When Family Members Don’t Understand Your Surrogacy Decision

Building a family through gestational surrogacy is often a decision made after months or years of difficult fertility treatments and soul-searching. So, when you finally decide to add a child to your household in this way, you probably want to shout the news from the rooftops.

Unfortunately, not everyone may see your surrogacy decision in such an awesome light. Sadly, it’s not uncommon for intended parents to receive harsh questions and criticisms from extended family members when announcing their decision. Whether the response comes from a place of ignorance or personal grief, it can still be difficult for intended parents to hear.

Your specialist at American Surrogacy will always celebrate your surrogacy decision, but we also know it can be hard not to get the support from your family you’ve been expecting. That’s why we’re here to help you prepare for these conversations and help your family understand the journey you’ve chosen. You can always contact your specialist at any time during the journey for advice on these topics and more. We also host a community of supportive and encouraging intended parents and surrogates, who you can connect with online.

So, what can you do when your family members don’t accept your surrogacy decision?

1. Explain the Basics

Most of the time, a negative reaction about surrogacy comes from a place of ignorance. Many people don’t understand exactly how modern surrogacy works. They may think your surrogate will be the biological mother of the child or that she can, or will, want to “take back” the child once he or she is born. In many cases, when you take the time to explain the basics of gestational surrogacy, those initial fears disappear.

But, before you go into a conversation educating your family members about surrogacy, it’s a good idea to do a little research of your own. Take some notes on exactly what you want to say, and try to anticipate their most likely questions. Make sure they don’t interrupt you until you’re done; that way, you can share everything you want to and give them the best chance to learn.

2. Give Them Time

While it would be great if your loved ones changed their tune right away after hearing your explanation, expect to give them some time and space to process your information. Remember how long it took you to understand the gestational surrogacy process? Your loved ones are in that step right now. While you can express your excitement for their support of your family-building journey, let them know you know it may take some time to get there. In the meantime, communicate that you will not appreciate any negative comments about your chosen way to build a family.

3. Answer Their Questions

Similarly, you shouldn’t expect your loved ones to understand all the ins and outs of gestational surrogacy right away. So, be prepared to answer their questions in an informative way. Be prepared: Some of these questions may be ignorant or insensitive, but try to control your emotions and be as educational as possible when answering them. Even if your loved ones get emotional, stay calm and remember that nothing they can say should influence your decision. After all, it’s already been made.

Be aware that your loved ones may have questions throughout the surrogacy process, so it’s important to make surrogacy an ongoing conversation as you move forward. If you have a spouse, you two should share the responsibilities of answering these questions and educating others about your journey — but only if you’re comfortable doing so.

4. Do What’s Right For You

Sometimes, no matter how much effort we put into educating our loved ones, they simply don’t want to change their minds. It can be tough to not have a loved one involved in your family-building journey, but ultimately you have to do what is right for you — even if it means stepping away from that relationship.

When you choose surrogacy, you are already dealing with a number of practical and emotional challenges. The last thing you need is an unsupportive loved one weighing on you. If your family member can’t say anything nice about your family-building journey or can’t refrain from saying anything at all, don’t feel guilty about putting a pause on that relationship. If they ask why, be honest: “I can’t involve you in this pregnancy if you won’t be supportive of it.”

Hopefully, with time, they will come to recognize the error of their ways and commit to being a supportive loved one for your child. In the meantime, you will have saved yourself a great deal of stress and pain by focusing solely on your surrogacy journey — the only thing that really matters right now.

For more tips on talking about surrogacy with your family members, contact us online or call your specialist at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

3 Complicated Questions You Have About Becoming an Intended Parent

Becoming an intended parent is an exciting time. You’re steps closer to having the child you’ve always dreamed about — and becoming the parent you’ve always wanted to be.

But, when you go through the application process, you may be surprised at the depth at which you need to answer questions. Why does the surrogacy agency need to know your full history? Why can’t they focus on the last few years, when you first started your family-building journey?

The paperwork and screening can seem intrusive, but it’s important to ensure you are ready for the physical and emotional challenges of gestational surrogacy. American Surrogacy always encourages prospective intended parents to be honest; that way, we can talk to you in detail about how your personal history might affect your upcoming journey.

But, if you have a complicated personal history, you may be worried how our specialists will react to this information. Don’t worry — we’ve seen it all before. You can always call our specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) to discuss whether you are personally eligible for surrogacy. We’ll always be happy to answer your questions.

You can also follow us on Instagram to hear directly from intended parents about their experience with surrogacy.

In the meantime, we’ve gone ahead and answered a few of the ones we receive most often below.

1. Can you be an intended parent if you have a criminal history?

No one is perfect. We’ve all made mistakes at some point in our lives. But if your mistakes are permanently recorded in a criminal charge or case, you’re probably worried about their effect on your upcoming surrogacy journey.

Every intended parent must undergo a criminal background screening prior to being approved with our agency. This is to ensure you can provide a safe and stable home for a child born via surrogacy. If you have a criminal history, it will show up during this screening — but it’s not an automatic disqualification for the process.

In most cases, you can still be an intended parent, even if you have a criminal history. Your specialist will discuss the charge or situation in detail with you, so we can better understand your personal history and whether you’ve learned from your mistakes. We may ask you to write a detailed letter about the situation and the outcome for our records. We make decisions on a case-by-case basis but, as long as you have learned from your mistakes and are no threat to a surrogate or a baby born via surrogacy, you should be approved by our agency.

It’s important that you are 100 percent honest with your specialist from the start. That is the only way we can help you. Remember, your background will come out during your screenings, so keeping us in the loop from the beginning allows us to stay ahead of the situation and work much easier with you.

2. Can you be an intended parent if you have a history of addiction?

Similarly, you may worry that a history of addiction will disqualify you from surrogacy — or make a prospective surrogate less likely to work with you. This is not the case at all.

We know that addiction is a terrible disease to overcome. But, if you’ve come out on the positive side after a history of substance abuse, we trust that you are stronger than your disease. You should know this will likely be a topic discussed during your mental health screening. A licensed professional will talk with you about this history, how you overcame it, and how you plan to stay clean in the months and years to come. After all, surrogacy is a stressful, complicated journey, so it’s important that you stay committed to your sobriety during this time — and in your upcoming parenting journey.

Again, we request that you are completely honest about any substance abuse history you may have. If you are, we can work with you to keep it from affecting your family-building journey. We may require a letter from your therapist or from you about this history and your plans for maintaining sobriety, for our records.

3. Why does my personal history matter?

We know the screening process for becoming an intended parent can be intrusive. You might even think it’s unfair, given that millions of people around the world can have a biological child without going through anything like this.

We understand your frustration — but remember that gestational surrogacy is about more than your desires. It’s about keeping your surrogate safe, too. Every prospective surrogate goes through similar background checks and mental health screenings prior to working with our agency. They have a right to request the same of their intended parents, too. We set these requirements to protect everyone’s best interest. We also reserve the right to request an in-home assessment of intended parents, as well.

Ultimately, remember that these background checks are in place for your protection. They’re also an important reason why we can offer such a smooth, safe surrogacy process.

Our specialists are always happy to discuss our background check requirements for intended parents. Feel free to contact us online or call us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) to speak with a specialist today.

7 Types of People You Need On Your Surrogacy Team

Nobody completes a surrogacy journey alone. It takes a lot of people to have this baby — various medical and legal professionals, the intended parents, donors, the surrogate and her family and more!

Accepting the help of your surrogacy “team” can be hard for some people at first, but once you open your heart to that team effort, you won’t regret it.

Surrogates and intended parents alike will need key support from certain types of people. Here are seven people you’ll definitely want on your surrogacy team:

1. The Veteran

This is a former intended parent or surrogate who has been there and done that. Every person’s experience with surrogacy is going to be unique. After all, there are many types of surrogacy journeys, and no two partnerships are alike. However, the veteran on your team can often offer valuable insight on “do”s and “don’t”s, even if you listen to their stories with a proverbial grain of salt. They may have helpful suggestions regarding insurance, professionals and more.

Most veterans are happy to help, even if you don’t personally know them. They’ve been in your position, too. A good way to connect with former and current intended parents and surrogates is through support groups, or through your primary professional.

Connect with the surrogacy community through our Instagram.

2. The Counselor

We mean this literally. Many agencies, including American Surrogacy, require prospective surrogates and parents to meet with a counselor before the surrogacy process even begins. This is done to ensure that you’re 100% emotionally prepared for this step. It’s also helpful for surrogates and intended parents to have access to a counselor who is familiar with surrogacy.

Maybe you never need to talk to your counselor again, maybe you check in with them sometime during your surrogacy journey, or maybe you need post-surrogacy support from him or her. It’s always good to have a licensed and experienced counselor on your team for ready access to support, should you need it now or in the future.

3. The Expert

Your American Surrogacy specialist will be your primary point of contact throughout your journey. They’re also the best all-around expert on surrogacy at your disposal. We’re always here if you need us for support or if you have questions!

You can look to the expert for anything, from help finding the best possible insurance coverage for all of you to managing communication. Even if we don’t offer a specific service ourselves, we’ll be able to put you in touch with the right people and help you to find the best providers in your area. Everybody needs an expert on their team.

4. The Doctor

The medical processes of surrogacy are complex and high-stakes. It’s understandable if everyone involved is nervous about what’s going on and whether or not things are working! However, it can be easy to over-worry and overwork yourself, especially for intended parents who have never experienced pregnancy before.

It’s good to have someone on your fertility team who is available to answer those nervous questions, present options honestly and soothe unnecessary anxiety. Someone you connect with at your clinic or your OBGYN may be able to be that go-to person for medical questions in between appointments.

5. The Shoulder to Cry On

Someone who can listen without trying to fix the situation will be your best shoulder to cry on. Because, sometimes, we all just need to vent, talk it out or even cry it out! Choose someone who won’t fly into a panic if you need to come over and be upset for a while. Mourning losses or frustrations in a surrogacy journey doesn’t mean that it’s going badly or that you want to quit. Ups and downs are natural.

Surrogates and intended parents alike will need someone they can talk to about the emotions of surrogacy. This is an emotional time, and you’ll need a comforting presence on your team.

6. The Reinforcements

These are the friends, family and neighbors that you can count on to call for practical help at any time. They’re ready and willing to drop everything to babysit your kids for a couple of days if labor begins suddenly. They know that you’ll need a casserole in the fridge when you don’t have time to cook after the baby is born.

Surrogates will need an extra hand around the house as they juggle pregnancy and their normal responsibilities, plus they’ll need a little help during postnatal recovery. Intended parents will likely need to travel at the drop of a hat, and when the baby comes home, they’ll be busy with their new addition. Everyone needs to be able to call for their reinforcements!

7. The Teammate

Your surrogacy partner — the intended parents or surrogate — will be your ultimate teammate. You’re both in pursuit of the same goal, and you’re both there to cheer each other on. Your losses and successes are shared. This often extends to one another’s immediate families — spouses and children. Include them as part of the team! You’re all in this together, so go ahead and look to each other for support.

Who’s on your surrogacy team? Let us know in the comments!

A Day in the Life of a Surrogacy Specialist

The surrogacy process is a beautiful way to start a family. It’s also something that takes a lot of work. Everyone involved has an important role to play, especially the specialist with your surrogacy professional.

Surrogacy specialists are responsible for many aspects of the process. Typically, they’re juggling multiple tasks and everything is high priority. They know they can’t afford to drop any balls, because this work is vital to fulfilling your dreams of becoming a parent. Surrogacy specialists are passionate, caring professionals who work tirelessly to help create families.

As an intended parent or surrogate considering surrogacy, or as an intended parent currently going through the process, you obviously know that surrogacy specialists are important, and the work they do matters. But do you really know what their days look like?

We’re going to pull back the curtain on the daily life of a surrogacy specialist. As you’ll see, these are everyday heroes performing challenging tasks under high pressure. From the required administrative duties to filing paperwork to counseling families and surrogates through the ups and downs of the process, your specialist is there for you.

Here’s what a typical day in the life of a surrogacy specialist might look like.

7 a.m. — Family First

Wait, isn’t this about what a surrogacy specialist does at work? Yes, it is. But before we get to that, we need to establish something very important: Surrogacy specialists have lives, too. They have families, obligations, early mornings and everything else.

When an intended parent or surrogate is working with a surrogacy specialist, it can be easy to get tunnel vision and forget that they are more than just a surrogacy specialist. Before the drive to the office, there’s getting the kids fed and out the door and, if they’re lucky, time to sit down for a cup of coffee.

8 a.m. — Time for Some Emails

Awareness and interest in surrogacy is growing every day. As recently as several years ago, surrogacy was still seen as an “out there” option for family building. Today, it is much more common. A surrogacy specialist knows this firsthand through the amount of inquiries they respond to each day.

After driving to the office and settling in with a hot cup of coffee, their day will often begin by responding to all of the requests for information that came in over the last 24 hours. This could be five, 10 or more emails.

Each response carries a lot of weight. This is a person who is interested in starting a family or interested in carrying a baby for intended parents. Both are asking serious questions that could be life-changing. Far from a quick response, each email demands careful focus and attention.

9 a.m. — Assisting Active Cases

Our surrogacy specialist shifts focus to the caseload already on their plate once these interest inquiries are taken care of. Along with the people interested in surrogacy, there are also the people who are already in the process. These could be matches — intended parents and a surrogate who are already paired up — or either party that is still waiting for a match.

Managing the caseload is part administrative work, part counseling work and a little bit of everything else. One minute could be dedicated to reviewing a surrogacy contract, and the next is spent vetting a family to ensure they qualify. It’s important for each step of this process to be completed accurately for the protection of everyone involved.

10 a.m. — Phone Calls to Speak with Women Interested in Surrogacy

Deciding to carry a baby as a gestational surrogate is a big choice. After initially requesting information online, women who are interested in taking the next step will often schedule a follow-up call to have a more in-depth discussion about the surrogacy process.

This is unique in the day of a surrogacy specialist, as opposed to many other family-building professionals. Many adoption agencies, for example, have adoptive family specialists and birth mother specialists. In surrogacy, the surrogacy specialist works with everyone involved from start to finish.

These calls are a chance to educate and encourage women interested in becoming a surrogate.

11 a.m. — Team Meeting

Our team at American Surrogacy is made up of several hard-working individuals, and it helps to be on the same page. The surrogacy process can get complicated. There are a lot of moving parts, important documents and necessary phone calls. Plus, working as a team helps provide encouragement on the hard days.

12 p.m. – Lunch, and Probably More Emails

Who really takes a full lunch, anyways? While our surrogacy specialist was speaking with women on the phone and collaborating with her team, new requests for information and emails from active cases have been building up in her inbox. A working lunch is typical.

1 p.m. – Intended Parent Calls

It’s time for more phone calls! So much of being a surrogacy specialist involves answering questions. These questions are important, and they require complete responses. Without the support of a surrogacy specialist, intended parents would be at a loss in this process.

Just like our surrogacy specialist did at 10 a.m. with surrogates, they will spend time in the afternoon following up with intended parents who want to learn more. These calls typically last an hour, and, depending on the day, could take up the whole afternoon. Each family is unique, which means each conversation is totally different.

2 p.m. – Delivering Good News and Finding a Match

One of the best things that can happen in a surrogacy specialist’s day is when intended parents hop on the phone and are ready to go. That means they already have taken the necessary medical steps, have embryos prepared and are ready to find a match. Here’s the best part: showing them our list of available surrogacy situations.

We work with so many amazing gestational surrogates. Helping a family find a match is one of the best parts of the day. This is a moment they’ll remember for the rest of their lives, and we are honored to play a part in the story of their family.

3 p.m. – Delivering Bad News and Having Tough Conversations

This is a profession comprised of ups and downs. For all the times a surrogacy specialist gets to be a part of life-changing moments, there are times when they have to deliver bad news and have tough conversations.

At this point, a surrogacy specialist may have to pick up the phone and call a woman hoping to be a surrogate with some bad news: We’re so sorry, but something has come up, and you do not meet the qualifications.

American Surrogacy has psychological and medical standards for all surrogates, which provides protection for everyone involved in the process. It can be really hard when something comes up in the medical screening that was unknown or unexpected. Delivering news like this is not easy. It’s the knowledge of the good things that will happen that keeps a surrogacy specialist going through hard conversations like this.

4 p.m. – Wrapping up loose ends

You never truly know what a day is going to hold. The last hour is reserved for the unexpected (unless, of course, something unexpected demands attention earlier). There are plenty of loose ends to tie up. A surrogacy specialist rarely leaves the office feeling like work is “done.” The goal is to get everything in a good place to come back to work tomorrow.

 5 p.m. – An Evening Full of Family

Once again, we’re back to life.

It’s time for school pickup, volleyball practice, basketball games, cooking dinner (or, let’s be real, ordering takeout) and enjoy time with family. American Surrogacy is all about creating family, so of course a surrogacy specialist places a high value on her own. This is what makes life great. Even though toting the kids to and from evening activities can be tiring, it provides fuel for the next day at work.

The Heart of Surrogacy

Anyone who dreams of starting a family should have the opportunity to see that dream fulfilled. That’s the belief at the core of American Surrogacy. Yes, being a surrogacy specialist is a job. But it’s also much more than that. It is a position with daily opportunities to play a vital role in changing someone’s life.

That kind of work comes with its ups and downs. There are hard days when nothing seems to go right, but there are also great days when you get to witness a family come together for the first time. Surrogacy specialists accept both the good and the bad, holding it all together in this delicate process and working tirelessly to serve you.

Our surrogacy specialists help maintain our vibrant, supportive communities for intended parents and surrogates. Check in with them here.

If you’d like to speak with a surrogacy specialist today, you can call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or reach out online. We would love to talk with you.

Israel Supreme Court Confirms LGBTQ, Single Parents’ Right to Surrogacy

Single parents and LGBTQ intended parents in Israel can now pursue gestational surrogacy, thanks to a ruling by Israel’s Supreme Court this week.

For years, only heterosexual, married parents could add to their families through gestational surrogacy in Israel. In 2018, a new law allowed for single women or those unable to bear children to pursue this path. Same-sex couples or single men were excluded, prompting the Association of Israeli Gay Fathers to challenge the law in court.

Now, gestational surrogacy is available to all intended parents in Israel who wish to utilize it.

The recent ruling from the court orders Israel’s parliament to “put an end to the discrimination against same-sex couples and single men” within the next 12 months.

“We have won! It’s an emotional day when Israel has finally taken a step towards the advanced countries in the world on rights for LGBT people,” Julien Bahloul, spokesperson for the Association of Israeli Gay Fathers, said in a statement.

Now, Israeli single and LGBTQ intended parents can choose the advantages of domestic surrogacy, rather than face the risks and costs of pursuing surrogacy in another country. But many intended parents in other countries around the world cannot. Fortunately, surrogacy in the United States offers a safe and clear path for becoming parents.

For a supportive community of understanding surrogates and intended parents, follow us on Instagram.

Want to learn more about surrogacy in the United States? While American Surrogacy does not work with international parents, we always welcome intended parents who currently live in the U.S. Request free information online here.

How are Rare Disease Day and Surrogacy Connected?

Tomorrow, Feb.  29, is Rare Disease Day. If you’re living with a rare disease that’s led to infertility or made pregnancy extremely risky, then we’d like to take some time to talk about what this day means for intended parents just like you. If you’ve been living with infertility, then you know these struggles all too well.

Whether you’re an intended parent, about to become one, or a friend or family member of one, here is everything you need to know about Rare Disease Day.

So, What is Rare Disease Day?

Rare Disease Day takes place on the last day of February every year. That means, this year, it just so happens to fall on Feb. 29.

The main goal of today is to help spread awareness about rare diseases and those who live with them. Over 300 million are currently living with some form of rare disease around the world. Some of these rare diseases can actually cause infertility or make pregnancy extremely dangerous for hopeful parents, which is why many of our intended parents have turned to surrogacy. And according to RESOLVE, about 1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility on the road to building their family.

If you’re still coming to terms with infertility, remember that it’s not your fault. Keep in mind that you can always reach out to a surrogacy specialist or a trained counselor at any time if you’re having trouble coping.  It might feel impossible, but there are techniques that can help you cope with the stress of living with infertility.

Reaching Out

Living with a rare disease can be exhausting, and there might be only so much that you can do. Similarly, many intended parents cope with infertility alone, afraid to reach out to those closest to them.

If you take away anything from Rare Disease Day, it’s that you’re never alone. Many families have been in your exact shoes and know just what you’re feeling. As such, this is a perfect opportunity to reach out to other families who are hoping to make their parenting dreams come true through surrogacy. There are support groups online and in-person for people like you. If you’re looking for some more direction, contact a surrogacy specialist today.

Getting Involved

There are plenty of ways that you can get involved today. These are just some of the few ideas, but don’t be afraid to check out rarediseaseday.org for some more tips on how you can get involved. For more inspiration, reach out here.

  • Spread the word on social media: One of the best places to spread awareness is through social media. Shout your support through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or whichever platform you use. Use #RareDiseaseDay on your posts and use the official Facebook frame for your profile picture!
  • Share your story: There are more people that have been impacted by a rare disease than you think. Share your story of living with a rare disease and send it to rarediseaseday.org to help someone else who’s in your shoes. Don’t forget to include a picture in your post! We know that you might be nervous, but you never know who you might inspire with your words and pictures.
  • Donate: If you’d like to make a financial statement of awareness, you can always donate toward Rare Disease Day. Any amount, no matter how small, will always make a difference. Learn more about donating here.
  • Host your own fundraiser: To get even more involved, you might even think about starting your own fundraiser in honor of today, too. This is also a great way to share the importance of Rare Disease Day with your community. Plan a bake sale, a raffle or a silent auction. There are tons of ways to get started, so don’t be afraid to try something new.

We want you to know that you can still participate in Rare Disease Day, even if you choose not to share it with your community. Coping with infertility is extremely personal, so it’s more than understandable to not want to share it with everyone you know. If you’d like to make today just for you and your partner, that’s fine, too! Just reading this article already makes a difference, so it’s okay if you plan on just taking time for yourself.

Thinking of You

We know that the road to coping with infertility is exhausting. You’ve faced many obstacles to get to this point and you feel unsure of your next steps.

You aren’t alone. Connect to others just like you through our Instagram Community.

Don’t forget that American Surrogacy is always here to support intended parents in their family-building journey. No matter what day it is, we can help make your parenthood dreams come true.

How to Cope With Feelings of Jealousy During the Surrogacy Process

The surrogacy process comes with all kinds of unique challenges that most people haven’t faced. There are unique joys, as well. But, as an intended parent, you are likely to feel a whole range of emotions on this journey to parenthood.

One of the more difficult obstacles for many intended parents, especially intended mothers, is the feeling of jealousy. It can come on quickly and without warning, leaving you wondering why you feel this way and what to do about it. This is what you wanted, after all. You chose surrogacy. So why do you feel jealous of the surrogate carrying your baby?

There’s a lot to unpack here, but the most important thing for you to know is this: What you are feeling is completely natural.

Feelings of jealousy during the surrogacy process are common. It is okay to feel the way you are feeling. As you process your emotions and find the best way forward, here are several things to consider.

Don’t Deny What You Are Feeling

Desiring the special connection that comes with carrying your child is completely natural. That desire may manifest in the form of jealousy during a surrogacy process. Don’t try to squash that feeling or pretend it doesn’t exist. Acknowledge this completely normal emotion and give yourself grace as you deal with it.

Attempting to ignore your feelings with just leave them to fester and grow, which could create a rift in your relationship with the surrogate, making the whole process much more difficult and frustrating.

Remember you aren’t alone – plenty of intended parents have felt some form of jealousy during the surrogacy process. Connecting with parents who have first-hand experience could help. You can start with our surrogacy community on Instagram. 

Set Boundaries in Conversations

People are going to have a lot of questions about your surrogacy process. On the one hand, they are asking because they care. Of course, you want to be kind and, to the extent you are comfortable, let people into your life. They can be there to provide support and encouragement for you.

It’s also important to set boundaries on these conversations. Some feelings are best kept private. It’s up to you where this line is. Listen to your emotions. What makes you uncomfortable to discuss? You always have the right to not answer questions.

Remind Yourself of the Positives

You’re about to be a parent! This is an exciting time in life. You shouldn’t deny the hard parts of the process or pretend those challenges don’t exist. But focusing solely on the bad erases all of the good. There’s a lot of good right now, too!

The joys of parenthood bring some of the most fulfilling moments in life. The memories you are making now, and the many memories you will make in the years to come, will be amazing. Meditate on the many blessings this process will ultimately bring to your life. Focusing on the positive can help your feeling gradually shift.

Find Ways to Create Excitement

The surrogacy process is going to feel all-consuming when you are in it. However, you still have the rest of your life. Find ways to remind yourself of all the other things you have going for you. Go on a date with your partner. Spend time with family and friends. Grab a happy hour drink with coworkers.

Whatever you need to do to remind yourself that life is big, beautiful and fun — do it. Taking your mind off the process, even if only for a couple hours, can be refreshing and rejuvenating.

You Can Have a Great Relationship with Your Surrogate

One of the best ways to thwart jealousy is having a strong relationship with your surrogate. You shouldn’t expect to be best friends. But, you can be friends. As you develop a bond, you’ll begin to see your surrogate for who she really is — a complex person with strengths and flaws, not just a woman carrying your baby. This perspective will make it easier to avoid feelings of jealousy because you care about who she is as a person, not just as a surrogate.

There are many strategies for developing this relationship, and American Surrogacy would be happy to talk through them with you.

Have Questions?

These are challenging feelings to figure out. If you have more questions and would like to speak with us, you can call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online at any time. We would be happy to talk with you about what you are experiencing. Or, if you are still considering surrogacy and doing your research, we’d be happy to answer any of your questions.

What Role Does Outside Monitoring Play in Gestational Surrogacy?

When you prepare for the medical process of surrogacy — either as a surrogate or an intended parent — there are a lot of new, confusing terms to learn. In addition to all of the medical phrases and procedures, there may be one other phrase you’ve never heard of before: “outside monitoring.”

Any kind of “monitoring” can be scary, especially when it involves the health of a surrogate and an unborn baby. But outside monitoring is nothing to be worried about. In fact, it’s a common part of the surrogacy medical process and one that our specialists coordinate on behalf of clients all the time.

Remember: If you ever have any questions about your upcoming medical journey, you can always talk to your reproductive endocrinologist or call your American Surrogacy specialist anytime. In the meantime, we’ve answered some frequently asked questions about outside monitoring below to help you learn more.

What is Outside Monitoring?

“Outside monitoring” refers to medical screening and appointments that are not performed at an intended parent’s fertility clinic. Most pre-surrogacy medical services — including screening and embryo transfer — are completed by the intended parent’s reproductive endocrinologist for ease of recordkeeping and information-sharing, but this is not always possible, often in long-distance surrogacy partnerships. In these cases, outside monitoring is used.

Typically, outside monitoring occurs at a fertility clinic or laboratory close to the gestational carrier. Outside monitoring most often involves preparing a carrier for embryo transfer. A medical professional at this clinic will measure a surrogate’s uterine lining and confirm that her body is ready for embryo transfer with certain blood tests and ultrasounds. After these tests are completed, that medical professional will pass along the information to the intended parent’s reproductive endocrinologist, who will review the records and decide whether the embryo transfer should be scheduled.

Why is Outside Monitoring Necessary?

Outside monitoring is not necessary in every journey, but it is required in most. Because the United States is so geographically large, and because we often match surrogates and intended parents across state lines, it’s simply not feasible to have a surrogate travel to their intended parent’s clinic for every medical screening. And remember — even surrogates who match with an intended parent in their same state may have to go out-of-state to visit the intended parent’s clinic!

Outside monitoring makes the process easier for all involved. It allows a surrogate to take less time away from work and her family for appointments than if she were forced to travel to the fertility clinic for every little medical screening. It saves the intended parents money on travel and lodging costs for those visits. In short, it makes everyone involved much happier.

Don’t worry — if you’re a surrogate, you’ll still be compensated appropriately for any medical screenings completed after your contract is signed. This could include lost wages, childcare and more. Make sure you discuss this with your attorney and specialist during the legal contract stage to ensure you receive the reimbursement you deserve.

How Do You Find an Outside Monitoring Professional?

If the intended parent’s fertility clinic is not conveniently located for a surrogate, she will need to locate an outside monitoring clinic or laboratory to complete her pre-transfer screenings and tests. But, finding the right professional can be complicated, especially if this is her first experience with the surrogacy process.

Fortunately, American Surrogacy is always here to help. When you work with our agency, our specialists will help you locate the right outside monitoring clinic for your needs. If you’re a surrogate, we will help you find a clinic that is conveniently located. And, if you’re an intended parent, we will help coordinate the sharing of records and other information during these pre-transfer screenings.

If a surrogate lives in an urban area, an outside monitoring clinic will be easy to find. While some fertility clinics will not work with surrogates who are not their patients, there are many laboratories and physicians who will be happy to complete the necessary pre-surrogacy procedures.

If a surrogate lives in a more rural area, outside monitoring may be a bit more difficult to locate. If there are no nearby monitoring clinics, intended parents should be prepared to pay for additional travel and compensation costs for these procedures — especially if an outside monitoring clinic requires a long drive and an overnight stay.

It may help to ask other surrogates about their experiences. You can begin connecting with them and hearing their personal stories on our Instagram page.

Whatever your situation, know that your specialist at American Surrogacy will always be on your side. They will help coordinate the details of outside monitoring and ensure all parties are safe and provided for during this step in the medical process. While these initial steps can be inconvenient and frustrating at times, remember that they are important in the long-term process to ensure a surrogate’s pregnancy is as healthy as possible — and that a healthy baby is born at the end!

For more information about the medical process of surrogacy, or how American Surrogacy will guide you through your journey, please call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online.

5 Tips for Extended Family to Get to Know a Surrogate

You’re just received the good news from someone special in your family — they’re about to start the surrogacy process as an intended parent! Although it’s probably a shock at first, we bet you’re over the moon and can’t wait to meet the newest addition to your beautiful family.

You already know your family member pretty well (we hope!) But how exactly are you supposed to get to know their surrogate? And how will you involve and include them in your own family?

Whether you’re an aunt-to-be, a close cousin, or soon-to-be grandparents for the first time, below are some tips for doing just that.

Tips for Getting to Know a Surrogate

1. Try to Put Her Needs First

For our first tip, we want to remind you that getting to know a surrogate should be based around her comfort level. We know that you’re understandably excited and that you have plenty of questions that you can’t wait for her to answer. But, she might not be ready for that right away.

The surrogacy process is a big change for intended parents, but it can also be equally overwhelming (if not more so) for a surrogate. We know that rejection is hard for everyone, but try not to take it personally when you’re feeling left out. It’s not because of you or anything you did.

After giving a surrogate enough space, she may come around — and be just as excited to get to know you, too!

2. Enjoy a Family Meal

Good food brings good people together! Sitting down for a meal is a great way to ease some of the first-meeting jitters.

Start by asking the intended parents what their surrogate’s favorite meal is. You can also share some of your own favorite recipes with her.

If she’s comfortable with the idea, you can invite more of your family and friends over for the gathering. Of course, don’t forget to look up what foods are safe for pregnant women to eat if you need a reminder!

3. Do an Activity Together

There are plenty of fun ways to get to know each other. Take a day off and explore some of her favorite places in town. You can plan a nice day out at one of her favorite restaurants. You can also take this opportunity to spend some time with the surrogate’s family as well.

Any activity you plan together will mean more to her than you know, so don’t be afraid to get creative! Whatever you decide to do, make sure it’s something that you think she would find fun.

4. Use Social Media

Social media is one of the best ways to stay connected with a surrogate’s life (and pregnancy). If a surrogate is comfortable with the idea, you can always add her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. You might also talk to each other about tagging each other in some of your favorite photos. Don’t forget that there’s also video chatting if you can’t meet in person right away.

While you’re on social media, you connect with other families and find more ways to get involved with the surrogacy community through our Instagram.

Things to Keep in Mind

Everyone wants to make a good first impression. Before you get to know your family member’s surrogate, there are some questions that you should and probably shouldn’t ask. Here are just a few of them:

What to Ask

  • What is it like to be a surrogate?
  • What are some of your favorite hobbies?
  • Is there anything you’d like to know about us?
  • How did you feel when you first became a surrogate?
  • How many times have you been a surrogate?

What Not to Ask

  • How much money do you make as a surrogate?
  • Won’t it be hard to give the baby to their parents?
  • Isn’t it hard to be a surrogate?
  • Why do you want to be carry someone else’s baby?

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Learning the right things to say and do when getting to know someone can be stressful. If you’ve just started and you’re anxious about your new relationship, know that it’s okay to you make mistakes — everyone says the wrong thing at some point. The most important thing is that you get back up and try again.

If you have any more questions on what to and what not to say when getting to know a surrogate, or if you’re looking for some additional tips, please call a specialist today.

Is Sperm Donation Right for You?

There are many amazing ways to start a family.

Your options today are more abundant than ever before. Even just a few years ago, medical technology and cultural understanding of alternative family-building options through assisted reproductive technologies were much more limited.

With choices come responsibility. A plethora of options requires substantial research. This is a life-changing decision. What’s the best way to start your family? Everyone is in a unique situation, which means the answer for you is going to be personal.

As you ponder your options, you may be considering sperm donation. It can be a great option. However, it’s not right for everyone.

How can you know if it’s right for you? We’re here to help.

This article will inform you on key points of sperm donation and give you several important things to consider about this family-building option.

What Is Sperm Donation?

Sperm donation is a medical procedure in which a man donates semen to help a hopeful parent (or hopeful parents) conceive.

There are two different ways that donated sperm can be used:

  1. The sperm is injected into the intended mother, who will use her own eggs in the fertilization process.
  2. The sperm is medically paired with a donor’s or the intended mother’s eggs, and the resulting embryo is placed in a surrogate through in vitro fertilization.

As a professional surrogacy organization, American Surrogacy has helped many intended parents using sperm donation as a part of the surrogacy process. While we are not medical professionals and cannot perform the medical procedures required for sperm donation, we can provide guidance during this part of the process and help create a plan for the rest of the surrogacy process.

One of the most important parts of this process is identifying a sperm donor. There’s much to consider, like genetics, appearance, medical history, intelligence and more. We can help you identify the character traits most important to you and guide you through this life-changing decision.

If this sounds like it could be the right choice for you, you can always contact us online.

Who Might Use Sperm Donation?

Hopeful parents in many different situations may discover that sperm donation will be an important part of their family-building process.

Female same-sex couples or single female parents often use a sperm donor as a way to start a family. Additionally, heterosexual couples who, for various medical reasons, have unhealthy sperm quality and have struggled to conceive may look into sperm donation. Couples who have genetic conditions they are concerned about passing on to their child may also consider sperm donation.

Connect with families who have completed surrogacy on our Instagram.

Things to Consider Before Choosing Sperm Donation

If you find yourself falling into a category listed above, or are experiencing something else that has led you to sperm donation, there are several things to consider before committing to this option. Your answers to these questions will be unique to you. Take your time thinking about them before making such an important choice.

Have you studied the unique situations that come with raising a donor-conceived child?

We believe strongly that family is more than biology. We also believe it is important to be honest about the unique situations any parent will face when raising a donor-conceived child. These are not necessarily struggles or negatives, but they are special to this circumstance.

For instance, it is important to be honest with your child about how they came into the world. A child who learns they were donor-conceived later in life can deal with a lot of shock and confusion that leads to a negative self-perception. Are you prepared to have age-appropriate conversations with your child about being donor-conceived?

With sperm donation, a donor-conceived child is likely to have many biological siblings (more on this later). Have you considered this and what it could mean for your child?

There’s a lot to think about. Raising a donor-conceived child can be a beautiful and amazing journey. It will also have unique situations and circumstances.

Are you prepared for the cost associated with the sperm donation, IVF and surrogacy processes?

If you’ve been researching assisted reproductive technologies, then you already know that there is a high cost associated with the process. It is a delicate, complicated process with legal and medical components. While there are emotional elements to consider if you hope to start a family, there are also practical ones.

Are you capable of bearing the financial responsibility that comes with sperm donation, IVF, surrogacy and then the parenting journey ahead? Take an honest assessment of your finances before committing to any process.

Are you aware of the Donor Sibling Registry?

When a man donates sperm, he often donates more than once. This is why, as mentioned earlier, it is likely that any child conceived using sperm donation will have biological siblings out there in the world. This can be a beautiful situation, but it’s also very unique and can be hard to know how to approach.

Many sperm donors will register with the Donor Sibling Registry, making it possible for children conceived using their sperm to locate each other, if they wish to. This is important to be aware of and discuss; it’s a topic that will someday come up with your child.

Have you identified a trustworthy professional to work with?

American Surrogacy has a proven track record of success. We work passionately to help you fulfill your dream of starting a family. While we are unable to perform any medical aspects of sperm donation, we can provide guidance and direction throughout the process. If sperm donation will be a part of a surrogacy process, we can provide excellent services throughout.

Working with a trustworthy professional is the key to a successful sperm donation and surrogacy process. If you have more questions about sperm donation, you can contact us online at any time. You can also call us at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) now.