Choosing a Surrogate Mother: How to Find the Perfect Carrier

Finding the Perfect Surrogacy Partner

Choosing a surrogate mother for your family-building journey can be complicated — but, with American Surrogacy, it doesn't have to be. Find out here how to choose a surrogate, prepare for a surrogate mother interview and create a surrogacy relationship that will last forever.

Finding an available surrogate is only one step in choosing your perfect surrogacy partner. When you have finally located a prospective gestational carrier, you will likely be equal parts excited and nervous for the first meeting you’ll have with her. You may wonder: What are the questions to ask a surrogate? How do you know if you’re choosing the right surrogate? What if I make the wrong choice?

This is where professionals like American Surrogacy can come in handy. Choosing a surrogate mother can be a difficult decision to make but, with experienced surrogacy specialists there to guide you through the process, it can be a little easier. First-time intended parents can rest easy with the assistance of a professional surrogacy agency, and even those who have been through the surrogacy journey before can be reassured they are making the right choice when working with a surrogacy specialist.

To learn more about the services that our surrogacy agency provides intended parents, you can contact our specialists anytime at 1-800-875-BABY(2229). They’ll answer any questions you have and, when you’re ready, help you find a gestational carrier and prepare for your surrogate mother interview by discussing some of the topics below.

Choosing a Surrogate Mother: What to Keep in Mind

Whether you are meeting with a surrogate you have found on your own or a surrogate that a matching professional has found for you, there is one crucial rule to be obeyed: You and your gestational carrier should have the same goals and preferences for your upcoming surrogacy journey. This means you should agree on important aspects such as:

  • The surrogate’s genetic connection to your child
  • Whether the surrogate will receive base compensation for her services
  • What kind of professionals you will work with along the way
  • And more

Ideally, these preferences should have been determined in your surrogacy plan prior to finding a surrogacy match, but they should also be confirmed during your surrogate mother interview. If you work with a matching agency like American Surrogacy, you can rest assured that the gestational surrogate presented to you shares your surrogacy goals and preferences. If you have found a surrogate candidate on your own, you should keep these things in mind when first choosing a surrogate mother to consider partnering with.

Preparing for a Surrogate Mother Interview with American Surrogacy

Once you have viewed a gestational carrier’s profile, you will have the chance to get to know them and confirm your surrogacy match through a surrogate mother interview. If you find a potential surrogacy partner with an agency (such as American Surrogacy), your surrogacy specialist will help you prepare for this initial meeting or conversation. We understand that finding a partner in this year-long (or longer) journey is not an easy decision to make, which is why we give you the chance to make sure a gestational carrier is right for you before moving forward.

After you and a prospective surrogate have expressed mutual interest, you will have the chance to speak to her and ask any questions you have. It’s near impossible to agree to a partnership solely from the information on a surrogate profile, so this opportunity to get to know the gestational carrier is an ideal way to find out about her personality and whether you will work well together.

Typically, your surrogacy specialist will set up a phone conference call between you and the prospective surrogate. Your specialist will also help you prepare for the phone call by giving you tips on questions to ask a potential gestational carrier and topics to talk about (and avoid).

While your specialist will be available to mediate the conversation, you should be ready to ask whatever surrogate mother questions you have and genuinely engage with her. Many intended parents and surrogates compare this conversation to a first date. Frequently, intended parents will choose a surrogate because of a gut feeling, and this first conversation allows you to recognize if your personalities work well together.

Questions to Ask When Talking to a Possible Surrogate

While your specialist will be there to prepare you for your surrogate mother interview, you should also take responsibility in preparing yourself for this conversation. Think about what you really want to know about your surrogate. What are some things that will confirm she is the perfect match for you?

Oftentimes, intended parents find that thinking of questions to ask when talking to a possible surrogate is a great way to prepare for this first conversation. One of the best things you can do to prepare is to write your questions to ask the surrogate mother down ahead of time; this will help alleviate any lulls in the conversation and make sure you get the answers you need to make an informed match.

But, how do you know what questions to ask a surrogate and what topics to discuss?

American Surrogacy is here to help. Some of the questions to ask a surrogate mother during this first meeting include:

  • Why did you decide to become a surrogate?
  • What are your hobbies and interests?
  • What are your personal values? What’s important to you?
  • What is your family like? Do they support your surrogacy plans?

This is also a good chance to ask the surrogate mother questions about her surrogacy profile, especially any aspects you were curious about when you first read it. Try to stay away from complicated questions about the surrogacy process, especially anything regarding compensation; these questions can be answered in another conversation when you know each other better.

Talking about the Surrogacy Process

If this first conversation goes well, you may already be sure that the surrogate is the right match for you. If you’re not sure, that’s totally okay; it may take multiple conversations to really be comfortable with and ultimately choose a surrogate who is right for you.

Whether or not you make a match after the first conversation, you will eventually need to discuss the more complicated details of the upcoming surrogacy. Your surrogacy specialist will have already matched you based on your preferences for a surrogate, but talking with the gestational carrier about a surrogate pregnancy may give you more information in her own words.

Again, your surrogacy specialist will advise you on what is proper to discuss in a conversation with a prospective surrogate. If you’ve already matched with your surrogate, you’ll likely be able to go into deeper detail on these surrogacy issues. Just like before, your specialist will mediate the conversation, so if there are difficult questions you cannot answer, they will step in to help.

When you’re talking about the more complicated issues of the surrogacy process, here are some good questions to ask a surrogate:

  • How committed are you to surrogacy? Are you aware of the risks involved?
  • What are your husband’s or family’s thoughts on you pursuing surrogacy?
  • How will you tell your children about your surrogacy? What kind of involvement do you want from me as an intended parent?
  • What were your previous pregnancies like?
  • How do you feel about carrying multiples? What about selective reduction and termination?
  • What are you hoping to gain from this experience?

More sensitive issues like compensation will likely be handled by your surrogacy specialist.

While this is a chance for you to ask questions of a prospective surrogate, remember that she will likely have questions for you as well. Avoid dominating the conversation, and answer her questions honestly and openly. Doing so will ensure you find the perfect match for you.

Remember, you do get to choose a surrogate mother — so proper information and comfort will play a large role in committing to a specific surrogacy partnership.

Getting to Know the Surrogate after the Match

After you have followed through with choosing a surrogate mother, it’s important to maintain your relationship with her by being open to meetings and continuing to ask her questions. Because you will be in this partnership with her for the next year or more, building a solid friendship will go a long way toward a successful surrogate pregnancy. Stay open and honest in your communication after the match, and your gestational carrier will do the same.

Your surrogacy specialist will be there to mediate your relationship, if necessary, but many intended parents and surrogates establish a comfortable relationship that flourishes on its own. By taking the time to properly get to know a surrogate, you can create a strong relationship that lasts beyond the birth of your child.

To learn more about choosing a surrogate mother with our agency, and how you can begin your surrogacy journey today, please call American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-2229.