Surrogates | American Surrogacy Blog

What to Consider When Choosing an ART Attorney

There’s more than one way to become a parent. Assisted reproductive technology (ART) is becoming more common and widely accessible. This journey can be an incredible way to fulfill your dreams.

While becoming a parent through the surrogacy process is a deeply emotional journey, it is also a legal one. There are laws and regulations that need to be followed in order for any ART process to be completed successfully, legally and ethically. That’s why finding a good surrogacy attorney is so important.

This is true for intended parents and for women who are interested in becoming surrogates. This journey can change your life, and it’s important that you have a legal advocate looking out for your best interests.

Choosing a surrogacy attorney can feel overwhelming. It’s not like this is a decision you have prior experience with. Where do you even begin?

There are ways to make this choice easier. Intended parents and surrogates working with American Surrogacy will be referred to a trusted and experienced legal professional. However, the choice of which attorney to work with is still ultimately up to you.

Here are several things to consider when you’re mulling this over. Take your time selecting a legal professional — it can make or break your experience with this process.

Look for Experience

ART laws are constantly evolving, and they differ from state to state. It’s an area of practice that many family law offices are just beginning to specialize in. However, there are some who have been around longer than others.

You will want an attorney who knows their stuff — who has dedicated time and resources to becoming an expert in this area. Ask any potential attorney how long they have been practicing ART law and how many cases they handle in an average year. You can also ask if the attorney is a member of the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproductive Attorneys (AAAA).

This should weed out the offices that have simply tacked ART law onto their practice areas without really investing in it.

Learn Applicable Licensing Requirements

Each state has its own licensing requirements for attorneys, as well as unique surrogacy laws. If an attorney is not licensed in the right state, they will not be able to fulfill the necessary legal requirements of your process. For surrogacy, this means that the attorney should be licensed in the state the baby will be born. This may not be the state where you live if you are an intended parent. Keep this in mind as you consider lawyers to work with.

Pay Attention to How You Feel

While less technical than the other recommendations, this is no less important. How do you feel when you speak with the attorney? Do you feel safe or intimidated? Are you at ease or on edge?

Ask plenty of questions and trust your natural instinct. Peace of mind is an important feeling throughout this journey. You should work with an attorney who gives you confidence and makes you feel like everything is going to work out for the best — because it will!

Read Reviews

You can’t completely trust what people say online, but honest reviews do exist. Take a look at the reviews your attorney has on Google and other legal resource websites. Cross-reference any attorney you find on a search engine with the AAAA Directory.

While it may be uncomfortable, you could even ask about particular negative reviews you read. What happened there, and what has the office done to make things better?

Consider the Cost

Choosing an attorney is not the time for budget shopping. You get what you pay for, as the saying goes. Fees that seem too low to be true likely come with services that are less quality than desired.

With that said, it is important to understand your budget. Be honest about what’s doable for you. When you’re an intended parent, you are likely paying other agency fees and medical costs during the surrogacy process, and it’s important to not get in over your head financially. (If you’re a prospective surrogate, remember that your legal fees will always be paid for by your intended parents.)

When you ask an attorney about their costs, look for total transparency. Are these fees fixed? Will there be unexpected costs late in the process?

Some professionals will lure clients in with low-ball estimates only to spring hidden fees on them later in the process. A higher upfront cost with no hidden charges is preferable, and that is a sign you are working with an upstanding legal practice.

Learn More about Finding an Attorney for Surrogacy

One of the best ways to ensure you are working with a good surrogacy attorney is to also work with an excellent agency. American Surrogacy could be that agency for you.

It’s nearly impossible to start the surrogacy process on your own. By working with an agency, you can begin the journey and find a match for your process, either as a surrogate or as an intended parent.

Typically, all parties wait until a match is made to find an attorney. American Surrogacy can guide you up to this point, recommend trusted attorneys and stick with you through the end of the process.

Interested? Contact us today to learn more about starting your journey and finding the right ART attorney for you.

7 Tips for a Healthy Pregnancy During COVID-19

How Gestational Surrogates Can Protect Themselves (and Stay Sane)

Becoming a gestational surrogate has always been an exciting, but stressful, experience. Now, with the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s even more so.

How can you protect yourself, your family and the intended parents’ baby?

You already know how to have a healthy and positive pregnancy, but the coronavirus brings new challenges. Here’s how you can enjoy a healthy and happy pregnancy and surrogacy journey, even in the midst of global pandemic:

1. Follow the CDC Guidelines

This is a fairly obvious tip, but is nonetheless important for everyone.

Remember to:

Stay home as much as possible.
Limit contact with people outside your household.
Wear your mask when in public.
Wash your hands frequently.
Try to maintain a six-foot distance from others.
Immediately call your doctor if you experience any symptoms of COVID-19.

While it’s easy for you to control your own vigilance in adhering to the prescribed precautions, it’s harder to enforce it upon others. Remind your family members to keep up with the same safety measures, so they don’t expose you to the illness or become sick themselves.

2. Keep Up With Your Prenatal Appointments

You’re probably a little hesitant to go to the doctor’s office or the fertility clinic right now. But skipping necessary appointments isn’t really an option, either.

Ask your doctor to arrange telemedicine appointments whenever possible to help limit your risk of exposure. There will, of course, still be plenty of appointments that you must attend in person. When you do go into a clinic or hospital, always follow the CDC-recommended precautions and adhere to your doctor’s new COVID-19-related policies.

Your doctor’s office will likely ask you to keep your mask on and wash your hands before and after entering the building, and they’ll probably take your temperature before you come in. It’s also a good idea to call ahead and ask about their policy regarding people accompanying you. If your spouse or the intended parents wish to be at an appointment, you’ll want to know whether or not they’ll be permitted to go with you before you all show up.

3. Designate a Person to Help With Groceries and Errands

To help reduce unnecessary potential exposure to COVID-19, you may want to ask your spouse or another trusted loved one to handle the shopping and errands for your family for a while.

You might consider grocery delivery when possible and try to limit trips to necessary shops. You might also remind your designated shopper to be extra careful with the standard COVID-19 precautions — remind them to wear a mask in the store, to wash their hands before and after their shopping trip and to try to stay six feet away from others. Wiping down shopping carts before use is also a helpful prevention measure.

Because you can’t control how well your designated helper protects themselves while they’re out and about on your behalf, ask someone who you trust. You might even consider organizing a person to bring the essentials to your elderly or immunocompromised neighbors, too, so you could all help to pay your shopper while getting what you need and staying safe.

4. Get Your Exercise In

Many gyms are still shut down, and it can be hard to find new ways of exercising while social distancing. However, it’s important to keep moving. Exercise is necessary for your mental and emotional health, as well as your physical well-being.

Regular, low-impact exercise is even more important for women who are planning to become pregnant or who are already pregnant.

A few simple ways to get active while staying cautious during COVID-19 could include:

Taking the kids or pets for a long walk or bike ride
Going for a jog on a quiet trail
Trying out some YouTube workout sessions in the living room or yard
Playing some casual sports with your family in the yard or in a spaced-out area of the park

Even just 20 minutes of activity can keep you (and your family) feeling healthy, strong and positive.

5. Continue to Hydrate and Eat Healthily

A lot of us are succumbing to unhealthy snacking and are getting sick of cooking during the pandemic! Even though you’ve been cooped up, try to focus on eating healthily and drinking plenty of water throughout the day.

If you need some help, rope your family members in for meal preparation. It’s hard to remember to eat healthy when you’re busy caring for children and handling daily tasks, so it’s alright to ask for some help.

Your physical, mental and emotional state will benefit from it, and staying healthy will boost your immune system.

6. Take Time to Care for Your Mental Health

These are stressful times. And while becoming a surrogate has always been a very emotional experience, those natural worries and feelings are now intensified by the threat of the pandemic.

It has always been important to reduce your stress if you are pregnant or planning to become pregnant. But with more stressors at hand, it’s even more important for you to take care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Your mental and emotional state also has a large impact on your physical health.

With kids at home and day-to-day tasks to deal with, it can be hard to set aside “you time,” but start considering it as part of your health routine. Even 15 minutes of relaxation per day can make a difference in your mood and overall well-being.

Try to make some time for whatever recharges and relaxes you, whether that’s:

Taking a soothing bath
Reading someplace quiet
Going for a walk
Listening to a podcast or some music
Engaging in your favorite hobby
Getting some exercise
Taking time for meditation or prayer
Or catching a quick nap

Try to limit your stress as much as possible, and try to make some extra time for rest and relaxation.

7. Remind Those Around You to Adhere to the Appropriate Precautions

This is something you have less control over, but it is still vital for minimizing your risk of exposure to COVID-19 and illnesses in general.

You may need to limit the number of people you come into contact with during your surrogacy journey. Try to stay within your “quarantine bubble,” and when you are around people outside of that “bubble,” ask them to follow the CDC’s recommendations for coronavirus prevention. Now may not be the best time to have people over for a backyard barbecue, but you and your family still have to go out into the world to function sometimes!

It can be awkward to ask others to wear their masks, wash their hands around you, or ask them to keep a six-foot distance — but you have the perfect (and very valid) excuse of being a gestational surrogate who must be overly cautious of her health.

It’s even more important for the people in your “quarantine bubble” to adhere to precautions when they leave the home, so they don’t expose themselves and then spread the virus to you. It can be tough to get your children to take the necessary precautions or for your spouse to completely eliminate risk of exposure if they’re back at work. Just ask that they all do their best, and encourage them to continue to use caution as much as possible.

It’s still safe to become a gestational surrogate or to continue your surrogacy journey during this pandemic. Just remember to take care of yourself and exercise reasonable caution! You can always contact your American Surrogacy specialist with any questions or concerns about how the coronavirus may affect your pregnancy and journey as a surrogate.

A Guide to Virtual Surrogacy Meetings During COVID-19

How to Strengthen Intended Parent-Surrogate Relationships During COVID-19

In the midst of this global pandemic, people are having to find new ways to connect and communicate. Despite these scary times, families are still being created — intended parents and prospective gestational surrogates are beginning to move forward in their surrogacy journeys again.

If you’re a hopeful parent or a prospective surrogate who is still in the early stages of the process, the “match” experience of meeting and getting to know one another is probably going to look different as a result of COVID-19. It’s harder for people to travel, and safety should always be the first priority. Getting to know one another face-to-face will have to wait.

Surrogacy is a very personal and intimate journey shared between two families, so it’s important to grow a connection with your surrogacy partner, whether intended parent or surrogate. Fortunately, technology has made it easier than ever to share this life-changing experience across distances.

Whether you’re “meeting” your prospective surrogacy partner for the first time, or you’d like to find ways to stay in touch throughout the process while still social distancing, here are some easy tips for navigating your virtual surrogacy chats:

Remember that your specialist will be there to help.

The first time the intended parents and surrogate talk is always a little nerve-wracking for everyone involved. But don’t worry about things feeling awkward — your American Surrogacy specialist will be ready to help guide the conversation so everyone feels comfortable and confident moving forward.

Once you’re past the first introductions, conversations in a good match will come easily. Earlier “meetings” are a great time to get to know one another in a lighter, casual, friendly way — it’s important that both surrogacy partners feel that they can trust one another, and feel excited to share a surrogacy journey with one another.

Your surrogacy specialist will always be available if you need help navigating your surrogate-intended parent relationship, but that first virtual meeting is a good time to exchange contact information for more informal talks in the future.

Establish a schedule.

Even if the intended parents and/or the prospective surrogate are working from home right now, it can still be hard to find a time when you’re all available to talk. Many people are juggling work and kids at the moment.

Talk with your surrogacy partner and see if you can find a day and time where you’re all available. After the first few initial virtual meetings, you may find that even a quick 15 or 20-minute check-in chat is enough to keep one another up-to-date.

The frequency of your scheduled meetings will vary based on everyone’s availability and comfort level. Some intended parent-surrogate partnerships have a virtual meeting every couple of weeks, while others may just set up a monthly call.

Write down questions ahead of time.

You probably have plenty of questions for each other, ranging from serious to casual and light:

Why did you choose surrogacy?
What kind of intended parent-surrogate relationship are you envisioning?
What do you need from me throughout this journey?
What’s your family like?
What are your interests?

However, in the excitement of the moment, you may forget to ask something you were anxious to know! Write down questions or things you’d like to mention as you think of them, and have that list handy when you “meet.”

Hopefully the conversation will flow easily, you’ll learn a lot about each other and you won’t have to worry too much about checking questions off of your list.

Perform a trial run with your tech.

There are few things more frustrating than a spotty internet connection, laggy video or fuzzy audio when you’re trying to talk with someone. You don’t want to “show up” at your appointed time only to find that your FaceTime, Skype, or Zoom isn’t working correctly. Here are a few tips to help prevent technological difficulties the day of:

Make sure you know how to confidently use the platform you’ll be talking through.
Check that you’re getting a sufficient WiFi signal.
Test-call a friend or family member the day before, to make sure that they can hear and see you correctly.

Modern methods of communicating have revolutionized the way we’re able to connect with others, but only if they work as they should! It can take a few practice runs before you get the hang of it.

Embrace video calls.

There are a lot of advantages of virtual meetings via FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, Google Hangouts calls, etc.:

You’ll be able to see one another — being able to see each others’ faces as you speak is an overlooked, but important, aspect of communication between people.
You can virtually meet each others’ families.
You can take little home tours, so surrogates can see the baby’s future nursery and intended parents can see where their baby will be staying in-utero.
As the pregnancy progresses, the intended parents can see the physical changes that their surrogate is experiencing, so you can all be a part of the journey together (even while apart).

Virtual meetings can be fun, as well as helpful!

Feel free to mix up communication methods.

Some surrogates and intended parents are comfortable with sticking to consistent, established meetings through video chat or phone calls. Others prefer to keep in touch less formally, but with the option to check in more frequently through quick texts or emails. You can even send one another photos or letters from your side of the surrogacy process.

Virtual meetings through video can be great, but feel free to explore other methods of communication and find what works best for you.

Despite the necessary limitations that COVID-19 has imposed on the world, we’re all still finding ways to remain close to one another. Your American Surrogacy specialist will help you and your surrogacy partner communicate however you can during these changing times. You can always contact us if you need help navigating this new aspect of your surrogacy journey.

How COVID-19 May Impact Your Prenatal Visits and Hospital Plans

A Surrogate’s Guide to Changing Policies & Recommendations

Beginning or continuing the surrogacy process as a gestational surrogate is still very possible for you, even in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. However, there will be a few changes. Social distancing and safety measures may affect your hospital experience, interactions with the intended parents, prenatal checkups and surrogacy-related medical appointments, and more.

It can be upsetting to have your carefully made plans and excitement marred by an experience that isn’t quite what you imagined. But the health and safety of everyone involved, especially you and the baby, are what come first.

Here are some changes you may notice as you move forward in your journey as a gestational surrogate, as well as quite a few things that won’t be changed by COVID-19:

Your Time with Your Intended Parents

If your match is long-distance and the intended parents live in another city or state, many of your day-to-day interactions wouldn’t have been in-person anyway. Gestational surrogates and intended parents most commonly communicate through phone calls, video chats, texts or emails.

However, due to social distancing measures, you and the parents may not be able to have as much face-to-face bonding as other surrogate-parent partnerships might have had before COVID-19. Do your best to get to know one another and build that connection through other means — start a casual Words With Friends game with one another, swap a couple recipes to try out or send them letters “from” their baby throughout your pregnancy in addition to your virtual conversations. It can be fun, and you’ll hopefully get to know one another a bit better, even when you can’t meet in person.

Having the intended parents present for the baby’s birth is one of the most rewarding moments for a gestational surrogate and one of the most exciting moments for the new parents. But some hospitals may have policies about how many people can be in the room with you during your labor and delivery. This may mean that only one intended parent may accompany you, or neither of them, so that your spouse can be with you. This is something that we’ll touch on more momentarily, but that you’ll want to ask your hospital about in advance.

Your Prenatal Medical Care and Surrogacy-Related Medical Appointments

Contact your OB-GYN and your fertility clinic to ask about their COVID-19 policies. Do they prefer minor check-ins to be conducted virtually? Are you allowed to bring the intended parents or your spouse? If they do have new policies regarding COVID-19 prevention, you’ll want to know about it before the intended parents or your spouse come with you to these appointments and have to wait in the car!

Of course, in-person visits will be unavoidable throughout your surrogacy process. For these, you’ll want to bring a mask and sanitize your hands before and after your appointment. The doctor’s office or clinic will likely take your temperature before you enter, in addition to other precautions.

Your Hospital and Delivery Experience

Hospital policy regarding labor and delivery during this time will vary. Some hospitals, for example, will limit the number of visitors you may have during your labor, delivery and recovery. At other hospitals, they’ll simply take more precautions — like taking the temperature of visitors and asking that everyone wash their hands and wear masks.

In more extreme situations, surrogates have had to choose just one intended parent to have with them in the delivery room, or just the surrogate’s spouse was in the room to support them. This can be tough for everyone involved if your hospital has this type of policy. While American Surrogacy hasn’t encountered this yet, policies simply depend on the hospital and the rapidly changing pandemic situation.

Check in with your American Surrogacy specialist and your intended parents. Together, you’ll communicate with your chosen hospital to determine any changes that might need to be made to your ideal birth plan. It’s best to talk about these plans in advance, so you aren’t caught off guard when you go to the hospital and discover that they have a new COVID-related policy that affects you.

Your Precautionary Measures for Health and Safety

You already know how to stay healthy and safe when you’re planning to become pregnant (or are pregnant), even before the coronavirus became a factor. And everyone, not just pregnant women, should be taking appropriate measures to reduce and slow the spread of COVID-19 by staying at home as much as possible, social distancing, frequently washing hands and wearing masks when around others.

But now, carefully adhering to preventative measures regarding COVID-19 is especially important for gestational surrogates and the people around them.

The CDC states that “pregnant people appear to have the same risk of COVID-19 as adults who are not pregnant. However, much remains unknown. We do know that pregnant people have had a higher risk of severe illness when infected with viruses that are similar to COVID-19, as well as other viral respiratory infections, such as influenza.

“We also know that pregnant people have changes in their bodies that may increase their risk of some infections. Therefore, if you are pregnant, it is always important for you to try to protect yourself from illnesses whenever possible.”

As for increased risks to newborns, very little is known at this time, but they may be more likely to suffer from severe illness stemming from the virus, similar to pregnant people.

The main takeaway: Protect yourself from illness just as you would with any pregnancy, but continue to:

Stay home when possible
Wash your hands often
Practice social distancing
Wear your mask when around anyone outside of your “quarantine bubble”
Remind your immediate family members to do the same in order to protect one another

You’ll need to be cautious about who you, and your family, come into contact with. Your family will need to practice the same safety measures as you to prevent them from contracting the virus and potentially spreading it to you. You probably aren’t at any greater risk than anyone else, but everyone should take reasonable precautions, regardless.

You can’t keep yourself in a bubble throughout the entirety of your surrogacy journey, and no one is expecting you to do so. However, being extra vigilant about reducing your exposure and increasing hygiene steps can help mitigate the risk of contracting or spreading the virus during your surrogacy experience.

If you have any questions about how COVID-19 may affect you as a surrogate — including through IVF, pregnancy, delivery and more — don’t hesitate to contact your American Surrogacy specialist. Remember: Becoming a surrogate or continuing your surrogacy process is still safe, as long as you continue to practice the prescribed basic health and safety measures.

5 Tips for Long-Distance Surrogacy Relationships During COVID-19

Our relationships are more important than ever during these uncertain times. If you’re in the middle of a surrogacy journey, it’s no different.

Your relationship with the intended parents or surrogate may look a little different than pre-COVID. If your partnership is long-distance, you may not be missing out on scheduled in-person meetings. But that doesn’t mean your relationship doesn’t also need special attention and focus during this time.

Whatever nerves you have about pursuing surrogacy during COVID-19, your surrogacy partner has them, too. Maintaining an open, honest conversation during this time will help you both relieve those worries and be better prepared for the journey ahead.

Finding energy and excitement about surrogacy during this pandemic can understandably be hard. But don’t let your surrogacy partnership suffer!

Here are a few tips to safely keep your long-distance surrogacy relationship strong right now:

1. Check in With Each Other Directly

There’s a lot of unknowns during this pandemic, and it can be tempting to call your surrogacy specialist asking for frequent updates. While we will always be here to answer your questions, the best way to check up on your surrogacy partner is by reaching out to them directly. If you wait for our specialists to check in for you, it will often take much longer; it can be a while before we catch everyone on the phone, and we have many other responsibilities on our list as hospital and clinic policies continue to change.

If you’re worried about the health of your surrogate or intended parents, please contact them directly. You’ll get the answer you’re looking for much more quickly, and your contact will show your surrogacy partner how much you care about them during this time.

2. Don’t Be Shy with Video Calls!

We get it; we’re all tired of Zoom calls. But there’s no better way to connect with your surrogacy partner during this time than by seeing each other face-to-face — safely through a screen, of course.

Think beyond your typical video call just to check in. Take advantage of this technology for doctor’s appointments and other important milestones. Intended parents may not be able to attend as many appointments as they originally planned, but using video calls can help them feel like they are still there.

If you set up video calls to check in, make sure to set an expected start and end time. Perhaps even plan some activities to prevent any awkwardness.

3. Set Expectations

With the pandemic situation changing so rapidly, it’s normal to want to check in as often as possible. But overstepping contact boundaries can actually put more stress on your surrogacy partner.

Remember that many parents are dealing with working at home at the same time they are caring for children with fewer activities to keep them busy. Constant calls or emails can just become one more thing on their to-do list.

So, set a schedule with your surrogacy partner. Talk about how often you will check in, and perhaps use quicker forms of communication like texts to let them know you’re thinking about them. And, if your surrogacy partner misses a scheduled contact, don’t freak out — give grace and remember that we’re all navigating this situation as best we can.

4. Offer Help However You Can

It’s easy to feel helpless right now, especially if your surrogacy partner is thousands of miles from you. So, don’t be afraid to offer them help in whatever way you can.

Some examples:

Purchase a gift card to a local restaurant for a take-out dinner.
Send a personalized gift basket of necessities (toilet paper and hand sanitizer, anyone?)
Send a bouquet of flowers or a similar surprise to brighten up their day.

As always, talk with your surrogacy specialist if you need ideas or suggestions for supporting your surrogacy partner during these times.

5. Don’t Make It All About COVID-19

The coronavirus pandemic has impacted everyone’s lives. Just as it’s a constant in your everyday routine, it will be the same for your surrogacy partner. Yes, it’s made your surrogacy journey harder — but the last thing either of you will want is to have the same conversations over and over and stress each other out.

So, instead of worrying about COVID-19 and its effects on your surrogacy journey during every phone call or email, take the time to talk about other things. Babies don’t care what’s happening outside the womb, and life goes on during this pandemic.

If you’re an intended parent, don’t feel bad for asking about a surrogate’s pregnancy and the baby’s development. And, if you’re a surrogate, don’t be afraid to share those updates and stories! We all need some positive news right now, and sharing it with each other will remind you why you embarked on surrogacy in the first place.

Taking a break from all the coronavirus talk is not just smart — it’s necessary for your mental health. Do what you can to prepare each other for the unknown ahead, but don’t focus on it. Remember that your surrogacy specialist will be here to guide you through those upcoming steps, whatever they may look like.

When an Embryo Splits: A Surrogate’s Guide

When you go in for your first ultrasound post-embryo transfer, you and your intended parents will simply be hoping for a healthy, strong heartbeat. It will probably come as a shock to both of you if the doctor picks up two — it means you’re carrying twins!

Even though reproductive endocrinologists often do all they can to ensure a healthy singleton pregnancy with little risks, sometimes nature has other plans. You may not have seen yourself carrying twins for someone else for nine months. But, now that you’re in this situation, what can you do?

We know getting news of a multiples pregnancy can be shocking. Remember, your American Surrogacy specialist will always be there to answer your questions and support you moving forward.

While identical twins are rare, they can happen. Here’s what you should do if you find yourself in this situation:

1. First, Talk with Your Intended Parents

An identical twin pregnancy can bring up a lot of complicated emotions, and that’s especially true in a gestational surrogacy. You and the intended parents may need some time to process this news and what it means for your journey, but it’s crucial that you’re all on the same page moving forward.

Make sure that you are open about your thoughts and emotions during this time. Fortunately, you’ll have a roadmap for the next nine months (see below about your contract), but there will always be opportunities to update that plan as you figure out what works best for you. Having an open conversation and building a solid team dynamic from the beginning will make the challenges ahead much easier.

Remember: You have as much of a say in this gestational surrogacy as the intended parents, so don’t be afraid to share your feelings about this unexpected situation.

2. Look to Your Contract

The first decision you’ll make together is whether or not to continue this pregnancy. Because identical twins share a placenta, it’s nearly impossible to safely reduce the pregnancy to one fetus. Instead, you will be faced with an “all-or-none” decision: to continue with the twin pregnancy or terminate in hopes of a healthy singleton pregnancy during your next transfer.

Your path forward will be laid out in your surrogacy contract. Making this important decision in the heat of emotions is incredibly difficult; that’s why we require all intended parents to discuss these complex situations ahead of time with a lawyer. Your contract will likely inform your next steps.

Your contract will also address the additional compensation you are entitled to during a multiples pregnancy: the additional payment for carrying twins, bedrest compensation, wages for missed work and additional compensation for invasive procedures (such as a Cesarean-section). If you ever have any questions about your surrogate compensation, talk with your surrogacy specialist or attorney.

3. Remember the Risks

There’s a reason why reproductive endocrinologists take steps to ensure singleton pregnancies in IVF and gestational surrogacies. Carrying more than one baby increases the health risks for both carrier and babies.

If you and your intended parents will move forward with an identical twin pregnancy, you’ll need to be comfortable with the additional risks this can create, including:

Preterm labor and delivery
Low birth weight
Preeclampsia
Gestational diabetes
Cesarean-section
Placental abruption
Fetal death

You will need to be extremely careful and take certain precautions to keep yourself and the intended parents’ babies safe. This may mean you undergo a planned c-section before your due date or spend the last few weeks of your pregnancy on bedrest or limited in the activity you can do.

Your surrogacy contract will address the worst-case scenario (disability compensation and life insurance), but you must be comfortable with these risks before you agree to continuing a multiples pregnancy.

4. Create a Plan for Your Family

Because a multiples pregnancy comes with the risks mentioned above, you’ll need to work with your spouse and immediate family members to create a plan. This will come in handy, should you be placed on bedrest, have to take maternity leave early or have an extended recovery from a c-section.

Your family should have a plan for:

Who will watch your children and pets while you are unable to
Who will put together meals for your family while you’re incapacitated
Who will bring you supplies when you’re at the hospital
And more

Your surrogacy specialist can give you suggestions of things to plan for, based on her experience with other surrogates.

This is where having a great support system of family and friends can come in handy. Reach out to your support system; see if someone would be willing to prep some ready-made meals for your family, or take some of your laundry to the laundromat after delivery. You may be surprised at just how much help you’ll get!

5. Take it One Day at a Time

In many ways, a multiples gestational pregnancy is no different from a singleton gestational pregnancy. Yes, there are some added risks but, by taking things slow and keeping yourself safe, you can still have a successful, memorable surrogacy experience.

The last thing you’ll want to do is stress yourself out with all the “what-ifs.” You and your intended parents should instead focus on all the things you can control: your birth plan, your relationship during surrogacy and the beautiful experience you’re having together. A positive outlook can make all the difference during the uncertainty of a multiples pregnancy.

Remember, if you are ever in need of additional support or guidance, American Surrogacy will always be there for you.

5 Tips for Bedrest During Surrogacy

When you became a surrogate, you probably had a vision in your head of how your pregnancy would go. You’d be able to carry the intended parents’ baby nine months without a hitch, simultaneously focusing on your job and your family with only minimal adjustments.

But we all know life doesn’t go according to plan — and pregnancy can be especially surprising. If you’ve found yourself facing down the remainder of your pregnancy on bedrest, you’re not alone.

While bedrest is important for your physical health, it can also seem like a death sentence for your mental and social health. But there are some steps you can take to make your bedrest as easy as possible for you, your family and your intended parents.

1. Prepare as Much as You Can

The success of your bedrest will depend upon what steps you take to prepare yourself. Bedrest certainly isn’t easy, despite its name, and you’ll need to actively prepare for how this will affect your life moving forward.

Your surrogacy specialist and doctor will always give you suggestions, but here are just a few things to think about:

Preparing yourself: A routine can make all the difference as you pass days with limited activity and interaction. Plan what you’ll do each day, and make sure you have everything (phone charger, laptop, fluids, snacks, etc.) close at hand. Talk to your employer to see if you can work remotely or if you’ll need to take personal leave.
Preparing your family: You won’t be able to take care of your normal responsibilities, so work with your spouse to create a plan. Who will manage childcare while your spouse works? How will you ensure your family has well-balanced, healthy meals to eat? How will you explain your bedrest to your children?
Preparing your intended parents: Your intended parents will be understandably worried about you if you develop a high-risk pregnancy, but try to reassure them as much as possible. Set expectations for how often you’ll update them on your well-being, and give them ideas for helping you and your family during this time.

2. Find Out What is and isn’t Allowed

Bedrest may conjure images of you stuck under the covers for weeks, with your only exercise being your walk to the bathroom. But that’s not always the case.

Like most medical prescriptions, bedrest isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s important that you get all the important details from your doctor: Can you get out of bed to stretch and do gentle exercises? Can you still do easy chores around the house?

Bedrest in its traditional form is rarely prescribed today, but your doctor may use this term to mean a reduced amount of activity and work in your daily routine. While it’s important to play it safe for your health and for the baby’s, don’t be afraid to advocate for your needs and understand exactly what your doctor means when they use this term.

3. Get Creative with Entertainment

When we’re busy in our everyday lives, a day full of Netflix and the couch can seem like heaven. But, when it becomes the only thing you can do for weeks on end, it can quickly get old.

Women who are on bedrest should think of alternative entertainment options. You might consider:

Buying an old gaming system to re-live the video games of your youth
Filling out crossword puzzles and coloring books
Finding a new hobby, like learning a new language or taking an online class
Finally reading the stack of books on your bookshelf

As you evaluate what entertainment option is right for you in the moment, don’t forget to evaluate your mental health, too. It’s easy to get into the habit of letting the TV drone on for hours, but taking the steps to challenge yourself mentally during this time is important. You could even include your family in a family game night, hosted from your bedroom!

4. Maintain Your Social Relationships

You will likely feel stir-crazy with only your family to talk to, so don’t forget your friends! While you may not be able to do much out of bed, you could always invite your friends over for a “happy hour.” Or, you can always do the tried-and-true phone call. Talking about something other than your pregnancy can give you a good mental break.

Your friends can also be a great source of support during this time. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, even if it’s something as simple as a pre-made casserole or a babysitter if your usual caregiver needs a break.

5. Keep Your Intended Parents Updated

While bedrest may be more of an inconvenience for you than anything else, a high-risk pregnancy can be extremely frightening for intended parents. There’s nothing they can do to ensure a healthy delivery at this point; they’re just relying on you, so it’s important to reassure them however you can.

Take the time to update them a few times a week on your well-being, if you’re comfortable doing so. Pass along any information from your medical providers, and try to still send happy pregnancy updates (“the baby is kicking!”). While you should only do what you are comfortable doing, remember that your intended parents are putting their whole future in your hands — and they are here to help you, too.

If you need more guidance or support during your bedrest, be sure to let your surrogacy specialist know. We are always here to help.

How Your OBGYN Visits Will Be Different as a Surrogate

The journey to become a surrogate takes careful planning, timing and, most importantly, patience. With so many steps involved in the process, it’s so important to make sure that the baby you’re carrying receives only the best care.

But going to the OBGYN as a surrogate is a bit different than your average doctor’s visit. As you can imagine, things will be a little different when it’s not your baby you’re carrying. Because this process is so unique, you may have a hard time imagining what your visits will look like.

To help answer some of your pressing questions, we’ve created a guide to prenatal appointments for surrogates below:

Your First Visit

Initially, you and the intended parents will be working with a fertility clinic. But after that, you’ll likely be working with your OBGYN.

For many women, surrogate or not, the first visit with an OB can be a little stressful. But the good news is that this visit won’t differ much from one for a traditional pregnancy. It normally takes place between 8 to 12 weeks of pregnancy, and your doctor will likely ask you some general questions about the surrogacy process and how you’re doing as well.

Because there’s so much to do during the initial visit, it’s often one of the longest.

Here are some additional things that might happen during your first visit:

You might have your first ultrasound.
You should expect a urine test, blood work and a pap smear.
Your health and vitals will be checked, and your doctor will ask questions about your first trimester.
You’ll likely receive a thorough physical, which will include a pelvic and breast exam (after the intended parents have left the room).
You’ll be asked to fill out some important paperwork.

Involving the Intended Parents

The first obstetrician visit is usually an exciting time for both intended parents and surrogates. After all, this is an experience they’ve been waiting for for a very long time.

Both parties will have the opportunity to ask plenty of questions, if they have any. And, more than likely, you’ll be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time!

If the intended parents aren’t able to attend the first visit, that’s okay. You can share how it went with them at a later point. And if you do receive an ultrasound, you can send them some exciting pictures in the mail.

How to Handle the Unexpected

As you can imagine, surrogacy is new for a lot of people — even doctors. You may run into some awkward situations.

During your initial visit, you’re going to be asked a lot of questions that may not be applicable to the surrogacy process (like questions about your partner’s health). Some surrogates get called “mom” during their appointments. And sometimes, doctors may ask the intended parents to leave the room during your appointment. When something like this happens, you might be unsure of what to do.

The best thing that you can do is to provide as much information about the surrogacy process as you can — as early on as you can. Although your OB might not understand the uniqueness of your pregnancy or your relationship to the intended parents, they should be someone you already know and trust. Even if they’re new to the process, your doctor should have a clear understanding of how to treat everyone in this journey.

If you have any trouble during your visits, or if you have an OB who isn’t understanding of surrogacy, don’t be afraid to look for a different doctor. You deserve to receive the care that you need and feel comfortable doing so.

—

We’re sure you have plenty of other questions about your first OBGYN visit as a surrogate, the medical process for surrogacy, and much more. For answers, reach out to your surrogacy specialist at any time.

7 Deeper Things to Look for in Intended Parents

When you’re a surrogate, carrying someone else’s child is a life-changing responsibility and partnership that you take very seriously. You understandably want to make sure that you have a strong connection with the parents — you shouldn’t settle for carrying for just anyone.

There’s no such thing as a “perfect” intended parent, because there is no such thing as a perfect person. There is, however, the ideal match for you! They’re out there right now, longing for a child and waiting for someone like you to help them. Remember that American Surrogacy will help you to find and match with those parents, so contact us whenever you’re ready to get started.

But, how will you know when you’ve found those intended parents that are truly right for you? Aside from that important gut instinct of “just knowing” and, of course, sharing the same surrogacy goals, here are seven deeper things to look for in an intended parent:

1. They’ve Grieved Any Fertility Loss, and They’re Excited About Surrogacy

You’ve likely thought about how, if you were to match with a couple who struggled with fertility or pregnancy loss, this grief may affect your relationship. Will feelings of pregnancy envy mar the joys of the shared journey? Can you all honor those losses while moving forward?

In most matches, intended parents are absolutely ready and able to move forward with surrogacy after grieving infertility.

American Surrogacy works with intended parents to make sure that they’re emotionally ready for surrogacy after infertility grief, but you yourself will also need to feel that these intended parents are as excited about this as you are.

2. They Don’t View Surrogacy as a Business Transaction

Gestational surrogacy is far from transactional! There is compensation and a lot of paperwork involved, certainly. But neither you nor American Surrogacy would want to work with intended parents who view this experience as some kind of business transaction.

And no child wants to feel as if they were the result of a simple transaction.

You’re pursuing surrogacy because you love families, and you want to help someone create their own family. So, it’s important that you find intended parents who are also coming to surrogacy full of love — for you as well as for their future child.

3. They Get to Know You

It can be a little awkward to get to know strangers at first. Surrogacy is an intimate and vulnerable experience in many ways. But your American Surrogacy specialist will help you all get through the early stages and have the important conversations.

However, the sign of a good fit is the intended parents’ interest in getting to know you for you. It’s important that they ask questions about your abilities as a surrogate, to be sure. Hopefully, they’ll ask questions about you, your family and your interests, too, purely for the sake of creating a connection.

4. They Aren’t Just Looking for the Cheapest Option

Surrogacy is not an inexpensive family-building process for hopeful parents. It’s more than reasonable to receive fair compensation for the sacrifices, risk and effort you take on when completing fertility treatments and carrying someone else’s child — but some intended parents will want to cut corners on costs where they can.

You aren’t in this for the money, and the right intended parents will understand this. They’ll also have researched everything you’ll need to undertake as their surrogate, and they’ll understand why some amount of compensation for that is fair.

If an intended parent is making choices based purely on cost, then they’re likely not a good fit.

5. They Talk about How Surrogacy Will Be Discussed With Their Child

This is something that all intended parents should be ready to talk about with you. Like with children who were adopted, the best policy for children born via surrogacy is openness, honesty and positivity from day one.

The right intended parents will express how they plan to talk about you with their child. Will you stay in touch so that their child can meet you someday, if he or she is interested? Will they share details about you so their child can have a clear picture of his or her birth story? Children need to understand their personal histories, and you’ll be a small but important part of that. How do you want to be talked about?

6. They Respect Your Opinions

Although this is their child and the intended parents will be leading for much of the surrogacy process, the right intended parents will also understand that this is your body. You’ll know it’s a good match when you meet intended parents who ask about your wishes and express that they will respect your input when decisions need to be made.

As the parents of this child, these people will be making many of the choices that lie ahead. However, their decisions will affect you. The right intended parents will understand this and will never put you in a position that makes you uncomfortable. This is a team effort, and they should see you as the “Most Valued Player!”

7. They Feel “Right” to You

Most of our surrogates (and intended parents) at American Surrogacy say that, outside of sharing the same surrogacy goals, they had a gut instinct that the match was just “right.” Sometimes, even something as small as a shared interest will spark that serendipitous feeling, while in other moments you may feel drawn to intended parents because of their personal story. It might just be something about their personalities and relationship.

Whatever it is, as long as you share the same goals for the relationship and journey ahead, go ahead and follow that feeling! It’s likely your heart and gut telling you that this is the right decision.

Ready to find your ideal match? Contact American Surrogacy for more information about becoming a gestational surrogate now.

What if the Intended Parents Miss Their Baby’s Birth?

Intended parents are usually able to get to the hospital with plenty of time to spare, so they can welcome their baby alongside their surrogate. But it’s always a fear in the back of the mind of gestational surrogates and intended parents, especially in long-distance matches — what if the intended parents don’t make it in time?

What if they miss their baby’s birth? Who would be responsible for the baby’s care and for making any necessary medical decisions until the intended parents arrive?

While this is extremely rare (it’s never happened with American Surrogacy so far!) it’s certainly possible for an unavoidable impediment like unexpected/emergency labor, a travel ban or flight delay to prevent the intended parents from being present at the time of the baby’s birth.

Here’s what surrogates and intended parents should know:

Always Stay Calm

In the unlikely event that this happens in your surrogacy journey, both parties will be understandably upset that things aren’t going according to plan. The arrival of the baby is an important moment, and you all want to be together for that event.

However, if something unexpected and unavoidable occurs, all that really matters is the health and safety of the baby and surrogate. No matter what, the baby will be born and the families will be united — even if it’s not as soon as everyone would prefer. Until then, stay calm and trust that each party (along with your American Surrogacy specialist) will take care of their end of things.

The Baby Would Be Cared for By the Nurses

If the parents are significantly delayed for some reason, the gestational surrogate cannot care for the baby in the interim because she’s not the parent and has no legal rights to the child. That will be the hospital’s policy, even if the intended parents give permission for her to temporarily take over for them until they arrive.

The hospital’s pediatric staff would assume care of the baby until the parents arrive.

Talk to Your Attorney

Your surrogacy attorneys may be able to work a clause into your contracts that outlines what would happen in this situation, including some advanced medical directives. Ask them what’s possible in your situation, and coordinate with your surrogacy partner as well as your specialist to make sure any relevant legal information is provided to hospital staff in advance.

Talking to your attorney will be especially important if you’re stationed overseas and need to travel back to the United States mainland to be with your U.S. surrogate. Ask your attorney and hospital if there are any exceptions that can be made in your situation, or if you can make some decisions regarding your newborn’s care in advance.

Keep Phones Close at Hand

Some of the medical and newborn care decisions that need to be made by the parents may be done over the phone. This can be tricky if the parents are mid-flight or are traveling through an area with spotty reception. However, surrogates and intended parents can try to keep an open line of communication before, during and after the baby’s birth for important updates, so we always recommend having that phone fully charged, close at hand and with the ringer on.

This will also be important in case your surrogacy specialist tries to get ahold of either of you for updates or important information!

You’ll Have the Rest of Your Lives to Make Up for One Missed Moment

If, as an intended parent, you can’t imagine missing your baby’s first breaths, try to keep things in perspective. Missing your child’s birth would be incredibly difficult. But you’ll have a lifetime together ahead of you!

Surrogates: If you’re comfortable doing so, and you know that the intended parents are about to miss their baby’s birth, consider asking your spouse or a nurse to video or photograph your labor and delivery. Being able to see their baby come into the world (even after the fact) may mean a lot to the parents.

Your Surrogacy Specialist Will Be Ready

Whether you’re an intended parent or a surrogate, remember that your American Surrogacy specialist will be watching over your journey and making sure that things are going smoothly. Even if something unexpected and unavoidable happens, like the intended parents being delayed on their way to the hospital, your specialist will be ready.

She will be communicating with hospital staff, your attorneys and both parties as often as possible to keep everyone in the know. We understand that sometimes things unexpectedly happen and throw a wrench in our carefully-made plans! But we’ll be ready to help everyone deal with whatever comes your way and make sure the baby is safe, happy and healthy until he or she is placed into the parents’ arms.