Category: Intended Parents

Whether you are thinking about adding to your family through surrogacy or have already started this amazing family-building journey, these articles are for you.

When An Embryo Splits: An Intended Parent’s Guide

In most IVF and surrogacy journeys, creating one healthy pregnancy can be hard enough. But, what happens when the embryo you’ve transferred to your gestational surrogate splits — and you now have identical twins on the way?

This surprise is enough to make even the most level-headed hopeful parents’ heads spin. But you’re not the first parents to experience this shock, and you won’t be the last. What’s important is moving forward with a clear head and a clear set of steps and responsibilities.

Remember, your American Surrogacy specialist will always be there for you in unexpected situations, including identical twins. You can always reach out to them for support and guidance moving forward.

There are usually a few tips we recommend to intended parents in this position:

1. First, Take Stock of Your Situation

Getting the news you’re having twins can be a huge shock. It’s normal to need some time to process this change in your family-building journey. Don’t be afraid to take a beat to accept this news.

Talk with your spouse, if applicable. Talk with your gestational surrogate, too. There is often a great deal of complicated emotions that come with this exciting news, and you are all in this gestational surrogacy journey together. Wherever you go from here, you will need to be on the same page.

However, don’t take too long for this step. Your reproductive endocrinologist will likely present a few paths moving forward (we’ll talk more about those below).

2. Recognize How This Changes Your Financial Situation

It’s no secret that having one baby is expensive. When you have two babies at once, those costs will often more than double.

Being a parent of twins means spending more on:

  • Baby supplies (clothing, diapers, formula, etc.)
  • Childcare
  • Extracurricular activities
  • School and college tuition
  • And more

You should also consider the unique costs associated with a multiples gestational pregnancy. You will need to pay your surrogate an additional retainer for carrying more than one embryo, and you should be prepared for the extra costs associated with bedrest, invasive procedures or more time off work. These costs can quickly add up, so make sure you talk about them in depth with your surrogacy specialist.

Remember that a multiples pregnancy is much riskier than a singleton pregnancy. In the worst-case scenario, a gestational surrogate’s health could be permanently affected, and you could pay additional disability and even death compensation. While these situations are rare, they are always a possibility you should consider.

3. Remember the Risks of a Multiples Pregnancy

There’s a reason why most medical professionals no longer complete multiple-embryo transfers. The risks of a multiples pregnancy are just too great, to both the surrogate and the babies she carries. A multiples pregnancy can increase the possibility of:

  • Preterm labor and delivery
  • Low birth weight
  • Preeclampsia
  • Gestational diabetes
  • Cesarean-section
  • Placental abruption
  • Fetal death

Your gestational surrogate will always be at risk in a multiples pregnancy, no matter how careful she is. This is why intended parents must talk at length with their surrogate before transfer and determine what both parties are comfortable with. If you choose to move forward with a twin pregnancy, your surrogate will have to accept this increased risk, and you will need to pay additional retainers, as mentioned above.

Unlike with multiple embryo transfers, twins that result from a single split embryo transfer often cannot be reduced. Identical twins will most likely share a placenta, making it impossible to remove one fetus to give the other the best chance of a healthy birth. Most reproductive endocrinologists will offer an “all-or-none” option: Either the surrogate must carry both fetuses to term, or the pregnancy will be terminated in hopes of a successful singleton pregnancy next time.

These are complicated conversations to have, made more difficult in the emotions of the moment. That’s why surrogacy contracts are so important — they will address situations like this ahead of time and lay out a clear path forward, should they occur.

4. Prepare for Parenting Two Newborns at Once

There’s a lot more to preparing for twins than getting your bank account in order. You’ll have twice as many responsibilities as caring for a single baby, and you’ll need to take a few steps to make that as easy as possible.

If you can, put these measures in place prior to even coming home with your new additions:

  • Recruit some family members or friends to stay with you the first few weeks after the babies are born.
  • Talk to and get advice from other parents raising multiple babies at once.
  • Create a schedule for when your babies come home — who will feed the babies during the day and night, who will change diapers, who will put together your family’s meals, etc.
  • Set up your first pediatrician’s appointment.

While you can’t prepare for all of the unknowns that come with raising children, taking a few steps ahead of time will save you a great deal of stress in the long run.

5. Finally, Take a Deep Breath

Becoming a parent is stressful. When you’re unexpectedly becoming a parent to two little babies, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

Remember that every emotion you’re feeling — excitement, worry, sadness, guilt and terror — is all completely normal. You will never be a “bad” parent, as long as you take the steps now to prepare your family for this new journey. That means taking care of your mental health, too.

Don’t forget that your surrogate is likely feeling all kinds of complicated emotions, too. Take the time to reach out to her and remind her of your support. While the journey ahead may be unexpected, you can get through it together.

And, if you ever need any additional help or support, American Surrogacy will always be there for you.

5 Tips for Announcing Your Baby’s Birth Via Surrogacy

When your surrogate finally gives birth to a healthy baby girl or boy, you’ll want to shout the news from the rooftops. With baby announcements already drawn up and birth and newborn photos already taken, you’re ready to send those papers out to family, friends and even the slightest of acquaintances.

But hold on one second — announcements of children born via surrogacy deserve a little extra attention. While surrogacy doesn’t make you any less of a parent than if you had carried your baby yourself, it is a special process that you should celebrate in your announcements. But how?

You may have never seen a baby-born-via-surrogacy announcement. Knowing what to and what not to include can be confusing.

Don’t worry — American Surrogacy is here to help. Below, find a few tips we offer intended parents when it’s time to announce their baby’s arrival into the world.

Tip #1: First, Decide When You’ll Send an Announcement

Before we get into the details of sending baby announcements, we know that you might be interested in sending surrogacy and pregnancy announcements, as well. Ultimately, it will be up to you and your spouse to decide what time is best to announce your new addition — but there are a few things to consider.

Many parents are so excited to finally begin their surrogacy journey that they announce their news right at the start. Or, they may be so thrilled at their surrogate’s positive pregnancy test that they can’t keep their news to themselves. It’s totally understandable to want to share your surrogacy journey with the world, but we encourage intended parents to be patient.

If you want to send a pre-birth announcement, doctors often recommend waiting until 12 weeks of pregnancy. At that point, the risks of miscarriage decrease greatly, and there is a higher chance that your surrogate will deliver a healthy, happy baby.

Because of the potential risks of surrogacy, many intended parents wait until their baby is born to share their parenthood news with the world. While we encourage intended parents to tell their close family and friends about their journey early on, it might be best to wait until your little one is home before telling every person in your network. 

But, again, this decision is always up to you.

Tip #2: Don’t Forget to Honor Your Gestational Carrier

You know birth announcements typically include a cute photo and the birth details. But, when your child is born via surrogacy, don’t forget one important detail: your gestational carrier.

Your surrogate will have sacrificed a great deal of time and energy to help you become a parent. And, while she will be fairly compensated and receive a great deal of satisfaction in her choice, you should also honor that journey. 

How exactly you do this is up to you. But a simple line like “Thank you to our gestational carrier Sarah for bringing our little joy into the world!” can recognize her unique role and show your appreciation.

Tip #3: But Don’t Overshare Info

Remember that your surrogate is her own person — and she has the right to tell her surrogacy story in her own way and on her own time. Don’t use your birth announcement to describe every step of your surrogacy journey (unless you’ve cleared it with her ahead of time). Details like the surrogate’s last name, location, age and family members should stay off the announcement. A simple shout-out will be enough.

Remember: If you post your birth announcement to social media, it can easily be seen by those not in your network, even with privacy settings.

Tip #4: Look to Other Examples for Ideas

While surrogacy is becoming more common, you may not have anyone in your community who has gone through this process. If you’ve never seen a surrogacy birth announcement, how do you know what yours should look like?

The good news is that you can use templates from traditional birth announcements for your surrogacy birth announcements. You may need to tweak a few details, but most of the basics will remain the same.

We’ve gathered a few examples here for you to check out. Hop on Pinterest for some more ideas.

Tip #5: Do What’s Right for You

Like most aspects of your surrogacy journey, there is no “right” or “wrong” way to announce your baby’s birth. If you’re a more private person, you may not send an announcement at all. Maybe you keep your announcements to a smaller group of people and don’t even mention your surrogate on them — because, by then, your gestational surrogacy is common knowledge.

Every one of these options (and the many more available to you) are perfectly okay. Gestational surrogacy is a long journey, and you’ll have to make a lot of compromises along the way. If you want to do birth announcements completely your way, that’s totally understandable.

If you ever need guidance on when and how to announce your gestational surrogacy journey, don’t be afraid to reach out to your American Surrogacy specialist anytime.

3 Essential Qualities to Look for in a Surrogate

Finding the right gestational surrogate is a big deal. After all, this is the woman you’ll be trusting to carry your most precious cargo: your baby. As such, we’re sure you’ve spent a lot time imagining what it will be like to finally meet her.

You’re probably more than a little excited to get this process started. But there are a few things that you should look for before you choose a surrogacy partner. Finding a surrogate that’s in the right location and age range, and meets your goals and desires is great — but for this post we’d like to go a bit deeper.

If you’re searching for the perfect surrogate who checks all of your boxes, here are a few more things to add to that list.

1. She Wants to Get to Know You

Once you think you’ve found the perfect surrogate, it’s time to start getting to know her. Like in any new relationship, you can get to know each other through phone calls, emails and in-person visits. When you talk to a prospective surrogate, keep an eye out for a few things:

  • Does she seem excited and interested in meeting you?
  • Does she look forward to talking to you?
  • Is she just as excited for the process as you are?
  • Does she ask about your hobbies, interests and dreams for this baby?
  • Does she answer all the right questions?

Any good relationship should be a two-way street. If you think you’ve found the perfect surrogate, but she doesn’t seem as excited to get to know you as you are, don’t be afraid to move on. And if you’re worried about breaking the ice, don’t forget that your surrogacy specialist can mediate the initial contact.

2. She Knows that it’s Not About the Money

It’s not easy being a surrogate. Numerous fertility treatments, a potentially challenging pregnancy and childbirth are all things a surrogate has to ask herself if she’s ready for before taking on this journey. This means that many surrogates are well-compensated for their time and energy.

But with that being said, it shouldn’t just be about the money. The women who choose to become gestational surrogates are compassionate, family-oriented and selfless. Helping someone else finally build the family of their dreams is something a surrogate is  truly passionate about. And most importantly, it’s her calling.

When you speak with a surrogate, you should feel like they’re doing this because they want to, not because of how well they’re being paid. Financial compensation is great, but it’s not the only thing that they should be thinking about. If you have a feeling that a prospective surrogate is only doing this for the money, it might be time to look elsewhere.

You don’t have to pick the first gestational surrogate you talk to. If it’s not the right match, your surrogacy specialist will give you some pointers for what to do next.

3. She Just Gets You

Many intended parents feel it in their heart when they’ve met the right gestational surrogate. When you know, you know.

If you can feel it in your gut when you talk for the first time, there’s a pretty good chance that your instincts are right. The right gestational surrogate will have all the qualities you’re looking for and more. You won’t have to worry that your future is in the wrong hands. While there’s really no such thing as a “perfect” surrogate, you can find one who’s perfect for you.

No matter how long it takes, you will find your match. We know that this process is hectic and that you probably want to move as quickly as possible, but you don’t have to rush. Don’t be afraid to take your time. Remember that you can ask your surrogacy specialist for tips and suggestions as you’re getting started.

What’s Next?

If you think you’re ready to start the surrogacy process, we’d be happy to help. Please call one of our surrogacy specialists today at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) for more information about finding a gestational surrogate through our agency.

What to Expect After Bringing Baby Home: Intended Parents

The feeling of bringing your little one home for the very first time is indescribable. All those months of careful planning, hard word and patience have finally paid off — and your family-building dreams have come true.

But for parents who built their family through surrogacy, you’re probably worried about what to expect when you bring your baby home for the first time. Here, we’ll talk about some of the emotions that you might experience after meeting your little one.

Your First Week at Home

It’s common for new parents to have mixed emotions when they bring their baby home for the first time — so you’re not alone if you feel this way. Naturally, you’ll be nervous, just like any new parent would. And that’s okay. It’s possible to feel thrilled and uncertain at the same time.

You and your baby are going to go through a lot of changes during the first few months as you get to know one another. Even with all the parenting tips and books at your disposal, you might feel unsure of what to expect.

Here are just a few things that you should know during the first week:

  • It’s okay to ask for help from friends and family.
  • You’re going to need more diapers than you thought!
  • You’ll probably feel overwhelmed and stressed with a new person to take care, so don’t forget to rest.
  • After a bit, you’ll start to learn what your baby’s cries mean.
  • It might take longer than you thought to get your bearings.
  • You should take this time to build a support system.

If you need any other tips for bringing your baby home, remember that you can always reach out to your surrogacy specialist.

Bonding with Your Baby

Bonding is something that every new parent worries about  — so you’re not alone. While this process may be more difficult as an intended parent, it’s not impossible. Remember: There are even some biological parents who have a hard time bonding with their baby, so please don’t be too hard on yourself. Bonding with your baby is already difficult enough, so try to be patient.

Difficulty bonding with your baby doesn’t mean that you’re a bad parent or that you messed up at some point during the surrogacy process. It just means that adjusting may take you a little bit more time than you had hoped.

Many adoptive and intended parents worry that their child won’t take to them or won’t recognize them as their parent. Because you did not carry them yourself, these fears might be even more pronounced. All of these feelings and emotions  are understandable. But, with a lot of time, patience, and care, you and your baby will build a strong relationship in no time.

There are many ways for you to bond with your baby, even though you didn’t carry them — so if you need any tips, you can always ask your specialist.

The Difficult Emotions of Parenthood

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there. If you feel stressed, overwhelmed or exhausted, know that you’re not alone. Many parents have been in your shoes, and know exactly what you’re going through.

It’s common knowledge that many new moms experience “the baby blues,” which can sometimes develop into postpartum depression. But did you know that the same can be said for intended parents?

The truth is that any new parent, no matter how they chose to build their family, can experience different forms of postpartum depression. In some cases, it can be just as severe or even worse  for intended parents.

The factors of post-surrogacy depression can vary. You might be having trouble bonding with your child, or you might be emotionally exhausted and overworked. When you bring your baby home for the first time, you might feel emotionally exhausted and drained. Those feelings of excitement will likely take a lot out of you — and may make you more susceptible to serious mood disorders.

Some of the most common symptoms of postpartum depression include:

  • Mood swings
  • Irritability
  • Loss of appetite
  • Loss of interest in hobbies or activities
  • Withdrawal from family and friends
  • Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby
  • Avoiding the baby
  • Difficulty bonding with baby
  • Frequent crying

If you experience any of these symptoms, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Post-surrogacy depression can be painful, but help is always available.

No matter what you’re feeling, we want you to know that you’re never alone. Your surrogacy specialist will always be here to support you. You can call us anytime, anywhere.

If you’re struggling with the emotions of being a new parent, please reach out to a specialist or a counselor for help.

10 Mother’s Day Gifts for an Intended Mom-to-Be

Mother’s Day is just around the corner! And that means it’s time to start thinking about the perfect gift. But, if you’re buying for an intended parent, you’re probably worried about accidentally purchasing the wrong thing — , gifts are related to breastfeeding that might not be as well-received by an intended mother.

If you’re worried about what to pick, we’ve got you covered. Here are 10 gift ideas that are perfect for the soon-to-be mom in your life.

1. Something handmade

There’s something special about a handmade gift on Mother’s Day. You don’t have to spend a lot of money if you’re making it yourself, which might ease some of your worries. Any gift will be much appreciated. If you’re making it yourself, you might choose a painting, a card, a knitted or crocheted blanket, baked goods, and more. As long as it’s from the heart, that’s what counts.

2. A self-care package

The most thoughtful gifts are ones with the most detail — and nothing says “thinking of you” like a self-care package. You can use this opportunity to fill it with all of her favorite things: candles, an eye mask, her favorite books, bath bombs, a weighted blanket and more. However much you plan on including, personalizing your gift will only make it that much more special.

3. A journal

Some moms like to chronicle their journey through motherhood. There’s so much that can happen in a year, and every mom wants to remember all those special moments. You can either send her a journal with prompts that she can fill out, or you can gift her a bullet journal so that she can stretch her creative muscles.

4. Baby supplies

Much-needed essentials for the baby are some of the best gifts. You can buy items like clothing, blankets, baby slings, strollers and more.

5. Diapers

Ask any parent and they’ll tell you there’s no such thing as too many diapers. Giving some is a great way to help them stock up before the baby gets here or after they’ve already been born. Some moms have a preferred brand they like to stick with, so double-check with them before making any purchases.

6. A spa day

What better way to relax than with a spa day? This is one of the best ways to get some quality “me time” in. If you’d like, you can send a gift card for a manicure, pedicure, or a facial. If you don’t want to spend too much, you can always make her a DIY spa kit.

7. Flowers

Nothing says Mother’s Day quite like a bouquet. It’s tradition to send carnations, but you can always send some of her favorites, like: lilies, tulips, and roses.

8. A gift card to one of her favorite places

If you know that an intended mom really wants to treat herself to her favorite store, a gift card is the best way to help her do that. You could get her a Visa gift card that can be used just about anywhere, or you get one that’s for a specific location — like a movie theatre or her favorite restaurant. No matter what you pick, we’re sure she’ll love it!

9. A meal-delivery service

Not everyone has time to cook — especially new moms. Why not send her a ready-made meal? Blue Apron, HelloFresh and Sun Basket are some of the most popular options, but there are other options available. Each one varies in price, so you should be able to find one that fits your budget, too.

10. Something to help her get ready

If Mother’s Day falls during the middle of the surrogacy process, you might want to gift her something that will make her feel more prepared:  a set of parenting classes, baby-proofing devices or a first-time-parent kit.

We know that surrogacy is new for many people, and it can be hard to pick out the right gift or know what’s appropriate. That’s why American Surrogacy is always here to help. Contact us online for more suggestions on appropriate surrogacy gifts.

How to Talk to Your Employer About Parental Leave

There’s something special about those first moments that you spend with your baby —their laugh, their smile, and all the little things that make them so unique. We know that you’ll want to soak up as much time as you can with your little one. But there’s one small thing to worry about: getting time off from your job.

Every parent deserves to have time to bond with their child after birth. If you’re an intended parent, you’re probably wondering if surrogacy is included in your employer’s  parental leave policy. You might even be worried about how to broach the subject with them in the first place or about how they will react.

These fears are common, but there is some important information you should know to put your mind at ease.

What Kind of Benefits Can Intended Parents Receive?

Both surrogates and intended parents can receive FMLA, also known as the Family and Medical Leave Act. This protection includes 12 weeks of unpaid leave for various reasons, including the birth of a child. However, please keep in mind that FMLA does not include paid leave. It also comes with certain restrictions. For example, only covered employers offer FMLA. Employees are also required to work a certain length of time before they’re able to receive it.

Before taking leave, please check with your employer or HR to understand all of their policies. Ultimately, it will be up to your employer to decide whether or not you can receive leave.

You can also take this time to see if your employer offers paid parental leave, if any. If that option isn’t available, you might have to work out a flexible schedule with your spouse that includes working from home or working part-time.

Don’t forget to ask your employer what kind of options are available and to create a plan with them before leaving.

How to Talk to Your Boss

At some point, you’ll need to tell your boss about your surrogacy journey. Depending on your employer, you may or may not be the first employee to share  surrogacy news  — so they might not know what to expect.

Below, you’ll find some tips for navigating this conversation:

  • Talk to them early: It’s important to specify when you plan to take leave, so that your employer can plan ahead. If you don’t give them enough heads up, they might not be able to help as much. Or, even worse, you might find that you’re already scheduled for that time off. It never hurts to be early, but it can hurt to start too late, so plan ahead.
  • Try to talk face-to-face: This is the best way to have a conversation with your employer. Try to plan for when they’re free and set some time aside to talk about your parental leave plan. This is also a good time to go over what arrangements are available to parents pursuing surrogacy.
  • Determine what your maternity leave will look like: Some parents decide to take the whole 12 weeks of FMLA available to them, while others need less. Read through your employee handbook to see what your company’s policy is regarding maternal and paternal leave.

Keep in mind that, for many, surrogacy is still a relatively new concept. There are some employers who won’t be understanding if an intended parent asks for leave. Unfortunately, this means that intended parents could face some challenges in the workplace.

If this turns out to be the case, or your workplace doesn’t offer arrangements for parents pursuing surrogacy, you might be at a loss wondering what to do next. If you face any discrimination at all, don’t be afraid to get HR or a lawyer involved to advocate on your behalf. It might even be a good idea to talk to them first for some more tips.

Remember: You deserve to have as much time as any other parent to bond with your baby.

What’s Next?

Navigating parental leave as an intended parent can be confusing, but we’re here to help. If you have any other questions about parental leave as an intended parent, don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist for more information.

5 Tips for Traveling with a Newborn after a Surrogacy Birth

The birth of your baby is a life-changing moment shared with your family and your surrogate. But what happens after your baby has entered the world, your surrogate is ready to go home, and your baby is ready to be discharged and leave the hospital with you?

Reminders About What Happens Before Your Baby is Born

Most of the preparations for post-birth steps will be completed by your specialist and attorney.

Your American Surrogacy specialist will be in touch with your attorney before the birth to make sure that all the appropriate paperwork is sent to the hospital ahead of time. We’ll remain in touch with your attorney throughout your surrogate’s labor, delivery and recovery, in case any additional paperwork is required. We’ll notify your attorney when your baby has been born so that they can complete any paperwork needed to discharge your baby to your care during and after the hospital stay. 

In many states, most (if not all) of the legal processes can be completed before the baby is even born, so everything can be sent to the hospital in advance. However, if there are any necessary legal steps after your baby’s birth, your attorney will already have walked you through those processes, and they will be ready to put the finishing touches on that paperwork once your baby is born. 

If any additional documentation is required in your situation, you may need to sign some paperwork or wait for those documents to be processed. However, this still won’t affect your ability to bring home your baby after he or she is born.

Generally speaking, most intended parents’ attorneys and specialists will have things ready to go once the baby is cleared for discharge.

From there, all that’s left is to travel home. Traveling with a newborn born via surrogacy will, in most respects, be the same as bringing any new baby home. However, intended parents often ask how they should prepare. Here are five of our tips:

1. Don’t Stress Too Much about the Birth Certificate and Social Security Card

Is it likely that anyone is going to eye you suspiciously and stop you to ask for documentation proving that this is your child as you travel home? No. But getting the standard documentation sooner rather than later never hurts, for bureaucratic purposes. So obtain those items right away if you can, but if you can’t, it’s alright!

Many states allow for pre-birth surrogacy orders, in which case, your baby’s birth certificate will be ready to go with your names listed when you’re discharged from the hospital. If, however, you require post-birth measures, your attorney will complete the necessary steps to update the birth certificate with your names as soon as possible. Processing that might take a little longer, so don’t stress if it’s not available right away.

You’ll be able to apply for a social security card as soon as your baby is born, but you may need your child’s birth certificate at some offices. This can be a pain if you don’t have the birth certificate right away; you might need to wait until you get it to apply for the card. It may be helpful to have any pre- or post-birth orders on hand, just in case officials would like to see those. You can begin applying for that card on the Social Security Administration’s website. 

Most parents don’t have any trouble with either step, but contact your specialist or attorney if you run into any difficulties.

2. Don’t Rush It

It’s understandable if you want to get back to “real life” with your new child, but this precious early time together is very short-lived. Additionally, there are two important reasons to take your time before heading home:

The first: More time with your surrogate and her family. This is the end of your journey together, and seeing your new family together will mean so much to her. Be sure to spend plenty of time with her while you can, even if you’re excited for some quality alone time with your own family!

The second: More time to make sure your baby is healthy and sturdy enough to travel. Newborns are surprisingly tough and ready to travel fairly quickly, but they can also benefit from a day or two of bonding time and adjusting to the world before they take their first trip. If you’re planning on flying, different airlines will have varying policies on the earliest they’ll permit an infant to fly with them, so this is something to be aware of before you book that flight.

3. Choose to Drive, If You Can

The first reason we recommend driving, if possible, is because of the aforementioned policies that airlines have regarding newborns. Some may require the baby’s birth certificate as proof of age, and if you don’t have that certificate yet, it can be an additional hurdle.

It’s absolutely possible to fly with an infant, but there are some benefits to driving your newborn home:

  • Reduced exposure to illness for a new immune system
  • The ability to make stops as-needed for diaper changes and feedings
  • Less chance of significant travel delays
  • No need for proof of age (if you’re nervous about not having all of your baby’s documentation yet)

Just like when flying, you’ll still want to follow basic newborn safety practices when driving. Otherwise, this route is fairly straightforward.

4. Bring Something to Organize Documents

Again, most of the surrogacy-related documentation will already have been sent to the hospital before the birth by your American Surrogacy specialist and your attorney. However, it never hurts to bring physical copies of relevant documentation with you to the hospital, just in case you or the hospital staff need to refer to something. 

You might pack copies of:

Afterwards, you’ll walk out of the hospital with a new baby — and a lot of papers. You may receive:

  • A list of immunizations
  • A list of health screenings and panels completed
  • Your baby’s birth stats
  • Doctor’s notes
  • Discharge papers
  • Pamphlets for new parents to help with the care of their newborn
  • A birth certificate, in some situations
  • And more

Having a folder of some sort where you can safely store and access these papers — alongside whatever surrogacy-related documentation you brought with you as a just-in-case measure — will likely be helpful.

5. Follow Standard Safety and Packing Tips

Parents everywhere will have plenty of advice for you when it comes to packing for the hospital and the trip home. The biggest differences in your situation: You won’t need to pack for postpartum care, and you’ll want to pack some extra clothes and supplies in case you’re in the hospital for a while.

Of course, the most important things you’ll need to have ready before you head out of the hospital with your baby include:

  • An approved carrier/car seat, preferably already installed
  • A stocked diaper bag
  • Breastmilk (and something to transport it in), formula or a combination of both
  • Diapers and wipes
  • Extra clothes
  • Plenty of cloths and rags
  • Bottles (remember that you can always clean them on-the-go, if you need to, so don’t overpack)
  • Some plastic bags to temporarily seal up dirty spit-up rags and clothes 

Resist the urge to pack the cute, unnecessary things. For now, just make sure that your baby is safe, comfortable, warm and fed as you travel home. Keep your own bags packed with strictly practical and comfortable items, too.

If you have any questions, or you’re uncertain about preparing to travel home with your surrogacy-born newborn, you can always ask your American Surrogacy specialist, or check in with parents who have been in your shoes!

What if the Intended Parents Miss Their Baby’s Birth?

Intended parents are usually able to get to the hospital with plenty of time to spare, so they can welcome their baby alongside their surrogate. But it’s always a fear in the back of the mind of gestational surrogates and intended parents, especially in long-distance matches — what if the intended parents don’t make it in time? 

What if they miss their baby’s birth? Who would be responsible for the baby’s care and for making any necessary medical decisions until the intended parents arrive? 

While this is extremely rare (it’s never happened with American Surrogacy so far!) it’s certainly possible for an unavoidable impediment like unexpected/emergency labor, a travel ban or flight delay to prevent the intended parents from being present at the time of the baby’s birth.

Here’s what surrogates and intended parents should know:

Always Stay Calm

In the unlikely event that this happens in your surrogacy journey, both parties will be understandably upset that things aren’t going according to plan. The arrival of the baby is an important moment, and you all want to be together for that event. 

However, if something unexpected and unavoidable occurs, all that really matters is the health and safety of the baby and surrogate. No matter what, the baby will be born and the families will be united — even if it’s not as soon as everyone would prefer. Until then, stay calm and trust that each party (along with your American Surrogacy specialist) will take care of their end of things. 

The Baby Would Be Cared for By the Nurses

If the parents are significantly delayed for some reason, the gestational surrogate cannot care for the baby in the interim because she’s not the parent and has no legal rights to the child. That will be the hospital’s policy, even if the intended parents give permission for her to temporarily take over for them until they arrive. 

The hospital’s pediatric staff would assume care of the baby until the parents arrive.

Talk to Your Attorney

Your surrogacy attorneys may be able to work a clause into your contracts that outlines what would happen in this situation, including some advanced medical directives. Ask them what’s possible in your situation, and coordinate with your surrogacy partner as well as your specialist to make sure any relevant legal information is provided to hospital staff in advance.

Talking to your attorney will be especially important if you’re stationed overseas and need to travel back to the United States mainland to be with your U.S. surrogate. Ask your attorney and hospital if there are any exceptions that can be made in your situation, or if you can make some decisions regarding your newborn’s care in advance.

Keep Phones Close at Hand

Some of the medical and newborn care decisions that need to be made by the parents may be done over the phone. This can be tricky if the parents are mid-flight or are traveling through an area with spotty reception. However, surrogates and intended parents can try to keep an open line of communication before, during and after the baby’s birth for important updates, so we always recommend having that phone fully charged, close at hand and with the ringer on.

This will also be important in case your surrogacy specialist tries to get ahold of either of you for updates or important information!

You’ll Have the Rest of Your Lives to Make Up for One Missed Moment

If, as an intended parent, you can’t imagine missing your baby’s first breaths, try to keep things in perspective. Missing your child’s birth would be incredibly difficult. But you’ll have a lifetime together ahead of you!

Surrogates: If you’re comfortable doing so, and you know that the intended parents are about to miss their baby’s birth, consider asking your spouse or a nurse to video or photograph your labor and delivery. Being able to see their baby come into the world (even after the fact) may mean a lot to the parents. 

Your Surrogacy Specialist Will Be Ready

Whether you’re an intended parent or a surrogate, remember that your American Surrogacy specialist will be watching over your journey and making sure that things are going smoothly. Even if something unexpected and unavoidable happens, like the intended parents being delayed on their way to the hospital, your specialist will be ready. 

She will be communicating with hospital staff, your attorneys and both parties as often as possible to keep everyone in the know. We understand that sometimes things unexpectedly happen and throw a wrench in our carefully-made plans! But we’ll be ready to help everyone deal with whatever comes your way and make sure the baby is safe, happy and healthy until he or she is placed into the parents’ arms.

How to Prepare Older Children for a Sibling Born Via Surrogacy

If you have a child or several children, and you’re in the process of adding to your family through surrogacy, you’re also going to be preparing your children for a new baby brother or sister. So, in honor of National Siblings Day, American Surrogacy wanted to offer you some tips!

In most respects, you’ll talk to your children about the responsibilities of being a big sibling just like any family would. Your children will likely experience the same thoughts and feelings that most kids have when they find out they’re getting a new sibling.

However, because you’re welcoming a child via surrogacy, a few aspects of this experience will be a little different. For example, your kids won’t be watching Mom’s belly grow. They may wonder if their surrogate-born sibling will be different somehow. They may want to establish their own relationship to your surrogate and their unborn sibling.

You may not be sure of how to move forward, so here’s American Surrogacy’s advice on how to help get your children ready for their newest surrogate-born sibling:

1. Explain Surrogacy to Your Children

Having a basic, age-appropriate grasp of the surrogacy process is the first step. Reading some children’s books about surrogacy together can be a great introduction to the topic. 

Explain that there are many different but equally wonderful ways to grow a family, and this is just how your child’s brother or sister will be joining your family. Ask them if they have any questions about surrogacy, and express your excitement and pride in this shared experience — they’ll mirror your calmness and positivity!

Remember that your children will become their own ambassadors for surrogacy at school and among their peers, so give them the tools they need to answer questions they might be asked by inquisitive kids or teachers. Teaching them some basic language to use and practicing using that language at home can be helpful.

2. Continue to Talk About the Baby and Let Them Ask Questions

When you’re adding to your family via surrogacy, the concept of the new baby can be a little “out of sight, out of mind” for some kids. After your initial news, they may forget that the baby is still coming because they aren’t watching Mom’s body change. The baby’s arrival can feel very far away to a little kid!

Keep their new sibling a topic of conversation. Ask them what they’re excited to do with their little brother or sister when they’re older, or what names they like. Ask them for their help in setting up the baby’s nursery.

Take the opportunity to listen to their questions, as well. Your child might be wondering about how the baby is doing with the surrogate, or they might be unsure of what the hospital process will be like. They might also be nervous about typical big sibling concerns, too!

3. Involve Them in the Surrogacy Experience

It can be comforting for your child to feel included and clued in with what’s happening, in an age-appropriate way. Here are a few ways you could include your child in your family’s surrogacy journey:

  • Let your children meet your surrogate, if possible. You can show your child her picture or video chat with her if an in-person visit isn’t convenient. Getting to know the wonderful person who is carrying their sibling can make things feel a little more real and exciting.
  • Let your children meet their sibling at the hospital. This may also give them the opportunity to thank your surrogate for helping your whole family. 
  • Encourage your child to write letters or draw pictures to your surrogate and your baby. Mail them to her! It’ll probably bring a smile to her face.
  • Record your child reading a story to the baby, and send it to your surrogate to play. Get a jumpstart on sibling bonding!
  • Have your child pick out two special gifts — one for your surrogate and one for their baby sibling. Letting them choose a toy or stuffed animal for the baby can help things feel tangible.
  • Talk about your surrogate. Tell your child stories that she’s shared about the baby’s progress or movements. Tell your child about where she lives and what her family is like. Talk about how she’s taking amazing care of their baby sibling.

4. Be Reassuring and Express Your Excitement

Kids pick up on our emotions and look to parents to see if they should feel positively about a new situation. Speaking and behaving in a way that shows you’re proud of this surrogacy journey will set the example for your children to follow suit. Setting this tone now will especially be important for your surrogate-born child. Show your children that this is a happy and exciting time for your family. 

Even so, your child may still be afraid of the big changes ahead or may feel some uncertainty toward the surrogacy process. Keep assuring your children that things are going to be alright. The surrogacy process can be hectic and emotional, but your children will look to you for normalcy and positivity in the adventure you’re undertaking together.

In many ways, these feelings are the same that any family experiences with the arrival of a new child. Surrogacy can make things seem a little challenging at first glance, but the enormous benefit that it will have for your family will be lifelong.

Want more tips and suggestions on preparing your children for a sibling born via surrogacy? Reach out to your American Surrogacy specialist anytime for personalized advice.

10 Reasons You Might Switch Surrogacy Agencies

Beginning a second surrogacy journey, whether you’re a hopeful intended parent or a returning gestational surrogate, is an exciting opportunity. But depending on your situation, you’ll also be asking yourself a few questions like:

  • “Do I want to partner with the same surrogate/intended parents as last time?”
  • “Do I need or want to find a new surrogacy partner?”
  • “What else do I want to change about my surrogacy experience, knowing what I do now and having discovered my own preferences from my previous journey?”
  • “Do I want to use a surrogacy agency this time instead of trying to go it alone like last time?

And:

“Do I want to work with a different surrogacy agency?”

Now that you’ve been through the surrogacy process, you’ve likely discovered some likes, dislikes and aspects that would be perfect “if only X, Y, or Z.” In your upcoming surrogacy journey, you can learn from your experiences — and that might include working with an agency you think might be better fit for you.

It’s okay to work with a different professional from your last surrogacy journey! Many people do. Here are 10 reasons why you might switch surrogacy agencies:

1. You want national reach but personalized connections with your professional.

A lot of people work with a local professional their first time around. The biggest benefit of a smaller, local professional is that you’re often able to go into their office and have a personal connection with your professional. However, these local professionals are often understaffed; have fewer resources.connections and less experience; and aren’t able to match you as quickly.

By working with a national surrogacy agency, you can match with anyone in the U.S. However, you still want an agency that will be able to give you the personal attention that you and your surrogacy partner deserve. Choose an agency with national reach and nationwide connections — but with a one-on-one level of attention.

2. Your previous professional didn’t have any surrogates or intended parents waiting for your match.

Ideally, you won’t spend too much time waiting for the right match. However, some agencies will have a long list of waiting intended parents and no surrogates, or vice versa. Choose an agency that has a history of relatively quick matches (and successful, happy ones). 

A good surrogacy agency will actively be advertising for intended parents and surrogates who meet the necessary criteria, so anyone who is waiting for their perfect match won’t have to wait for long. This is another reason why national agencies like American Surrogacy are usually preferred over smaller, regional professionals. And this is especially why people choose to work with agencies rather than searching on their own: Agencies will find them a safe match in less time.

3. You want a more experienced professional who can provide you with support, resources and guidance both before and after your surrogacy journey.

Your surrogacy agency is your guide through a complex and emotional process. There are so many unknowns in surrogacy, even if this isn’t your first time. 

If your previous professional didn’t provide you and your surrogacy partner with the support that’s so vital to a successful and low-stress experience, then it can put you off from wanting to even pursue surrogacy again! 

A good agency will make sure that both parties are well-educated and prepared before ever beginning — and that everyone has access to support throughout their surrogacy journey and beyond. Neither you, your surrogacy partner, or either of your families will ever be on your own in this when you work with American Surrogacy.

4. You don’t want to be limited to matches within your immediate area.

This is a common frustration with people who previously worked with a smaller, local professional. A local agency or attorney is usually restricted to working within the immediate area. But the truth is, you aren’t going to find many matches that way, and the chances that you find the perfect match for you within your town are slim.

National surrogacy agencies like American Surrogacy are able to work with intended parents and gestational surrogates throughout the U.S., so your match is based on compatibility above location. The connection between intended parents and surrogates is one of the greatest indicators of a happy and successful surrogacy experience — location is the smallest factor in that equation.

5. You didn’t “click” with your previous surrogacy professional.

Again, surrogacy is a highly emotional experience for everyone involved. Many choices will be made with your “gut” and your heart, within reason. Not feeling a genuine connection with your previous surrogacy professional is an absolutely legitimate reason for switching agencies.

During this vulnerable and life-changing experience, you want to know that the person who is going to be guiding you through the ups and downs will have your family’s interests in mind. American Surrogacy’s specialists are always here for you and your surrogacy partner, and we’ll take the time to understand you and your needs before we ever begin the process.

6. You want a professional who focuses on the needs of children first.

Children are at the heart of every surrogacy journey. Surrogates are there to protect and care for children when their parents are unable to. Intended parents long for a child and entrust their unborn child’s care to a woman who is ready for such a responsibility. 

A surrogacy agency’s responsibility is to ensure that those intended parents and surrogates are putting the child first, too —ot just the health of children when they’re in utero, but their emotional and mental health as they grow. That’s why agencies like American Surrogacy educate intended parents and surrogates about supporting children who are born via surrogacy — encouraging pride in their birth story, staying in touch with those involved in the child’s birth and more.

7. You want support in facilitating a stronger bond with your surrogacy partner.

It’s always hoped that you and your surrogacy partner, whether that’s a gestational surrogate or intended parents, will share a deep emotional connection and that you’ll truly enjoy this life-changing experience together. Ideally, you’ll gain a lasting friendship from this, as well as the joy of bringing a new life into the world.

But new relationships can be a little awkward at first when you’re matched with a stranger. And it can be important to have an experienced professional help you all navigate the details of this process, including the legal and financial aspects. 

At American Surrogacy, your specialist will help you and your surrogacy partner work through the necessary details, have the important conversations and get to know one another. From there, you can continue your relationship to whatever extent both parties are comfortable with. We’ll just help you get off to the best possible start.

8. You want a professional that will ensure all candidates meet the highest screening standards.

More than anything, it’s important that everyone involved (especially the child) is safe, healthy and happy. That’s why it’s so critical that both parties complete thorough screening processes.

Everyone must come to the surrogacy process completely ready — physically, emotionally, financially and mentally. Our specialists at American Surrogacy take this very seriously. That’s why we spend so much time talking prospective surrogates and intended parents through the process, screening everyone and making sure that they’re excited and prepared in every way.

9. Your previous professional wasn’t available when you had questions. 

Nothing is more upsetting than not being able to reach your professional when you need them. When you trust a surrogacy agency to act as your guide through such an important process, you also trust that they’ll be there for you should you ever have a question, concern or a new development.

American Surrogacy is always here for our surrogates and intended parents — before, during and after their surrogacy journeys.

10. Your previous professional only gave you (unrealistic) platitudes rather than transparent facts and options.

As you likely know from your previous experience with surrogacy (and parenthood), not everything is perfect all the time! All the preparation in the world can’t prevent something unexpected from happening.

American Surrogacy never sugarcoats or promises that everything will always go precisely according to plan. We all know that babies can be a little unpredictable, for one. We’re committed to providing surrogates and intended parents with honest, transparent and realistic descriptions of the choices in front of them at each stage of the process, and we’ll always offer our expert opinion in an effort to help you do what’s best for your families. 

Thinking about switching surrogacy agencies? We encourage you to reach out to a specialist at American Surrogacy to learn more about how we go above and beyond other professionals.