How to Manage a Long-Distance Surrogacy as an Intended Parent

When you’re starting the surrogacy process as intended parents, you may have hopes of being there for every step of the surrogacy process and attending every doctor’s appointment — but this may not be a possibility for every intended parent.

Sometimes, you find the perfect prospective surrogate — but she’s located farther away than you may have hoped. This shouldn’t deter you from pursuing the match. It’s common for intended parents and surrogates to live a distance from each other, and many successful surrogacy relationships flourish despite a long distance.

At American Surrogacy, our surrogacy specialists will always be available to help you through the challenges of a long-distance surrogacy — and help you understand how this kind of surrogacy can actually be easier than you think. In fact, there are a few steps that are key to managing when your surrogate is located far away.

First, Set a Communication Schedule

Being an intended parent who lives a distance from your surrogate, one of your greatest concerns may be the fear of not knowing what’s going on. You may worry that communication with a long-distance surrogate may be much harder and instead wish to match with a surrogate closer to you.

However, it’s important to remember that wherever your surrogate is located, you will not be a part of her life 24/7. While she will be carrying your baby, she will also have her own responsibilities to attend to, including her family and her job. It’s unrealistic to expect that a surrogate keeps frequent communication with you as her first priority, regardless of where she’s located.

Instead, to maintain healthy boundaries while making both of you happy, you’ll set a contact schedule. For example, you may agree for her to video-chat you at every doctor’s appointment, sharing photos on social media, talk once a week and email every other day. Therefore, for most surrogacy contact, communication will be the same no matter where the surrogate is located. When you both know exactly when you’ll receive your next contact, you won’t need to guess or worry about how things are progressing — you’ll just wait for your next scheduled talk.

Next, Keep Busy

No matter where you’re located in relationship to your surrogate, it can be a stressful time to wait until your baby is born — especially when you can’t do much to impact the development of your unborn child. That’s why it’s so important that intended parents like you take the time to keep busy to prevent yourself from worrying too much and impacting your daily life.

As your surrogate’s pregnancy proceeds, stick to your regular schedule. Take advantage of the free time you have now, as there will be little of it once your bundle of joy arrives. Of course, feel free to stay in contact with your surrogate as much as your contact schedule allows, but also find a way to spend your time in the wait between these contact periods. Many of our intended parents say that staying occupied and keeping up with their usual schedule makes the waiting process much easier, no matter where their surrogate is located.

Also, Keep the Surrogate in Mind

While your contact schedule plays a large role in developing your relationship with your surrogate, in a long-distance relationship, you may wish to take other steps to strengthen your relationship. If frequent in-person visits aren’t possible because of the distance, consider doing other things to express your gratitude and willingness to get to know her personally.

When you have your scheduled calls and emails, don’t make them all about the surrogate pregnancy and your baby; ask her how she’s feeling and get to know a little bit more about her life. Learning more about your surrogate will go a long way to establishing a personal relationship and, even when you’re not talking about your surrogacy, you will feel reassured that this wonderful woman is taking care of your unborn child.

Beyond just getting to know her, you may want to take extra steps to communicate your appreciation because you can’t do it as often in person. For example, you may send her small, meaningful gifts from your state so she knows that you’re thinking of her. Your surrogacy specialist can give you advice on what kind of gifts are and are not acceptable to send.

Finally, Give the Surrogate Some Space

As mentioned before, a long-distance surrogacy can be stressful for intended parents because of the literal and figurative distance they feel from their unborn child. However, it’s important to respect your surrogate and her ability to have a healthy pregnancy. When you overwhelm your surrogate with frequent contact and questions, you’ll create a relationship in which neither of you are happy.

Remember that before a woman can become a surrogate with American Surrogacy, she must pass extensive background screening. Therefore, when you’re matched with a surrogate, you can trust that she’s prepared for the surrogacy process and will do everything she can to have a healthy, successful surrogate pregnancy. She wants to help bring this baby into the world just as much as you do. Trust in the surrogacy process and in her ability to carry your baby, and you’ll have a much better long-distance surrogacy relationship.

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Our surrogacy specialists are always available if you have any questions about matching with a long-distance surrogate or how the long-distance surrogacy process works. We want to make sure all of our intended parents and surrogates are happy with their surrogacy process, no matter the distance, which is why we will always be there to offer advice and support during this time. To learn more today, please call us at 1-800-875-2229.

10 Common Myths About Surrogacy And the Truth Behind Them

Surrogacy is an assisted reproductive technology (ART) that’s advancing at a rapid rate, making intended parents’ dreams come true in a more efficient and easier way than ever before. However, it’s still a fairly new process — and, because the nuances of the processes can change relatively quickly, there is still a lot of misinformation about surrogacy.

No matter whether you’re interested in completing a surrogacy of your own or just want to learn more, it’s important that you recognize these myths and their truths. Not only will this help you better understand surrogacy yourself, it also gives you the knowledge to clear up some of these misconceptions whenever you hear them from other people.

Here are some of the most common myths that unfortunately still exist when people think about surrogacy:

1. The surrogate is related to the baby, and she has to conceive the child in the “traditional” way.

Sometimes, when people think about surrogacy, they automatically think of traditional surrogacies, in which the surrogate is genetically related to the child she’s carrying. While traditional surrogacies are still an option, they are rarely completed today because of the inherent risks from a genetic relationship between the surrogate and the child. Instead, the vast majority of surrogacies (including those completed by American Surrogacy) are gestational — meaning the surrogate is implanted with a previously created embryo that does not include her own eggs.

On the same note, even though many people know of in vitro fertilization, they may assume a surrogate becomes pregnant after having intercourse with the intended father. While this may have been the way secret surrogate pregnancies were created before the advance of ART, this is never done today by surrogacy professionals. As mentioned, surrogacy involves in vitro fertilization, and the implantation of an embryo into the surrogate takes place under the supervision of medical professionals.

2. Surrogates are only in it for the money.

Women who choose to become surrogates do have the option of a compensated surrogacy, in which they will receive a base compensation for carrying the child (in addition to coverage of all pregnancy-related expenses). While surrogates do consider this base compensation as a way for them to reach a financial goal, that’s not the prime reason they choose to become a surrogate. They are instead motivated by helping another family experience the joy they know that parenthood can bring. Some of these women have dreamed of being surrogates since they were young, while others discovered it later in life and just “knew” it was something they were meant to do.

At American Surrogacy, all of our potential surrogates are thoroughly screened, including in regards to their motivations. If we sense that a woman is only interested in surrogacy for the money, she will usually not be cleared for the surrogacy process.

3. A surrogate can change her mind and keep the child after it’s born.

In a gestational surrogacy, this is a nearly impossible thing to do. Because a surrogate is not genetically related to the child she is carrying, she has no parental rights to keep a child after birth. In addition, your surrogacy lawyer and surrogacy professional will make sure that the intended parents’ rights are protected while the surrogate is still pregnant. A pre- or post-birth parentage order establishes those parental rights and, many times, makes it possible for the intended parents’ names to be placed on the birth certificate at the hospital.

In addition to these legal protections, a surrogate rarely wants to “keep” the child she is carrying. The surrogates who work with American Surrogacy have already completed their families and have no desire for another child. A surrogate does not have the emotional connection with the intended parents’ baby like she had while carrying her own; she thinks of herself as “babysitting” the unborn child until they’re born, at which point she is happy to see the baby meet and go home with their parents. All of American Surrogacy’s surrogates are provided emotional counseling throughout the process and are required to have one child already, as just another way to provide an emotional balance throughout her surrogacy.

4. The parents who choose surrogacy don’t want to deal with the stresses and risks of being pregnant, so they hire someone else to do it for them.

We’ve all heard it: “She decided to use a surrogate because she obviously didn’t want to ruin her perfect body or deal with the side effects of pregnancy.” This is a completely false and hurtful comment; intended mothers would do anything to be able to carry their own child, and many have already gone through years and thousands of dollars’ worth of IVF treatments before turning to surrogacy. Surrogacy is usually the last chance they have at a biologically related child. It’s also not cheap. Therefore, to suggest that intended parents are only using surrogacy for convenience is completely out of touch with the realities of the surrogacy process.

5. Surrogacy is an unethical practice where women sell their wombs and intended parents profit off vulnerable women.

Surrogacy is not only an ethical practice where both parties want the same thing — it’s also a highly regulated one that protects the rights and interests of both parties involved. Laws across the United States ensure that both surrogates and intended parents are not taken advantage of, and professional surrogacy agencies like American Surrogacy make sure that their clients are properly cared for throughout the process. Surrogates want to carry a child for intended parents, and they are properly compensated for doing so. As long as your surrogacy is completed by an experienced surrogacy professional and attorney, it will be a positive experience for all.

6. Surrogacy is illegal where I live.

There are some states that have strictly defined laws regarding surrogacy and other states that do not — but just because your state doesn’t have any surrogacy laws doesn’t mean that surrogacy is not legal for you. Lawyers in these states have created specific legal processes to complete surrogacies in a way that protects all involved; it may even be easier to complete a surrogacy process in one of these situations. Odds are, if you want to complete a surrogacy in the United States (whether you live in the states or in another country), it’s completely possible for you.

You can always call our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229 to learn more about whether surrogacy is legal where you live.

7. Surrogacy is selfish when there are so many children waiting to be adopted or fostered.

As mentioned before, many intended parents who choose surrogacy do it as a last chance to have a biologically related child. They may have a few embryos left from previous IVF cycles, and they don’t want them to go to waste.

Regardless of their infertility successes or failures, most people have an inherent desire to have a child who is genetically related to them. That’s a completely rational and understandable desire. After all, are the parents who can have biological children naturally also selfish for not adopting instead? Of course not — and neither are the intended parents who choose to pursue surrogacy. Adoption isn’t right for everyone and, ultimately, how a person chooses to create their family is their own personal decision.

8. Intended parents are not able to bond with a baby that is being carried by another woman.

Surrogacy is a partnership; intended parents and the surrogate work together through every step. While the intended parents may not be able to experience every moment of the pregnancy, they will be able to be a part of milestones like doctors’ visits, baby showers and the birth of their child. A surrogate is happy to let the parents be a part of her surrogate pregnancy, and she may even make a pregnancy scrapbook to document the parents’ pregnancy for their future child.

Intended parents can bond with their child even when another woman is carrying him or her. They can speak to the child in person or over a recording that the surrogate plays, they can be there to feel the baby kick and move, and more. Ultimately, it will be up to intended parents and the surrogate as to what kind of pregnancy contact is possible and acceptable during this stage of the surrogacy process.

A bond with a child is less about who is carrying them and more about who cares for them after birth. Many intended mothers report feeling a strong maternal connection with their newborn immediately after birth.

9. I can’t breastfeed my baby if he or she is born via surrogacy.

Breastfeeding as an intended mother is absolutely possible in surrogacy — and highly recommended. A fertility doctor can help intended mothers breastfeed their babies by prescribing the proper hormones and inducing lactation. As long as intended mothers put in the time and effort into inducing lactation, they can successfully breastfeed their baby like any other mother.

10. I can’t afford surrogacy.

While surrogacy can be an expensive process for intended parents (it’s completely free for surrogates), it certainly is still a possibility with the proper funding and financial research. Intended parents may choose to take advantage of grants and loans and other fundraising options to afford their surrogacy journey, and the specialists at American Surrogacy can work with you to find a financial solution that’s best for your family. Contact us today to learn more about our fee schedule, and contact a financial advisor for counseling on how to best move forward with your surrogacy costs.

These are just 10 of the common misconceptions about surrogacy, and they’re certainly not the only ones.

Nothing quite dispels myths as well as hearing people’s first-hand experience. Connect directly with professional surrogates and intended parents through our online communities.

One of the best ways to recognize the myths about surrogacy is by talking to an experienced surrogacy professional like American Surrogacy. Our specialists can answer any questions you have and help you fully understand exactly what the surrogacy process entails. To learn more today, please call us at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

The Truth About Genetic Modification of Embryos

A U.S. team of scientists made headlines this summer when they were the first to successfully correct a disease-causing mutation in a human embryo. While the embryo was not and never intended to be transferred into a uterus for implantation, the announcement did open up a larger discussion about genetic modification of embryos and its future moving forward.

There is a lot of confusion today in the U.S. about genetic modification of human embryos and an even greater ethical conversation about this practice. If you are considering entering into the surrogacy process, whether as an intended parent or a prospective surrogate, it’s important you understand the realities of this scientific find and what it may mean for surrogacy moving forward.

The best source for information about genetic modification of embryos will always be a fertility specialist, as they can explain in detail not only which processes are possible but which are available at their own organization. But, to help you grasp the basics of the process, we’ve answered a few of your questions below.

What Kind of Genetic Modification is Available?

In the U.S. today, it is illegal to perform genetic modification on a human embryo for the purpose of implanting it in a woman. While research is allowable for scientists as long as they destroy the experiments and don’t receive federal funding, genetic modification for intended parents is not a possibility.

But, just because an intended parent cannot genetically modify their embryos does not mean they are limited to unhealthy possibilities. In fact, it is common today for embryos created in vitro to undergo preimplantation genetic screening. This screening tests for chromosomal abnormalities and certain genetic diseases, which means intended parents can avoid transferring an embryo that is not desirable — i.e., one that has a genetic disorder or another mutation that will prevent it developing to term.

Your fertility specialist can give you a better idea of what kind of screening and testing can be done to ensure a healthy embryo for transfer.

Could Genetic Modification Play a Role in Creating “Designer Babies?”

One of the concerns that people have about scientists moving forward with genetic modification of human embryos is what they see as a potential for “designer babies” — embryos that are modified for not only dangerous mutations but also characteristics like eye color, height and more.

However, the National Academy of Sciences (an organization of leading researchers) explicitly states that genetic modification should never be used for enhancement purposes. In addition, researchers have not yet isolated genes for those kinds of traits, making any modification of them impossible. Any researchers who are testing genetic modification focus on more critical characteristics, like disease-causing genes, and are well aware of the ethical concerns of focusing on more superficial traits.

When Can I Expect Genetic Modification to be Available?

While genetic modification could theoretically be applied to thousands of genetic diseases, the testing behind approval of this technique will take years — especially because of the restrictive U.S. laws and lack of funding regarding this technique. Therefore, it’s likely that genetic modification for many traits and diseases will not be available until at least the federal laws on the practice are changed.

In the meantime, methods like preimplantation genetic screening and egg, sperm and embryo donations can help reduce the likelihood that a child is born with genetic diseases and disorders. For more information about how you can have the healthiest child possible through the surrogacy process, contact a surrogacy professional and a fertility clinic.

Our Instagram also has insight to what a surrogacy journey can look like from the point of view of both intended parents and surrogates. Follow us there for insight from those who have experienced the process.

Deciding Between Surrogacy and Adoption: The Similarities

There are a lot of folks hoping to grow their families but aren’t sure whether they should turn toward adoption or surrogacy. We don’t shy from the fact that our sister company is a national adoption agency, so who better to compare surrogacy and adoption than us?

Let’s quickly break down some of the biggest similarities between the two options:

1. You will need to locate an opportunity with a surrogate or birth mother.

The process of finding an opportunity with a surrogate or with a birth mother is one of the most challenging parts of either processes and is often the main reason hopeful parents choose to work with an agency.

Don’t take this decision lightly – do plenty of research on adoption and surrogacy professionals’ marketing and advertising strategies, and ask them a variety of questions to understand how long it might take to find you an opportunity.

And be sure to find out how long their advertising fees are good for. Do they expire after several months of trying to find a surrogacy or adoption opportunity, or do they never expire like with American Surrogacy?

2. Both options are costly.

You are likely already aware that both surrogacy and adoption are significant financial investments. However, the result of this process is priceless, so in our opinion, either option is quite the bargain!

With that said, surrogacy is often more costly than adoption, usually around double the cost. The two main reasons surrogacy is often more expensive are:

  • The surrogate is paid a base compensation starting at $30,000 (and higher in a state such as California), whereas a birth mother only receives living expenses to help with her pregnancy-related expenses. Surrogates may also earn additional compensations for a variety of events throughout her pregnancy.
  • This is an artificially planned pregnancy, where state-of-the-art medical procedures are required. Medical expenses can quickly add up, especially if multiple embryo transfers are required until a pregnancy is successfully achieved.

3. Support and counseling are important.

Support and counseling are often an overlooked service in adoption and especially in surrogacy.

Even though a surrogacy is a planned pregnancy, the surrogate mother still experiences the same maternal hormones found in traditional pregnancies, and may have certain feelings she needs to talk about with someone other than the intended parents.

This is particularly true in an identified surrogacy, where the surrogate mother may be a family member or friend of the intended parents but may feel uncomfortable sharing her thoughts of feelings if she’s having a rough day. A third-party surrogacy professional or counselor is a great resource to ensure the emotional part of the surrogacy process is being handled as delicately as the rest of the process.

To connect with other intended parents trying to make this decision, check in with our Instagram community. If you have any questions about either option, please contact American Surrogacy today.

An Introduction to American Surrogacy

Hello and welcome to American Surrogacy’s blog! Here you will find the latest news about American Surrogacy, stories about intended parents and surrogates, stories about our staff and various helpful surrogacy information.

We’ve been receiving a lot of questions about our organization and services, so we decided to answer some of the most popular ones in our first blog post.

1. Where is American Surrogacy located?

American Surrogacy is based out of Overland Park, KS, but we offer surrogacy services to intended parents and surrogates nationally and even internationally.

2. How can you work with clients not located in Kansas?

American Surrogacy works closely with a network of both social workers and ARTs attorneys who meet with our clients face to face, and when necessary, our clients will visit us in Kansas. No matter where you live in the country, or even in the world, you will receive the best surrogacy services possible.

3. How did American Surrogacy begin?

In 1991, a small adoption agency named American Adoptions was founded, and today, it has grown into one of the largest domestic adoption agencies in the country, completing around 300 adoptions every year.

While adoption and surrogacy are very different processes, there are also many similarities between the two, and the American Adoptions’ staff began seeing and hearing about areas in which surrogacy could be greatly improved for both intended parents and surrogates. Thus, with 25 years of experience, American Surrogacy was founded, with the mission of making a better surrogacy organization for both intended parents and surrogates alike.

4. What makes American Surrogacy different from other surrogacy professionals?

We’ve spoken to former surrogates who said their surrogacy professionals made them feel like a “womb for rent.” They said once a match was made, their surrogacy professional largely removed themselves from the process, never to be heard from again.

For 25 years, American Adoptions has prided itself on offering birth mothers the best support imaginable, going as far as being available to these women any time of the day or night, any weekend or holiday, and before, during and even after the adoption is completed. We wondered why surrogates should be treated any differently?

The support we offer to surrogates, as well as intended parents, is unmatched. We are directly involved in each step of the surrogacy process, preparing our clients for what’s to come and offering support and counseling when necessary. We are as involved in the intended parent/surrogate relationship as needed, mediating contact and requests when requested, or we can simply be there if either the intended parent or surrogate needs to ask a question or has a concern.

Each surrogacy situation is unique, as is each intended parent and surrogate that we work with. American Surrogacy can serve any role required during the surrogacy process.

5. How much does surrogacy cost with American Surrogacy?

Every surrogacy is different and the overall cost largely relies on the variance in medical expenses and your unique situation.

However, American Surrogacy’s Organization Fees, which include background checks, screenings, medical and psychological evaluations, support and education, marketing and advertising, and matching services, always remain fixed. Therefore, if intended parents are matched with a surrogate, and the match doesn’t work out, they will not be charged to find another surrogacy opportunity.

You may click the following to read more about our surrogacy costs.

If you have would like more information about American Surrogacy’s costs or have another question that isn’t answered here or on our website, please contact us today!

If you want to connect with surrogates, staff, and intended parents, follow us on Instagram!