How Do Surrogates Feel About Carrying Someone Else’s Baby?

It’s a common question about surrogacy: How do surrogates really feel about carrying someone else’s baby?

For someone unfamiliar with the surrogacy process, it can be confusing as to why a woman would give her time, body and energy to being pregnant for someone else. After all, pregnancy is a huge commitment that does come with certain risks. When a woman spends all that time carrying a child, does she really feel nothing for the little bundle of joy?

Of course surrogates have feelings for the babies they carry. Their emotions are just a bit different than what you might expect.

They Know the Baby isn’t “Theirs”

Most surrogacy processes today are gestational, which means the surrogate is not genetically related to the baby she carries. Instead, the baby is conceived from an embryo of the intended parents’ genetic material (or with the combination of a donor egg or sperm). That embryo is then transferred to the surrogate’s uterus.

When a woman is pregnant with an intended parents’ baby, she knows from the beginning that the baby is not hers. She often views what she is doing as “babysitting” — taking care of the unborn child until they are healthy enough to go home with their parents after birth. Therefore, many surrogates report that they don’t feel the same attachment to a surrogate baby as they do to the children they carried themselves.

A woman must go through certain mental health screenings and evaluations before she can become a surrogate. During these screenings, she is counseled about the feelings she might expect while pregnant, and health professionals must feel that she can properly handle the emotions of surrogacy before she can even begin. With all of this information, surrogates don’t ever feel like the baby they are carrying is “theirs.” While legal protections are in place to prevent a surrogate from keeping the baby after birth, the truth is that it’s extremely rare for a surrogate to have those kinds of maternal feelings toward the baby she carries.

They are Excited to Involve Intended Parents

Surrogates do not try to keep their pregnancy private. They know how important this pregnancy is to the intended parents, so they take steps to actively involve the baby’s parents as much as possible.

From the beginning of the surrogacy process, women who become surrogates must give up a certain degree of privacy when it comes to their medical treatments and procedures. Therefore, a surrogate is often incredibly comfortable with involving the intended parents in intimate moments like ultrasounds and delivery. She would likely be upset if the intended parents couldn’t be present for these moments.

Surrogates are usually thrilled about including intended parents in whatever ways they can, but it’s still crucial that both parties create a contact schedule in their surrogacy contract before starting. A surrogacy agency or professional can also help mediate any contact disagreements that arise during the surrogacy process and aid the creation of a positive, genuine relationship between intended parents and their surrogate.

They are Prepared for any Post-Birth Emotions

As part of their pre-surrogacy screenings, surrogates are informed of the conflicting emotions they may feel after they give birth to the baby. These emotions aren’t due to a maternal attachment; instead, they are often products of the pregnancy hormones they can’t control.

Surrogates are prepared for the emotions they may feel, and these emotions rarely affect a surrogate’s adherence to legal custody issues. In fact, many surrogates are overjoyed to give the baby to the parents. A surrogate has often created such a genuine relationship with intended parents that she is thrilled to finally help their dreams come true.

In the case that a surrogate does experience conflicting emotions after birth, she will always have the support of her surrogacy specialist and any other required mental health professionals. Remember, any of these feelings often stem from post-partum hormones, not a genuine desire to “keep” the baby. At American Surrogacy, our specialists work closely to support all surrogates after their delivery to ensure they are adjusting appropriately.

If you want to learn more about how women feel about carrying a child for intended parents, you can always contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229 for more information about this process.

Why Do People Choose Surrogacy Instead of Adoption?

Surrogates give a lot to help intended parents realize their family dreams: time, energy and, of course, their body. If you are considering becoming a surrogate, it’s normal to want to know more about intended parents before pursuing this path.

During your research process, you may learn more about all the family-building options available to parents. One of the most popular of these options is adoption; indeed, there are several different paths to take to adopt.

This may lead you to ask: Why do intended parents go through all the trouble of surrogacy when there are children out there waiting for a loving home?

Intended parents’ choice of surrogacy is a bit more complicated than that. Before you become a surrogate, you should understand exactly how intended parents decide that surrogacy is right for them. Every intended parent is different, but there are a few key reasons why surrogacy may be the best path for them.

They Want a Genetic Child

Like many people, intended parents have often dreamed for years about a child that has their genetics — someone that shares their eyes, their nose, their face. It’s hard to let go of the dream of a “mini-me” that reflects who you are. Just because a couple struggles to conceive on their own doesn’t mean these dreams go away — or that they move past them to automatically adopt instead.

Parents who can conceive on their own aren’t judged for their desire to have a biological child, so why should intended parents be? Before you ask why people didn’t choose adoption, consider this situation: Wouldn’t you try to have a genetic child yourself if assisted reproductive technology (ART) allowed for it?

They Have Remaining Embryos

Often, intended parents who pursue surrogacy have already gone through rounds of unsuccessful IVF procedures. An intended mother may know she cannot carry a child but, if the couple has remaining embryos, the decision of what to do with them is complex. Storing embryos forever can be costly, but it can be difficult to dispose of them or donate them to another couple.

If intended parents have remaining embryos, surrogacy may be the next logical step for them. This ART method will give them the chance to use the embryos they have spent money creating and give them the last chance to have the biological child they have dreamed about.

They Want More Control Over Their Family-Building Process

In many ways, surrogacy provides a level of involvement in and control over a family’s creation that adoption does not. In surrogacy, intended parents are an equal partner in the process; they can mutually select the surrogate they wish to carry their baby, they can create a surrogacy contract of expectations for their surrogacy journey, and they can be present for important doctor’s appointments and the birth of their child.

In private domestic infant adoption, parents are chosen by a prospective birth mother, and she may choose them at any point in her pregnancy — even after she has given birth. Adoptive parents will have no guarantee that an expectant mother is receiving proper prenatal care or avoiding dangerous substances, and they usually won’t be present for the birth of their child. The wait time for adoption is difficult to predict. Hopeful parents can wait months or years to be matched, and there is always the chance of an adoption disrupting when a prospective birth mother changes her mind.

Often, hopeful parents who choose surrogacy are comfortable paying more to have a degree of control over their family-building that the process of adopting a baby cannot provide. It’s an understandable choice, especially if the parents have already spent months or years on failed fertility treatments.

Adoption is Not as Easy as It Seems

Adoption is a very different process from what some people believe it to be. If you’re wondering why intended parents don’t “just” adopt a baby, you need to first understand the complexities of the adoption process and why it’s not as easy as some people make it out to be.

Whether parents choose to adopt from foster care, adopt an infant domestically or adopt internationally, there are many regulations and requirements that have to be met. While it’s true that there are many children in foster care waiting for homes, a parent cannot just go and adopt a child — they must complete background checks and home studies, be matched with the perfect child for their situation, and then have a child be placed in their home for a certain amount of time before they can legally adopt them. Of course, hopeful parents must also consider the difficulties of raising an older child who may have experienced trauma in his or her life.

Adoption is not an easy or simple way to add a child to a family; in many ways, it is just as complex as the surrogacy process. It’s also not the right answer for every hopeful parent.

It’s normal to be curious about intended parents who you will be spending a year or more working intimately with. Remember that before you find intended parents, you will have the chance to learn more about them and the path they took to surrogacy. Parents who have chosen surrogacy are not “selfish”; they have just chosen the path that is best for them.

To learn more about intended parents who work with our surrogacy agency, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY) or contact our surrogacy specialists online.

7 Hard Parts of Being a Surrogate

If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, you’ve probably heard about all the wonderful parts of this journey: helping to bring a child into the world, creating an intimate relationship with the intended parents and more.

However, being a surrogate is not all butterflies and rainbows. After all, it’s a huge commitment of your time, energy and your body to help another family. It’s normal for there to be tough times during the journey, and it’s important that you understand what they might be before deciding on this path for yourself.

Here at American Surrogacy, support from our surrogacy specialists and references to trusted surrogacy lawyers and medical professionals can help alleviate some of these challenges. You are never alone when you work with American Surrogacy; we will always be there to help through both the difficult and rewarding parts of your surrogacy process.

Remember, each surrogacy journey is different, but here are some of the difficult experiences that former surrogates have reported.

1. Failed Transfer

It’s completely normal for an embryo transfer to fail, but it can still be disappointing, especially on the first try. You and your intended parents will be anxious and excited to start this surrogacy journey together, and it may seem like nothing can go wrong with the guidance of experienced medical professionals. If a failed transfer does happen, it can be devastating.

Success rates of an IVF transfer will always depend upon a clinic’s procedures, including any pre-implantation genetic screening it completes. In general, a little more than half of all IVF transfers will result in pregnancy, with anywhere from 35-40 percent of transfers failing to implant.

If you experience a failed transfer, remember that your surrogacy specialist and your medical professionals will be there to counsel you through this time. A failed transfer is not your fault as a surrogate, but it can still be an emotional process, nonetheless.

2. Medications

When you become a surrogate, you will be required to take a great deal of fertility drugs to prepare your body for the embryo cycle. Some of these medications will be taken orally, while some will require you to inject yourself at home. All of these medications will require strict planning and scheduling to ensure they are taken at the proper time.

Your doctor will always walk you through your medication schedule. Many surrogates find these medications (and their potential side effects) to be one the most difficult parts of surrogacy preparation. You may need the assistance of your spouse or loved ones to maintain this schedule or to administer certain drugs.

3. Waiting for Your Pregnancy Results

Many surrogates and intended parents are overjoyed and excited waiting for their transfer results — but that doesn’t mean it isn’t also an excruciating wait. Waiting for your pregnancy results can put you on pins and needles, whether you are waiting to take an at-home pregnancy test or receive your official ultrasound a week or two after transfer.

4. Miscarriage

Miscarriage is another unfortunate reality of surrogacy. While embryos do go through pre-implantation screening, there is still the chance that a miscarriage can occur. In most cases, the surrogacy miscarriage rate is comparable to the rate of miscarriage among women who become pregnant naturally: about 10-25 percent.

If you do experience a miscarriage, you will likely experience the same kind of sadness and grief as the intended parents, even though the embryo was not your own. These feelings will be normal, and your surrogacy specialist will be there to counsel you (and the intended parents) through this difficult time. When both parties are ready to try another embryo transfer, you will work closely with your doctor to prepare your body for another procedure.

Keep in mind: A miscarriage usually will not affect your ability to become pregnant in any future transfers.

5. Pregnancy Side Effects

Like any pregnancy, a surrogate pregnancy can come with difficult side effects — everything from morning sickness to gestational diabetes to more serious complications. You may find that your surrogate pregnancy is completely different from your previous pregnancies. The experience could be much harder or much easier, so it’s a good idea not to go into your surrogacy with certain expectations.

Remember, any necessary medical care will be completely covered by your intended parents, and your doctor and surrogacy specialist will work closely with you throughout your pregnancy to ensure your comfort.

6. Working with Distant Intended Parents

Surrogacy is a partnership, and it can be hard when your intended parents aren’t located close by. Not only will they often be less present for important doctor’s appointments, but they won’t be able to be there as quickly should something go wrong.

It can be tough to go through your pregnancy without intended parents’ close, practical support, but working with long-distance intended parents is more common than you may think. Technology like emails, video chatting and more can keep you in frequent touch with the intended parents. Your surrogacy specialist will help you create a contact plan in your surrogacy contract; that way, you can more easily build a relationship with intended parents who may not be located just a few hours away.

7. Coordination of Surrogacy Appointments

Finally, being a surrogate will impact every aspect of your life. Finding the time for surrogate appointments on top of your motherly and familial duties can be the hardest part of this journey. You may need to miss some of your children’s activities for scheduled medication and appointments, and it can be frustrating to give up some of your normal activities because of a lack of time or energy.

Remember, this is only temporary. You will have chosen to become a surrogate to make a difference in someone’s life, and it will be all worth it in the end. Choosing to work with American Surrogacy is the first step toward tackling these challenges and creating a positive surrogacy journey for you and your intended parents.

If you have any questions about the potential challenges of surrogacy or want to learn more about how our agency helps to minimize any risks and complications, contact our specialists for free at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

5 Secrets to a Successful Surrogacy

It’s no secret — surrogacy can be an overwhelming and complicated but equally rewarding family-building process. So, are there any tips for making it as successful a process as possible?

Whether you’re an intended parent or prospective surrogate, there are a couple of rules to live by if you want to have a surrogacy that meets all of your dreams and goals.

1. Be Open.

More than anything else, surrogacy is an intimate partnership between not only intended parents and their surrogate but also the surrogacy and medical professionals that guide them through the process. Because surrogacy can be so complicated and cause so many different emotions, it’s important that intended parents and surrogates are open with each other and their professionals from the start.

For intended parents, this may mean opening up about past infertility struggles that are difficult to talk about. For surrogates, it means being willing to share intimate medical information about their body every step of the way. Many times, surrogacy is a new experience for both, so it’s important to be open to those new experiences in order to do what is best for your personal journey.

2. Be Honest.

Similarly, it’s important to always be honest about what you are feeling at different points in your surrogacy process. It’s normal to encounter difficult emotions along the way — like jealousy, discomfort and more — but the only healthy way of coping with them is by addressing them honestly, either with your surrogacy partner or your surrogacy professional.

Trying to hide what you are feeling — either because of your own discomfort in revealing your emotions or in attempting to save someone else from discomfort — will only cause more problems further along in your surrogacy process. In fact, your surrogacy professionals are often trained to detect dishonesty or other similar issues, and your surrogacy process could stall until you resolve those emotions.

3. Be Prepared.

There are many moving parts involved in a successful surrogacy, and one of the secrets to making yours as positive as possible is by knowing what to expect. All intended parents and surrogates should fully understand the logistics of the surrogacy process before starting, but you should also speak with your surrogacy professional so you are aware of potential complications that could arise. Even if you don’t believe these circumstances will arise, you should always be prepared, just in case.

The better prepared you are, the smoother your surrogacy will progress.

4. Be Flexible.

On the same note, in the case of unexpected developments, flexibility is key. Your surrogacy may not go as you expect; you may experience delays in screening, failed transfers or even a miscarriage. As discouraging as these situations are, they are completely normal aspects of a surrogacy — and you should be prepared for the possibility of them occurring.

Being flexible under non-ideal circumstances will not only help save your mental health but it will also help you grow a strong relationship with your surrogacy partner, who will also be going through the same situations.

5. Be Realistic.

When you finally begin your surrogacy journey, you will be incredibly excited for the progress to come! However, as mentioned, surrogacy can come with unexpected delays and complications, and not everything will go perfectly the first time.

An average surrogacy journey takes about 12–18 months. Of course, all surrogacy journeys are different, and you may hear about other people’s journeys on both extremes of the spectrum. However, don’t expect to be matched within days and have a confirmed pregnancy the next month. Surrogacy takes time, and it will all happen based on what’s best for your individual journey. You may not see it while you are in the process, but you will look back later and know that everything happened when it did for a reason.

If you’re looking for more tips on having a successful surrogacy, look no further than American Surrogacy. Our surrogacy specialists can provide the case management and support services you need during every step of this complicated journey to help you achieve your personal surrogacy goals. Learn more by contacting us today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

The Pros and Cons of Finding Intended Parents Online

When you choose to become a surrogate, you will have many decisions to make in order to create the surrogacy journey that’s perfect for you. One of these decisions is how you will find your intended parents — with the assistance of a professional or on your own.

With the advent of social media, some surrogates and intended parents are bypassing the agency route for matching, choosing instead to connect with each other in online surrogacy groups, classifieds and listings. This will always be an option for you as a surrogate, but it’s important that you full understand the pros and cons of independently finding intended parents before you decide to take this path.

The Pros of Finding Intended Parents on the Internet

As mentioned, a surrogate finding intended parents on her own has become much easier over the last few years with the explosion of social media. There are many social media groups that exist exactly for this purpose — to connect intended parents and surrogates from all over the country and all over the world.

So, why do surrogates choose to find intended parents independently if the professional matching services provided by an agency will always be free to them?

  • You could save your intended parents money. While the matching services for a surrogate are always free, matching professionals do require intended parents to pay for these services to find a surrogate. When you choose to find intended parents on your own, you will prevent them from paying these expenses — although there is a possibility that additional costs associated with this process can still be expensive.
  • You can find a match for a traditional surrogacy. It’s very rare for surrogacy professionals to work with intended parents and surrogates pursuing traditional surrogacy because of the potential complications associated with this process. If you wish to become a traditional surrogate, you will likely need to find intended parents on your own.
  • You have more control over finding intended parents who are perfect for you. Some surrogates enjoy the sense of personal responsibility in finding intended parents on their own, especially because this match will shape the rest of their surrogacy experience. They may be able to search for specific details that they couldn’t with a matching professional and have more extensive options to choose from.
  • You may have a deeper, more personal relationship with your intended parents. Because you and the intended parents will be in contact from the very beginning, even before you solidify your match, you will by necessity have a closer and more personal relationship. There will need to be a great level of trust because of the lack of professional mediation.

 The Cons of Finding Intended Parents on the Internet

Despite the benefits of finding intended parents independently on the internet, there are some potential disadvantages that surrogates should be aware of before taking on this personal responsibility. Finding intended parents independently is not the right path for everyone, so all surrogates should take the time to research both sides of this option before deciding what is right for them.

Here are some things to consider about this surrogacy path:

  • You must take on more responsibility for the screening and matching process. When you work with a matching professional, all intended parents presented to you will have already been screened and approved for the surrogacy process. When you find intended parents on your own, you will need to work with them to confirm you have the same surrogacy goals and preferences and that you all complete necessary screening before moving forward. Some surrogates prefer a professional handle these responsibilities.
  • There is a potential for finding intended parents who are not eligible for surrogacy. Because many intended parents do not undergo necessary screening before finding a surrogate online, intended parents who are perfect for your surrogacy goals and preferences may not be approved for the surrogacy process after your match. In this case, you would have to start your matching process all over again.
  • You may feel pressured into an independent surrogacy after finding intended parents on your own. Even if you choose to find intended parents on your own, you may wish to work with a surrogacy professional for the rest of your journey. However, when you find a match independently, there’s a higher chance that those intended parents will wish to complete a fully independent surrogacy. You may find yourself agreeing to a surrogacy process you did not originally desire in order to keep your “perfect” match.
  • There is more potential for scam or fraud when finding intended parents on your own. Again, because intended parents have usually not been screened before finding a surrogate independently, there is a higher risk of intended parents not being who they say they are or otherwise engaging you in a scam.
  • It may take longer to find the perfect match. Intended parents online have all kinds of different surrogacy goals and preferences and, when you don’t have a professional actively searching for you, it can take a long time to sort through all the potential matches to find the one that is perfect for you.

At American Surrogacy, we highly recommend that surrogates find intended parents through our pre-screened, intense matching services, rather than take the potential risks of matching on their own. To learn more about our matching program, please contact our surrogacy specialists today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Our agency is also happy to work with surrogates who have already found intended parents to guide you through the rest of your identified surrogacy.

7 Lucky Surrogate Traditions for Your Transfer Day

The embryo transfer process can be one of the most exciting moments for you as a surrogate — but it can also be extremely nerve-wracking. All of your intended parents’ hopes and dreams will ride on the success of the embryo implanting, most of which is up to your doctor and your body.

While the likelihood of an embryo implanting is mostly out of your control, surrogates like you have developed a few fun transfer day traditions to bring luck and good vibes to a day that’s equal parts exciting and anxiety-inducing. Whether or not these traditions are proven to increase the chance of a successful embryo transfer, they can be great ways to channel your nervous energy and connect with other surrogates.

1. Lucky Socks

One of the biggest traditions that surrogates have on transfer day is wearing lucky socks during the embryo transfer procedure. Socks are usually the only item of clothing you can keep on during the medical procedure, and there’s an old Chinese saying that warm feet increase the chance of a warm and welcoming uterus.

2. “Sticky Thoughts”

Telling someone “sticky thoughts” is the surrogate’s way of saying good luck. This phrase comes from the idea that the stickier and thicker the uterus lining is, the more likely an embryo is to implant.

3. Pineapple

Before the embryo transfer procedure, many surrogates eat different food designed to increase the likelihood of implantation. One of these is pineapple, whether it’s the core or the surrounding fruit. Pineapple contains bromelain, which has strong anti-inflammatory properties. Therefore, it can be seen as a benefit for fertility in possibly preventing implantation issues for women.

Natural fertility experts caution against ingesting pineapple too early in your ovulation and after the transfer process. However, many surrogates heartily enjoy pineapple in the days leading up to their medical procedure.

4. French Fries

Many surrogates also eat French fries after transfer. It’s unclear how this tradition came about but, with a fresh transfer, doctors usually recommend an increase in sodium to reduce the chance of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome in egg donors. The word of beneficial salt in French fries has seemed to spread to gestational surrogates, even though they are not subject to OHSS through fresh egg harvesting. But you’ll rarely find a surrogate who will turn down French fries, no matter how much benefit they actually have in the implantation process!

5. Laughing After Transfer

Here’s an interesting one: A 2012 study in the journal of Fertility and Sterility stated that women who laugh shortly after an embryo transfer showed higher rates of successful implantation. For this reason, some surrogates decide to giggle it up right after transfer, like by watching a comedy when they’re often required to rest anyway. Laughter reduces stress, which can affect your body in many ways. It only makes sense that reducing this stress would increase the likelihood of an embryo implanting into a woman’s uterus.

6. Wearing Green

Green is a color that represents fertility, which is why you’ll see many surrogates wearing green lucky socks, painting their toes green, or just wearing green in general in the days leading up to their transfer day. Other colors like orange and yellow also represent fertility in other cultures.

7. Symbols of Turtles

Similarly, a turtle also represents fertility in many cultures, including Chinese, Polynesian and African cultures. In other cultures, it’s a symbol of good luck. Some surrogates decide to wear a turtle charm or symbol during their embryo transfer process to take advantage of those good vibes.

Whether or not you are superstitious, these traditions can be a fun way to prepare for the embryo transfer process and connect to the larger community of surrogates out there. For more surrogate-specific tips and topics, check out surrogate forums like SurroMoms Online and All About Surrogacy.

Navigating Your Surrogate Pregnancy at Work

One of the potentially complicated aspects of becoming a surrogate is working through — and taking time off for — your surrogate pregnancy. Because the child you’re carrying is not your own, you may worry about how your employer will accept and respond to your decision.

First off, know that your surrogacy is no one’s business but yours and your intended parents. Therefore, you are never obligated to tell your employer more than you feel comfortable with. In fact, some surrogates do not even reveal their surrogacy to their employer; they simply inform him or her of their plans for maternity leave.

A great deal of how you navigate being a surrogate at your office will be up to your workplace environment and your relationship with your boss and coworkers. However, the specialists at American Surrogacy will also be here to provide suggestions and support for this unique part of your surrogacy experience, and may be able to help advocate for the services and employer support you may need. For our assistance, please call 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Below, we’ve outlined a few typical areas of concern for surrogates who plan to work through their pregnancy and provided some suggestions.

Telling Your Boss

No matter whether you choose to tell your workplace about your surrogacy plans, you will need to speak with your employer about your pregnancy. This way, they will be aware of any maternal leave you need to take and can prepare for your absence accordingly.

However, this conversation can sometimes be a bit complicated. How much do you tell your boss about your surrogacy plans, and when do you tell him or her about them?

When and how this conversation occurs will depend upon your personal relationship, but many surrogates choose to wait until after their pregnancy is confirmed or after their 20-week ultrasound to inform their boss. This way, they can avoid the awkwardness and complication of telling their boss about any miscarriage or failed transfers.

Whether or not you specifically tell your boss that your pregnancy is a surrogate pregnancy will be up to you. Many employers will actually be impressed by an employee’s selfless decision to become a surrogate.

Either way, it’s important that you make sure to specify when you are due, when you plan to take any leave (see below), and any extra accommodations you may require during your pregnancy.

Determining Benefits and Maternal Time Off

Despite the growing popularity of surrogacy, many employers do not have specific benefits for women who choose to become surrogates. You may be the first employee to approach your boss about surrogacy, which means you and your employer may need to work together to create a benefit and leave package that works for you.

While you will need to take maternal leave for your delivery and recovery, the good news is that many surrogates can return to their workplace earlier than if they had delivered their own child. They do not have to care for a newborn, and many return to work within a few weeks, if that. However, you should always pay attention to your body and its needs rather than rush back to work before you are ready.

Whether or not you will receive paid maternal leave will be up to your employer’s company policy. Like you would with any traditional pregnancy, speak in detail with your human resources department to determine what benefits will be available to you — and, if you have told them about your surrogate pregnancy, if and how your surrogacy will affect those benefits. Depending on the size of your company, you may be entitled to up to 12 weeks of unpaid, protected leave after birth as protected by federal law.

Keep in mind: Your surrogacy contract should list any lost wages you (or your spouse) anticipate from your surrogacy journey. The intended parents should reimburse you for that lost income.

Sharing Information with Your Coworkers

You will always have the right to share as much or as little information about your surrogacy with your coworkers as you feel comfortable with. However, keep in mind that news of your surrogate pregnancy will likely spread, and you may be faced with insensitive or uncomfortable comments and questions. If you do not specifically state that your pregnancy is a surrogacy, you may find yourself offered a baby shower at work or a similar celebration.  It’s important to think about all of these possibilities when weighing how much to share about your personal surrogacy journey.

If you feel comfortable doing so, you can take this as an opportunity to educate and spread awareness about the realities of the surrogacy process. Answer any questions you are comfortable answering and, when you aren’t, simply say something along the lines of, “My contract doesn’t allow me to divulge that information.”

Like your boss, many of your coworkers may end up being excited about your journey and congratulating you on your wonderful, selfless decision to help another person.

Navigating your surrogate pregnancy at your workplace can be complicated, but preparation is a key part of making it a positive experience for you and your boss. If you have any questions about this situation, don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist today.

5 Ways to Help Intended Parents Bond with Their Baby In Utero

As a surrogate, you will be the one carrying the intended parents’ baby for nine months — but, because you will not be taking the baby home after birth, a baby who is used to your sound and smell can easily be shocked by an abrupt transfer to the intended parents.

Fortunately, surrogacy professionals today understand the complexities involved in “attachment,”  or the psychological connection between parent and child. While you will not form the same emotional attachment to your surrogate baby as you did with your own children, the baby you carry won’t know you aren’t their mother, and they may form an attachment to you. That’s why many surrogacy professionals today will emphasize the importance of incorporating intended parents into a surrogate pregnancy from the very beginning to ease this eventual transition.

But, how exactly can you help intended parents connect to their baby if you are the one who is carrying him or her?

Your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy can always guide you through this process, but here are a few tips that surrogates take today to help intended parents bond to their baby in utero and provide a seamless transition after birth:

1. Allow them to talk to their baby.

Babies have an extremely developed sense of hearing while they are in the womb. Scientists hypothesize that this is a way for a mother and her child to bond even before birth. However, when the baby is not the gestational carrier’s, a baby’s ability to hear can make things a bit complicated.

Work with your intended parents to let them talk to their baby while in the womb, whether it’s in-person or through a recording. There are even particular headphones (called “Belly Buds”) that allow you to play recordings of the intended parents’ voices directly to your abdomen, helping the baby bond to the sound of their parents’ voice. Many surrogates recommend these headphones for this very purpose.

2. Involve them in important moments.

As much as possible, find ways to involve your intended parents in important parts of your pregnancy. When the intended parents are present for appointments like sonograms and gender determinations, it helps them feel as though they are a part of your pregnancy experience. Seeing their baby on the sonogram screen or feeling their baby kick through their fingers can give them a sense of wonder that no emailed pictures or recordings ever could.

If your intended parents are not logistically able to be a part of these moments in person, make sure to follow up with your pictures, descriptions and recordings electronically.

3. Accustom the baby to the intended parents’ environment.

The shock of coming into the world can be abrupt enough but, when babies are placed into environments they aren’t familiar with, it can be even more so. Find out what kind of music the intended parents play, what kind of food they cook, and more, so that you can help the baby experience those sounds and smells from inside the womb in your own home.

4. Confirm the baby’s senses after birth, and then promote as much skin-on-skin contact as possible.

When the baby is first born, you will need to confirm their sense of touch and smell directly, as you are the person they have become accustomed to for the last nine months. However, once appropriate time has passed for the shock of coming into the world to subside, you should encourage intended parents to have as much skin-on-skin contact as possible. An intended mother may even choose to breastfeed her child, whether with her own milk or yours, as a way to further bond with her child after birth.

5. Provide a transitional item after birth.

No matter how much preparation is done, there will always be a difficult transition for a baby born via surrogacy. To aid in that, many surrogacy professionals recommend that surrogates provide a transitional item to send home with the baby, like a stuffed animal. Before the baby is born, sleep with this stuffed animal so it carries your scent. When you give it to the intended parents, the baby will have a familiar scent to go home with them as they adjust to their new environment.

Remember, your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always work with you and the intended parents to provide as positive a bonding experience during your pregnancy as possible, as well as prepare you and them for the transitional period after birth. For more suggestions and to learn more about the surrogacy process, please contact our agency today.

3 Things to Know About Post-Birth Surrogacy Relationships

The relationship created between intended parents and a surrogate during the surrogacy process is a powerful and intimate one. Both parties are actively working toward the miracle of life — adding a child to a family who so desperately wants one. It’s a complicated and, at times, difficult process in which intended parents and surrogates learn to lean on each other for support.

But, what happens to this relationship after the baby is born? Do intended parents and surrogates go their separate ways, even though they are forever bonded with the knowledge that they brought a life into the world together?

Whether you are an intended parent or a surrogate, you may be curious — and even anxious — about what kind of relationship you will have once your surrogacy journey is complete. Only you and your surrogacy partner will determine what this relationship is but, as you’re considering what you want your relationship to be like, think about these three important facts.

1. Your Relationship Will Change

When a baby is born via surrogacy, intended parents and surrogates have often spent a year or more working closely together — being present for important appointments, sharing stories of pregnancy and excitement and genuinely creating a unique friendship. However, once a baby is born, many of those aspects that bond intended parents and surrogates disappear.

It’s normal for your surrogacy relationship to change once the baby is born — and you should be prepared for these changes. You will likely no longer be in as frequent contact when you aren’t bound by the aspects of the surrogacy process. If you are an intended parent, your focus will go from caring for your surrogate to caring for your newborn baby. If you are a surrogate, you will go from being a key player in the surrogacy process to a spectator of the new family you have created.

These changes can be abrupt and, when you factor in the complicated emotions associated with childbirth, it can be a confusing time. Remember, your surrogacy specialist will always be there to guide you through those feelings and help you adjust to your new relationship, as well as mediate contact to ensure both parties are comfortable with the changes.

2. Closure is a Good Idea

It’s true that surrogates do not become emotionally attached to the children they carry for nine months. They understand that they are just “babysitting” the child and are just as excited as intended parents for the new chapter in their lives.

However, an abrupt break from the intended parents and the baby who they have focused on for the last year can be emotionally challenging for a surrogate. A surrogate is an important part of the surrogacy process, and it’s important that she does not feel like her effort has been overlooked or forgotten as soon as the baby is born.

Closure, even if it’s something as simple as letting the surrogate hold the baby and say goodbye to the new family, can go a long way in helping a woman heal from the physical and emotional complexities of her surrogacy delivery. Likewise, intended parents should find the same sense of closure with the woman who has carried their hopes and dreams for the last nine months. Even if you anticipate continuing your relationship moving forward, this step is crucial in creating a positive surrogacy experience for everyone.

It may be uncomfortable to suggest some kind of closure, but take the steps to reach out — even the smallest gestures go a long way.

3. Every Post-Birth Surrogacy Relationship is Different

Determining your post-surrogacy relationship can be tricky, especially after the baby has been born. Therefore, many intended parents and surrogates create an outline in their surrogacy contract of what kind of post-surrogacy contact they would like moving forward.

However, even with this, it’s natural for relationships to ebb and flow as surrogates and intended parents go through certain periods in their lives. Remember, there is no “right” way to have a relationship with your surrogacy partner after the delivery. Every relationship is different, and it’s up to you to determine what kind you want to have after the birth of the child.

Although creating the perfect post-surrogacy relationship can be complicated, take heart in knowing that most surrogates and intended parents find the perfect balance of contact after birth. One study of surrogates in the United Kingdom and their post-surrogacy relationships shows that 84 percent of surrogates were happy with the level of future contact they had with the child born via surrogacy, whatever kind and frequency of contact it was. They reported that “their level of contact felt natural, was comfortable for the surrogate, the child and his or her parents, and fitted into what were, in most cases, busy family lives.”

If you want to learn more about maintaining a positive surrogacy relationship with your intended parents or surrogate after the baby is born, speak with a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy today. We can mediate your contact and help you create a relationship that meets both of your needs.

To get started, contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

5 Tips for Having a Successful Hospital Stay as a Surrogate

When it’s time to deliver your intended parents’ baby, you may be filled with many different emotions: excitement, anticipation and even nervousness. All of these are completely normal. Giving birth is a life-changing experience in and of itself; when you are giving birth to make someone’s parenthood dreams come true, it will be like nothing else you’ve ever experienced.

Because of the involvement of the intended parents, your delivery will be slightly different than your previous deliveries of your own children. Fortunately, your surrogacy specialist will be there to guide you through this process from beginning to end. With the proper preparation and discussion with your intended parents, any nerves or confusion you have about what will happen in the hospital will be relieved — and you can focus on the positive experience you’re about to have.

Your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will help you prepare for this hospital stay. To help you ready yourself for your delivery experience, consider these five tips for surrogates like you who are about to give birth.

1. Make a hospital plan early on with your intended parents and your surrogacy specialist.

The most important step in ensuring a positive hospital stay is creating a surrogate birth plan with your surrogacy professional and your intended parents. When you are first matched with intended parents, your preferences for your delivery will be considered, but your actual hospital birth plan will not be created until sometime in your second or third trimester.

To create your hospital plan, your surrogacy specialist will mediate the conversation between you and the intended parents to determine what each of your preferences are for this important time. Based on this conversation and the policies of the hospital you will deliver at, you will determine:

  • Who will be present in the delivery room
  • Whether you will include a doula in your delivery experience
  • Where the baby will stay after delivery
  • Whether the intended parents will get their own hospital room
  • What kind of immediate, skin-on-skin contact you or the intended parents will share with the baby
  • How much time you and the intended parents will share after delivery
  • Whether you and the intended parents will leave the hospital together or separate

These are just some of the choices included in your hospital plan. Any additional aspects will be determined by your local hospital’s policies. Your surrogacy specialist will work with your medical professional to ensure your hospital plan preferences are implemented.

2. Be flexible as your hospital stay progresses.

While your hospital plan will hopefully reduce the amount of unknown associated with your hospital stay, it’s important to be flexible as you are admitted to the hospital. Your surrogacy specialist and your medical professional will do their best to prepare the hospital professionals for your surrogate delivery, but be patient in case things do not go as planned. Becoming upset will not be beneficial for you, the intended parents or the baby. Remember that things will work themselves out and you will have your surrogacy specialist as your advocate during this time.

3. Invite your loved ones to spend time with you at the hospital.

Usually, the intended parents and baby will get their own recovery room after your delivery. Your own recovery from childbirth will be difficult, especially with potential confusing emotions, and going through this process alone can be tough. Consider asking your spouse and your children to spend time with you while you recover. While the intended parents will likely spend time with you after birth, their focus will be on bonding with their baby. Therefore, having loved ones nearby during this physical and emotional recovery can be invaluable.

4. Have a backup plan in case things happen quickly.

In an ideal world, every surrogate birth would go accordingly to plan. However, you may find your water breaking unexpectedly or being ushered into the maternity ward earlier than planned.

In case this occurs, you and your intended parents should have a backup plan. In your last couple of months of pregnancy, put together a hospital bag that will be ready to go whenever you are. Make sure that you can always contact your surrogacy specialist on short notice, who will be able to inform the intended parents of your impending delivery. Being flexible and patient during an unexpected delivery will also be incredibly helpful to your mental state.

5. Enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

When you give birth as someone’s surrogate, you will be participating in a beautiful moment that you all will remember forever. You can never anticipate the feeling of handing a child to their parents for the first time ever so, instead of focusing on the little details, try to focus on the amazing experience you are having and the partnership you are a part of. At the end of the day, it won’t really matter whether you had all of the ice chips and cool towels that you wanted — just that you will have changed the world for one eternally grateful family.

To learn more about becoming a surrogate with American Surrogacy and the hospital experience you can expect, please contact our agency today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).