The surrogacy process can be confusing. But, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, it’s relatively easy for someone who is interested in the process to learn how it works.
The American Surrogacy website features in-depth guides to every step of the process, and we do our best to answer all of the biggest questions that intended parents have about surrogacy.
Still, there are some things that you won’t find in most articles online — subtle nuances about the process that intended parents should be ready for, but aren’t always mentioned in how-to guides.
Today, we’re going to focus on those little things that most intended parents should expect to experience during the journey. Here are five things every intended parent should be ready for during the surrogacy process.
1. The Amount of Appointments
Get your calendars ready. Your schedule is about to fill up. It can be easy, when looking over the steps of the surrogacy process, to miss just how many appointments and conversations have to happen along the way.
Whether it’s a video call with your surrogacy specialist or a physical appointment with the fertility clinic, the surrogacy process can take up more of your time than most people realize. All of the little things pile up, and before you know it you’ve got several hours a week reserved for surrogacy-related phone calls and appointments.
Being caught unaware by the demands of the process can become stressful, but this doesn’t have to feel overwhelming if you prepare for it.
2. The ‘Legalese’ of the Contract
This is an emotional journey for you, but it’s a binding legal agreement for your attorney. And that’s a good thing!
Your surrogacy contract can’t reflect the personal nature of this journey because it needs to be an airtight legal agreement. A good surrogacy contract ensures that everyone involved — intended parents and surrogate — are legally protected. This is key to a successful surrogacy process.
Because of this, the language in the contract can feel cold and even, at times, confrontational. We promise it’s not. Those of us who are not legal professionals just aren’t used to the common vernacular of contracts like this. What might feel harsh to us is actually thorough legal work.
If you do have any questions about the contract or are bothered by some of the language, you can always ask your attorney for an explanation.
3. Feelings of Jealousy
This is a beautiful journey. You’re on your way to starting a family. Why would you feel jealous?
Surprising and challenging emotions often sneak up on intended parents. This can be especially common for the intended mother, who might begin to feel jealous of the surrogate for carrying the child.
The long-lasting impact of infertility can affect you in surprising and unsettling ways. Even though you are grateful for the surrogate and happy about your match, you may still experience strong feelings of jealousy.
Instead of feeling ashamed of these emotions, you can prepare for them, accept them as a natural and normal part of the process, and create a plan for how you will address them in a healthy way.
4. The Intensity of the Vetting Process
Hard questions and criticism are no fun. During the surrogacy process, intended parents may experience both sides of this.
While going through the surrogacy agency’s vetting, you may feel like you are under the microscope. You’ll be asked a lot of personal, challenging questions. You need to be prepared to answer them honestly.
Conversely, you may be the ones asking the questions during the matching process. You will need to think critically about any potential matches to ensure that the one you do accept is the perfect fit.
This will probably be uncomfortable, but it’s important that we get this right. It can be helpful to remember that everyone is on the same team. From your agency to your attorney to a potential surrogate match, everyone wants what is best for everyone else. That’s why you may have to ask and answer the hard questions.
5. The Wait to Find a Match
Waiting for a match can stretch out over weeks or months. Finding the surrogate who is just right for your family rarely happens overnight. Your surrogacy specialist will be working hard to find the perfect surrogate for you, but it’s not always easy.
A long wait for a match may be frustrating, but it’s not a bad thing. So many little factors contribute to this relationship, and it’s natural for something this delicate to take time.
While it can be hard to find patience for this part of the process, waiting for the right match will make the whole experience better and more rewarding. If you do find your patience wearing thin, you can always speak with your surrogacy specialist. Just remember that they’re doing everything they can to put you in the best situation to start your family with a successful surrogacy match.
Speak with a Specialist
You’re already on the right track for a successful process by
educating yourself and preparing for the journey. Along with online research,
it can be helpful to speak with a specialist.
If you are an intended parent who is interested
in learning more about surrogacy or in beginning your surrogacy process today,
you can contact us online at any time or call
1-800-875-BABY (875-2229). This consultation is always free, and our
specialists would be happy to answer your questions.