Close, genuine friendships are hard to come by — but, when you find them, they’re friendships that last a lifetime. If you’re considering becoming a gestational carrier, odds are that you’re excited to share your news with your close group of friends. You may even be counting on some support from them as you move forward with your journey!
But, how exactly do you share your surrogacy news with your friends, and how can they help you out in the process to come?
Many surrogates enjoy the support of their close friends during their surrogacy journey, and you can, too. It’s all about how you present your news and how you want them to be involved in this unique journey. The decision to always up to you — but your surrogacy specialist will also be here to help.
Below, you can find a few tips for including your friends in your journey as a gestational carrier. Remember, you can always contact American Surrogacy if you have questions or need some more guidance about starting this conversation off on the right foot.
How to Announce Your Surrogacy Decision
When you decide that you want to become a surrogate, it’s completely normal to want to share your news with those you spend the most time with. For most gestational carriers, that is their close group of friends.
There are a few ways you can share your news with your friends. Which path you choose will be up to you:
- Through a social media post: Sometimes, gestational carriers find that the easiest way to announce their pregnancy to a large group of people is through a post on their social accounts. It serves a double-purpose: to reach as many people in your friend network at once and to eliminate awkward conversations and comments when you start to show. You can get the conversation going and answer questions all at once. However, keep in mind your intended parents’ privacy while sharing information on the internet and social media.
- At a friend get-together: If you don’t feel comfortable announcing your news on the internet, you can get the word out quickly and all at once with a friend get-together. Just as you would announce a pregnancy of your own, consider gathering all of your friends for a lunch or dinner and sharing the news. Another benefit of this option? Any friends who have unhelpful or negative opinions will often keep those to themselves around so many other positive responses.
- Individually: If you wish to keep your surrogacy news among a few close friends, telling them individually may be the best route you can take. That way, you can address any questions they have personally and reassure them that you are taking the best path for you and your family. This can be the best option if you are uncertain about how some of your close friends may take your news.
No matter how you decide to tell your friends about your surrogacy, make sure you are prepared with proper information and answers to some uncomfortable questions and comments you may receive. Fortunately, your surrogacy specialist will be here to help.
Common Responses You May Get
In an ideal world, every gestational surrogate would get support from her friends, no matter their personal opinion. But, we know that not everyone has the same view of surrogacy that we do — especially because there is still so much misconception and miseducation about the surrogacy process out there.
So, before you speak with your friends about your surrogate pregnancy, prepare yourself for some of the comments and questions you may receive — and make sure you know how to address them properly:
- “I can’t believe you’re ‘giving up’ a baby!” Remind your friends that this child is not genetically yours. You see what you’re doing as “babysitting” for the intended parents; you are more interested in experiencing pregnancy again than raising another child.
- “How much are you getting paid?” If you’re completing a compensated surrogacy, your base compensation is your own business. If you feel comfortable saying so, mention what financial goal the compensation is helping you achieve — such as paying off your student loans or saving up for a down payment on a house. Otherwise, be succinct and say you’re not allowed to discuss aspects of your legal surrogacy contract.
- “How will your family understand?” It’s normal for your friends to be concerned about your family, especially how your children might take the news. Reassure them that you explained the process to your children before starting, and you and your spouse (if applicable) are ready to guide them through this emotional journey moving forward.
How to Include Them in Your Surrogacy Support System
Once your friends learn about your plans to be a surrogate, they will likely be thrilled and wonder how they can support you. It’s important to have supportive friends (and family!) as you progress through your surrogacy journey. But, when your more immediate family and your surrogacy professionals are the ones who are intimately involved in your surrogacy journey, how can your friends also play a role?
Ultimately, this decision is up to you. While you will receive professional support from your surrogacy agency, you may need something a little less “structured” from your group of friends. Many surrogates turn to their friends for help with:
- Childcare while attending surrogacy appointments
- Cooking and cleaning when they are tired from pregnancy
- Running errands when they are on bedrest or otherwise occupied
- Providing emotional support for any challenges that may occur
- Relaxing activities like spa days, lunch dates and more
If you want this kind of support from your friends, don’t be afraid to reach out. Odds are, they are more than happy to help — just worried about approaching you themselves and crossing any boundaries in this extremely personal journey.
If you are having trouble talking to your friends about your surrogacy, or you’re not even sure where to start, remember that your surrogacy specialist is always here for you. She can help you create a plan for this conversation and answer any questions you have when you contact our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).