When you choose to become a surrogate, you may want to share your excitement about your journey with everyone you know. But, not everyone will have the same feelings about surrogacy as you.
Some of the people you may be most concerned about explaining your surrogacy to are your parents. While there are plenty of supportive parents out there, it’s also more likely that an older generation doesn’t fully understand the surrogacy process — and may take your decision a different way than you would like them to. You may be worried about them asking you insensitive questions or even responding to your news with hurtful comments.
Know that you are not alone in these worries. Explaining their decision to parents is something that many surrogates struggle with. Fortunately, American Surrogacy is here to provide the information and resources you need to prepare for this important conversation.
When you work with our agency, your surrogacy specialist will help you get ready for these critical conversations with your family. You can always receive our professional guidance when you call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online.
In the meantime, here is some information that may help you broach this topic with your parents and get a positive response.
Do I Have to Tell My Parents About My Surrogacy?
As mentioned, many gestational carriers are excited at the opportunity to share their surrogacy news with others. But, if you think your parents may have a negative response, you may be wary about telling them of your new journey.
You always have the right to decide with whom you wish to share your surrogacy journey. You want your surrogate support system to be full of people who celebrate your decision and will commit themselves to supporting you every step of the way. If you’re concerned that your parents may not provide that support, it may be a good idea to wait to tell them about your journey until you are already well on your way to being pregnant.
However, if you have a close relationship with your parents, it may be more difficult to keep your surrogacy a secret. Not only will you show your pregnancy, but you will likely miss out on family activities and other events as part of your surrogacy journey. In this situation, you may not want to wait to tell your parents about becoming a surrogate, as keeping that kind of secret can quickly harm your relationship once the truth comes out.
It’s normal to want your parents’ approval and support when you become a surrogate, but remember: Ultimately, only you can decide whether surrogacy is right for you, as you will be the one taking on those specific responsibilities.
How to Announce Your Surrogate Journey to Your Parents
So, when it comes time to tell your parents about your journey to become a surrogate, where do you start? Your surrogacy specialist will be here to help. She will provide the information and guidance you need to prepare for this conversation.
Most gestational carriers follow these common steps when explaining their surrogacy decision to their parents:
Step 1: Prepare your research and talking points. It can be incredibly helpful for you to make a list of what you are going to say before you even start this conversation. That way, you can have a guide for this discussion, even if things don’t go as planned. You might also research the common misconceptions about surrogacy to make sure you have a response to comments from your parents.
Step 2: Explain your decision and your reasoning for becoming a surrogate. Your parents may not automatically understand why you are choosing to give up a year of your life to help other people become parents. They may instead jump to conclusions about your financial situation and try to offer alternatives. So, make sure you emphasize your reasons for being a gestational carrier. You’re not in it for the money; you’re in it because of an overwhelming desire you have to help others feel the joy you feel around your children.
Step 3: Give your parents time to process and ask questions. This announcement can be a shock for your parents, especially if you’ve never mentioned your surrogacy dreams to them before. Not every parent will give their support right away; they may need misunderstandings cleared up or questions answered before they feel at ease with your decision. Remember: Surrogacy may be a completely foreign concept to them at this time.
Step 4: Answer their questions and make your position clear. If your parents want to know more, take it as a chance to educate and inform about the realities of the surrogacy process. While you will always be their child, remind them that you don’t need their permission to follow this path. Mention that you have support from your immediate family and friends for moving forward, and you would love to have theirs, as well.
What If Your Parents are Unsupportive?
Some people are uncomfortable with the idea of surrogacy — even compensated, gestational surrogacy — and nothing they learn or experience will change that. When your parents are in this situation, it can be disheartening. After all, you are thrilled about your upcoming journey and you likely wanted to share your experience with the most important people in your life, including them.
Stay optimistic that your parents’ feelings may change as they watch your surrogacy journey, but don’t feel like you have to redirect your journey because of them. Surrogacy is a temporary process, so focus on surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family while being a surrogate. Your everyday life will return after you give birth to the intended parents’ baby — only then with the knowledge that you have transformed someone’s entire world for the better.
For more guidance on dealing with unsupportive friends and family members, don’t hesitate to reach out to American Surrogacy. Our surrogacy specialists stand ready to serve as part of your support system during this journey and guide you from start to finish. To learn more today, please call our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).