Bella D | American Surrogacy Blog

How Infertility Changes the Way You Experience Surrogacy

Discover how to process pregnancy loss and infertility during surrogacy and how to build trust with your surrogate.

A positive pregnancy through surrogacy is a major milestone, but many intended parents are surprised to find that joy doesn’t immediately replace fear. After months or years of infertility, failed treatments, or pregnancy loss, hope can feel more complicated than expected.

These feelings don’t mean you’re ungrateful or less excited about becoming a parent. They are a natural response to the uncertainty and heartbreak that often accompany infertility, even after receiving good news.

Understanding why these emotions persist can help you move through your surrogacy journey with greater confidence and self-compassion. Contact us today to learn how we support intended parents through every stage of the surrogacy journey.

Are You Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop?

Many intended parents struggle to trust positive milestones after infertility or pregnancy loss. When hopeful moments have ended in disappointment before, expecting bad news can become an emotional defense mechanism that helps you feel prepared for the worst.

During a surrogacy pregnancy, this may look like worrying before every ultrasound, blood test, or update from your surrogate. It doesn’t mean you lack faith in your surrogate or the medical process. Instead, it’s a natural response to the uncertainty and heartbreak you’ve experienced in the past.

Recognizing this pattern can help you separate past experiences from your current journey. Expecting the worst doesn’t protect you from disappointment, but understanding why these feelings arise can help you move through them with greater self-compassion.

Why Good News Doesn’t Always Feel Good

Positive updates during a surrogacy pregnancy don’t automatically erase anxiety. After infertility or pregnancy loss, it can take time to trust that good news is truly good, even when everything is progressing as expected.

Many intended parents feel emotionally guarded after a reassuring ultrasound, positive test results, or another encouraging milestone. After experiencing loss or repeated disappointment, it can be difficult to fully relax or believe the uncertainty is behind you.

It’s common for hope and fear to exist at the same time. You might experience:

Cautious Optimism: Feeling encouraged by positive updates while still protecting yourself from disappointment.
Delayed Joy: Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected, even after receiving reassuring news.
Hypervigilance: Closely analyzing every update or medical report for signs that something could go wrong.

These reactions are a natural response to infertility and pregnancy loss, not a reflection of your current surrogacy journey. Give yourself permission to experience both hope and anxiety can help relieve the pressure to feel only excitement.

You May Feel Guilty Because You’re Not Excited

Feeling hesitant to celebrate your surrogate’s pregnancy is a common response to infertility and pregnancy loss. Many intended parents feel guilty when their emotions don’t match the excitement they expected to feel, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less grateful or invested in the journey.

You may find yourself putting off baby purchases, delaying pregnancy announcements, or feeling nervous about planning for your baby’s arrival. After experiencing disappointment in the past, these reactions are often a way of protecting yourself from the possibility of more heartbreak.

There is no “right” way to experience a surrogacy pregnancy after infertility. You might experience:

Hesitation to Celebrate: Feeling nervous about buying baby items, planning a shower, or making the pregnancy feel more real.
Mixed Emotions: Experiencing relief and hope while also feeling anxious about what could happen next.
Guilt: Worrying that your fear or emotional distance means you’re taking the opportunity for granted.

These feelings don’t diminish your love for your future child or your appreciation for your surrogate. They simply reflect the emotional impact of everything you’ve experienced on the path to parenthood.

Every Milestone Feels Different

Some intended parents begin to feel more hopeful after hearing the heartbeat, while others don’t experience that same sense of relief until the anatomy scan, reaching fetal viability, meeting their baby, or even bringing them home.

There isn’t a universal milestone where anxiety suddenly disappears. As one worry fades, another may take its place, making it completely normal for your emotions to shift throughout the pregnancy. You may find reassurance at different points, including:

Heartbeat Confirmation: The first sign that the pregnancy is progressing.
Anatomy Scan: A detailed look at your baby’s growth and development.
Fetal Viability: Reaching an important stage in the pregnancy that can bring additional reassurance.
Birth: Finally meeting your baby after a long journey.
Bringing Your Baby Home: For some intended parents, this is the first time they truly begin to relax and believe their dream of parenthood has become reality.

Reassurance doesn’t have to arrive on anyone else’s timeline. Every intended parent processes hope differently, and it’s okay if your confidence grows one milestone at a time.

Your Surrogate May Notice These Feelings, Too

Your surrogate may notice if you seem hesitant to celebrate or emotionally guarded throughout the pregnancy. The good news is many surrogates choose this journey because they empathize with families who have experienced infertility.

They understand that your emotions are rarely a reflection of them or the pregnancy, but of everything you’ve been through to reach this point. Open communication can help both of you better understand each other’s experiences. Consider:

Sharing Your Perspective: Let your surrogate know how infertility or pregnancy loss has shaped the way you experience milestones.
Expressing Your Gratitude: Reassure your surrogate that your anxiety doesn’t diminish your appreciation for her and everything she’s doing.
Relying on Your Surrogacy Specialist: Your specialist can help facilitate conversations, answer questions, and ensure everyone feels supported throughout the journey.

When everyone understands each other’s perspective, it becomes easier to build trust, strengthen communication, and move through the journey together.

There’s No Right Way to Feel After Infertility

Infertility and surrogacy are both deeply emotional journeys, and it’s normal to experience hope, anxiety, excitement, and uncertainty at the same time. However you’re feeling, know that there isn’t a “right” way to navigate this chapter of your family-building journey.

At American Surrogacy, our specialists understand the lasting impact of infertility and pregnancy loss and are here to support you every step of the way. If you have questions about your surrogacy journey or simply want someone to talk to, contact us today to speak with a surrogacy specialist.

Will I Work With the Same Coordinator Throughout My Surrogacy Journey?

Discover how a dedicated surrogacy coordinator guides intended parents and surrogates from matching through delivery.

At American Surrogacy, intended parents and surrogates typically work with one dedicated surrogacy coordinator, also referred to as a surrogacy specialist or surrogacy case manager, from the initial onboarding process through delivery and post-birth support.

Whether you are an intended parent longing to build your family or a surrogate offering an extraordinary gift, the process involves complex medical protocols, legal requirements, emotional milestones, and logistics.

Having a single, constant point of contact ensures that you never have to navigate these steps alone or re-explain your unique story at every new stage. Contact us today to learn more about how we support intended parents and surrogates throughout every step of the process.

Why Having One Surrogacy Specialist Matters

Working with the same surrogacy specialist throughout your journey creates consistency for both intended parents and surrogates. Instead of starting over with a new point of contact at each stage, you have someone who understands your goals, your preferences, and your unique experience from beginning to end.

Building Trust: Surrogacy is a deeply personal journey that involves medical decisions, legal milestones, and emotional moments. Having one dedicated specialist allows trust to grow over time, giving you a reliable source of guidance and support whenever questions or challenges arise.
Providing Consistency: A dedicated specialist understands where you are in the process and what comes next. Rather than catching someone new up on your case, you can move through each milestone knowing your coordinator is already familiar with your timeline and prepared to help you navigate it.
Eliminating the Need to Repeat Your Story:
Whether you’re an intended parent with a long family-building history or a surrogate balancing appointments with your own family’s schedule, you shouldn’t have to repeatedly explain your background, preferences, or concerns. Your specialist carries that knowledge with them throughout your journey.
Supporting You From Beginning to End: Your surrogacy specialist coordinates communication, helps keep legal and medical milestones on track, and prepares you for each step before it arrives. Having one consistent guide means you always know who to call and can focus on what matters most instead of managing the logistics alone.

What Does a Surrogacy Specialist Do?

Your surrogacy specialist is your primary point of contact throughout the journey. They help coordinate communication, keep important milestones on track, answer questions, and guide both intended parents and surrogates from matching through delivery.

Matching and Relationship Support

Your specialist guides the matching process by coordinating profile reviews, facilitating match meetings, and helping both parties establish clear expectations. They work to build a strong foundation for a respectful and successful relationship.

Medical and Legal Coordination

Your specialist works closely with fertility clinics, attorneys, and other professionals to keep your journey moving forward. They help coordinate medical clearances, legal contracts, and other key milestones so everyone stays informed about what comes next.

Pregnancy Support and Communication

Throughout the pregnancy, your specialist checks in regularly with both intended parents and the surrogate, helping coordinate communication, monitor important milestones, and address questions or concerns as they arise. If unexpected situations occur, they’re there to help everyone navigate the next steps.

Delivery Planning and Ongoing Guidance

As the due date approaches, your specialist helps coordinate hospital planning and prepares everyone for delivery. They work with you, your surrogate, and the hospital to ensure expectations are clear and that you feel supported through birth and the transition afterward.

What Happens if My Surrogacy Specialist Is Out of Office?

Your surrogacy journey doesn’t stop if your specialist is temporarily out of the office. Whether they’re on vacation, out sick, or supporting another family’s delivery, our team works together to ensure you continue receiving the guidance and support you need.

If your surrogacy specialist will be unavailable, they’ll let you know ahead of time whenever possible and explain who to contact while they’re away. You’ll always know who your point of contact is and how to reach someone if questions or concerns arise.

Questions to Ask a Surrogacy Agency About Coordinator Support

Your surrogacy coordinator will likely become one of your primary points of contact throughout the journey. Before choosing an agency, ask how they structure coordinator support so you know what to expect if questions arise or your journey takes an unexpected turn. Consider asking questions like:

Will I work with one dedicated surrogacy specialist throughout my journey? A consistent point of contact helps build trust and eliminates the need to repeatedly explain your situation.
How many journeys does each coordinator manage? Understanding your coordinator’s caseload can give you a better sense of the level of personalized attention you can expect.
What is your typical response time? Ask how quickly coordinators respond to routine questions and how urgent situations are handled.
Who will support me if my coordinator is unavailable? Learn what backup coverage looks like if your specialist is out of the office or assisting another family’s delivery.
How often are coordinators reassigned? Frequent changes can make it more difficult to build a strong working relationship and maintain continuity throughout the journey.

At American Surrogacy, we believe consistent communication helps intended parents and surrogates feel supported from matching through delivery. That’s why we strive to provide one dedicated surrogacy specialist, with a collaborative team ready to step in whenever needed.

What Makes Great Coordinator Support?

Great surrogacy coordinator support is defined by continuous care, proactive communication, manageable specialist caseloads, empathetic expertise, and reliable backup systems.

Whether you are an intended parent evaluating agency programs or a prospective surrogate looking for a trustworthy partner, exceptional coordinator support should include the following core attributes:

Continuity: Working with one primary point of contact who understands your goals, boundaries, and history from start to finish.
Proactive Communication: Reaching out before milestones occur so you feel prepared, rather than making you chase down updates.
Manageable Caseloads: Ensuring specialists have sufficient time to give every intended parent and surrogate personalized, unhurried attention.
Empathetic Expertise: Providing practical answers grounded in real-world surrogacy experience while respecting the emotional gravity of family building.
Transparent Professional Boundaries: Clear guidance on legal, financial, and medical coordination that protects both parties equally.

The Right Support Makes a Difference

Surrogacy is filled with important decisions, milestones, and moments of uncertainty. Having one dedicated surrogacy specialist by your side helps create a more consistent experience, giving both intended parents and surrogates a trusted point of contact from matching through delivery.

At American Surrogacy, we’re committed to providing personalized guidance every step of the way. Whether you’re hoping to grow your family or become a surrogate, contact us today to learn how our team can support you throughout your surrogacy journey.

10 Questions Intended Parents Should Ask Before Starting Surrogacy

An essential guide for intended parents featuring 10 thoughtful questions to ask before starting surrogacy.

Before embryo transfers, legal contracts, or matching profiles, starting a surrogacy journey begins with honest reflection. Surrogacy is a powerful path to building a family, but it requires thoughtful physical, financial, and emotional preparation.

Knowing what questions to ask before starting surrogacy helps you gain clarity, align expectations with your partner, and choose a professional agency that protects your family’s vision. Contact us today to speak with a specialist who can help you explore your options and prepare for every step of the journey.

1. Why Is Surrogacy the Right Path For Our Family?

To determine if surrogacy is right for you, look closely at your underlying goals, past family-building experiences, and emotional readiness. For many intended parents, pursuing surrogacy comes after navigating infertility, medical complications, or years of uncertainty.

Asking why you are choosing surrogacy allows you and your partner to process any lingering grief from previous attempts and step forward with shared purpose. Understanding your core motivation helps you begin the surrogacy process with clarity, hope, and realistic expectations.

Reflect on Your Motivation: Are you seeking a genetic connection, a safer path to parenthood, or a more predictable family-building timeline?
Acknowledge Your Journey: Have you given yourselves time to process past fertility struggles, pregnancy loss, or other family-building experiences?
Align Your Expectations: Have you and your partner talked about what you hope to gain from the surrogacy journey and what success looks like for your family?

2. What Kind of Support Will We Need Throughout This Journey?

Surrogacy involves far more than finding a surrogate. Throughout the journey, you’ll navigate matching, medical appointments, legal contracts, financial coordination, and ongoing communication. Understanding the level of guidance you want in each of these areas can help you choose the right agency.

At American Surrogacy, we provide full-service support from the moment you begin your journey through your baby’s birth. We coordinate every stage of the process so you have experienced professionals guiding you through each milestone and helping you navigate challenges if they arise.

When comparing agencies, consider how they support intended parents through:

Matching: Carefully screening surrogates and coordinating a match based on compatibility and your family-building goals.
Communication: Serving as a consistent point of contact between you, your surrogate, medical professionals, and legal teams.
Legal and Financial Coordination: Managing contracts, escrow, insurance, and other logistical details so the process stays on track.
Unexpected Challenges: Providing guidance and solutions if timelines change, an embryo transfer is unsuccessful, or other obstacles arise.

3. What Do We Want Our Relationship With Our Surrogate to Look Like?

Every intended parent and surrogate relationship is unique. Some develop close, lifelong friendships, while others prefer a more structured relationship with clear boundaries. Thinking about the type of connection you hope to build can help you find a surrogate whose expectations align with your own.

Before matching, talk with your partner about how involved you’d like to be throughout the pregnancy and how you want to communicate with your surrogate. Setting shared expectations early helps build trust, encourages open communication, and creates a positive experience for everyone involved.

As you think about your ideal match, consider:

Communication: How often would you like to check in, and what communication style feels most comfortable for everyone?
Involvement: Do you hope to attend ultrasounds and appointments when possible, join virtually, or receive regular updates throughout the pregnancy?
Mutual Respect: How will you support your surrogate’s experience while honoring her role, your role as the intended parents, and the boundaries that help everyone feel comfortable?

4. How Will We Communicate Throughout the Pregnancy?

Open communication helps build trust and ensures everyone stays informed throughout the surrogacy journey. Before matching, it’s helpful to discuss how often you’d like to communicate, what updates you’d like to receive, and how you’ll stay connected as the pregnancy progresses.

While communication preferences vary from match to match, setting expectations early can help prevent misunderstandings and create a more comfortable experience for both you and your surrogate. As you discuss communication, consider:

Frequency: How often would you like to check in throughout the pregnancy?
Pregnancy Updates: How will you receive updates about appointments, milestones, and your surrogate’s well-being?
Communication Methods: Will you primarily communicate through text messages, phone calls, video chats, or another method?
Unexpected Situations: How will important medical updates or changes to the delivery timeline be shared?

5. Have We Talked About Difficult Medical Decisions?

Medical decisions during pregnancy require absolute alignment between intended parents and their surrogate before any contracts are signed. Sensitive topics like selective reduction, pregnancy termination, and managing unexpected medical complications must be discussed openly during the matching process.

Working with an experienced agency ensures these topics are addressed during pre-screening and legally finalized in your gestational carrier agreement. Having these legal agreements established early protects all parties and ensures shared ethical alignment long before a pregnancy begins.

Reduction and Termination: What are your ethical, personal, or medical preferences regarding selective reduction or termination in the case of severe fetal abnormalities?
Multiples: How many embryos are you planning to transfer, and how do you feel about the risks of a multi-gestational pregnancy?
Disagreement Resolution: What protocol will your legal contract and agency team use if non-medical preferences differ during pregnancy?

6. What Happens if the Journey Doesn’t Go According to Plan?

Surrogacy is an exciting journey, but it doesn’t always follow a predictable timeline. Delayed transfer cycles, unsuccessful embryo transfers, and changes to your expected delivery plan can all happen. Talking about how you’ll approach these possibilities now can help you navigate them with greater confidence if they arise.

As you prepare, consider:

Emotional Resilience: How will you support each other if a transfer is delayed or unsuccessful?
Changing Expectations: How will you adapt if your timeline shifts or your journey takes longer than expected?
Agency Support: What guidance, resources, and protections does your agency provide if unexpected challenges arise?

7. Are We Financially Prepared for More Than the Base Cost?

Planning for surrogacy means looking beyond agency fees and surrogate compensation. Travel, legal services, insurance, time away from work, and unexpected medical expenses can all affect your overall budget. Understanding these costs upfront can help you prepare with confidence.

As you build your budget, consider:

Everyday and Unexpected Expenses: Have you planned for travel, legal fees, insurance costs, time away from work, and the possibility of a NICU stay?
Financial Transparency: Does the agency clearly explain what is included in its fees and which expenses may change during the journey?
Escrow Management: Who manages your escrow account, and how are funds distributed throughout the surrogacy process?

An experienced agency should provide a clear breakdown of expected expenses and explain which costs may vary throughout the journey. Having a complete financial picture makes it easier to plan for both expected milestones and unexpected situations.

8. What Does Our Support System Look Like?

Surrogacy is both an emotional and practical journey, and having a strong support system can make a meaningful difference along the way. As you prepare, think about who you can rely on for encouragement, advice, and help during major milestones.

Support can come from many places, including family, friends, mental health professionals, and others who understand the surrogacy experience. Building that network before your journey begins can help you feel more prepared throughout the pregnancy and after your baby arrives. Consider the support you’ll need in areas such as:

Emotional Support: Trusted family members, friends, counselors, or support groups who can help you navigate the highs and lows of the journey.
Practical Help: Childcare, travel assistance, or help managing responsibilities while you’re away for appointments or your baby’s birth.
Healthy Boundaries: A plan for handling questions or opinions from extended family, friends, or others while keeping the focus on your growing family.

9. What Role Do We Hope Our Surrogate Will Have After Birth?

The birth of your baby marks the beginning of a new chapter, but it doesn’t necessarily mark the end of your relationship with your surrogate. Every surrogacy journey is different, so it’s important to discuss your hopes for staying in touch after delivery and remain open to finding an arrangement that feels comfortable for everyone.

As you think about the future, consider:

Post-Birth Communication: Decide whether you’d like to share photos, milestone updates, holiday cards, or stay connected in another way.
Shared Expectations: Talk openly about what level of ongoing communication feels comfortable for both your family and your surrogate.
A Respectful Transition: Plan for a thoughtful transition after delivery that supports your surrogate’s recovery while allowing your family to settle into life with your new baby.

Whether you envision sharing occasional updates or building a long-term friendship, setting expectations before the journey begins helps create a positive transition after birth and ensures everyone feels respected.

10. How Will We Tell Our Child Their Surrogacy Story?

Preparing for surrogacy means thinking beyond the hospital stay to the life you will build with your child. Children born through surrogacy thrive when their origin story is shared openly, honestly, and with age-appropriate pride from early childhood.

Consider how you will talk about your surrogate, the generosity involved in their birth, and the doctors who helped build your family. Normalizing their story from day one builds confidence, self-esteem, and clarity around their identity.

Early Narrative: How will you introduce surrogacy terminology into your child’s early vocabulary?
Keepsakes: Will you create a memory book featuring photos of your surrogate, pregnancy milestones, and delivery day?
Openness: Are you comfortable sharing their origin story naturally with friends, family, and educators as they grow?

Compare Your Answers Before You Move Forward

If you are pursuing surrogacy with a partner, answer these ten questions individually before comparing notes. It is entirely normal to have slight differences in communication styles, financial comfort levels, or post-birth expectations.

Sitting down together to review your answers helps you align your expectations and address potential misunderstandings early. By starting the journey with open communication, both partners can move forward with greater confidence.

Keep the Conversation Going

These ten questions aren’t a test to pass or a checklist you have to complete before starting surrogacy. They’re conversation starters designed to help you and your partner identify what matters most, align your expectations, and prepare for the journey ahead with confidence.

As you continue exploring surrogacy, keep these conversations going with each other, your support system, and your surrogacy specialist. At American Surrogacy, we’re here to answer your questions, provide honest guidance, and help you build a plan that’s right for your family.

How Early Should You Travel for Your Surrogate’s Delivery

Learn when intended parents should travel for a surrogate delivery and how to prepare for an unexpected labor.

Most intended parents should plan to arrive in their surrogate’s city about two weeks before the estimated due date to help ensure they are present for the birth. However, there is no one-size-fits-all travel timeline. The right plan depends on several factors, including your surrogate’s pregnancy, your travel distance, and your family’s schedule.

Every intended parent hopes to be there when their baby is born, but labor is impossible to predict. Planning ahead means considering your surrogate’s pregnancy progression, your travel logistics, and your work or family commitments so you can arrive with confidence and focus on welcoming your baby.

If you’re unsure when to travel or how to prepare for your surrogate’s delivery, contact us today to learn how we can help you create a personalized plan and answer your questions every step of the way.

What Can Affect Your Travel Timeline?

While many intended parents plan to arrive about two weeks before their surrogate’s due date, the right timeline depends on your unique circumstances. Factors such as your surrogate’s pregnancy history, your travel distance, and your personal schedule can all influence when it makes the most sense to travel.

Your Surrogate’s Pregnancy History

Your surrogate’s previous pregnancies can provide helpful insight into when labor may begin. For example, if she has a history of delivering before her due date, you may want to plan for an earlier arrival. If her previous pregnancies reached full term or beyond, your travel window may be a little more flexible.

While every pregnancy is different, discussing your surrogate’s pregnancy history with her care team can help you make a more informed travel plan and reduce the chance of missing the birth.

Scheduled Inductions and C-Sections

If your surrogate has a scheduled induction or planned C-section, you’ll have a specific delivery date to build your travel plans around. This can make it easier to book flights, reserve accommodations, and coordinate time away from work.

Even with a scheduled delivery, it’s important to stay flexible. Labor can begin before a planned induction or C-section, so arriving with a buffer before the scheduled date can help ensure you’re there when your baby is born.

How Far You’re Traveling

How far you’re traveling plays a major role in deciding when to arrive. If you’re driving a few hours to the hospital, you may have more flexibility than intended parents flying across the country or traveling internationally.

When booking travel, consider factors like flight availability, potential weather delays, layovers, and seasonal travel demand. Planning ahead can help you secure transportation and reduce the stress of last-minute changes if your surrogate goes into labor earlier than expected.

Your Schedule

Your work schedule, parental leave, childcare responsibilities, and other family commitments can all affect how early you’re able to travel. The more flexibility you have, the easier it may be to arrive early and remain close to your surrogate until delivery.

If you’ll need to request time off, arrange childcare, or work remotely while you’re away, planning those details well in advance can help you focus on welcoming your baby instead of managing last-minute logistics.

Build Flexibility Into Your Travel Plans

No travel plan can eliminate every uncertainty surrounding labor and delivery. Even if your surrogate has a scheduled induction or C-section, plans can change. Building flexibility into your travel arrangements helps you respond quickly while reducing unnecessary stress and unexpected expenses.

As your surrogate’s due date approaches, consider these best practices:

Book Flexible Travel: Choose refundable or changeable flights whenever possible so you can adjust your plans if labor begins earlier or later than expected.
Reserve Flexible Accommodations: Look for hotels, extended-stay suites, or vacation rentals with generous cancellation or modification policies in case your stay needs to be extended or shortened.
Stay in Regular Communication: Keep in close contact with your surrogate, your agency, and her medical team (when appropriate) so you’re aware of any changes that could affect your travel timeline.
Monitor the Pregnancy’s Progress: As delivery gets closer, stay informed about any updates regarding your surrogate’s health or signs that labor could begin sooner than expected.

A flexible travel plan gives you the confidence to adjust if circumstances change, helping you stay focused on what matters most: being there to welcome your baby.

Communication Matters as Delivery Gets Closer

Staying connected with your surrogate, your surrogacy specialist, and your surrogate’s care team (when appropriate) helps everyone stay informed about pregnancy updates, delivery plans, and any changes that could affect your travel timeline. In the final weeks of pregnancy, it can be helpful to:

Check in regularly with your surrogate and surrogacy specialist to stay updated on how the pregnancy is progressing.
Attend prenatal appointments when possible, either in person or virtually, to hear important updates and ask questions.
Discuss the signs of labor so everyone understands when it’s time to head to the hospital and who should be contacted first.
Review your hospital plan ahead of time, including visitor policies, delivery room expectations, and newborn care after birth.

Open communication helps everyone feel prepared, minimizes last-minute surprises, and allows you to focus on welcoming your baby when the big day arrives.

What if You Miss Your Surrogate’s Delivery?

Every intended parent hopes to be present for their baby’s birth, but labor can sometimes progress more quickly than expected. If your baby arrives before you reach the hospital, it can be disappointing, but it does not change your role as your child’s parent or the bond you’ll begin building from the moment you’re together.

Your surrogacy agency, your surrogate, and the hospital care team will continue to communicate with you and help ensure you’re reunited with your baby as soon as possible.

Your Agency Can Help You Prepare

Preparing for your surrogate’s delivery involves more than booking a flight. From creating a travel timeline to understanding hospital expectations and planning for your baby’s arrival, American Surrogacy is here to help every step of the way.

Talk with your surrogacy specialist about your delivery plans, travel logistics, and what to expect in the final weeks of your journey so you can focus on welcoming your new baby with confidence.

Can You Become a Surrogate if Your Medical Records Are Missing?

Missing pregnancy records? Discover how fertility clinic policies vary, steps to retrieve archived files, and how American Surrogacy guides your path.

Missing pregnancy or delivery records do not automatically prevent you from becoming a surrogate. Fertility clinics request these records to better understand your pregnancy history and evaluate potential medical risks, but screening requirements vary from one clinic to another.

If you’re unsure whether your records will affect your eligibility, fill out our contact form, and our surrogacy specialists can help you understand what documentation your fertility clinic may require and what your next steps could look like.

Why Pregnancy and Delivery Records Matter

Fertility clinics request pregnancy and delivery records to evaluate your overall pregnancy history, confirm a track record of healthy births, and minimize potential medical risks during a surrogacy pregnancy. Reproductive endocrinologists rely on these records to verify that your body can safely carry a pregnancy to term without unmanaged complications.

When reviewing your medical history, fertility clinics specifically look for:

Prenatal Care Notes: Documentation showing consistent prenatal care, healthy blood pressure, normal glucose screenings, and proper fetal development.
Labor and Delivery Summaries: Details regarding gestational age at delivery, delivery method (vaginal or C-section), estimated blood loss, and any intrapartum complications.
Postpartum Records: Notes confirming a healthy recovery following delivery without significant hemorrhaging, infection, or severe postpartum complications.

Documentation requirements differ from one fertility clinic to another. Some clinics maintain stricter record policies, while others take a more comprehensive look at your overall pregnancy history and current health when determining whether you qualify to become a surrogate.

Missing Medical Records Don’t Always Mean the Journey Is Over

Missing medical records do not automatically disqualify you from becoming a surrogate. Whether you can continue the screening process depends on which records are missing, how long ago your pregnancies occurred, and the documentation requirements of your fertility clinic.

Whether missing records affect your eligibility often comes down to a few key factors:

Which Records Are Missing: Missing documentation from a single routine prenatal visit is generally less significant than missing complete labor and delivery records from a previous pregnancy.
Age of the Pregnancy: Fertility clinics understand that records from a birth eight to ten years ago can be much more difficult to obtain than records from a recent pregnancy.
Clinic Requirements: Every fertility clinic has its own screening standards. Some maintain stricter documentation requirements, while others may accept secondary records, physician summaries, or other supporting documentation when complete records are unavailable.

Understanding these factors can help set realistic expectations for the screening process. If additional documentation is needed or a clinic accepts alternative records, it may affect how long it takes to receive medical clearance for surrogacy.

What to Do if You Can’t Find Your Medical Records

If you can’t locate your pregnancy or delivery records, don’t panic. Many records can still be recovered, even years after delivery. Start by contacting the providers involved in your care and asking whether your records were archived, transferred, or retained elsewhere. Taking the following steps can help you locate the documentation you need:

Step 1: Contact Your OB/GYN Office: Reach out to the medical records or Health Information Management (HIM) department of the practice that provided your prenatal care. You may need to complete and sign a medical records release form before records can be sent to you or your surrogacy agency.
Step 2: Contact the Hospital Where You Delivered: Hospitals often maintain their own labor and delivery records, discharge summaries, and other documentation separate from your OB/GYN’s office. Even if your provider has closed or no longer has your records, the hospital may still have copies.
Step 3: Check Your Patient Portal: Log in to your hospital or health system’s online portal, such as MyChart, to see whether prenatal records, lab results, discharge summaries, or other documents are available electronically.
Step 4: Ask Whether Records Were Archived: If the office tells you your records are unavailable, ask whether they were transferred to an off-site storage facility or a third-party medical records company. Older records are often archived rather than permanently deleted.
Step 5: Request Written Documentation if Records Were Destroyed: If your records were destroyed in accordance with the provider’s retention policy, ask for written confirmation. Some fertility clinics may accept documentation verifying that the records are no longer available when reviewing your medical history.

When Older Medical Records No Longer Exist

Older pregnancy and delivery records are not always available. While healthcare providers are required to retain medical records for a certain period of time, retention requirements vary by state, and providers are generally not required to keep records indefinitely.

As a result, records from pregnancies that occurred many years ago may have been archived or lawfully destroyed under a provider’s record retention policy. If your records are no longer available, you may still be able to provide other documentation that helps verify your pregnancy history, such as:

Written Confirmation That Records Are Unavailable: Ask your former healthcare provider or hospital for a letter stating that your records are no longer available due to the facility’s record retention policy. Some fertility clinics may accept this documentation when reviewing your medical history.
Pediatric Medical Records: If your child’s pediatrician has records dating back to birth, they may include details such as gestational age, birth weight, Apgar scores, or other information that helps confirm the outcome of your pregnancy.
Physician Summary Letter: If your former OB/GYN or another provider familiar with your pregnancy is still practicing, they may be able to write a summary letter describing your prenatal care, delivery, and any significant pregnancy complications or confirming that none occurred.

Talk to an Agency if Your Records Are Missing

Ultimately, the documentation a fertility clinic will accept varies by provider. If complete pregnancy records are unavailable, your surrogacy specialist can help you determine what alternative documentation may be acceptable and guide you through the next steps.

Missing medical records do not automatically mean you cannot become a surrogate. Contact us today and learn how at American Surrogacy, we’ll help you understand what documentation your fertility clinic may require, explore alternative records when available, and guide you through every step of the screening process.

The Hidden Costs of Independent Surrogacy

Explore the hidden emotional, legal, and financial costs surrogates face when navigating independent surrogacy.

Independent surrogacy can offer more flexibility and a direct partnership with the intended parents. It can also reduce overall costs by eliminating agency fees, making it an appealing option for some gestational surrogates and intended parents.

What many first-time surrogates don’t realize is how many responsibilities an agency typically manages behind the scenes. Without that support, you may be responsible for negotiating compensation, coordinating professionals, navigating disagreements and keeping your journey on track from start to finish.

Fill out our online contact form to learn the differences between independent and agency-supported surrogacy so you can choose the path that best fits your goals and comfort level.

You’re Taking on More Than a Pregnancy

Carrying a pregnancy is only one part of being a gestational surrogate. Independent surrogacy often means taking on responsibilities that extend well beyond the pregnancy itself.

Without an agency coordinating the process, you may become the coordinator, educator, negotiator and problem-solver throughout your journey. Understanding these roles can help you decide whether an independent surrogacy journey aligns with your goals, experience and comfort level.

The following sections explore four responsibilities that many independent surrogates take on when navigating a journey without agency support.

Compensation Negotiation

Without an agency, you’ll likely discuss compensation, benefits and expectations directly with the intended parents. That includes topics like base compensation, reimbursements, milestone payments and what happens if unexpected medical situations arise.

These conversations can feel uncomfortable, especially if the intended parents are unfamiliar with standard surrogacy compensation or have different expectations. Having these discussions early can help everyone understand their responsibilities before moving forward.

Intended Parent Education

Many intended parents, especially those pursuing surrogacy for the first time, have questions about the medical, legal and financial steps involved in the journey. In an agency-supported program, professionals help answer those questions long before a match is made.

In an independent journey, you may become the person explaining timelines, insurance requirements, legal steps and what comes next. While these conversations can strengthen your relationship, they also add another responsibility to your role as a surrogate.

Journey Coordination

Independent surrogacy often requires you to help keep everyone connected throughout the journey. That can include communicating with fertility clinics, attorneys, escrow companies and the intended parents to make sure each step is completed on time.

You may also help coordinate appointments, track paperwork and follow up on outstanding tasks when there isn’t an agency serving as the central point of contact. Staying organized becomes an ongoing part of the journey.

Conflict Mediation

Even when everyone shares the same goal, disagreements can happen during a surrogacy journey. Questions about communication, expectations, compensation or birth plans may require thoughtful conversations before everyone feels comfortable moving forward.

Without a neutral third party, those discussions happen directly between you and the intended parents. While many families navigate these conversations successfully, resolving disagreements on your own can be more emotionally challenging than having an experienced agency representative facilitate the discussion.

Independent Surrogacy Isn’t Right for Everyone

Independent surrogacy can be a good fit for some gestational surrogates, but it isn’t the right choice for everyone. The best path often depends on your experience, comfort level and the type of support you want throughout your journey.

You may be more comfortable with an independent journey if you:

Have completed a surrogacy journey before.
Understand the medical, legal and financial steps involved.
Feel confident coordinating professionals and managing logistics.
Are carrying for a family member or close friend with whom you already have a strong, trusting relationship.

Agency-supported surrogacy may be a better fit if you:

Are becoming a surrogate for the first time.
Want guidance through every stage of the process.
Prefer having professionals coordinate legal, medical and financial details.
Value having a neutral third party to help answer questions and resolve disagreements.

If you’re becoming a surrogate for the first time, agency support can provide valuable protection throughout your journey. From coordinating legal and medical professionals to advocating for your interests and helping navigate challenges, an agency helps ensure you never have to manage the process on your own.

Want More Support Without Starting Over?

If you’ve already matched with intended parents independently, you don’t have to choose between keeping your match and receiving professional support. American Surrogacy’s Independent Program allows you to continue your journey with the intended parents you’ve chosen while gaining the guidance of an experienced agency.

Through our Independent Program, we can help with:

Screening: Completing medical, psychological and background screenings for everyone involved.
Escrow Management: Handling compensation and reimbursements through a secure, neutral third party.
Journey Coordination: Coordinating communication between attorneys, fertility clinics and other professionals to help keep your journey on track.

Fill out our online contact form to learn how our Independent Program can support your match. We’ll help you navigate the rest of your surrogacy journey with experienced guidance while preserving the relationship you’ve already built.

What if the Intended Parents I Match With Don’t Feel ‘Right?’

Your comfort matters. Learn how the surrogate matching process guides you to the parents who feel completely right.

It is completely normal to meet intended parents who seem wonderful on paper but still not feel the connection you’re looking for. Every surrogate has different priorities, communication styles and expectations, and those factors can influence whether a match feels right. Choosing not to move forward does not mean anyone has done something wrong. It simply means the match is not the right fit.

Surrogacy is a relationship that begins long before an embryo transfer and continues throughout the pregnancy. Building that relationship on trust, open communication and compatibility can help create a positive experience for everyone involved.

Fill out our online contact form to speak with a specialist who can help you understand the matching process and find intended parents you feel comfortable partnering with.

How the Surrogate Matching Process Works: 3 Simple Steps

At American Surrogacy, matching is a mutual process. We do not assign you to intended parents or expect you to move forward with a match that doesn’t feel right. You have an active role in choosing the family you feel most comfortable helping. The matching process generally includes these steps:

Step 1: Review Intended Parent Profiles: Learn about pre-screened intended parents, their family, their values and what they hope to achieve through surrogacy.
Step 2: Meet Potential Matches: When you and the intended parents express interest in one another, we’ll coordinate a match meeting so you can ask questions, get to know each other and see if the partnership feels like a good fit.
Step 3: Choose Whether to Move Forward: After the match meeting, both you and the intended parents decide whether you would like to continue. We move forward only when everyone feels comfortable with the match.

Your surrogacy specialist will be there to guide you through each step, answer your questions and advocate for your best interests. If a match doesn’t feel right, we’ll continue working with you until we find one that does.

Can I Decline an Intended Parent Match?

Yes. You can absolutely decline an intended parent match at any point before signing your legal surrogacy contracts. Declining a potential match does not mean the intended parents did something wrong, or does it mean you have failed in your desire to help.

Surrogacy requires a high level of mutual trust, and if that core connection is missing, forcing a match can lead to unnecessary emotional stress later on. Your agency is there to support your autonomy, and a reputable professional will always respect your decision to wait for the right fit.

The goal of the matching process is to establish a secure foundation. Taking your time to find a family you genuinely feel good about helps ensure a safer, happier, and more fulfilling pregnancy for everyone involved.

Trust Your Gut – But Give Yourself Time

A profile is only an introduction to the intended parents. It can give you a sense of who they are, but it cannot capture every conversation, personality trait or shared value. For some surrogates, a match meeting creates the connection they didn’t feel from the profile alone.

If you feel hesitant, take time to think about what’s causing those feelings. Talk through your questions with your surrogacy specialist and consider whether your concerns stem from the profile itself or simply from making a big decision. There is no need to rush.

If something still doesn’t feel right after you’ve had time to reflect, it is okay to decline the match. We will never pressure you to move forward, and we’ll continue working with you until you find intended parents you feel comfortable partnering with.

A Match Meeting Can Change Your Perspective

Meeting face-to-face or over a video call gives you the opportunity to ask questions, learn more about their expectations and decide how you feel about the potential partnership. Some surrogates leave the meeting feeling more confident, while others decide the match isn’t the right fit.

There is no pressure to say yes after the meeting. At American Surrogacy, we encourage you to take the time you need before making a decision. Our goal is to help you find intended parents you feel comfortable partnering with throughout your surrogacy experience.

Questions to Ask Intended Parents Before Saying Yes

Your match meeting is an opportunity to get to know the intended parents beyond what you read in their profile. Asking thoughtful questions can help you understand their expectations, communication style and vision for the journey, making it easier to decide whether the partnership feels right for you.

Here are a few topics you may want to discuss during your conversation:

Communication: How often would you like to stay in touch throughout the pregnancy, and what is your preferred way to communicate?
Pregnancy Expectations: What level of involvement would you like during the pregnancy, including medical appointments, milestones and the delivery?
Decision-Making: How do you hope we’ll work together if unexpected medical decisions or changes arise during the pregnancy?
After Delivery: What kind of contact or relationship do you hope to have after the baby is born?
Getting to Know Each Other: What are you most looking forward to about working together, and what qualities are most important to you in this partnership?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. The goal is to understand whether your expectations and communication styles align.

If you leave the conversation feeling comfortable and supported, that’s a strong sign you’ve found a good match. If you still have concerns, it’s okay to continue exploring other opportunities until you find the partnership that feels right.

Why the Right Match Matters for Everyone

A well-matched surrogacy journey is more enjoyable, collaborative, and emotionally rewarding for both sides. When you share a strong foundation of compatibility, navigating the logistics of pregnancy becomes a shared celebration rather than a source of stress. Strong compatibility leads to:

Clearer Communication: You will feel comfortable speaking honestly about your physical needs and emotional boundaries.
Shared Expectations: Everyone is on the same page regarding appointments, birth plans, and post-birth contact.
Greater Peace of Mind: Intended parents can relax knowing their baby is being carried by someone who genuinely cares for them, and you can carry with the pride of knowing you are fulfilling a family’s deepest dream.

At American Surrogacy, our mutual matching philosophy is designed to protect this relationship. We believe that when surrogates are empowered to choose, the entire journey becomes safer, more beautiful, and ultimately more successful.

Find the Right Intended Parents for You

Your surrogacy journey should be defined by choice, respect, and mutual excitement. If you are ready to learn more about how we protect your autonomy during the matching process, we are here to support you every step of the way.

Contact an American Surrogacy specialist today to learn more about our matching process, or start exploring waiting family profiles to find the connection that feels completely right for you.

What Surrogates Should Know About Embryo Genetic Testing

Learn how embryo genetic testing honors your body, protects your health, and supports your surrogacy journey.

Embryo genetic testing gives intended parents important information about an embryo before an embryo transfer takes place. While the testing is done before you become pregnant, it can influence your surrogacy experience by helping intended parents make informed decisions about which embryo to transfer.

Understanding what this testing is, why it may be used and how it fits into the surrogacy process can help you feel more prepared and confident as you move forward. Fill out our online contact form to speak with a specialist who can explain every stage of the process and help you feel informed and supported throughout your journey.

What’s the Difference Between PGT-A and PGT-M?

The two most common types of embryo genetic testing are PGT-A and PGT-M. Each looks for something different before an embryo is transferred during IVF.

PGT-A (Preimplantation Genetic Testing for Aneuploidy)

PGT-A checks whether an embryo has the correct number of chromosomes. Most people have 46 chromosomes, and an embryo with too many or too few chromosomes is less likely to implant successfully and has a higher risk of miscarriage or certain genetic conditions. Embryos with the expected number of chromosomes are called euploid embryos.

PGT-M (Preimplantation Genetic Testing for Monogenic Disorders)

PGT-M is used when an intended parent or egg or sperm donor carries a known inherited genetic condition, such as cystic fibrosis or sickle cell disease. This test screens embryos for that specific condition to reduce the chance of passing it on to the child.

In short, PGT-A screens for chromosomal abnormalities, while PGT-M screens for specific inherited genetic disorders. Intended parents may choose one, both, or neither depending on their medical history and recommendations from their fertility specialist.

Why Embryo Genetic Testing Matters for Surrogates

Every embryo transfer represents a physical and emotional commitment. You are preparing your body with IVF medications, attending medical appointments and investing your time in the hope of a successful pregnancy. Having more information before a transfer can help you better understand the process from the very beginning.

What Embryo Testing Does (and Doesn’t) Change

Embryo genetic testing does not change:

Your IVF medications
The embryo transfer procedure
Your prenatal care if pregnancy is achieved

It does provide the fertility team and intended parents with additional information before an embryo is selected for transfer.

At American Surrogacy, we believe informed surrogates are empowered surrogates. Embryo genetic testing can provide valuable information before a transfer, helping everyone move forward with greater clarity. That is why we encourage intended parents to consider testing whenever appropriate.

How Genetically Tested Embryos Can Support a Surrogacy Journey

Embryo genetic testing gives fertility specialists additional information before an embryo is selected for transfer. By identifying certain chromosomal abnormalities or inherited genetic conditions before implantation, testing can help guide embryo selection and support informed medical decision-making.

Potential Benefits of Embryo Genetic Testing

While every IVF journey is unique, embryo genetic testing may:

Help identify embryos with certain chromosomal abnormalities before transfer
Improve embryo selection during the IVF process
Lower the risk of miscarriage related to chromosomal abnormalities
Give intended parents additional information as they prepare for embryo transfer

Although these benefits primarily support the intended parents’ treatment plan, they can also benefit surrogates by helping everyone move forward with greater clarity throughout the transfer process.

Embryo genetic testing is a valuable screening tool, but it cannot guarantee implantation or a healthy pregnancy. It simply provides the fertility team with additional information to help guide embryo transfer decisions.

What Happens if an Embryo Doesn’t Pass Genetic Testing

If embryo genetic testing identifies certain chromosomal abnormalities or inherited genetic conditions, that embryo is typically not selected for transfer. Instead, the fertility specialist will review the results with the intended parents and discuss the most appropriate next steps based on their treatment plan.

Depending on the results, the intended parents may choose to transfer a different embryo, create additional embryos through IVF or explore other family-building options. These decisions are made by the intended parents and their fertility team before a surrogate is scheduled for an embryo transfer.

Learn More About Becoming a Surrogate with American Surrogacy

Understanding the medical process is one more way to feel prepared before becoming a surrogate. At American Surrogacy, we believe every surrogate deserves clear information, honest guidance and support from the very beginning.

Fill out our online contact form to connect with a specialist who can answer your questions, explain what to expect during IVF and embryo transfer, and help you take the next step with confidence.