It is completely normal to meet intended parents who seem wonderful on paper but still not feel the connection you’re looking for. Every surrogate has different priorities, communication styles and expectations, and those factors can influence whether a match feels right. Choosing not to move forward does not mean anyone has done something wrong. It simply means the match is not the right fit.
Surrogacy is a relationship that begins long before an embryo transfer and continues throughout the pregnancy. Building that relationship on trust, open communication and compatibility can help create a positive experience for everyone involved.
Fill out our online contact form to speak with a specialist who can help you understand the matching process and find intended parents you feel comfortable partnering with.
How the Surrogate Matching Process Works: 3 Simple Steps
At American Surrogacy, matching is a mutual process. We do not assign you to intended parents or expect you to move forward with a match that doesn’t feel right. You have an active role in choosing the family you feel most comfortable helping. The matching process generally includes these steps:
- Step 1: Review Intended Parent Profiles: Learn about pre-screened intended parents, their family, their values and what they hope to achieve through surrogacy.
- Step 2: Meet Potential Matches: When you and the intended parents express interest in one another, we’ll coordinate a match meeting so you can ask questions, get to know each other and see if the partnership feels like a good fit.
- Step 3: Choose Whether to Move Forward: After the match meeting, both you and the intended parents decide whether you would like to continue. We move forward only when everyone feels comfortable with the match.
Your surrogacy specialist will be there to guide you through each step, answer your questions and advocate for your best interests. If a match doesn’t feel right, we’ll continue working with you until we find one that does.
Can I Decline an Intended Parent Match?
Yes. You can absolutely decline an intended parent match at any point before signing your legal surrogacy contracts. Declining a potential match does not mean the intended parents did something wrong, or does it mean you have failed in your desire to help.
Surrogacy requires a high level of mutual trust, and if that core connection is missing, forcing a match can lead to unnecessary emotional stress later on. Your agency is there to support your autonomy, and a reputable professional will always respect your decision to wait for the right fit.
The goal of the matching process is to establish a secure foundation. Taking your time to find a family you genuinely feel good about helps ensure a safer, happier, and more fulfilling pregnancy for everyone involved.
Trust Your Gut – But Give Yourself Time
A profile is only an introduction to the intended parents. It can give you a sense of who they are, but it cannot capture every conversation, personality trait or shared value. For some surrogates, a match meeting creates the connection they didn’t feel from the profile alone.
If you feel hesitant, take time to think about what’s causing those feelings. Talk through your questions with your surrogacy specialist and consider whether your concerns stem from the profile itself or simply from making a big decision. There is no need to rush.
If something still doesn’t feel right after you’ve had time to reflect, it is okay to decline the match. We will never pressure you to move forward, and we’ll continue working with you until you find intended parents you feel comfortable partnering with.
A Match Meeting Can Change Your Perspective
Meeting face-to-face or over a video call gives you the opportunity to ask questions, learn more about their expectations and decide how you feel about the potential partnership. Some surrogates leave the meeting feeling more confident, while others decide the match isn’t the right fit.
There is no pressure to say yes after the meeting. At American Surrogacy, we encourage you to take the time you need before making a decision. Our goal is to help you find intended parents you feel comfortable partnering with throughout your surrogacy experience.
Questions to Ask Intended Parents Before Saying Yes
Your match meeting is an opportunity to get to know the intended parents beyond what you read in their profile. Asking thoughtful questions can help you understand their expectations, communication style and vision for the journey, making it easier to decide whether the partnership feels right for you.
Here are a few topics you may want to discuss during your conversation:
- Communication: How often would you like to stay in touch throughout the pregnancy, and what is your preferred way to communicate?
- Pregnancy Expectations: What level of involvement would you like during the pregnancy, including medical appointments, milestones and the delivery?
- Decision-Making: How do you hope we’ll work together if unexpected medical decisions or changes arise during the pregnancy?
- After Delivery: What kind of contact or relationship do you hope to have after the baby is born?
- Getting to Know Each Other: What are you most looking forward to about working together, and what qualities are most important to you in this partnership?
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. The goal is to understand whether your expectations and communication styles align.
If you leave the conversation feeling comfortable and supported, that’s a strong sign you’ve found a good match. If you still have concerns, it’s okay to continue exploring other opportunities until you find the partnership that feels right.
Why the Right Match Matters for Everyone
A well-matched surrogacy journey is more enjoyable, collaborative, and emotionally rewarding for both sides. When you share a strong foundation of compatibility, navigating the logistics of pregnancy becomes a shared celebration rather than a source of stress. Strong compatibility leads to:
- Clearer Communication: You will feel comfortable speaking honestly about your physical needs and emotional boundaries.
- Shared Expectations: Everyone is on the same page regarding appointments, birth plans, and post-birth contact.
- Greater Peace of Mind: Intended parents can relax knowing their baby is being carried by someone who genuinely cares for them, and you can carry with the pride of knowing you are fulfilling a family’s deepest dream.
At American Surrogacy, our mutual matching philosophy is designed to protect this relationship. We believe that when surrogates are empowered to choose, the entire journey becomes safer, more beautiful, and ultimately more successful.
Find the Right Intended Parents for You
Your surrogacy journey should be defined by choice, respect, and mutual excitement. If you are ready to learn more about how we protect your autonomy during the matching process, we are here to support you every step of the way.
Contact an American Surrogacy specialist today to learn more about our matching process, or start exploring waiting family profiles to find the connection that feels completely right for you.