If you’re an intended father in the middle of the surrogacy process, Father’s Day can be a hard reminder that you’re still waiting for your baby. If you’re experiencing some mixed emotions today, you’re not alone.
To help you through it, here are a few different ways you can spend the day, as well as some important reminders for the waiting dads of surrogacy:
Check In With Your Surrogate
Checking in with your surrogacy partner can be reassuring, especially if you’re feeling a little adrift today. Do what feels right depending on the type of relationship you share with your gestational surrogate, but here are a few suggestions:
- Ask how she’s feeling and how things are going on her side of things.
- Schedule a time to meet for lunch and catch up, if you live in the same area.
- Get her a small gift to commemorate your journey together and show your appreciation, if you think it’s appropriate.
Take a Self-Care Day
The surrogacy process can wear on everyone, including intended fathers. Take a break for the day. If you need to distance yourself from all mentions of surrogacy, Father’s Day and babies (all of which can be painful reminders that you’re not a dad yet), then do so. Treat yourself to dinner and a movie, a massage, or even just a day on the couch. The physical, mental and emotional well-being of intended parents needs to be looked after, too.
Do Something for Your Future Child
Letting go of so much control in the surrogacy process is hard for intended parents. Actively doing something, even something small, can be comforting.
How about meaningful preparations for your future baby? You could:
- Write your future baby a letter on this Father’s Day without them, letting them know how excited you are to meet them and the promises you’d like to make to them as a father.
- Start a journal or baby book to document the journey that your family and your surrogate are experiencing, which you can share with your child.
- Frame a photo of an ultrasound, of you and your surrogate, or of you and your spouse. You can add it to the nursery or your desk at work.
- Work on the nursery, or purchase something meaningful for your surrogate or child. For example, you could give your surrogate a special stuffed animal to sleep with to later give to your baby as an emotional transfer object.
Celebrate With a Not-a-Father’s-Day
This may seem a little counterintuitive when becoming a parent has been the focus for a long time, but consider: This may be your last Father’s Day of “freedom.” A freedom you’ll gladly relinquish, yes, but that freedom allows you to stay out late without a sitter, sleep in, bask in a toy-free living room, and more. When you’re a dad, those little pleasures will be harder to come by, so enjoy them while you can!
If You’re Struggling with Father’s Day, Don’t Forget These Important Things
In case you needed to hear them, here are a few important reminders for today (and every day of your wait):
- You will be your child’s dad, regardless of whether or not you’re biologically related to him or her.
- If you’re going to be a single father through surrogacy, remind yourself that you’re not the only person who’s chosen to parent solo; there’s a small-but-growing community (as well as your surrogacy specialist) you can always talk to.
- If you’re a member of an LGBT couple and one of you will be genetically related to your baby, remember that you are both equally your child’s fathers.
- If you struggled with infertility or pregnancy loss, take a moment to acknowledge what those losses meant to you today.
- Even though you’re not the one going through the physical experiences of fertility treatments or pregnancy, you’re still equally emotionally affected by your journey to parenthood and the struggles you’ve faced. Your feelings deserve recognition, too.
- You will be a dad, even if it sometimes feels like it’ll “never happen!”
Your American Surrogacy specialist is always here for you if you need to talk this Father’s Day, or any day. Contact us at 1-800-875-BABY (2229) anytime.