you don’t have the same kind of pressure on a relationship.
• You know you would worry about the baby and pregnancy more often if you saw her more. Sometimes, a little distance is good in a surrogacy relationship. There’s a lot that’s out of your control in surrogacy, and if you see your surrogate regularly, it can be tempting to micromanage her pregnancy or obsess about her health. A surrogate who you see a little less can be equally stressful, but you wouldn’t have the constant visual reminder stirring up anxieties.

Step 3: Avoid Identified Surrogacy, Avoid More Hurt Feelings

If you agree to any identified surrogacy situation, you’ll have a potential for legal, financial and emotional issues. You may damage your relationship with the person who offered to be your surrogate. For these reasons and more, it’s generally recommended to avoid partnering with someone you personally know — unless you and she have discussed the process of surrogacy and your personal expectations for a long time and in detail.

While surrogacy partnerships often lead to close emotional bonds and friendships, in some ways, the process is often a little business-like. You wouldn’t think that a group of people who are excitedly joining together to have a baby would ever want to avoid emotions, but due to the by-the-book nature of surrogacy, sometimes having a surrogacy partner to whom you’re not already close can help those clinical moments feel less awkward. When you enter into a surrogacy journey with a woman you already know, your relationship will change forever — for good or for bad — and there will be no going back to the relationship you had before. Are you and your loved one prepared for that?

Turning down an identified surrogacy offer can be uncomfortable, but hopefully the woman who offered will understand that building a family is a deeply personal path and that you need to do it in your own way.

If you’re ready to match with a surrogate who shares your surrogacy goals and whom you feel a connection with, contact an American Surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).