Getting to Know Intended Parents

Questions to Ask Intended Parents

Not sure what questions to ask intended parents, or how to get to know them as your surrogacy journey begins? Our surrogacy specialists can help.

While American Surrogacy extensively screens our intended parents and requires them to create Intended Parent Profiles to help you choose qualified intended parents for your surrogate pregnancy, you are ultimately the only one who can decide which intended parents are perfect for you. Getting to know them is an important way to make sure they’re the right choice for your surrogacy journey.

We know that talking to prospective intended parents can be intimidating, which is why our surrogacy specialists will help you get to know intended parents by preparing you for your meetings with them. They’ll help you understand what to expect, as well as any questions to ask intended parents — and those not to ask, as well.

Below, you’ll find some tips on getting to know intended parents and making sure a match is perfect for you. Remember, a surrogacy specialist will be able to walk you through your situation in more detail, so don’t hesitate to call us today at 1-800-875-2229.


Speaking with a Prospective Match

After you have completed your background screening and your Surrogate Profile, you will be given the chance to find intended parents that are perfect for you. If you and intended parents have expressed interest in each other’s profiles, you’ll be ready to take the next step: getting to know the intended parents. While your first impression of intended parents will come from their Intended Parent Profile, talking with them over the phone is an even more important way to know whether they are a good fit for your situation.

Your surrogacy specialist will likely mediate the first conversation you have with a potential match (usually conducted via a conference call). They will also help prepare you for the phone call by giving you tips on what questions to ask potential intended parents, what topics to avoid and how to get to know the intended parents in a casual way.

Many surrogates say they choose intended parents based on a gut feeling they have about the family, so it’s important to take advantage of this opportunity to get to know who they are as people and who they would be as parents. It’s usually best to avoid more complicated questions about their surrogacy plan right off the bat; take this chance to get to know their personalities and gauge whether you would enjoy working with them for the next year. Think of this conference call as a first date — a chance to get to know each other without getting too personal into the details of the upcoming surrogacy.

Your surrogacy specialist will help you prepare for the meeting by advising that you:

1. Be prepared. Because the first phone call can be intimidating, it’s best to write down what you want to talk about ahead of time. That way, if there are any uncomfortable lulls in the conversation, you can look at your prompts to talk about something new.

2. Know which questions to ask. Your surrogacy specialist will walk you through what kinds of topics and questions to ask intended parents, as well as those to avoid. You’ll want to get to know the intended parents in this phone call, not interrogate them, so here are some easy conversation-starting questions to use:

  • What kind of things do you like to do? What are your interests?

  • What is your family like? Do they support your surrogacy decision?

  • How did you decide upon surrogacy? What aspects of surrogacy excite you?

  • What are your values? What’s important to you?

  • What kind of relationship do you expect from a surrogate before, during and after the surrogacy?

3. Ask about their Intended Parent Profile. Perhaps you saw information on their profile that you’re curious about. This is a great chance to follow up and get more details on certain aspects of their profile, as it may help solidify the prospective intended parents as your perfect match.

Remember, like a first date, you don’t want to get too personal or serious with conversation topics; keep the conversation light and natural, and be ready to answer any questions the intended parents have for you, as well. When you get to know the intended parents as people, it will likely be enough to decide whether they would be a good match for you or not. Once you decide they are a good match based on their personality, your surrogacy specialist will help you prepare to talk about the more complicated issues of surrogacy.

Talking about the Surrogacy Process

Many surrogates know if the intended parents are a good match after the first conversation, but you shouldn’t be worried if you need more conversations to know for sure. Your surrogacy specialist will always be available to discuss your first conversation, answer any questions you may have and advise you on your next steps.

After you get to know the intended parents in the first conversation, you’ll likely have the chance to talk in more detail about the surrogacy process you each expect. Remember, you will be matched with intended parents who fit your preferences for the surrogacy process, but here are some good questions to ask potential intended parents about their surrogacy goals:

  • How many IVF cycles are you willing to try to conceive a child?

  • How many embryos do you foresee implanting during each attempt?

  • How do you feel about multiples?

  • What are your views on selective reduction or termination of embryos?

  • Who do you want to be in the hospital room when I give birth?

  • Are you willing to meet my friends and family?

  • What do you plan to tell your child about their surrogacy when they’re older?

As you’re asking these questions for intended parents, you should be prepared to answer any questions they have for you, as well. Your surrogacy specialist will make sure that both you and the intended parents are comfortable during this conversation, and she may step in to answer questions that are too complicated to answer on your own. She can also coordinate a face-to-face meeting if that is something you and the intended parents are interested in.

Why is it Important to Get to Know Intended Parents?

The process of getting to know intended parents doesn’t end after a match is made; you should work on building a relationship with the intended parents throughout the surrogacy journey to make it an easier experience on all involved. Because surrogacy is such an intense process, getting to know the intended parents can make a huge difference in the process’ success and your own comfort level.

While you will be entering into a legal contract with them, don’t be afraid to continue to get to know the intended parents throughout the journey and even become friends. You’ll spend a lot of time with the intended parents over the next year, and many surrogates create a genuine friendship with their chosen intended parents.

To learn more about what questions you should ask to intended parents and how American Surrogacy helps you get to know intended parents, please contact us today.