Intended Parents | American Surrogacy Blog

10 Things Intended Parents Wish They Knew Before Their Surrogacy

If you’re an intended parent considering surrogacy, you have a big decision to make. Surrogacy can be complicated, and it’s important that you completely understand what you are signing up for when you commit to this kind of family-building process. While your surrogacy professional can always provide the information you need to start, it may be helpful to speak to other parents who have gone through the surrogacy process, as well.

When you contact the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy, they can help connect you to parents who are either in the surrogacy process or have already completed it. That way, you can learn the ins and outs of the process and know what to expect if you choose to pursue this path.

To help you better understand what your surrogacy may be like, here are 10 things that other intended parents wish they had known before they started the surrogacy process for the first time.

1. A surrogacy agency can be invaluable, especially if this is your first experience with surrogacy.

Surrogacy involves many different parts, legalities and professionals, and navigating that all on your own can be incredibly complicated. It’s a great idea to work with a surrogacy professional for at least your first surrogacy, as they can guide you through every step and let you focus on what’s really important — getting to know your surrogate and preparing to bring home your new baby.

Even if you think you may want to pursue an independent surrogacy, we encourage you to speak with a surrogacy agency before making this important decision.

2. Surrogacy laws vary widely by state and will determine what your surrogacy journey will look like.

When you’re researching surrogacy laws in the U.S., it can be frustrating to see that many states don’t have any surrogacy laws at all. However, even if a state has no surrogacy laws, you can often still complete your surrogacy there. You’ll need to work with a professional experienced in that state to make sure you’re following the proper legal and practical steps for a safe surrogacy journey. In many cases, the surrogacy laws where your surrogate lives will determine exactly how your surrogacy will proceed.

3. It can take a long time to find the perfect surrogate.

A surrogate who meets your expectations and who you feel comfortable with will determine the whole progress of your surrogacy. If you choose a surrogate that you don’t feel is 100 percent right for you, you likely will not have the positive, genuine relationship you need for a successful surrogacy.

When you’ve been waiting so long for a child, it can be tempting to choose the first surrogate that comes your way, in order to speed up the process. However, you should take the time to find the woman who is perfect for you to have the best surrogacy possible. You always have that right, and you can take as long as you need to find the perfect surrogate for your family.

4. You should have your finances in line before starting surrogacy.

It’s a well-known truth: Surrogacy is expensive. When you’re considering this family-building process, it’s important to think about how you will budget for and afford the various costs of surrogacy, especially for the miscellaneous, unexpected fees that may arise along the way.

Rather than save just enough to cover the surrogacy process, it’s a good idea to account for unexpected costs (and the ordinary costs of raising a child after birth) before you even begin your surrogacy. That way, rather than stressing about your finances, you can focus on building a relationship with your surrogate.

Your surrogacy specialist and a personal financial advisor can help you learn more about affording surrogacy.

5. You and your surrogate must have separate lawyers.

Even if you and your surrogate have a great personal relationship and agree on every aspect of your surrogacy, you both must hire separate lawyers for your surrogacy contract process. This better protects both parties’ interests and makes sure that every potential detail is accounted for in your legal contract. Remember, you will need to pay for your surrogate’s legal fees in addition to her pregnancy-related expenses.

6. It’s not unusual to have a failed embryo transfer or miscarriage the first time.

When you’ve been waiting for a child for so long, it can be devastating if the surrogacy medical process doesn’t work the first time. But this is completely normal, and many intended parents have to overcome this hurdle before they achieve a successful pregnancy. If this happens to you, it can be helpful to reach out to infertility support groups or other intended parents who have gone through this process for guidance and advice.

7. The difficult emotions don’t go away once your surrogate is pregnant.

Once your surrogate is pregnant, you may think that everything will be happy and easy until your child is born. And, while you will be relieved of the anxiety and disappointment of waiting for a successful pregnancy, your surrogate’s pregnancy will bring all kinds of new emotions. You may feel jealousy and a lack of control at not being involved in your unborn child’s development, and some of these feelings can be difficult. Fortunately, your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always be there to discuss these emotions and help you obtain any additional counseling that may be necessary.

8. You will get insensitive comments or questions.

When you begin surrogacy, you will receive questions and comments from friends, family and even strangers about your family-building process. While most of these will be well-meaning, some may be insensitive or ignorant, leaving you to clear up misconceptions. You will always have the right to discuss your surrogacy in as much detail as you desire, but you can take advantage of this situation to spread awareness and education about the realities of the surrogacy process.

9. You will create a deep personal connection with your surrogate.

As an intended parent, you will know how important your surrogate is to your family-building process. What you may not expect, however, is just how close you will become with her throughout your year or more of the surrogacy process.

Surrogacy is a partnership, and many intended parents and surrogates create a genuine relationship during this time that extends long beyond the birth of the baby. You may even create a lifelong friendship with your surrogate. This is a totally normal — and wonderful — outcome of the surrogacy journey.

10. You may have to explain your surrogacy long after the process is complete.

Just because your child is born doesn’t mean that your surrogacy journey is over. Surrogacy is a lifelong process, and you will need to think about how you will explain your child’s birth story to them as they grow older, as well as how your surrogate may or may not be involved in their life.

Even long after your child is born, you may find yourself explaining their birth story to friends, family and strangers, or being asked questions that have to be explained with your surrogacy story. Having pride in this story is important; you can’t simply pretend your surrogacy didn’t happen once your baby is born. And who would want to?

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If you’re an intended parent who is either in the middle of or has completed the surrogacy process, what do you wish you had known, or what do you still want to know? Comment on this post or contact a surrogacy specialist today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) to learn more.

Taking Surrogacy Delivery Photos — What to Know

If you’re considering surrogacy as a way to build your family, you’ve probably come across beautiful photos of intended parents and surrogates sharing in the delivery experience together. Just as women giving birth to their own children hire photographers to capture this life-changing moment, intended parents whose child is being born via surrogate also use this method to commemorate the moment they’ve been waiting for forever.

But, you may wonder: What is the process of delivery photos like when the woman giving birth is not the mother, and how do you suggest this to your surrogate, who is already giving so much to help you reach your parenthood dreams?

Fortunately, most surrogates will be thrilled at the idea of having delivery photos taken. Having already had children themselves, they will understand how important this moment is and, more than likely, will be completely on board with this process.

Why Delivery Photos Can Be So Special

If you have not yet started the surrogacy process or been matched with a surrogate, the idea of taking photos of another woman giving birth to your child may seem odd and even intrusive. But surrogacy delivery photos are much more than that.

Photos taken during the time that your surrogate gives birth will capture everyone involved in the process — not only her but also you, your spouse (if applicable), your surrogate’s spouse and your doctor. Surrogacy is a partnership, and delivery photos of a surrogate pregnancy capture that relationship perfectly.

By the time your surrogate gives birth, she will not be a stranger. Instead, she will likely be a close friend who you have created a genuine relationship with. Therefore, the intimate photos taken during delivery will seem natural. They will capture that unique relationship you have and both your and your surrogate’s emotions while she is giving birth.

For many intended parents, these photos are priceless, no matter who is the one giving birth — you are all working toward the same end goal.

How to Broach This Idea to Your Surrogate

Whether you know you want delivery photos taken when you first start your surrogacy process, or whether it’s an idea that you have during your surrogate’s pregnancy, it’s important that you discuss this openly and honestly with your surrogate. After all, the photos will feature her as much as you, and she will need to be comfortable with this process before you start scheduling a photographer for her delivery.

If you know you want surrogacy delivery photos early on, this can be discussed in your contract when you initially match with a surrogate. However, if you are unsure of how to bring this topic up after you have been matched with a surrogate, your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy can help mediate a discussion of this idea.

Your specialist can also offer suggestions on how to make the process as comfortable as possible for all involved. As intended parents, you will be responsible for the costs of hiring a photographer for the delivery, and you’ll need to speak with them and your surrogate to create a photography plan that everyone is comfortable with.

As mentioned before, most surrogates will be happy to have delivery photos taken — but taking the time to ask her about her preferences and her comfort level before moving forward will mean a lot to her. If your surrogate is uncomfortable with this idea, you should never try to pressure or force her into changing her mind.

A Note to Surrogates

If you are a surrogate who is interested in delivery photos at the hospital, your situation is a bit more unique than if an intended parent suggested this idea to you. While you will be included in any surrogacy delivery photos, you will need to be respectful in suggesting this idea to your intended parents — as they have just as much say in the decision as you.

If you have a good relationship with your intended parents, you may suggest this idea in a light-hearted and no-obligation way. If you are unsure of how to suggest this to your intended parents, your surrogacy specialist can always help mediate this conversation. You may even suggest splitting the fee of a photographer at the hospital if these photos are incredibly important to you.

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As always, remember that both intended parents and surrogates have a say in this process, just like with shooting maternity photos. By respecting each other’s wishes and determining what you are both comfortable with, you can come up with a plan for photography at the hospital that produces photos you will cherish forever.

To learn more about how the delivery process works for a surrogate pregnancy, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

5 Things Everyone Should Know About Male Factor Infertility

When it comes to babies, family-building, adoption and surrogacy, the conversation tends to revolve around women. It’s easy to assume that because mothers are the ones carrying the pregnancy, they are also the ones who care most about having children — and, when efforts to conceive naturally fail, it’s easy to assume that women are the ones with the fertility problem.

But the truth is that male factor infertility plays a role in 30 to 50 percent of infertility cases, according to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), and it can be just as emotionally challenging to overcome as female infertility.

If male infertility has played a role on your path to surrogacy, you’re not alone. To open up the conversation about male factor infertility, here are five important things everyone should know about the condition:

1. There are many different causes of male infertility.

There are many factors that can contribute to male factor infertility. According to RESOLVE, the national infertility association, some common causes include:

A blockage or other structural abnormality that affects the flow of sperm
Low sperm count or quality caused by a sperm production disorder
Ejaculatory issues that prevent the sperm from ever reaching the egg
Immunologic disorders that prevent fertilization
Azoospermia, a condition in which the testicles do not produce any sperm
Obstructive azoospermia, in which sperm is produced but blocked by an obstruction
And more

Some of these infertility issues are caused by underlying health problems, like hormonal imbalances. Prior surgeries and radiation from cancer treatments can also damage reproductive organs and sperm.

2. Seeing a doctor should always be your first step.

If you and your partner have been trying to conceive for one year without success, it’s time to see a doctor about possible infertility issues. Both partners should schedule a consult and have a workup done to determine the potential cause of their infertility (and identify any other underlying health issues). Of course, you should also always see a doctor if you notice any lumps, swelling, pain or other abnormalities affecting the groin area.

Some men are reluctant to take this step, but when it comes to your reproductive health, it’s important to be proactive. Seeing a doctor is the only way to get to the bottom of what’s causing your fertility problems — and to make a plan for how to move forward. Your doctor will assess your medical history and perform a semen analysis and other medical tests to diagnose your fertility problems.

3. There are options for overcoming male infertility.

With rapid advances in reproductive medicine and technology, there are now more options available to couples struggling with infertility than ever before. Depending on the type and cause of your infertility, there are several courses of treatment your doctor may recommend, from in vitro fertilization (IVF) to sperm washing and intrauterine insemination.

There are also more family-building options today than ever before. If fertility treatments aren’t right for you, you might consider other family-building options, like surrogacy or adoption. While it’s important to remember that these options are not “cures” for infertility, they will allow you to finally bring home the child that you’ve dreamed about for so long.

4. Male infertility can have emotional implications.

Just like for women, an infertility diagnosis and treatment can be an emotional rollercoaster for men — even if they’re not willing to admit it. Society often links manliness and fertility, which can lead men to experience shock, anger, sadness, guilt and low self-esteem following a male factor infertility diagnosis.

Talking about these feelings can be difficult, but it’s important to acknowledge the emotional pain of infertility in order to fully heal and move forward with your family-building journey. Infertility counseling may help you in coming to terms with your infertility diagnosis, communicating with your partner and deciding what steps to take next.

5. Infertility isn’t one partner’s problem.

Whether you’re dealing with male factor, female factor, unexplained or combined infertility issues, this condition doesn’t just affect one partner — it affects both of you. Pinpointing the cause of your issues to male factor infertility isn’t about “blaming” one partner; it’s about getting to the root of the problem so you can move forward with the family-building option that’s right for both of you.

Remember to communicate openly with your partner and support each other through this journey. It takes two (or more) to build a family, so you should both be on the same page when it comes to the next steps following an infertility diagnosis.

If you are considering surrogacy as a family-building option, or if you would like to learn more about moving from infertility to surrogacy, contact us today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

The Truth About Multiple-Embryo Transfers

It’s an important conversation that every prospective surrogate and intended parent should have with their medical professional: How many embryos should I be comfortable with in a single transfer?

Ideally, this conversation should take place well before an embryo transfer — even before someone starts the surrogacy process at all. However, new research from FertilityIQ estimates that 1/5 of all patients undergoing infertility treatments are only educated about the facts of a multi-embryo transfer immediately before the procedure itself.

Clearly, both intended parents and surrogates need to advocate for themselves while preparing for this step of the surrogacy process.

At American Surrogacy, our specialists will help connect you with an appropriate medical professional early on in the process. This way, you can learn about the pros and cons of transferring multiple embryos to make the best decision for you.

Rather than solely relying on one doctor’s recommendation, it’s important that intended parents and surrogates do their own research to learn about this topic from several resources. To help you start that process, we’ve listed some of the basic information you need to know in this article.

The Basics and Risks of the Transfer Process

In every in vitro fertilization process, intended parents will need to decide how many embryos they want to transfer to the mother’s (or surrogate’s) uterus. Usually, this decision will be influenced by several factors, like:

The health of the mother or surrogate
The results from pre-implantation genetic screening
The intended parents’ budget and wishes

A fertility doctor should speak at length with intended parents about this decision, as it’s one that has many different repercussions for all involved. Unfortunately, not all doctors take this approach — instead recommending one path over another, after which intended parents often go with the suggested embryo transfer number.

While each medical situation is unique, it’s important to note that transferring more than one embryo comes with well-documented risks. Carrying multiples increases medical complications for both mothers and children by almost five times. These medical complications, like early birth, can cost parents more money and cause more emotional distress than a single birth resulting from a single-embryo transfer.

Still, doctors may recommend multiple embryo transfers in older women to increase their chances of pregnancy, despite these risks. No matter what the situation, all intended parents should be fully educated about both options long before the transfer takes place.

So, Which is Better: A Single- or Multiple-Embryo Transfer?

It would appear that single-embryo transfer is the safer path to take, right? It may be, but many American intended parents today aren’t following this path.

As a whole, intended parents in the U.S. complete far more multiple-embryo transfers compared to single-embryo transfers than other countries — in fact, more than twice as often as intended parents in Australia, based on FertilityIQ’s research. This is due to several factors.

In the U.S., the cost of an IVF process is much more expensive than the cost of those in countries where the healthcare system is paid for or greatly subsidized by the government. Therefore, intended parents often transfer more than one embryo their first time to reduce the chance that they need to pay for more than one transfer process.

Research also shows that there is no consistent education offered to intended parents among fertility clinics. The amount and accuracy of information will vary based on the doctor being used — which could be a possible reason why so many intended parents choose to do a multiple-embryo transfer early in the process.

The discussion about how many embryos to transfer in the surrogacy process is an even more complicated one. After all, the risks of a multiple-embryo transfer will not be carried by the intended parents but by the surrogate — which should impact the intended parents’ desire to transfer multiple embryos in the first place.

The American Society for Reproductive Medicine usually only advises one healthy embryo be transferred in women up to age 38, because “in patients of any age, transfer of a euploid embryo has the most favorable prognosis and should be limited to one.” Therefore, many surrogates and intended parents will determine during their legal contract phase that their embryo transfer will be limited to one for each transfer process. If it is decided that multiple embryos will be transferred, the contract should also address the financial protections for the possibility of carrying multiples and any subsequent complications.

If intended parents or a surrogate are considering a multiple-embryo transfer during surrogacy, we recommend you speak in detail with your surrogacy specialist and your fertility doctor for more information about the risks and benefits of doing so. The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy are always available to discuss your personal surrogacy situation if you call them at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

The Truth About Finding a Surrogate on the Internet

With the advent of social media as a way for intended parents and surrogates — current and former — to connect with each other, it’s become more common for intended parents to try to bypass the extra costs of a surrogacy agency and instead find a surrogate on their own through the internet.

While this process may be successful for some, intended parents should proceed on this path with caution. As with every part of the surrogacy journey, it’s important to be as educated as possible about this choice to safely and successfully reach your surrogacy goals.

At American Surrogacy, we highly recommend all intended parents find a surrogate through our pre-screened, intense matching services, rather than on their own. However, if you are considering finding a match independently, there are a few things you should know.

The Pros of Finding a Surrogate on the Internet

For many intended parents, the reason they choose to find a surrogate independently through the internet is because of the possibility of saving money. When intended parents find a surrogate with an agency, they will need to pay agency matching and screening fees. While these fees are often well worth the safety and security an agency matching program provides, some intended parents choose to save that extra money and find a match on their own.

Finding a match independently also gives intended parents more control and responsibility over choosing a surrogate that’s perfect for them. While this may be a disadvantage for some intended parents, others find this fits their expectations much better, especially if they want to manage their personal surrogacy process. They may find more options for prospective surrogates and be able to complete a more detailed search than they would through an agency, looking for specific traits that an agency may not look for.

Intended parents who find a surrogate online may be able to develop a deeper relationship with a prospective surrogate before finalizing a match, and their surrogacy relationship may be more personal than one created through an agency matching program.

Finally, another advantage of finding a surrogate online is a wider variety of women open to being a traditional surrogate — as it’s rare for a surrogacy professional to complete this kind of surrogacy today.

The Cons of Finding a Surrogate on the Internet

As mentioned, one of the advantages of finding a surrogate online can also be a disadvantage. Independently finding a match requires an intended parent to take on more responsibility in determining their personal surrogate requirements, communicating with a total stranger and completing any initial screening. Any intended parents who are uncomfortable with this responsibility should consider using an agency’s matching services.

When an intended parent finds a surrogate through a source other than an agency, their surrogate has usually not undergone the necessary screening steps to ensure she is truly ready for the surrogacy journey. Therefore, intended parents will need to do initial screening themselves to see if a surrogate meets basic requirements and then pay for screening by a surrogacy agency or fertility clinic. If a surrogate does not meet the necessary requirements, intended parents will typically need to start from the beginning again — which can delay their surrogacy journey in the way a pre-screened agency opportunity would not.

Some surrogates found online may request to continue working without an agency, which can come with its own risks. Intended parents who wish to work with an agency for other aspects of the surrogacy journey may find themselves pressured into an independent surrogacy after finding the perfect match on their own — which can cause complications in meeting their personal surrogacy goals and preferences. Don’t forget that a fully independent surrogacy also comes with certain risks due to a lack of professional guidance.

Finally, remember that while the internet can be a vast resource, it also makes it easier for women to scam hopeful parents by pretending to be a surrogate or a prospective birth mother in adoption. Take caution when finding a surrogate over the internet, as there is unfortunately always the potential for fraud.

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If you do find a surrogate on your own, remember that professionals like American Surrogacy can still offer agency services at a discounted price and complete all of the screening you need to safely start your surrogacy process. Any intended parent looking for a surrogate match online should make it clear from the beginning that they wish to work with a surrogacy agency to ensure they find the right match for them.

On the other hand, any intended parents who want professional guidance in finding a surrogate can contact the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy to start the pre-screened, matching process. Learn more today by calling 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

6 Things to Look for in a Gamete Donor

Like choosing a gestational surrogate, selecting the right gamete donor — whether you need an egg, sperm, or both — can be difficult. You might not be sure what to look for in a potential donor, but this person will contribute 50 percent of your child’s genetic makeup, so it’s important that you choose wisely!

If you’re beginning your search for an egg and/or sperm donor, this guide will help.

Anonymous vs. Identified Donors

First, you’ll need to decide whether you want to work with an anonymous donor or an identified donor.

An anonymous egg or sperm donor has a profile that usually includes basic, non-identifying information about the donor’s health, appearance and a bit more. It’s usually noted on each profile whether or not the donor is to remain anonymous or is willing to be identified if the need arises for more information in the future.

An identified egg or sperm donor, also called a known donor, is willing to provide their identifying information or exchange contact with the intended parents before or after the intended parents’ child is born. There is more information offered about these donors to intended parents through their profiles, and these donors are willing to talk to you and your child if contacted.

Identified donors can also be someone that you know, like a close friend.

Today, many professionals recommend using an identified donor whenever possible. Research on open adoption has shown that a child’s knowledge of his or her genetic history can be incredibly important, not only for medical purposes, but also for identity development and emotional well-being.

The 6 Things You Should Consider in a Potential Egg or Sperm Donor

The importance of each of these points will probably rank differently to everyone, but you should consider all of them when looking at a potential donor. In no particular order, here are the six things you should keep in mind for a donor:

1. Health

All egg and sperm donors must meet certain health requirements before they may donate. Check with your individual professional to learn more about their criteria for donors, as these requirements can vary. Generally, donors must prove that they’re in good health through a medical screening process, and must provide family history on both sides. Keep in mind that nobody’s family health history is spotless, including your own.

The surrogacy process also includes preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) and prenatal testing to look for, prevent or potentially treat any birth defects, disorders or diseases that could be present and genetically inheritable.

2. Blood Type

Having a child who shares your blood type can be helpful in an emergency, in the event that one of you needs to donate blood to the other. This is a lower priority for most intended parents, but if a donor you feel drawn to matches your blood type or your spouse’s, it can be an added benefit.

3. Appearance

For many intended parents, having a child that looks like them or their spouse is important. Identified donors are usually asked to provide current photos of themselves as well as a childhood photo so you can try to imagine what your child might look like if you work with a particular donor.

Remember that the appearance of your child is largely guesswork. For example, maybe both of your parents were very tall, and you’re barely five feet tall. Your fertility specialist can help you find donors that match what you’re looking for appearance-wise, but nature can still be unpredictable, so don’t get too caught up in finding someone who looks just right.

4. Intelligence

Similar to the health requirements, sometimes donors must meet minimum education requirements as a means to measure intelligence and drive. This may mean having at least an undergraduate degree, meeting minimum SAT scores or other educational accomplishments.

There are many different kinds of intelligence, and a person’s interests and upbringing can play into how they perform in certain fields academically. While your donor may affect your child’s intelligence to some extent, genetics are not the only determining factor in intelligence.

5. Personality

It can be difficult to feel as if you know someone through an online profile, but often, a donor’s personality shines through. Certain personality traits can be genetically influenced, in addition to being affected by a person’s environment and upbringing.

Perhaps you’re hoping for a child to share in your sense of humor, and you’d like to find a donor who also has that same personality trait in the hopes that it might be passed on to your child. Or maybe you admire a certain personality trait, like a special talent that a donor has, and you hope your child might receive that gift, too. Either way, personality may not always be inherited by a child, but it’s an important thing to consider in a potential donor nonetheless.

6. A Connection

This is likely the most important thing to look for in an egg or sperm donor. When you view a potential donor’s profile, you’ll hopefully feel a sense of connection with the right one. Many intended parents describe a sense of “rightness” or of having a thought of, “That’s the one.”

Nobody is absolutely perfect, so if a donor meets most of your preferred criteria but doesn’t check off all of your boxes, don’t worry — especially if you feel a connection with that donor.

The best advice for intended parents who are choosing an egg or sperm donor is surprisingly simplistic, but very effective — trust your gut. If you have any questions about using donor gametes in surrogacy, or if you’re ready to start the surrogacy process, call 1-800-875-BABY (1-800-875-2229) now.

Can You Choose the Gender of Your Baby with Surrogacy?

Often, when intended parents consider in vitro fertilization and surrogacy, they wonder, “Can you choose the gender of your baby?”

With celebrities like Chrissy Teigen and John Legend openly speaking about their own gender selection of their daughter, the question of choosing a boy or girl through the IVF process has historically been a bit ethically complicated. Medically, however, the answer is straightforward — those pursuing IVF can choose the gender of their baby.

Those pursuing in vitro fertilization will learn that there are many steps to this medical process, especially if it will be followed up with a surrogate pregnancy, and how to choose your baby’s gender as a part of this is equally as complicated.

In short, the IVF process itself doesn’t automatically allow for the creation of an embryo of a certain gender, so to say, but rather lends itself to gender selection before the embryo is transferred.

Why Gender “Selection” Isn’t What You Think

While intended parents may theoretically have the ability to “choose” the gender of their baby with IVF, the selection is a bit more complicated than just telling their doctor “boy” or “girl.”

Before an embryo can be cleared for transfer into a uterus (whether that’s an intended mother’s or a surrogate’s), most fertility clinics will complete preimplantation genetic screening. This screening takes a detailed look at an embryo’s chromosomal makeup to determine whether it is healthy enough for transfer and in-utero development. As part of this screening, medical professionals are also able to identify the sex of the embryo.

Intended parents should not prioritize the sex of an embryo in choosing an embryo to implant. Instead, a fertility professional will examine the results of the screening to determine which embryos appear to be the healthiest. From there, intended parents may be able to choose gender of their baby if they have two equally healthy embryos of different sexes.

The likelihood of this happening can be small; one doctor estimates that only about 15 to 20 percent of IVF cases result in equally healthy embryos of each sex. Of these, only about half of intended parents choose a specific gender.

Keep in mind: Most fertility doctors will encourage intended parents to transfer the embryo(s) of higher quality, regardless of its sex.

Ethical Considerations of Choosing the Gender of Your Baby

Being able to choose the gender of your baby, while only available to those who complete the IVF process, is more common than it used to be. In response, choosing baby genders has become a hot-button topic for many people.

However, even in these situations, gender selection is more a matter of personal preference than discrimination against one sex or the other. For example, intended parents who select a certain gender most often do so to bring a sense of balance to an existing family — like if they already have a boy and want a girl, or vice versa.

Some critics do argue about the “slippery slope” of choosing sex during the IVF process, claiming it will lead to genetic modification and other “unnatural” changes to the reproduction process. Unfortunately, there have always been critics of any medically assisted pregnancy — and these critics often offer the same arguments.

In response to this, it’s important to remember that embryo health and safety is the most important factor in selecting a viable embryo. Doctors will always encourage intended parents to do what is the most likely to result in a successful implantation, which usually involves choosing the healthier embryo (no matter which sex) and refraining from additional medical procedures that could make it more vulnerable to miscarriage.

If you are interested in whether it is possible to choose baby gender in your IVF process, discuss the topic with your doctor. They may or may not allow for sex selection when transferring embryos. If they do, they can explain what their specific requirements are for a healthy embryo and to what degree your own preferences will make a difference.

10 Steps for Proper Self-Care During the Surrogacy Process

Whether you’re waiting to become an intended parent or become a surrogate, this part of your surrogacy journey can be tough. In most cases, there is not much you can do and the work is left up to your professionals to get you approved and matched to start the process. And, even after this is done, there will be more waiting during the pregnancy part of the surrogacy process.

Wherever you are in the waiting periods of your surrogacy, it’s important that you take the necessary steps to care for yourself along the way. Surrogacy is an emotional journey and, if you don’t address your emotions and take the time for self-care early, these emotions can quickly become more difficult issues to overcome.

Remember, your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always be available to talk you through whatever you may be feeling during your surrogacy experience and suggest any resources that may help.

You can always take time for yourself through some simple self-care routines, like:

1. Working out — or going for a simple walk.

Exercise boosts endorphins so, if you’re feeling blue or overwhelmed during your surrogacy journey, a breath of fresh air and getting your blood pumping can help put you back in a positive mindset.

2. Journaling your feelings.

Surrogacy involves a lot of complicated steps that come with complex emotions, no matter whether you’re a prospective surrogate or an intended parent. Sometimes, it can be difficult to verbalize these feelings, and you might find a release in writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal just for yourself.

3. Talking to your partner or another close friend.

On the other hand, if you want someone to bounce your thoughts off (other than your surrogacy specialist), you may try talking with a close friend or family member. While they may not understand exactly what you are going through, they can usually offer empathy and sympathy and help you talk through your feelings.

4. Treating yourself to something special.

The surrogacy process can be a draining one that leaves many surrogates and intended parents stressed out. To counteract that, consider doing something nice for yourself — take a long bath, buy yourself your favorite meal, or see that movie you’ve always wanted to see. Your focus doesn’t need to be — and shouldn’t be — on surrogacy every minute of the day.

5. Reconnecting with your partner, if applicable.

Surrogacy can take a lot out of spouses and, to keep a healthy relationship, you’ll need to focus on something other than surrogacy for a bit. Whether it’s going on a fancy, romantic date night or doing a fun activity together, take some time to reconnect with your spouse and express your love and appreciation for each other.

6. Being unafraid to say “no.”

The surrogacy process will likely take a lot of your time and energy, and you shouldn’t feel bad about not being able to live the same life as before. If you are feeling stressed about attending events or doing certain things you used to before you started your surrogacy journey, don’t be. “No” can be one of the best words for someone to learn as part of their self-care routine.

7. Taking a break when you need it.

Even those who are not going through the surrogacy process can’t be perfect all the time — and you shouldn’t be, either. Whenever you need to take a break (for example: meditating silently or removing yourself from a certain situation), do it. Your mental health will thank you.

8. Eating and drinking well.

Your mental health isn’t the only thing self-care will help; you should also take steps to maintain your physical health as well. In addition to exercising, this means feeding your body the healthy food it craves and staying well hydrated. The better you feel physically, the clearer your mind and your emotions will be as you pursue the surrogacy process.

9. Getting the sleep you need.

On the same note, a full night’s sleep is integral to a healthy body and mind. A lack of sleep causes a lack of focus and a negative attitude. An appropriate amount of sleep, on the other hand, can help you avoid illness and give you a more positive outlook, even when things seem difficult.

10. Take it day by day.

By its very nature, surrogacy is a process that looks to the future, when intended parents finally have the baby they’ve been dreaming about and a surrogate has finally helped build another family. However, focusing on these long-term goals can be equally as draining as they are exciting. To stay positive, surrogacy specialists encourage intended parents and surrogates to focus on small, daily goals to make the process seem more achievable at various points in the process.

5 New Year’s Resolutions for Those Considering Surrogacy

As the beginning of a new year rolls around, people will be making all kinds of New Year’s resolutions. For those who are in the process of building their family, it can be a bittersweet time — another year without having the child they dream of but also a new year with new opportunities.

While it’s easy for intended parents in the middle of a family-building process (whether it’s surrogacy or another path) to focus on the things that haven’t yet happened, it’s also an opportunity to focus on the positive parts of the journey that await. During this time, it may be a good idea to reevaluate your family-building process and come up with a few positive resolutions for this new year.

Here are some suggestions to start:

1. Learn more about the surrogacy process and other family-building processes.

You may or may not have started your personal surrogacy journey yet as an intended parent but, even if you have, it’s never too late to learn more about this journey you are taking. To help alleviate some of the concerns you may have about this process of becoming a parent, you may commit yourself to doing more research about surrogacy and all of your other family-building options to have a better idea of what to expect moving forward. Education is the key to a successful family-building process and, if you feel stuck in your own journey, it may help you understand where to go from here.

2. Revisit your personal surrogacy goals.

Along the same lines, intended parents who haven’t found success yet may consider reevaluating their own surrogacy goals and preferences. While you should always pursue a process that you’re comfortable with, looking back over your personal surrogacy plan may bring up new and revised ideas now that you know a bit more about the process. Your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always help you with this, whether you want to change something or just confirm your existing desires.

3. Understand and manage your finances.

Every intended parent knows that fertility treatments like surrogacy can be expensive. If you are in the midst of your surrogacy process, you may consider starting your new year with a renewed emphasis on budgeting and saving — even if you aren’t yet feeling the strain of your family-building expenses. This is also a good life habit for everyone to have.

4. Find an additional support system.

Waiting to find a surrogate or for your baby to be born can be a difficult time. If it’s been especially hard on you, you may start your new year by searching for others who can support you through this process. There are many intended parent support groups where you can talk with people who have been in the same situation and develop valuable friendships that will help you through this journey.

5. Reconnect with each other and with your family and friends.

The waiting period of the family-building process can take a lot out of intended parents, especially when they’ve already gone through extensive steps to be approved for and start the process in the first place. It’s not unusual for personal relationships to be put on pause during the initial stages of tackling infertility.

In this new year, you may refocus on these relationships. Your family and friends are an important part of your personal support system. They know just how much you want to be a parent, and they can be there to help you through the ups and downs of the family-building process. Reconnecting with these people can also provide a much-needed break from the trials of infertility, allowing you to focus on happier things. Remember, your infertility need not define your whole life, even when you desperately want to have a child.

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A new year represents a new start — and, for intended parents, it is another opportunity to reach your parenthood dreams. A positive outlook and personalized New Year’s resolutions will help move you a step closer to the child you’ve always wanted.

The 7 Steps to Choosing the Right Fertility Clinic

Whether you are ready to start the surrogacy process or still exploring your infertility options, you will wonder at some point about how to choose a fertility clinic that’s right for you, if you haven’t done so already. With so many professionals available to you, it can be overwhelming to find the perfect professional to meet your parenthood goals and preferences.

The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can always offer advice and referrals to trusted fertility and surrogacy clinics for your situation. Before you even begin pursuing the surrogacy process, it’s important that you have the correct medical information and options from an infertility expert at a fertility clinic.

Like with selecting any other family-building professional, intended parents should always do diligent research when choosing a fertility clinic. Only once you have done that can you move forward with your parenthood dreams.

Here are a few things to consider about choosing a fertility clinic:

1. Determine what kind of services you are interested in.

There are many different kinds of infertility treatments, and it’s okay not to know exactly which ones you want to pursue when you first contact a fertility clinic. If you are still exploring your options, you may want to choose a fertility clinic that focuses on less invasive infertility treatments. If you already know which path you wish to take (for example, starting surrogacy), you can research the more advanced treatment options at different fertility clinics.

2. Understand what treatment plan you’re comfortable with.

Some infertility doctors will be more aggressive than others in their treatment plans, and some may suggest treatments that you are uncomfortable with. Make sure that you understand all of the infertility options available to you and discuss them with a prospective fertility professional before committing to their program. Your personal goals and expectations will play a role in this discussion.

3. Find a clinic that specializes in your treatment plan.

As mentioned, it’s important to select a fertility specialist who offers the treatments you’re interested in — and it’s also a good idea that your chosen professional specializes in that treatment. For example, if you’re interested in pursuing surrogacy, you’ll want to work with a professional who focuses on completing surrogacies for people in situations like yours. Remember, if you need references for medical professionals that complete the surrogacy medical process, American Surrogacy can provide them.

4. Determine whether you need an egg, sperm or embryo donation.

If you will need a donor gamete during your infertility treatments, you may wish to seek out a fertility clinic that either has a donor bank in-house or works closely with a trusted donor bank. Many times, fertility clinics will have partnerships with certain donation banks, so intended parents should ask about this relationship if they think they may need an egg, sperm or embryo donation during their infertility or surrogacy process.

5. Understand how your doctor will adjust treatment as necessary.

Not all infertility treatments will work the first time, and intended parents may need to readjust their family-building process to obtain success. Before committing to a fertility clinic, you should speak with the doctor to learn more about how he or she will adjust your personal treatment plan if the original does not work. Unfortunately, not all doctors will automatically do this, so make sure you are working with a professional who will keep your faith throughout your family-building journey.

6. Know what your budget is.

Infertility treatments can be expensive, whether you are pursuing simple in vitro fertilization or a more involved process like surrogacy. As you continue your treatments, it’s not uncommon for the expenses to add up. Infertility treatments can leave many intended parents in financial distress, so it’s important that you select a fertility clinic that is within your budget. Because it can be hard to say “no” to treatments because of financial difficulties, all intended parents should also speak with a financial advisor to understand exactly what their budget allows for. From there, they can best determine which fertility professional meets both their budget and their family-building goals.

7. Above all else, pay attention to your comfort level.

While there are many aspects involved in selecting a fertility clinic, the most important is making sure that you are comfortable with your professional. Your fertility doctor will guide you through one of the most important times of your life, and you will work intimately with him or her throughout all the ups and downs of your treatment plan. If you do not completely trust your medical professional, you will likely not have a positive experience during this process.

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Knowing how to choose a fertility clinic can seem overwhelming, but it will be one of the most important decisions of your family-building process. Before selecting a fertility clinic, consider speaking to your doctor or a fertility counselor to learn more about what options are available to you. The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can also provide references when you contact them at 1-800-875-2229.