Being a Surrogate While Your Spouse is Away

As long as you meet the requirements, you can choose to be a surrogate regardless of your marital status. You can also be a surrogate while your spouse or partner is away for deployment, work, school or for any other reason.

There are a lot of reasons why you might be considering becoming a surrogate and why becoming a surrogate now feels right for you and your family. But, you probably also have quite a few questions and some uncertainties. We can always help you there.

Here are some of the most common questions that women who are considering becoming surrogates while their spouses or partners are away have asked:

Who Might Be a Surrogate With an Absent Spouse?

Women who aren’t married can certainly become surrogates as long as they meet the necessary requirements, but there are also many married women who choose to become surrogates while their spouse or partner is away for an extended period of time. These prospective surrogates have included women whose spouses or partners:

  • are in the military and are away for deployment or basic training
  • travel often as part of their job
  • are incarcerated
  • are away for school or studying abroad
  • or are otherwise gone for part of, or the duration of, the surrogate pregnancy.

As long as you meet the requirements to become a surrogate established by your state and American Surrogacy, becoming a surrogate may be an option for you.

Why is This a Common Trend for Surrogates?

Becoming a surrogate when your spouse is away for deployment is a fairly common occurrence. Why?

A woman’s reasons for becoming a surrogate are unique and vary from one person to the next. Similarly, every couple’s situation is different when one of them is away. But, there may be a few reasons why this is such a popular option for committed couples:

  • If you and your spouse move around a lot, it can be hard to put down roots in the community, but surrogacy gives you an opportunity to feel like you’re giving back regardless of where you live.
  • Compensation for surrogacy is legal in most states, so for many women and their families, it can be a nice financial boost while one provider is away.
  • If you and your spouse travel but you don’t have a career outside the home, surrogacy gives you a fulfilling way to spend your time doing something that’s your own, in addition to being meaningful to you and someone else.
  • The surrogacy process for most surrogates takes roughly a year, which is a short enough commitment that you wouldn’t be locked into something that you couldn’t move away from but is long enough to keep your mind occupied if you worry about your spouse while they’re away, such as if they’re deployed.

There are plenty of reasons why you might be inspired to be a surrogate for someone and plenty of reasons why you might decide to begin this process while your spouse is away. American Surrogacy will support you through that process.

What’s Different About the Surrogacy Process without the Surrogate’s Spouse/Partner?

Very little is different. There are really only three differences of note that may affect you.

Legally, a surrogate’s spouse or partner must sign their consent to her surrogacy decision in some states. Not because you need your spouse’s permission, but because they would need to acknowledge that they have no legal parental rights to the intended parents’ baby; in some states the surrogate and her husband would be legally presumed to be the parents even if they’re not biologically related to the baby. Your surrogacy attorney would be able to tell you whether or not this step would be applicable in your situation, as every legal case is different.

Emotionally, becoming a surrogate without your spouse or partner can be difficult. As you know, pregnancy can be mentally and emotionally exhausting in addition to the physical strain. Not having your primary source of emotional support there with you during a pregnancy, even though it’s not your own baby, can be tough. However, you won’t be alone. In addition to the support system that you have with family and friends, you’ll also have the intended parents and your American Surrogacy specialist to lean on.

Financially, health care coverage is a concern for some women whose spouses are away, particular for women who are part of a military family. This is because some military insurance providers won’t cover the medical costs of a surrogate pregnancy if they find out that you’re pregnant for someone else rather than for yourself. This is something that you’d need to consult with an American Surrogacy specialist about. While our specialists make sure surrogates are never left with any medical costs, insurance policies can complicate matters, and it’s important to be aware of them as early as possible.

Would I Be a Good Surrogate?

Ultimately, that’s up to you. If you meet the requirements of your state as well as your surrogacy professional, then you’re certainly eligible. Of course, that’s not the only consideration you’re probably taking into account.

Ask yourself a few more questions that might be specific to your situation, like:

  • Am I ready for a surrogate pregnancy without my spouse/partner present?
  • Do I have some friends or family who can help me out as my surrogate pregnancy progresses if I need them (emotionally or for practical everyday things)?
  • Can I handle raising kids alone, as well as the commitment of being a surrogate?

It’s not only possible for a woman to become a surrogate while her spouse or partner is away, it’s actually quite common. If you think you might be interested in being a surrogate, you may find talking to other women who have been surrogates while their spouses were gone a helpful resource. You can also talk to a specialist at American Surrogacy for free if you have any questions or if you’d like to begin the process. Call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) today to get started.

How Long Are Your Surrogate Medical Bills Covered?

Some prospective surrogates worry that once the baby is born, they’ll be saddled with part of the bill. Know this: When you’re a surrogate, your pregnancy costs are always covered. Your postpartum health care is also covered, so the only thing you’ll be responsible for after delivery is getting back on your feet.

Here are some of the most common questions and concerns surrogates have about their postpartum expenses, as well as the answers to those questions:

Who Is Responsible for the Surrogate’s Medical Costs Once the Baby is Born?

Generally, when it comes to surrogacy, any cost that’s related to the pregnancy is the responsibility of the intended parents. This will include your postpartum pregnancy-related care.

The intended parents will have money in escrow, which can be used for up to six months of postpartum payments for things such as pregnancy-related medical expenses. So, you can know you’ll be safely covered for six months.

These specifics will all be carefully discussed in detail in your surrogacy contract, so you’ll have financial protection and everyone involved knows what to expect after the baby is born.

How Does Insurance Work?

Although it would make things simpler, the intended parents’ health insurance rarely covers any medical treatments for surrogates. Usually, this is because you are the one who’s pregnant — not the policy-holder (the intended parents).

Along with the costs of your pregnancy, your health insurance may cover some or all of your postpartum health care costs. This all depends on your insurance plan and your postpartum needs. If there are out-of-pocket costs or other health care expenses that your insurance won’t cover, the intended parents will cover these costs.

Your individual insurance coverage is something that’s taken into consideration when creating your surrogacy contract and working out finances with your intended parents. Your surrogacy professionals will be able to help you navigate this, so that your insurance can carry the costs whenever possible.

Whenever there’s an out-of-pocket cost like a co-pay at the doctor’s office, you will likely need to pay that up front. You will then  be reimbursed for any of these costs through the aforementioned escrow account.

Bottom line — we’re here to make sure that you don’t pay for the pregnancy you’re carrying for someone else.

What Does Postpartum Recovery Usually Include?

Every pregnancy is different, so one woman’s postpartum health care needs will be different from another woman’s. If your past pregnancies have been pretty consistent, then you may know what to expect during your postpartum recovery and what your recovery needs may cost.

If the postpartum phases of your previous pregnancies have been more varied, here’s what you can usually expect after the average healthy pregnancy and complication-free vaginal delivery:

  • Your doctor will ask you to come in for a postpartum follow-up appointment, typically two to six weeks after your delivery, to make sure you’re physically and emotionally well.
  • Your doctor may recommend that you have a pap smear, typically six weeks after your delivery.

If you have any complications with your pregnancy — such as a cesarean section, hemorrhaging, or other medical issues — you’ll have more appointments with your doctor as needed to check on any sutures or bleeding and to monitor your overall healing.

Because your recovery needs will depend on your body, the time that it takes for you to recover and the costs of your postpartum care (as well as what your insurance will cover) will vary.

How Much Does Postpartum Care Cost?

Again, everyone’s postpartum recovery is going to be a little different. Your past pregnancies may be a good indicator of how long it’ll take for you to recover and what the costs may be like for your intended parents.

The best way for you to get a rough estimate of what your insurance will cover and what the intended parents will be responsible for is by contacting your insurance provider. You’ve probably done this before with your past pregnancies, but if you’re not sure what specific questions to ask your insurance provider, especially for a surrogacy situation, you can talk about it with your American Surrogacy specialist first. They’ll be able to offer you some tips.

As tiresome as handling health insurance always is, there are two key takeaways to keep in mind:

  1. Your American Surrogacy specialist is always there if you have any questions or if you need help figuring out health insurance and sorting out finances as you prepare for the surrogacy process.
  1. Surrogates are never presumed responsible for the pregnancy-related expenses in surrogacy. The intended parents are presumed responsible for whatever your insurance won’t cover, and your surrogacy contract will be designed to reflect that, so that you won’t have to pay for things like postpartum health expenses.

If you have any more questions about how the coverage of your medical costs works in surrogacy, call an American Surrogacy specialist now at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Should I Go Independent to Save My Intended Parents Money?

You probably really like your intended parents. We certainly hope so, anyway! You’re rooting for them. You know the surrogacy process can be expensive and — because you’re becoming a surrogate, we know you’re an empathetic and generous person — so you likely want to help the intended parents out in whatever way you can.

But will skipping the surrogacy agency route to save your intended parents money help or hurt you both? Here’s an honest look:

The Pros of Going Independent with Your Intended Parents

Pursuing surrogacy independently means that you’re not working with an agency. This is also sometimes called “private surrogacy.” You would still work with attorneys and medical professionals, so you’re not truly independent, but you’d be cutting out the agency that usually coordinates with those professionals on your behalf. In that sense, going independent is sort of like DIY-ing your wedding versus working with a wedding planner. Is it the right route for you?

Here are some of the benefits of going independent:

  • It may save your intended parents money, because they won’t have to pay any agency fees, although there will still be costs associated with medical and legal expenses and the professionals who handle those procedures.
  • It can give intended parents greater control over the process, as they’ll be responsible for overseeing and planning everything.
  • If you and your intended parents already have experience with surrogacy, you might not need guidance from a professional.

Who should pursue surrogacy independently?

  • Intended parent-surrogate partnerships that are already matched, know and trust each other
  • People who have extensive experience with the surrogacy process in their state
  • People who are prepared to coordinate all of the necessary services with the required professionals and who fully understand the risks and responsibilities of doing so on their own

The Cons of Going Independent with Your Intended Parents

Wanting to save your intended parents some money is a noble thought, but going independent may not actually be helpful to either of you. Not only would you both be missing out on important services, but everyone involved could be put at risk without the protection of an agency. Ultimately, what agencies do is protect intended parents and surrogates.

Here are some of the drawbacks of going independent:

  • You and the intended parents would be responsible for: coordinating with lawyers, fertility clinics; talking about tough topics like finances and potential pregnancy situations such selective reduction or termination; and more.
  • Screening, counseling and case management services that agencies provide might seem less important than the bare-bones legal and medical services, but surrogacy situations that didn’t have those safety measures are where surrogacy horror stories like unenforced contracts or the intended parents not accepting the baby come from. Counseling and case management ensures that both parties are communicating well, adhering to the agreement and considering both sides of situation.
  • Agencies have experience partnering with reputable legal and medical professionals, as well as navigating the surrogacy processes of various states. If you pursue surrogacy independently, you can’t take advantage of an agency’s connection to high-quality attorneys and fertility clinics and their ability to coordinate easily with those providers to get you through your surrogacy process smoothly, safely and quickly.

Who should pursue surrogacy with an agency?

  • People who don’t already have a match and want to find a surrogate or intended parent(s) who is safe and who shares their goals for a surrogacy experience
  • People who don’t have much experience with surrogacy and who want the guidance and protection of a professional
  • People who would feel more comfortable having an experienced professional coordinate the necessary processes on their behalf, facilitate communication with other professionals and provide all the services needed to complete the surrogacy process in full

The Takeaway

When you go interdependent, there is no guarantee the intended parents will actually be saving money, and you could all be put at an increased amount of risk. Your relationship with the intended parents could be jeopardized without proper counseling throughout the process and you could all be legally endangered if you don’t understand the complex surrogacy processes of your state from the very start.

Remember that skipping an agency doesn’t mean that surrogacy is free, either. There are still legal and medical expenses that’ll need to be paid, but without an agency, there’s no one to advise your intended parents about ways to minimize those costs or about how to avoid working with fraudulent legal and medical professionals. You would be cutting out the fees paid to an agency, but the other costs can add up for your intended parents. Remember: Even if you work with a surrogacy agency, you, as a surrogate, will never be expected to pay for any of your surrogacy journey.

In most situations, surrogates and intended parents are advised to work with an experienced surrogacy agency for everyone’s protection. This is even true (and sometimes especially so) in identified surrogacy situations where you’re very close to the intended parents, such as when you’re becoming a surrogate for close friends or family members. An agency will provide you both with the counseling necessary to make sure your relationship with the intended parents will be just as good, if not closer, than before you started your surrogacy journey together.

If you’re interested in learning more about working with a surrogacy agency, contact American Surrogacy now at 1-800-875-2229 for free information. You and the intended parents can ask questions and decide if going through an agency is what’s safest for you.

What to Pack for Your Surrogacy Hospital Stay – Surrogates

The moment when you place the baby you’ve been carrying for nine months into the arms of his or her parents is an incredibly special one. Now it’s time to get ready for that moment! Here’s what you should pack in your hospital bag as a surrogate:

Paperwork

These are probably the most important items you’ll pack. The hospital will usually have things like extra toiletries on hand, but especially with a surrogacy birth, only you’ll be able to supply some of this information.

It’s best to try to prepare your hospital by letting them know about your birth plan in advance, as they may not have had any experience with a surrogacy birth. Your American Surrogacy specialist will work with you, your intended parents and your hospital to create a hospital plan that you’re comfortable with and to make sure that everything is ready, so that everyone is prepared and on the same page.

Bringing more information than less is a good idea, just in case. Some things you should pack include:

  • Your insurance cards
  • Your driver’s license or I.D.
  • Your surrogacy contract
  • The pre-birth order (if possible)
  • Copies of relevant prenatal medical information (if necessary)

The hospital should have a way to identify you and your family (like your spouse and children if they visit you) as well as the baby and the intended parents. Most hospitals are accommodating of the intended parents once they understand your special birth plan, so check with your surrogacy specialist to confirm what paperwork you should have ready.

Clothes

Comfort is definitely key. Some hospitals tend to keep the temperature uncomfortably low, while others set it too high. You can’t go wrong with light layers. A few essentials you should pack include:

  • A robe to put on over your hospital gown
  • Socks or slippers
  • A couple of loose and comfortable outfits that you could go home in
  • Extra underwear
  • Nursing bras

Toiletries

Again, the hospital will likely have spares of anything you might need, so don’t over pack, but you might have preferences about brands. Think back to your last delivery and what would have made you more comfortable. Helpful things to pack include:

  • Your toothbrush and toothpaste
  • Deodorant
  • Hairbrush
  • A hair tie, headband, or whatever you prefer to keep your hair out of the way
  • Breast pads
  • Pads for post-partum bleeding
  • Nipple cream or Lanolin if your breasts get tender
  • If you plan on pumping breast milk for the baby, a breast pump
  • Post-partum ice packs

Miscellaneous

Don’t stress too much about packing. If you forget something, ask your spouse to run home and grab it for you. Your past deliveries will be your most helpful guide when considering what to pack for your hospital stay. Some additional things you might want to toss in your bag before you forget include:

  • Your phone charger
  • Anything from home that’ll make you more comfortable (a book, headphones, a specific pillow, blanket, sleep mask, etc.)
  • A little gift or memento for the child, like a photo album of your pregnancy or a special stuffed animal if you’d like them to have something to mark the nine months you spent together

Giving birth as a surrogate is an incredible and unique experience. Packing your hospital bag may seem small, but it’s all part of something exciting. Enjoy it!

American Surrogacy is here to help you create a hospital plan that you can feel confident about, and is with you every step of the way, preparing you for what to expect at the hospital with a surrogacy birth. Contact us now at 1-800-875-BABY (1-800-875-2229) to learn more about how to become a surrogacy and to make a surrogacy birth plan.

4 Tips for Pregnant Surrogates During the Holidays

You may be feeling somewhat overwhelmed when you’re taking care of the intended parents’ growing baby and your family, especially in the midst of craziness of the holiday season. Now more than ever, it’s important to care of yourself.

Here are four tips that can help you navigate the upcoming holidays as a surrogate so that you stay healthy, sane and actually enjoy yourself:

1. Take Care of Yourself

Pregnancy is physically, mentally and emotionally tough. Surrogacy adds extra pressure to what you’re experiencing. Combine that with the holidays, and you probably need a break. Here are few self-care tips that might seem obvious, but are no less important:

  • Sleep! Need a nap? Take a nap. Whenever. Go to bed early if you need to. If you (and baby) say “sleep,” everyone else can say, “sweet dreams.”
  • Stay hydrated. There will be (non-alcoholic) punch, cider, soda and all sorts of delicious holiday indulgences. However, keep drinking plenty of plain old water so that you’ll both stay healthy throughout the winter.
  • There will be plenty of temptations, but it’s best to avoid some holiday foods. You probably know to stay away from soft cheese, alcohol and undercooked meats, but you should also skip the eggnog, cookie dough and caffeine. Make sure you eat lots of healthy fruits and veggies if you indulge in holiday treats.
  • Ask for help, delegate tasks and take time for yourself. Whether that’s letting your partner or spouse take over your half of the holiday to-do list or having a friend or family member pitch in so that you can get some rest, let others know when you need a hand.

Be honest and firm about your needs this holiday season. Taking care of yourself (mentally, physically and emotionally) as well as the baby is priority number one. Once you and the baby are taken care of, you can take care of your family and holiday matters.

2. Holiday Stress Can Be Tough on the Baby (and You!)

All the planning, shopping, traveling and expectations of the holiday season can be fun, but it can also be stressful. That stress now affects both you and the baby. Staying relaxed is healthier for you and for the baby, but that can be trickier during the heightened emotions of the holidays.

Remember:

  • Ask for help when you need it, whether that’s with everyday tasks or holiday chores like decorating and shopping.
  • Cut out excess stress wherever you feel it’s possible or needed, like skipping that party you don’t feel like going to, buying fewer presents, or making fewer travel plans.
  • The holidays aren’t about commitments or gifts, so take a breath if you feel overwhelmed.

The holiday season can bring us so much joy and warmth, or it can make us feel overwhelmed and frustrated. A lot of that depends on how we choose to approach it. Don’t feel bad about cutting out things that cause you stress this season. This is an opportunity to reconnect with what’s important to you as you celebrate.

3. Focus on Your Family

You’re doing an amazing thing for someone else’s family — you’re growing a child for them! It can be easy to get caught up in the feelings of your intended parents while you’re on this journey together, but you deserve some time to focus on your own family during the holidays. Here are a few tips for making the most of this time with your family:

You don’t have to go overboard with gifts or special plans… just spend some undistracted time together as a family. As a surrogate, you mean a lot to someone else’s family. But your family comes first.

4. Take it Easy this Year

Maybe your house is normally the one festooned with the most lights on the block each year. Maybe it’s an annual tradition to stay up all night carefully basting a turkey. Maybe you usually host a bunch of people for a party, or you travel to several different family celebrations.

This might be the year to take things easy. You’ve got a lot going on, and it’s ok to say “no” to obligations, even if those commitments are self-imposed.

Your pregnant body will probably thank you if you’re not traveling, staying up late, stressing or overexerting yourself. Changing things up and adopting a more laid-back holiday schedule this year will allow you to spend some relaxed time with your family and also maybe give you a couple new traditions.

Instead of more elaborate holiday traditions, consider these stress-saving holiday ideas:

  • Have the family’s favorite simple meal (think spaghetti or tacos) instead of a fancy holiday meal.
  • Have a staycation with hot cocoa and a holiday movie marathon instead of traveling across the country for holiday get-togethers.
  • Book a post-surrogacy family trip as a gift instead of giving traditional presents and save yourself some shopping trips.
  • If you normally cook or bake a lot, opt for store-bought this year.
  • If you don’t feel like going to the usual holiday parties, don’t go! Put yourself first.

The holidays can bring a certain amount of pressure, but there’s nothing wrong with keeping things simple and low key. Spending your holidays pregnant can be frustrating, depending on how you’re feeling, but it can also be a chance to change things up and get back to the basics of the season. Remember the wonderful reason why you’re doing this, and how you’re about to give the best gift ever to your intended parents! If you’re struggling with the stress of the holiday season as a surrogate, you can always reach out to your surrogacy specialist for support at 1-800-875-BABY (875-2229).

What to Expect After Your Gestational Pregnancy Delivery

When you’re a gestational carrier, a lot of thought and preparation will go into your gestational pregnancy and your delivery plan. But, what happens after you return home from the hospital? What can you expect?

It’s normal to have questions about the postpartum period of a gestational pregnancy. If you’re like most gestational carriers, this is your first time being pregnant for someone else, and you may not be sure what it will be like to return home without a baby. Being educated about what to expect and all the possibilities during this time is the best thing you can do to be prepared.

That said, every postpartum recovery from a gestational surrogacy is different. You know your body the best, and it’s important that you stay in tune to how you’re feeling during this time. If something feels off, don’t hesitate to call your medical professional. Your pregnancy- and postpartum-related medical bills will always be covered by your intended parents, and your personal well-being is always of the utmost importance. Remember, your surrogacy specialist can answer any questions and support you through this time, too.

If you’re wondering what to expect from your postpartum experience, there are a few things you should be aware of:

Post-Delivery Recovery Time

The time that it takes to recover from the childbirth experience of a gestational pregnancy is much different than your recovery period from your own pregnancies. Yes, you will be experiencing much of the same physical pain and exhaustion you’ve felt before, but there is one major difference — you get the chance to focus entirely on healing.

When women give birth to their own children, they often don’t have the luxury of taking their time to recover. After all, there’s a new baby in the house demanding attention. Gestational carriers are luckier; they don’t have a new baby to care for 24/7 and, thus, are more likely to take the time they need to recover from labor. Every woman is different, but many gestational carriers report they feel back to normal a few days or even a few hours after labor.

As great as you may feel after your delivery, don’t forget to take it easy on yourself. Your body will have gone through a tremendous experience in childbirth, and it will need time to recover. Even if you feel fine, take precautions. Take naps frequently, don’t attempt any extreme physical activity, and delay your return to your normal routine for a few weeks. The last thing you will want to do at this point is “overdo it.”

To Pump or Not to Pump?

One of the things you’ll need to decide before you even enter your last trimester is what you plan to do with your breastmilk. Whether you plan to pump or not, there are certain preparations and steps you’ll need to take.

When you work with American Surrogacy, your surrogacy specialist can mediate a conversation between you and your intended parents about pumping breastmilk after the baby is born, if the parents want that. If so, this will be included in your legal surrogacy contract. Keep in mind, when you pump for intended parents, you will need to need to commit your time to pump every few hours.

If you decide not to pump for the intended parents, you will need to take certain steps to halt your lactation. Your medical professional can talk in depth about this process and what you should avoid to prevent complications such as mastitis and plugged ducts. Many gestational carriers say that halting lactation helped them return “back to normal” more quickly.

Postpartum Depression

Another thing to consider about your post-delivery recovery period is the hormones and the emotions you will be feeling after childbirth. Even when you emotionally prepare for your gestational delivery and are ready for the emotions you may experience, it can still be a difficult adjustment during your recovery period.

Like all pregnant women, gestational carriers have the chance of developing postpartum depression after delivery. Sometimes, a gestational pregnancy reduces the chance of baby blues; a carrier can focus on her own recovery without the added stress of caring for a baby. However, with all the different hormones lingering after pregnancy, sometimes a degree of depression occurs.

Being proactive (for example: taking care of yourself, recognizing when you need a mental health day) can do wonders in helping stave off “the baby blues.” If you’re experiencing a greater degree of depression, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Postpartum depression is never a woman’s fault; it’s simply a response to the hormones in her body after she delivers.

If you are feeling sad, irritated, or experiencing other emotions out of the norm that last for longer than six weeks, reach out to your obstetrician.

Remember, every gestational carrier’s postpartum experience is unique, just like her pregnancy will be. But, when you work with American Surrogacy, your surrogacy specialist will make sure you receive the support and education you need to be prepared for whatever happens, both during and after your gestational pregnancy. You can even be connected with former surrogates who can answer your questions about their postpartum experience and help you prepare for the upcoming emotions you may feel.

For more information on how American Surrogacy will support you as a gestational carrier during this time, please call our specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

5 Things to Look for in Intended Parents

Deciding who to carry for when you’re a gestational surrogate is a big choice. After all, these are the people who you will spend a year or more getting to know intimately and sacrificing so much of your personal time, effort and energy to help become parents. You shouldn’t choose just anyone to be your intended parents; American Surrogacy is here to help you find the perfect partner for this upcoming journey.

When you work with our agency, your surrogacy specialist will guide you through every process of locating prospective intended parents — but the ultimate decision of who to carry for will always be up to you. So, how do you know that certain intended parents are “the ones” for you?

As a gestational carrier, you likely have a few things you are looking for in your surrogacy partner. But, if you’re not sure what else to keep in mind, know there are a few common aspects that all good intended parents should have. Here’s what you should look for during your matching process:

1. Someone Who Shares Your Surrogacy Goals and Preferences

The first thing that every prospective surrogate should look for in intended parents is the same surrogacy goals and preferences. Every surrogacy journey is different; you will have different expectations than another gestational carrier. Therefore, you’ll want to make sure you match with a surrogacy partner who not only is comfortable with those desires but also wants the same thing in their surrogacy journey.

Some of the issues that you and your intended parents will want to align on include:

When you work with American Surrogacy, your surrogacy specialist will help you create a plan for your surrogacy journey. They will use this plan to identify intended parents who share the same desires.

2. Someone Who Meets Your Expectations

You will also need to create a list of desired characteristics for the intended parents for whom you carry. The surrogacy matching process is a mutual one, but you will have a say in what kind of parents you are comfortable carrying for. As part of your surrogacy plan, you will create a profile of your ideal intended parent, including characteristics such as:

  • Marital status
  • Sexual orientation
  • Location
  • Smoking or non-smoking
  • Family makeup
  • And more

Your surrogacy specialist will do all they can to present you with families who meet your expectations. Don’t feel like you have to agree to carry for a family who doesn’t have the characteristics you want; you can always wait longer for the perfect intended parents.

3. Someone Who Respects Your Opinions

Surrogacy is a partnership, so it’s important that your intended parents are ready to form a respectful relationship with you. If prospective intended parents disregard your personal preferences or try to change your mind about certain conditions you want, be wary. You have as much right to determine your surrogacy journey as intended parents do. Sometimes, you may need to say “no” to intended parents if they make you feel uncomfortable about your surrogacy preferences and goals.

4. Someone Who Wants to Get to Know You

On the same note, you’ll want to find intended parents who are genuinely interested in a positive relationship. Surrogacy has the potential for many ups and downs along the way, and having a strong relationship with intended parents will make a big difference.  If your intended parents are taking the steps to get to know you, your family and your surrogacy preferences, it means they wish to form the kind of relationship that will benefit you both during this journey.

During your initial conversations with intended parents, pay close attention to your conversation. Are they asking you questions about yourself, or does the conversation seem more about their own desires? That will clue you in to what these intended parents will really be like as the process continues.

5. Someone Who Gives You that Gut Feeling

Finally, when you’re choosing intended parents, it’s important to pay attention to your instincts. Many gestational carriers say they “just know” when intended parents are the right match — they just click. While you should keep all the other aspects mentioned above in mind, don’t underestimate the importance of a natural connection. That may be the final sign that you’re ready to move forward with your match.

Remember, every intended parent presented to you by your surrogacy specialist will have undergone screening to ensure they are ready for the surrogacy process. When you decide an intended parent is the right surrogacy partner for you, they will be ready to begin whenever you are.

Want to learn more about finding intended parents with American Surrogacy? Contact our surrogacy professionals for free by calling 1-800-875-2229(BABY) today.

7 Misconceptions You May Have About the Embryo Transfer Process

There are a lot of things to consider if you are thinking about becoming a gestational surrogate. This journey will require a great deal of your time and energy (not to mention your body), and it’s not a commitment that any woman should take lightly.

One of the big requirements of surrogacy is the medical process you will subject yourself to. Before you even carry a child for nine months with the risks and responsibilities of pregnancy, you will need to undergo fertility medication and the embryo transfer procedure. You already know what to expect from your pregnancy, but you may be completely unaware of what the embryo transfer process really entails. There may even be a few questions on your mind:

  • How bad do the fertility shots hurt?
  • How long does the process take?
  • Do you have to have sex with the other person’s partner in order to become a surrogate mother?
  • How many embryo transfers will I have to go through?

These are all common questions to have. Fortunately, the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy are here to help. They can answer every question you have about the medical process of surrogacy to alleviate your concerns and, when you’re ready, help you get started with your surrogacy journey. To learn more today, you can always call 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

In order to know what to expect, it’s first important to recognize any misinformation that you may have heard about this process. Below, find seven common myths about in vitro fertilization and the embryo transfer process as they pertain to becoming a gestational surrogate.

  1. Surrogacy requires “natural” ways of conceiving.

Sometimes, prospective surrogates unfamiliar with the medical process of surrogacy ask, “In order to be a surrogate mother, do you have to have sex with the other person’s partner?”

While this method of surrogacy was common in earlier centuries, the advance of in vitro fertilization and artificial insemination eliminated this practice. Today, the practice of conception in surrogacy is achieved in a laboratory setting, all under the watchful eye of a reproductive endocrinologist. Surrogates do not have to be intimate with the intended father; this kind of relationship would cause far more harm than good. In fact, during the process to become a surrogate, you will have to abstain from all kinds of sexual intercourse — even that with your own spouse or partner.

  1. You have to take a lot of painful shots to become a surrogate.

Preparing for the embryo transfer process does take a lot of time and energy — but for good reason.  A reproductive endocrinologist wants to make sure a potential carrier is as healthy as possible before transferring an embryo, to give all parties the best possible chance of success. In many cases, a prospective surrogate will take certain pills and shots in order to achieve the best conditions for pregnancy.

However, every surrogate’s medical protocol is different. Some surrogates may need to take more shots than others, while some women may not take any at all. While it can be helpful to speak with other surrogates about their medical experience, the only person who can tell you what to expect in your pre-transfer medical protocol is your reproductive endocrinologist.

  1. Fertility medication causes cancer.

This myth has existed for a while, mostly from fear that ovarian stimulation would stimulate cancer cells, as well. The fact is fertility medication has not been proven to cause cancer; otherwise, professionals would not prescribe it. Your medical professional will always explain the potential side effects of your medication before beginning the protocol to ensure you are comfortable moving forward.

  1. Your reproductive endocrinologist will transfer several embryos for the best chance of success.

As recent as a decade ago, it was common for fertility doctors to transfer as many embryos as possible for the best chances of a successful pregnancy. Today, it’s a bit different. New methods of screening embryos have emerged, giving medical professionals the ability to determine which are the healthiest embryos before transfer occurs. By choosing only the best embryo for transfer, fertility doctors today improve the chances of conception and reduce the risks associated with multiple births.

As a surrogate, you always have the right to choose how many embryos per transfer you are comfortable with. This will be addressed in your surrogacy contract.

  1. The embryo transfer process is painful.

Actually, the embryo transfer process is fairly quick and easy — it only takes about five minutes! The process of transferring an embryo to a uterus is a fairly quick one. Many women compare it to the feeling of a pap smear. It may be a bit uncomfortable, and you may feel slight pressure, but it will be over before you know it and you will likely experience minimal side effects.

  1. Your embryo transfer will succeed the first time around.

While fertility doctors do their best to ensure a successful embryo transfer, the odds are often against you as a surrogate. Even when all factors are advantageous, the live birth rate for each embryo transfer is around 40 percent for women under 35 years old, and that probability decreases the older a woman is. You may have to undergo more than one embryo transfer before becoming pregnant, and it’s usually a situation out of your control. As a surrogate, you will also get the chance to determine how many embryo transfers you are comfortable with in one surrogacy journey before you even begin.

  1. Any unused embryos will be destroyed.

The issue of unused embryos in IVF can be a sensitive one, even if you are not an intended parent. Keep in mind that the storage and use of any extra embryos will always be up to the intended parents — but not all intended parents will automatically dispose of leftover embryos.

If embryos are deemed healthy enough, they may be donated to other families in need for an embryo adoption. Embryos deemed unhealthy (that is, they would not survive if implanted in a woman’s uterus) are likely disposed of. Intended parents may also choose to store their embryos indefinitely while they make a decision. Wherever you stand on the debate about when life starts, remember that this will be not your concern as a surrogate, although it is something to consider your feelings on before starting the IVF process.

For more information on the medical process of surrogacy and whether surrogacy is right for you, please reach out to our surrogacy specialists today.

What Happens If a Surrogate Gets a New Partner During Her Journey?

Many of the women who choose to become surrogates have a supportive spouse to assist them along the way. However, being married or in a committed relationship is not a requirement to become a surrogate. Many single women have become surrogates and successfully helped to bring a child into the world — and you can, too!

The process of surrogacy can take a long time, but we never ask gestational surrogates to feel like they have to put their life on hold during this journey. Single surrogates are no exception. If you have been dating prior to your surrogacy journey and feel like continuing that process, we have no restrictions on you doing so.

If you do choose to continue dating during your surrogacy journey, you may find that you meet a great potential partner after you have begun your surrogacy process. But, this can be a complicated situation — how do you explain your decision to your new partner? How will your journey affect your budding relationship?

Remember, your surrogacy specialist will always be there to support you through your entire surrogacy process, even complicated situations like this one. Building a new romantic relationship and being a surrogate don’t have to be mutually exclusive, but there are some important things you should know ahead of time.

Do I Have to Tell My Surrogacy Professional?

At American Surrogacy, we don’t want to micromanage your life as a surrogate — and neither will your intended parents. However, bringing a new romantic and sexual partner into your surrogacy journey is something that will affect all parties. As soon as your new relationship has the potential for sexual contact, you will need to inform your surrogacy specialist right away. You won’t have to ditch your new partner, but there are a few steps you’ll have to take moving forward.

When you first become a surrogate, you will have been tested for communicable diseases. This is to ensure that the baby you carry will not contract any of these diseases or infections during your pregnancy or delivery process. Any surrogate who is married or in a committed relationship at the time of her screening would have included her partner in these medical checks. If you gain a new sexual partner during your surrogacy, it is no different.

Before you have any sexual contact with your new partner, it’s important that he or she is tested for any communicable diseases or infections. This will make sure you and the baby you’re carrying stay safe through every step of the process. If your new partner tests positive for any infectious or communicable diseases, it doesn’t mean you have to break up — it just may mean that any sexual relationship between you will need to be delayed until after the baby is born.

For more information about this, reach out to your surrogacy specialist or your fertility clinic.

How Do I Explain My Surrogacy Journey to My New Partner?

Now that you know this, you may be anxious about how to bring up that testing — not to mention your surrogacy journey in general — with your new partner. We understand that surrogacy can be a damper on a new relationship, but it’s an important part of your life for a year or more. It cannot be a secret.

Dating while being a surrogate is an interesting situation, and it’s one you should prepare for if you are a entering this process while single. Fortunately, there are helpful stories from women in similar situations; you can usually find them on surrogacy boards and support groups.

There’s one thing to keep in mind if you’re dating while taking the surrogacy journey: If that partner is really interested in you, they will be okay with your decision.

But, how do you tell them about it?

In many ways, telling prospective partners about your upcoming or current surrogate pregnancy is the same as telling family and friends about your surrogacy decision. You’ll want to make sure they fully understand the process, that you discuss your reasons, and that you give them the chance to ask questions. If they seem to accept and support your decision, you may find that pursuing this relationship will be easier than expected. You don’t necessarily have to bring up the idea of screening right away, just as soon as the idea of a sexual relationship seems likely.

Being a surrogate is a relatively short period in your life, but it is one that will affect every aspect of your life — even your dating life. Your surrogacy specialist will always be here to help you navigate these complexities, and there are plenty of surrogacy support groups that you can turn to for more advice. With proper preparation, you can continue to balance your dating life with your life as a surrogate — and be fulfilled in each journey, too!

Carrying for Two Couples at Once: Is it Possible?

Oftentimes, the women who wish to become surrogates are the most selfless, generous women out there. If you’re one of them, you’re probably excited at the opportunity to help intended parents reach their parenthood dreams — dreams they’ve been waiting for years to finally come true.

In an effort to help as many people as possible, you may even wonder, “When being a surrogate, can you have two different couples’ embryos implanted?”

This is a great question to ask, and it shows your desire to assist as many intended parents as possible. However, the answer to this question is always no. Whether you work with a surrogacy professional like American Surrogacy or complete an independent surrogacy, you can only work with one intended parent or couple at a time — for the safety and best interest of all involved.

Why You Can Only Complete One Surrogacy Journey at a Time

If you’re asking, “When being a surrogate, can you have two different couples’ embryos implanted?” you probably have another question when you find out the answer to the previous one: “Why not?”

Surrogacy is a very complicated process — emotionally, physically and mentally. It can be challenging enough to have a successful pregnancy and surrogacy process with one intended parent or couple of intended parents. Bringing another couple into the mix, even hypothetically, can severely compromise the safety of each party and the success of the overall surrogacy journey.

There are a lot of steps required to complete a single surrogacy journey at a time, including:

  • Screening and background assessments for both parties
  • Medical and psychological testing for each party
  • Finalized legal contract (with separate attorneys)
  • Establishment of the intended parents’ parental rights
  • Negotiation of surrogate compensation
  • And more

All of these steps often add up to a surrogacy journey of a year or more. Thinking about adding another couple to the mix? This will not only increase that overall time but also complicate every other step involved in the process. Not only will the preferences and goals of the surrogate have to be considered but the two separate sets of intended parents’, as well!

Every person pursuing surrogacy has different hopes and goals for their surrogacy journey; including two sets of intended parents in one surrogacy journey is logistically impossible.

The Medical Dangers to the Surrogate

You may think, “But my intended parents and I can handle those challenges. Why can’t I carry two children at once and help as many people as possible become parents?”

Completing a surrogacy with more than one set of intended parents isn’t just complicated — it’s much more dangerous for a surrogate like you.

In modern surrogacy (and in vitro fertilization), fertility specialists highly recommend only transferring one embryo to a woman’s uterus. While medical professionals used to transfer as many embryos as possible to ensure success, better screening and preparation allows professionals today to implant only the highest-quality embryo into a woman’s uterus. There’s a big reason for this: Carrying multiples has been proven to cause many more risks for a woman and is strongly advised against.

Carrying more than one child leads to an increased likelihood of:

  • Preterm labor and delivery
  • Low birth weight
  • Gestational diabetes
  • Preeclampsia
  • Placental abruption
  • Fetal death
  • Cesarean section
  • And more

Therefore, carrying two children for the same couple comes with enough risk as it is. If you carry two children for separate couples, you not only take on these risks but also the complication of two different sets of parents having different priorities when it comes to medical treatment.

Don’t Worry — You Can Be a Surrogate More Than Once

If you’re asking, “When being a surrogate, can you have two different couples’ embryos implanted?” we encourage you to do some more research about the surrogacy journey and what it will require of you. This path may seem easier at first glance, but it’s not only more difficult and riskier — but also impossible. You can quickly run into legal and medical trouble if you try to work with more than one intended parent couple at a time.

Fortunately, you can certainly be a surrogate more than once. As long as you remain healthy and meet the requirements to be a surrogate, you can help many intended parents add to their family and reach their parenthood goals. At American Surrogacy, you can be a surrogate as long as you have had no more than five vaginal births and no more than three Cesarean births. This means you can be a surrogate multiple times — just like other women have been!

For more information about becoming a surrogate and finding intended parents to work with, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) today.