Intended Parents | American Surrogacy Blog

7 Tips for Making a Surrogacy Memory Book

Many parents-to-be love creating a memory book documenting their child’s journey into the world — and just because your child is being carried by a surrogate doesn’t mean that you can’t also create a memento for this important time in your life.

But, how exactly do you create a surrogacy memory book? Won’t it be complicated when a surrogate is involved?

Absolutely not! When you have a positive, genuine relationship with your surrogate, making a surrogacy memory book will be easier than you think. While it’s true that your child’s memory book will be slightly different because of the way they were brought into the world, a surrogacy memory book doesn’t need to be incredibly different from a memory book for those born traditionally and those brought into a family through adoption.

Here, find a few tips to help you if you are considering creating a surrogacy memory book:

1. Design it chronologically.

If you’ve never made a surrogacy memory book, it can be intimidating to start. However, when you decide to frame your book chronologically, this will give you an easy beginning, middle and end to work around.

When starting your surrogacy memory book, remember that this should be a happy document, so it may not be best to dwell upon the infertility struggles and other challenges that made you choose surrogacy. Instead, simply mention that you decided on surrogacy at a certain point in time, and then move forward with the rest of your book from there. You can use the important dates in your surrogacy journey as a starting point, and then include any other fun moments or mementos as fillers.

2. Include a table of contents.

Children often grow to love the memory books of how they came to be, and they may enjoy reading it over and over. They will usually fixate on different aspects of your surrogacy journey at different times in their life, so you may consider a table of contents to aide that. This way, your child (and anyone viewing the surrogacy memory book) can quickly flip to the section that they want to read about most.

3. Include the surrogate.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but there are many ways you can choose to include your surrogate in your child’s surrogacy memory book. In addition to including a page about who she is and how she was involved throughout the journey, you may also wish to let a surrogate add to the memory book, as well. You might suggest that she write a letter to your child about her experience, any fun moments she had, and why she chose to be a surrogate. Your surrogate can be instrumental in providing photos and other mementos that you can use in the memory book. For this reason, it can be a good idea to inform the surrogate of your plans to make a memory book as early as possible. Many surrogates are excited at this opportunity to document their experience!

4. Include other important people in your surrogacy journey.

Your surrogate isn’t the only one who was involved in bringing your child into the world, so consider including people like your surrogacy specialist, fertility professional and the doctor who delivered your baby. You can include photos and names and, depending on your relationship with these professionals, ask them if they also want to contribute to the memory book.

5. Make sure to explain certain aspects of the surrogacy experience.

Remember that the people who will eventually read your child’s surrogacy memory book may not understand how surrogacy works. Therefore, when you include important parts of the surrogacy process (like finding a surrogate or the embryo transfer), you should consider explaining them, as well. Not only will this help your child understand their surrogacy journey from an early age, it will also help spread awareness about the beauty — and truth — of surrogacy.

6. Leave room for future pages.

Surrogacy is not just a one-time process; your child’s surrogacy story will impact the rest of his or her life. Therefore, leave blank pages or pages with certain prompts for different times in your child’s life. For example, if you anticipate your child meeting your surrogate one day, create a page for that, leaving open spots for photos and other mementos.

7. Protect your surrogacy memory book.

Often, a surrogacy memory book can become a treasured item for a child. But, knowing how messy (and forgetful) children can be, take the steps early on to protect this book from future damage. Consider laminating any homemade scrapbook pages or placing them in protective sleeves, or work with a professional bookbinding and creation company like Shutterfly to include scanned documents, rather than precious, sentimental originals.

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More than anything else, when you’re creating your child’s surrogacy memory book, don’t forget to make it your own! There is no “right” way to make a memory book; instead, just focus on including what is important in your surrogacy story and what you want your child to know growing up. The best surrogacy memory books aren’t always the most creative ones; they are the ones in which intended parents have taken the time and effort to create something special.

You can always contact our surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy for more tips and suggestions when creating your surrogacy memory book. To learn more today, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

40 Questions All Intended Parents Should Ask Surrogacy Agencies

First-time intended parents often choose to work with a surrogacy agency when they decide to pursue this family-building process. After all, a surrogacy agency like American Surrogacy can provide all of the services they need to safely and efficiently add a child to their family, allowing intended parents to focus on creating a bond with their surrogate and preparing for the arrival of their little bundle of joy.

But, with so many surrogacy agencies out there, how do you decide which one is best for you?

Different surrogacy agencies have different focuses, and not all surrogacy agencies will work for every intended parent’s surrogacy goals and preferences. That’s okay — what’s important is finding the one that works best for you. If you are trying to decide which surrogacy agency is right for you, we encourage you to start by listing your personal goals and preferences. This list will inform the rest of your decision.

When you have identified a few surrogacy agencies you are interested in, you should always take the time to speak with their professionals and ask any questions you may have. Choosing a surrogacy agency is a commitment that will guide the rest of your surrogacy experience, and it should only be done when you are 100 percent confident that a given professional is right for you.

Here, we’ve gathered some of the important questions you should consider asking a surrogacy agency if you are an intended parent:

About the Agency

What is your agency’s history?
How many successful surrogacies have you completed?
What do you define as a “successful” surrogacy?
How are your staff members trained or certified?
How many staff members do you have?
How many intended parents are you currently working with?
What kind of support do you offer intended parents and surrogates?
Is your support available outside business hours?

About Their Services

What services do you offer intended parents and prospective surrogates?
What is your screening process for intended parents and prospective surrogates?
What are your requirements for intended parents to work with your agency?
What are your agency costs for surrogacy?
How are payments broken down throughout our surrogacy process?
Do you provide escrow services for our surrogate’s compensation and medical expenses?
How long will your services be available to us after our surrogacy is complete?

About Finding a Surrogate

How many surrogates do you have waiting to be matched?
How do you match intended parents and prospective surrogates?
How many experienced surrogates and/or repeat surrogates work with your agency?
What if we have already identified a surrogate to use in our surrogacy?
How do you identify and advertise for prospective surrogates?
Will you help us create an intended parent profile?
What characteristics can we choose when selecting a surrogate?
How long does it typically take for intended parents to find their surrogate with your agency?

About Contact Mediation

How will you prepare us for our initial conversation with the surrogate?
Will this conversation take place in person or over the phone?
Once we have found a surrogate, will you provide contact mediation during our surrogacy?
If so, what kind?
How will you resolve difficult situations between us and our surrogate, should they arise?

About Other Professionals

What kind of legal assistance do you provide?
What other surrogacy professionals will we need to hire separately if we work with your agency?
Will you provide references to trusted professionals for this decision?
Or will we be required to work with a professional of your choosing?

About The Hospital Stay

How will you help us prepare for our hospital stay?
Which professionals will be present when our child is born?
How will you help us obtain appropriate insurance for our surrogate?
What are your policies on doulas or nontraditional births with our surrogate?

7 Questions Intended Parents Have for Surrogacy Lawyers

For first-time intended parents, the surrogacy process can seem overwhelming and confusing. When you consider the practical, emotional and legal aspects of having a child via surrogacy, it can seem like a completely different world than what you’re used to.

Because surrogacy can still be a controversial family-building process, you may wonder about the legal aspects involved. It’s incredible important to understand the legal process of surrogacy before beginning to determine whether it’s really the right choice for your family.

Below, you’ll find some of the most common questions intended parents have about the legal process of surrogacy. Remember, the best way to answer these is with a local surrogacy attorney, as state surrogacy laws vary greatly and will impact your personal surrogacy journey.

However, to help you start your legal research, we’ve provided some basic answers to these questions below.

1. Is surrogacy legal in the U.S.?

There are no federal surrogacy laws in the United States. Instead, each state has either enacted its own surrogacy legislation or stayed silent on the matter. Therefore, your individual surrogacy situation will depend greatly on the state where your surrogate lives and plans to deliver your baby.

There are varying degrees of legality to surrogacy in the United States. Certain states completely allow the practice and have set laws for protecting surrogates and intended parents, while other states have no surrogacy laws and the practice is one largely regulated by local professionals. There are also certain states — like New York and New Jersey — where surrogacy contracts are unenforceable and a surrogate cannot be compensated for her services.

Before you begin a surrogacy journey with a certain surrogate, you should speak with a local surrogacy attorney in your state and in your surrogate’s state to determine what the laws are in your area.

2. Do I have to pay a surrogate for her services?

While there are no laws saying a surrogate must be paid, it is certainly recommended by surrogacy professionals and surrogacy attorneys. Surrogacy is a complicated process and will require a great deal of time, energy and sacrifice from a surrogate. If she is not appropriately compensated for her services, she may develop feelings of vulnerability and being taken advantage of. Intended parents may also feel incredibly in debt and feel guilt in never being able to pay her back for what she has done for them.

Regardless of whether you pay a surrogate a base compensation, you will always need to pay for all of her medical and pregnancy expenses. Surrogacy should always be free to a prospective surrogate, and your surrogacy attorney will make sure the proper financial compensation is detailed in your surrogacy contract.

3. How do I know a surrogate won’t take my baby after birth?

If you are completing a gestational surrogacy, your surrogate will not be biologically related to the child she carries — which means she will have no inherent maternal rights to the baby. That being said, the laws regarding a surrogate’s rights to a baby she bears vary by state, and the steps you will need to take to terminate any such rights will be unique to your situation.

If you choose a traditional surrogacy where the surrogate is related to your baby, there will be more legal risk involved. Therefore, the safest path for intended parents asking this question is gestational surrogacy.

Again, your assisted reproductive technology attorney will work with your surrogate, her doctor and the hospital where she delivers to ensure that you are the one who can legally take custody of your child after birth.

4. How do I protect my parental rights and have my name placed on the birth certificate?

There are a few methods used to help intended parents establish parental rights: a pre- or post-birth order, a parentage order after birth, or an adoption. Which one you use will depend upon several factors, like your genetic relationship to your child, your marital status and your state’s laws. A surrogacy attorney will help you determine which path is best for you, complete the legal steps to protect your rights and obtain a new birth certificate with your name on it.

5. Why do my surrogate and I have to have separate lawyers?

Because surrogacy is complicated, each party to a surrogacy contract must have separate legal representation. This way, you can ensure that your rights and interests are being properly protected by someone who has no stake in the other party’s rights. After all, a lawyer who is trying to obtain the best surrogate compensation possible for a prospective surrogate cannot simultaneously try to limit expenses on the intended parents’ part.

Some state laws even require that surrogacy contracts be drafted with two separate lawyers to be finalized, and many surrogacy professionals will not work with intended parents and surrogates who improperly draft their surrogacy contract.

6. Why do we need a lawyer to draft a surrogacy contract?

You may wonder why you can’t just use an online template to create a surrogacy contract. Because every surrogacy is so different, a “one-size-fits-all” approach will undoubtedly leave you and your surrogate open to legal risks. Only a surrogacy attorney knows all of the potential risks and liabilities of the surrogacy process and can protect you and your surrogate from them.

In addition, because state laws and personal situations vary so greatly and determine what your surrogacy process is like, you cannot trust a generic contract to give you the legal safety you need should something unexpected occur.

7. Can’t a surrogate just use our health insurance?

Unfortunately, because you are not the one who is pregnant, intended parents’ health insurance policies will rarely cover any medical treatment to your surrogate. You may have coverage for IVF and other fertility treatments, but actual pregnancy costs will either be covered by the surrogate’s health insurance or an additional insurance policy that you purchase specifically for the surrogacy.

Your surrogacy specialist and attorney will help review the terms of the surrogate’s insurance to determine whether her policy has surrogacy exclusions and, if so, help you find an appropriate additional policy for your needs. Again, this will be determined in your legal contract.

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Have more questions for a surrogacy attorney or questions about the surrogacy process in general? Contact American Surrogacy’s specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) to learn more or be referred to a trusted ART attorney near you.

3 Things to Know About Post-Birth Surrogacy Relationships

The relationship created between intended parents and a surrogate during the surrogacy process is a powerful and intimate one. Both parties are actively working toward the miracle of life — adding a child to a family who so desperately wants one. It’s a complicated and, at times, difficult process in which intended parents and surrogates learn to lean on each other for support.

But, what happens to this relationship after the baby is born? Do intended parents and surrogates go their separate ways, even though they are forever bonded with the knowledge that they brought a life into the world together?

Whether you are an intended parent or a surrogate, you may be curious — and even anxious — about what kind of relationship you will have once your surrogacy journey is complete. Only you and your surrogacy partner will determine what this relationship is but, as you’re considering what you want your relationship to be like, think about these three important facts.

1. Your Relationship Will Change

When a baby is born via surrogacy, intended parents and surrogates have often spent a year or more working closely together — being present for important appointments, sharing stories of pregnancy and excitement and genuinely creating a unique friendship. However, once a baby is born, many of those aspects that bond intended parents and surrogates disappear.

It’s normal for your surrogacy relationship to change once the baby is born — and you should be prepared for these changes. You will likely no longer be in as frequent contact when you aren’t bound by the aspects of the surrogacy process. If you are an intended parent, your focus will go from caring for your surrogate to caring for your newborn baby. If you are a surrogate, you will go from being a key player in the surrogacy process to a spectator of the new family you have created.

These changes can be abrupt and, when you factor in the complicated emotions associated with childbirth, it can be a confusing time. Remember, your surrogacy specialist will always be there to guide you through those feelings and help you adjust to your new relationship, as well as mediate contact to ensure both parties are comfortable with the changes.

2. Closure is a Good Idea

It’s true that surrogates do not become emotionally attached to the children they carry for nine months. They understand that they are just “babysitting” the child and are just as excited as intended parents for the new chapter in their lives.

However, an abrupt break from the intended parents and the baby who they have focused on for the last year can be emotionally challenging for a surrogate. A surrogate is an important part of the surrogacy process, and it’s important that she does not feel like her effort has been overlooked or forgotten as soon as the baby is born.

Closure, even if it’s something as simple as letting the surrogate hold the baby and say goodbye to the new family, can go a long way in helping a woman heal from the physical and emotional complexities of her surrogacy delivery. Likewise, intended parents should find the same sense of closure with the woman who has carried their hopes and dreams for the last nine months. Even if you anticipate continuing your relationship moving forward, this step is crucial in creating a positive surrogacy experience for everyone.

It may be uncomfortable to suggest some kind of closure, but take the steps to reach out — even the smallest gestures go a long way.

3. Every Post-Birth Surrogacy Relationship is Different

Determining your post-surrogacy relationship can be tricky, especially after the baby has been born. Therefore, many intended parents and surrogates create an outline in their surrogacy contract of what kind of post-surrogacy contact they would like moving forward.

However, even with this, it’s natural for relationships to ebb and flow as surrogates and intended parents go through certain periods in their lives. Remember, there is no “right” way to have a relationship with your surrogacy partner after the delivery. Every relationship is different, and it’s up to you to determine what kind you want to have after the birth of the child.

Although creating the perfect post-surrogacy relationship can be complicated, take heart in knowing that most surrogates and intended parents find the perfect balance of contact after birth. One study of surrogates in the United Kingdom and their post-surrogacy relationships shows that 84 percent of surrogates were happy with the level of future contact they had with the child born via surrogacy, whatever kind and frequency of contact it was. They reported that “their level of contact felt natural, was comfortable for the surrogate, the child and his or her parents, and fitted into what were, in most cases, busy family lives.”

If you want to learn more about maintaining a positive surrogacy relationship with your intended parents or surrogate after the baby is born, speak with a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy today. We can mediate your contact and help you create a relationship that meets both of your needs.

To get started, contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

10 Things to Do While Waiting for Your Baby’s Arrival

If you’re an intended parent, the road to your baby has probably been an especially long one. You may have waited for months or years to become pregnant on your own before deciding to pursue surrogacy — only to find that the waiting continued as you completed screening requirements and searched for the perfect surrogate.

Now, months later, your surrogate is finally pregnant — but you still have to wait the length of her pregnancy before bringing your new baby home.

So, how do you get through those last months and weeks of waiting? Here are 10 things you can do to keep yourself busy:

1. Read.

There is no shortage of reading material for new and expectant parents. While traditional pregnancy books may not be the most useful while you’re waiting for your surrogate to give birth, you might want to pick up a copy of What to Expect the First Year or another book about surrogacy or parenting your newborn.

On the other hand, now is also a great time to read something totally unrelated to babies, surrogacy and parenting. Do some just-for-fun, light reading to help pass the time.

2. Pamper yourself.

Dealing with the loss of control you might feel during your surrogate’s pregnancy isn’t easy. Do something for yourself to help combat those feelings of stress and anxiety, whether that means unwinding with a bubble bath, treating yourself to a pedicure or going out for an evening with friends.

3. Buy baby things.

If you don’t already have them, now is a good time to start gathering the essential items you’ll need when you bring your baby home. Buy a crib and stroller, and start decorating the nursery.

This step isn’t just necessary for you to practically prepare for your new baby; “nesting” also serves an important purpose in mentally preparing you for parenthood.

4. Pack a hospital bag.

On the same note, make sure you’re ready with everything you’ll need for the big day. You never know exactly when your baby will decide to make his or her debut, so start packing a hospital bag now with all of the essentials. Having your things ready to go can be a lifesaver if you end up needing to travel to the hospital at a moment’s notice.

5. Bond with your surrogate.

As delivery day approaches, don’t forget about your surrogate! Check in with her to ask how she’s feeling and if there’s anything you can do to support her during the final weeks of her pregnancy. Consider sending gifts or scheduling some time to spend with her before the baby is born. Bonding with your surrogate is not only essential to a positive surrogacy experience; it also can help you feel more connected and involved in the final stages of the pregnancy.

6. Prepare your other kids, if applicable.

If you have children already, it’s important to take time to prepare them for the arrival of their brother or sister. Make sure your children understand surrogacy (at an age-appropriate level), and involve them in the preparations for the new baby. Ask them to draw pictures or choose special gifts to give to the baby when he or she arrives. Depending on the relationship you have with your surrogate, you may even introduce your children to her to help them better understand the surrogacy process.

7. Plan ahead.

Life with a new baby will be hectic, so try to think ahead if you can. Consider buying gifts or cards now for any important birthdays or holidays happening within the first few weeks after your baby’s due date. Take care of important errands that will be easier to complete without a newborn in tow. Make some meals that you can pop in the freezer and reheat for a quick dinner once you bring your baby home. You’ll thank yourself later.

8. Start a baby book.

Many expectant parents start a pregnancy journal or baby book before their baby arrives, and there’s no reason why intended parents can’t do this, too. Consider how you’ll incorporate your child’s surrogacy story into his or her baby book. Depending on your relationship with the surrogate, you might ask if she would be comfortable sharing pictures of her pregnancy or a letter about her experience in the baby book, too.

This memory book will be a priceless keepsake for years to come, and it can even help you talk to your child about surrogacy as he or she gets older.

9. Meet up with friends.

Friends can be a great source of comfort and support throughout your surrogacy journey and can keep you busy while you’re anxiously awaiting your baby’s arrival. Spend some time with your friends whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or a fun distraction from the surrogacy process — it might not be as easy to meet up for drinks or coffee once your new baby arrives!

10. Spend time with your partner.

Go on a romantic date, see a movie or spend some quiet time at home, just the two of you. Enjoy each other’s company and, if you don’t already have other children, your last moments as a family of two! Once your baby arrives, date nights will require a sitter, and quiet moments alone will be harder to come by. Parenthood will be an exciting new chapter for both of you, but you should also soak up this special time with each other before welcoming your new arrival.

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Waiting for your baby to get here can be challenging at times. Try to be patient, enjoy the process and think about how far you’ve come in your family-building journey. Your baby will be here when he or she is ready, and it will happen before you know it.

If you are struggling with the wait to become parents through surrogacy, know that your surrogacy specialist is always available to offer the support you need. Feel free to reach out at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for more tips and support throughout your surrogacy process.

27 Questions to Ask a Prospective Surrogate

Finding the perfect surrogate to carry your child can be a difficult decision. How do you select the woman who will hold your hopes and dreams in her uterus for nine long months?

While the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can help you find a surrogate who shares your surrogacy goals and preferences, the ultimate decision will be up to you. Before you commit to a prospective surrogate, however, you will have the chance to share a conversation with her to ensure she is the right choice for your family.

You may wonder: “What questions do I ask a surrogate to make sure she’s perfect for my family?”

Know that you and your surrogacy specialist will create a list of questions prior to your conversation with potential surrogates, and your specialist will always mediate your upcoming conversation. While you’ll want to ask the questions that you are most interested in learning more about, we’ve listed a few potential questions below to help you start your list.

About a Surrogate

What are your interests?
What kind of things do you like to do?
How would you describe your personality?
What are your values? What is important to you?
What is your family like? Are they supportive of your surrogacy plans?

About Her Surrogacy Goals

Why did you decide to become a surrogate?
Why do you think you’d be a great surrogate?
Have you been a surrogate before? If so, what were your journeys like?
What were your previous pregnancies like?
When did you start your surrogacy process?
How committed are you to the surrogacy process?
Are you able to travel for surrogacy-related procedures and appointments?
What are you looking for in a relationship with intended parents before, during and after the surrogacy process?
What do you want to know about us as intended parents?
How many embryo transfers are you comfortable with, and how many embryos are you comfortable with in a single transfer?
How do you want your family involved in your surrogacy journey?
What are your husband’s or partner’s thoughts on your surrogacy decision?
How are you going to tell your children about your surrogacy? What kind of involvement do you want from me as an intended parent?
What are your thoughts on selective reduction and termination?
Do you have certain surrogacy, legal or medical professionals in mind?
What would you like us to tell our child about you as they grow up?
What are your expectations from us as intended parents?
What are you most looking forward to about being a surrogate?

Something to note: Questions about surrogate compensation should not be discussed in your initial conversation with a surrogate. Your surrogacy specialist will have already matched you with a prospective surrogate who meets your surrogacy budget, and the details of her surrogate compensation will be decided by your lawyers during the legal contract phase.

Your initial conversation with a prospective surrogate can be both exciting and nerve-wracking. Remember that when you work with American Surrogacy, your surrogacy specialist will be there for you throughout your preparation for and during this important conversation. We will always work with you to help you find the perfect surrogate for your family.

To start finding a surrogate with American Surrogacy today, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY) or contact us online.

10 Things Not to Say to Someone Struggling with Infertility

If you have a loved one who is struggling with infertility, it can be difficult to know what to say when talking about this emotional issue. While you know that not expressing these emotions can be devastating for intended parents, it can seem equally difficult to bring up these topics and emotions without seeming pushy or nosy.

Determining what to say to someone struggling with infertility can be difficult, but knowing what not to say to someone struggling with infertility is easier. To help you in this regard, we’ve gathered some of the most insensitive (purposefully or not) comments and questions that our intended parents have been asked — so you know exactly what not to say to someone coping with infertility.

1. “Are you pregnant yet?”

Trust us — intended parents have asked themselves this question countless times during their infertility struggles. For them, pregnancy is a delicate topic to discuss, and having someone ask them this question only reminds them that they are not yet pregnant. If they were pregnant, you can guarantee they would share their good news as soon as they felt it was possible.

Instead of asking this question, focus on asking them about other aspects of their life. When they are ready to announce their pregnancy (or their decision to pursue another family-building process), they will let you know.

2. “If you stop stressing and thinking about it, it will happen.”

For those for whom pregnancy was easy, it can be tempting to just say “it will just happen.” Unfortunately, for many intended parents dealing with infertility, pregnancy will not naturally occur. In fact, the topic of pregnancy likely consumes most of their thoughts. Telling them to “forget about it” and “relax” is counterproductive and can cause more harm than good.

3. “You should try (insert home remedy here).”

Intended parents struggling with infertility are usually already working with doctors to address their fertility needs. They don’t need a loved one offering up home remedy and medical advice, as well. What may have worked for you in your own journey to conceive likely won’t work for intended parents, especially if it is an unscientific, unproven suggestion. Intended parents are doing everything they can to become pregnant and, as well-meaning as your advice is, it should be kept to yourself.

4. “Really? It was so easy for me to get pregnant!”

While this is great for you, mentioning this fact to those struggling with infertility is just another reminder of the more difficult path they are on to becoming parents. You may think that knowledge of how many people successfully become pregnant would raise their spirits, but it’s actually incredibly hard for intended parents to hear. It won’t be easy for them to get pregnant, and hearing how easy it was for you won’t help them feel better.

5. “Why don’t you just adopt instead?”

Adoption is not as easy as those who are unfamiliar with the process think it will be — and it’s not right for everyone struggling with infertility. It’s easy to quickly suggest alternative family-building processes if you have never struggled with infertility, as you won’t understand how difficult it will be for intended parents to grieve dreams of a genetically related child. Wherever someone is at in their infertility journey, it is not your place to suggest what steps they should take next — just their doctor’s.

6. “You don’t know how lucky you are! Kids are so expensive and a handful to deal with.”

Intended parents would give everything to have a child, and belittling the joys of parenthood will do nothing to help them feel better about their situation. It’s common to try to deflect difficult emotions with jokes, but what may seem like no big deal to you is another reminder to intended parents of what they are missing.

7. “I know exactly how you are feeling.”

Unless you have struggled with the same infertility issues to the same degree as the intended parents you’re speaking to, you do not understand what they are feeling. Taking a couple of months to conceive naturally is nowhere near the same as struggling through a year of infertility treatments with no success. Always offer your support and empathy but do not pretend that you are in the same situation that those intended parents are in right now.

8. “You have one/two children. Isn’t that enough?”

Everyone has the right to have as large or as small a family as they want. Just because parents are dealing with infertility issues does not mean that they lose that right. As always, be empathetic, not judgmental, when it comes to someone struggling with infertility. While it’s normal to try to point out the blessings parents already have, remember that people often have a desired family makeup, and asking why the children they have aren’t “enough” can put intended parents in a difficult emotional spot.

9. “You can have my children if you want!”

Again, while you may intend this as a well-meaning joke, it’s not appreciated by intended parents. Joking about the importance of your children will not make them feel better but remind them that other people in the world are lucky enough to have as many children as they want naturally.

10. “Maybe it’s a sign that you’re not meant to be a parent.”

Everyone has the right to be a parent, no matter their fertility situation. When intended parents hear this phrase, it’s an embodiment of their deepest fear — that they may never have the child they’ve dreamed of for so long. Even if intended parents can’t conceive naturally, there are many family-building options available to them to bring a child into their lives — and you should always support them in whatever path they choose, rather than make them question their dreams and desires.

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If your loved one is struggling with infertility and you don’t know what to say, make sure to support them and be empathetic above all else. If you are unsure of how to provide the empathy your loved one needs, consider reaching out to a local infertility support group and inviting your loved one to join you.

The surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy are always available to provide counseling for intended parents struggling with infertility, whether it’s emotional or a discussion of their options. To learn more today, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Failure of Frozen Embryo Storage — What’s the Next Step?

Like many in the assisted reproductive technology world, American Surrogacy was extremely shocked and saddened to hear about the recent failure of two embryo cryopreservation and fertility clinics this week — putting more than 500 families’ dreams of having biological children at risk.

The Associated Press reported that a clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, and a clinic in San Francisco — both of which were storing thousands of frozen embryos — experienced failures in their storage tanks on March 4. Low amounts of liquid nitrogen in certain tanks may have damaged the cryopreserved embryos and eggs inside, and officials from the clinics are still investigating. It’s being reported as a “bad, bad, bad coincidence.”

For the families affected by these damages, it’s more than just a loss of the thousands of dollars they’ve spent on the in vitro fertilization process — it’s the loss of their opportunities to have a biological child. Knowing their loss will implement new backup measures and safety procedures for other couples may not be much of a comfort.

So, what is left for these families after their frozen embryo storage fails, and all the work they’ve put into freezing their embryos or eggs is for naught?

Fortunately, there are a few alternative family-building options still available.

Surrogacy with a Donated Gamete

Infertility is a tricky issue. While two-thirds of cases can be traced to reproductive issues from either the man or the woman in a couple, one-third of cases are either a combination of factors or un-diagnosable.

Intended parents who go through IVF and freeze embryos due to one partner’s reproductive problems could conceivably still have a biological child if their frozen embryos are compromised. They can create fresh embryos with a donated gamete. If an intended mother cannot carry a pregnancy safely to term (or if there is no intended mother), an intended parent can pursue surrogacy with that fresh embryo.

While surrogacy with fresh embryos is rarer than surrogacy with frozen embryos, medical professionals can still complete this process for those in need — such as intended parents whose plans of pursuing IVF with frozen embryos are compromised. If an egg or sperm donor is needed, a fertility clinic or donor bank can be used, and medical professionals will guide intended parents through this process.

So, why should those moving forward from the failure of freezing embryos choose surrogacy with a donated gamete?

It allows one intended parent to be genetically related to the baby.
It allows LGBT intended parents to have a genetically related child.
It protects an intended mother who cannot carry a pregnancy to term safely.
It allows intended parents to be involved with the development of their unborn baby, such as being there for ultrasounds and the birth of their child.

If you are interested in pursuing a fresh cycle transfer surrogacy with an inability to use your cryopreserved embryos, please contact American Surrogacy today. Our surrogacy specialists can discuss your situation and your options in depth to help you find the path that is right for you. Recovering from losses due to improper embryo freezing can be a difficult emotional and financial time, but our specialists are here to support you through it.

Adoption

Surrogacy is not the right family-building option for everyone, especially for intended parents who have spent thousands of dollars previously freezing embryos and are cautious about spending more on assisted reproductive technologies. It’s a valid concern. While our surrogacy program guarantees you will have a baby, there is unfortunately no guarantee as to how many rounds this at-times-tricky process can take before success is found.

However, failed freezing of embryos does not mean a couple cannot become parents. After all, parenting is less about biological connection than it is about genuine care and proper raising of a child. This is why so many great potential parents turn to adoption — knowing that love is what truly makes a family, not genetics.

Hopeful parents can either choose a foster care adoption, an international adoption, or a private domestic infant adoption to add to their family. Many who desire to adopt a baby end up choosing the last path, and our sister agency American Adoptions can guide them through this process.

Adoption involves a pregnant woman choosing an adoptive family for her baby and, typically, maintaining some kind of open adoption contact as the baby grows up.

So, why do hopeful parents choose adoption after failed embryo cryopreservation?

They are comfortable having no genetic connection to their child.
They do not wish to spend thousands more dollars on assisted reproductive technologies.
They want to give a child in need a loving home with their family.
They are comfortable with and excited to have a relationship with their baby’s birth mother.

Many adoptive families have gone through infertility struggles before deciding on adoption, and adoption specialists are trained to counsel these families through the grief of the infertility process. To talk to a specialist about whether adoption is right for you, call 1-800-ADOPTION today.

Moving forward from a loss of frozen embryos — such as in the two notable clinic failures listed above— can be an emotionally difficult thing to do. Remember, just because you don’t have any frozen embryos does not mean you can’t be a parent.

There is a family-building path out there for you. Let us help you find it.

3 Things to Know About Surrogacy Insurance

Insurance can be a tricky thing to navigate during any pregnancy — and surrogacy further complicates the issue. Whether you’re a surrogate or intended parent, you’re not alone if you’re wondering exactly how surrogacy insurance works.

Fortunately, the specialists at American Surrogacy are familiar with the intricacies of surrogacy insurance and can help answer your questions when you contact us at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). In the meantime, here are three things you need to know about insurance coverage for surrogate pregnancies.

1. Coverage varies from company to company.

As surrogacy has become increasingly common, insurance companies have become more selective regarding the types of pregnancies they will cover. Whether a surrogate’s pregnancy will be covered by her health insurance today depends entirely on her individual policy.

As part of our surrogate screening process, American Surrogacy will conduct an insurance review for every prospective surrogate who joins our agency. If her insurance includes a surrogacy exclusion (as many policies today do), the intended parents she is matched with may need to purchase a supplemental insurance policy to cover the costs of her pregnancy.

It’s important to note that if you are a surrogate, your pregnancy costs will always be covered for you, regardless of your insurance situation.

2. In vitro fertilization costs may be covered.

Even in cases where a surrogate’s medical expenses cannot be covered by insurance, some insurance companies will cover infertility treatments up to a certain amount. This means that for some intended parents, insurance will cover the costs of the in vitro fertilization (IVF) process to create embryos.

Intended parents should check with their insurance company to learn whether IVF treatments may be covered by their plan. In some states, this coverage is mandated — but only for employers with certain plans and of certain sizes.

If you live in a state where infertility coverage is not mandated, or if your state’s mandate doesn’t apply to your specific situation, whether IVF will be covered by your insurance depends entirely on your individual policy.

3. A supplemental plan may be necessary.

Because many insurance plans today do not cover surrogate pregnancies, it is common for intended parents to purchase a supplemental surrogacy insurance policy. Companies like ART Risk Financial and New Life Agency offer surrogacy insurance plans that can be purchased to cover a surrogate’s medical costs.

While these additional surrogacy insurance costs can be expensive, they can also offer great peace of mind throughout the medical process and pregnancy — both for surrogates and intended parents. Hopeful parents should carefully research surrogacy insurance (as well as other surrogacy financing options) so they can be fully prepared for the costs ahead.

For more information about surrogacy insurance, contact your insurance representative or a financial advisor. You can also learn more about how our program addresses surrogacy insurance issues by calling 1-800-875-2229(BABY) or contacting us online.

5 Places to Find Intended Parent Support Groups

Whether you’re waiting to be matched with the perfect surrogate, you’re dealing with the stress of screening processes and legal contracts, or you’re anxiously waiting for the next pregnancy update from the woman carrying your baby — it can sometimes feel like no one quite understands what you’re going through as an intended parent.

Even the most supportive friends and family members probably don’t have a lot of experience with surrogacy, and sometimes you just want to talk to someone who is (or has been) in the same position you’re in right now. Getting support from other intended parents can be extremely valuable — but finding that support isn’t always easy.

Fortunately, surrogacy is becoming an increasingly popular way for hopeful parents to add to their families, which means there is a growing community of intended parents worldwide. Thanks to the magic of the internet, you can connect with all of them online.

However, it’s important to use caution when joining an online support group. While these groups can have tremendous value, you can’t always trust everything you read online. Remember that some information posted in surrogacy support groups may be inaccurate or inapplicable to your personal surrogacy situation.

When in doubt, you can always talk to the specialists at American Surrogacy by calling 1-800-875-2229 (BABY). They can recommend good support resources for intended parents like you and can verify (or correct) the information you read online. Your surrogacy specialist is also always available to provide the counseling, support and accurate information you need.

In the meantime, here are a few places you can go to find intended parent support groups online:

1. All About Surrogacy

All About Surrogacy is an online community of intended parents, surrogates and egg donors where members can pose questions, share their personal experiences and connect with each other through surrogacy forums.

2. All Things Surrogacy

This private Facebook group gives intended parents, surrogates and egg donors the chance to connect with each other and swap stories and advice in a confidential way.

3. BabyCenter Community

There are several surrogacy-related groups within the BabyCenter Community, including groups specifically for intended parents seeking advice and support from other IPs.

4. RESOLVE

RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, offers a directory of local, peer-led support groups for parents who have struggled with infertility. While many of these groups are not specific to surrogacy, intended parents may still find them helpful.

5. Meetup.com

Intended parents may also be able to find in-person support through Meetups groups. In addition to intended-parent-specific Meetups, you may find a sense of community through general surrogacy, infertility and LGBT parenting groups.

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Remember, you don’t have to go through the surrogacy process alone. If you need help finding intended parent support, contacting your surrogacy specialist is a great place to start. Call 1-800-875-2229(BABY) any time you need surrogacy information, counseling or help finding additional support resources.