Intended Parents | American Surrogacy Blog

5 Tips for Managing a Relationship with Your Gestational Surrogate

Once you’ve matched with your gestational carrier, you’ll be excited to start the medical process of surrogacy. After all, you are one step closer to finally holding the little bundle of joy you’ve been dreaming about for so long!

However, surrogacy is about more than just getting your baby. It’s a long and complicated process aided by a positive, healthy relationship with your gestational carrier. She is more than just a woman you “hired” to carry your child; she is your partner in this journey. Therefore, it’s important that you establish a good relationship with her from the get-go.

It’s normal to be nervous about your relationship with your gestational carrier. It’s probably your (and her) first time having this kind of intimate relationship with a previously unknown stranger! Don’t forget that the specialists at American Surrogacy will be there to guide you through this relationship and your surrogacy process every step of the way. We have helped many intended parents and gestational carriers through the surrogacy process, and we are happy to help you, too.

When you work with our surrogacy agency, you can always call your specialist at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for advice on building a successful relationship with your gestational carrier. In the meantime, we’ve listed a few tips below to help you get started.

1. Show her that you care — but don’t be overbearing.

If you are an intended parent in the surrogacy process, it’s normal to have all kinds of feelings — nervousness, excitement, anxiety and more. When another woman is carrying your child, there can be a feeling of helplessness you must overcome. It’s important that you don’t let that feeling impact your relationship.

Some of the biggest concerns that our specialists hear from gestational carriers are regarding intended parents who cross boundaries. While well-intentioned, these intended parents can make a carrier feel like she is not trusted. In turn, this can cause a carrier to pull back from communication, inspiring another round of checking in from overbearing intended parents.

We understand what you are feeling as an intended parent — and that you would do anything to be able to carry your child yourself. However, it’s important that you identify what are the appropriate boundaries to maintain with your gestational carrier. These may even be outlined in your surrogacy contract. Stick to your agreed-upon communication preferences and frequency, and try not to go too much beyond those set contact times. Your gestational carrier will appreciate it.

2. Show interest in her life and her family.

A gestational carrier sacrifices a lot to help an intended parent add to their family. She gives up her time, her energy and her body during this process. Therefore, it’s important that she feel appreciated for her sacrifice — not just as a piece in a puzzle to help intended parents.

Most intended parents never intentionally present that kind of view to their gestational carrier, but our specialists recommend that you take extra steps to help a surrogate feel appreciated during the journey. For example, when you are getting to know a woman in your first conversation, ask her about herself, her lifestyle and her family — not just the aspects of the surrogacy journey. This applies to conversations had during her pregnancy, as well. You should know enough about her to consider her a friend during the journey, not just a woman who is being paid to carry your child.

3. Give as much as you get in the relationship.

When you are an intended parent, you probably already feel like you are giving a lot to your surrogacy journey — especially regarding your finances. You may feel like a gestational carrier is obligated to your wishes because you are paying her, but that is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship.

Give and take is an important part of any healthy relationship. Yes, you will have set certain preferences and agreements in your surrogacy contract, but there may also be things that arise during pregnancy and delivery that you haven’t thought about. Don’t feel like your gestational carrier owes you everything you want; remember that she is entitled to certain rights, as well.

When you think of something that you want to ask from your gestational carrier, take a second to ask yourself, “Am I making the same sacrifices she is?” For example, rather than making a gestational carrier travel back and forth to you during the early stages of her pregnancy (even if you are paying for travel costs), consider visiting her and her family to head off any inconvenience.

4. Offer to help however you can.

On the same note, remember that your gestational carrier is taking on a great deal of responsibility and personal discomfort in carrying your child. Even if she loves being pregnant and has no bad side effects, she still must take time out of her everyday schedule for appointments and adjust her normal lifestyle to maintain a healthy pregnancy.

As her intended parent, you should always offer to help her however possible. Any financial help should always be cleared by your surrogacy specialist, but you can also provide more heartfelt assistance: sending her pre-made meals or taking her to lunch, creating a pregnancy gift basket to help her pamper herself, or taking her and her family out on an excursion to a local activity, like the zoo. As much as your gestational carrier is being financially supported during her pregnancy, there are still things she is giving up — and offering to help her regain that positive mental energy can show your appreciation for her sacrifice.

5. Continue your relationship after delivery.

While your surrogacy journey will officially be over once your child is born, your relationship with your gestational carrier doesn’t have to be. In fact, many intended parents and surrogates remain friends after delivery, and some even consider each other extended family in the months and years to come. One of the best things you can do for your relationship with your carrier is ensuring her that you will still want to be in her life after she gives birth — and then following through on your promise. There is perhaps nothing more hurtful to a gestational carrier than intended parents who abandon her once the baby is born.

Your surrogacy specialist will help you prepare for appropriate interaction during delivery and your carrier’s hospital stay. They can also provide suggestions for maintaining an appropriate, respectful relationship after delivery, too.

Having a healthy relationship with your gestational carrier before, during and after her pregnancy will be instrumental in having a successful surrogacy experience. The best surrogacy journeys are those in which surrogacy partners create a close bond and friendship, and it is always possible for you. To start looking for your perfect gestational carrier, please contact American Surrogacy today.

What Happens if My Baby is Born Prematurely During Surrogacy?

It’s a situation that no intended parent or gestational carrier wants to be in: a premature delivery. However, like any other person experiencing a traditional pregnancy, both parties need to be fully prepared for this situation, should it occur during their gestational pregnancy.

If you’re an intended parent, you probably don’t want to think about your child being born prematurely. Surrogacy comes with enough unknowns as it is; when you add in the aspect of premature labor, it can become even more complicated.

So, what can you expect if your baby is born prematurely?

First, know this: Your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will be there to support you every step of the way. They will be prepared to coordinate with all the necessary medical professionals and insurance providers during this process, allowing you and your gestational carrier to focus on what really matters — getting your baby healthy.

Our surrogacy specialists are always available to answer your questions about the medical process of surrogacy when you call our agency at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). In the meantime, you can find out more about premature births in surrogacy below.

What are the Risk Factors for Premature Delivery?

Admittedly, surrogacy can be a complicated family-building process on its own — but there is also evidence that in vitro fertilization can increase the chance that your child will be born prematurely. Therefore, surrogacy professionals take many steps to ensure that a gestational carrier is 100 percent prepared (medically and emotionally) to carry a child before she is approved for the surrogacy process. As part of this process, these medical screenings will test for risk factors for premature labor, such as:

Being underweight or overweight before pregnancy – American Surrogacy requires all surrogates to have a healthy BMI between 19 and 31.
Multiple previous miscarriages or abortions – Surrogates must have a proven track record of healthy pregnancies free from complications to work with American Surrogacy.
Fewer than six months between pregnancies – Our agency requires gestational carriers to wait 12 months after their last pregnancy before starting surrogacy.
Smoking cigarettes or using illicit drugs – Surrogates with American Surrogacy are prohibited from these activities before or during their surrogacy.
Chronic conditions like high blood pressure and diabetes – All surrogates must undergo an extensive medical examination to prove they are healthy enough to carry a gestational pregnancy.

Another common risk factor for premature labor is carrying multiples, which is why medical professionals will advise against transferring more than one embryo during a single transfer. However, many women who experience premature delivery have no previously known risk factors. That’s why American Surrogacy encourages all its gestational carriers to follow certain guidelines for a healthy pregnancy — guidelines that will likely be addressed in your surrogacy contract.

What if My Surrogate Goes into Preterm Labor?

There are situations in which a gestational carrier seems to have a completely healthy pregnancy, only for her to go into labor prematurely. This can be nerve-wracking for both her and her intended parents, who can feel helpless during this emotional time.

If you live close enough to your gestational carrier, you may decide to travel to her, just in case premature delivery may be needed. If you live far away, it can be tempting to try to find the next flight available and get there when you can. Whatever your situation, you may actually wish to wait until you hear from your carrier’s doctor.

Not all premature labor will result in premature deliveries. In some situations, an obstetrician will be able to prescribe medication to delay the labor as long as possible. Many doctors have a number of weeks they would prefer women hit before giving birth, and your carrier’s doctor may be able to help her keep the baby until that point. She may need to take medication, or she may be required to stay on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy. If the latter is the case, your surrogacy contract should detail what expenses will be paid to her as a result of her missing work.

What Will Happen at the Hospital if My Child is Born Premature?

Even with a doctor’s intervention, a gestational carrier may have to deliver a child prematurely — for the child’s safety and for her own safety, too. If you receive a call that your gestational carrier is delivering earlier than planned, you may be frustrated and nervous that things aren’t going according to plan. Remember, your carrier’s doctor is doing the best he or she can to keep your carrier and your baby safe, which sometimes involves premature delivery.

Some doctors may be able to delay a carrier’s labor until intended parents are able to arrive at the hospital. This may not be possible in other situations. Your gestational carrier, her doctor or your surrogacy specialist will keep you up to date on developments. Either way, if you receive the news that your child is being born prematurely, you should likely travel to the carrier’s hospital as soon as possible.

What you will do when you arrive at the hospital will depend upon your surrogate’s medical situation and the hospital’s policies. You may be able to be in the same room during her delivery, whether vaginal or cesarean-section. In other situations, you may not be.

Again, this will all depend upon your carrier’s and your baby’s medical situations, but your baby will likely be placed in the NICU after delivery. There, he or she will receive the medical care they need. Your baby’s doctors will keep you updated on his or her status and allow you to visit your child as soon as possible. You may even be able to stay in a nearby hospital room as you originally planned to during the hospital stay, but this will depend upon hospital policies and available rooms.

As stressful as this time can be, you shouldn’t forget about your gestational carrier. She is likely just as worried as you are about the baby. Take the time to visit with her after labor and ensure she is recovering. Give her the chance to see the baby during her stay, if possible, and keep her updated on your baby’s status after she is discharged.

Every premature delivery situation is different, so these are just some basic words of advice that you can keep in mind if this circumstance occurs with your own surrogacy journey. The best thing you can do in this situation is keep in touch with everyone involved in your surrogacy — your gestational carrier, her obstetrician and your surrogacy specialist. A premature delivery can be a scary experience, but it doesn’t always have to be a negative one.

For more information on how American Surrogacy will support you during your gestational carrier’s pregnancy and delivery process, please contact our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

5 Ways to Respond to “When Are You Having a Baby?”

The holiday season — a time full of love, joy, and reconnecting with family. But, family doesn’t always mean love and joy, especially for those going through the infertility process. Instead, it can sometimes mean endless questions about a subject you’d rather not let be the focus of your holiday season.

For many relatives, close and extended, the holiday season is a time to catch up with family about the big updates of the year and those yet to come. Often, those questions involve discussions of family-building and future bundles of joy. While these questions may seem harmless to the asker, they can quickly take their toll on couples and singles at every stage in their family-building process.

We know that the holidays can be a tough time for intended parents, even if their families are sensitive about discussing their family-building process. That’s why your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy will always be here to support you during this time, whether you need more information about your personal surrogacy journey or connections to trusted local infertility counselors.

If you’re like many intended parents, no amount of preparation can stave off the inevitable question: “When are you having kids?” If you wish to spend time with family during the holidays, there are a few different ways you can approach this invasive question:

1. Explain your situation ahead of time.

If you know a big family gathering is coming — such as Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner — take the initiative to tell your family members about any news (or lack of) in your family-building process ahead of time. Consider sending a mass text or email to tell your extended family (who may be unaware of your recent life changes) about your current status in your infertility treatments. Whether you are still undergoing traditional treatments, have taken a break or are pursuing surrogacy or adoption, share that news with them ahead of time. That way, they can process any emotions they have and ask you questions in a less emotionally charged way than you would experience at a family gathering.

2. Redirect with a joke or lighthearted comment.

If you do get the dreaded questions during your family gathering, you have a few options in how you respond. If you don’t wish to go into depth about the personal details of your family-building process, you can respond in a lighthearted way. Often, family members and friends will pick up on your comment and redirect the conversation elsewhere. If they don’t, take that initiative yourself.

If someone asks you, “When are you having children?” you could respond with answers such as:

“My dog/cat is enough of a child for me right now!”
“That’s a good question! I have one for you, too” (and then change to another subject).
“When I hit all the countries and cities on my bucket list!”
“Well, we’re just doing a lot of practice right now!”
“I don’t know, but we’ll give it a go tonight!”
“Not sure yet — what about you?”
“When people stop asking us all the time, so probably not for a while.”

Obviously, some of these responses will go over better than others, depending on who you are speaking to. Use your own judgement, and the right response will usually lead to the asker quickly changing the subject.

3. Answer honestly — and take this chance to educate.

If you’re dealing with infertility, you may have been keeping this a secret from your family and friends. However, infertility is more common than you may think — 1 in 8 American couples struggle to get pregnant — and you can spread awareness by being honest about your situation. If you feel up for it, explain to the asker that you have been having troubles getting pregnant and are looking into your options. You can also take this opportunity to explain why asking this question can be so harmful to people, and that advice from anyone other than your doctor won’t make you feel any better.

If you mention that you are pursuing surrogacy or adoption, you may receive misguided and misinformed comments from your family and friends. If you are comfortable doing so, take this opportunity to shed the light on the reality of these family-building methods. Not only will you help spread awareness about these beautiful methods of creating a family, you will also help your family and friends get as excited as you are about your future plans.

4. Make your discomfort known.

You don’t have to explain your situation if you don’t feel comfortable doing so. Remember, news about your family-building process is always personal, and it’s no one’s business but your own. If you don’t feel like answering the question, “When are you having kids?” with a long response, use something simple:

“That’s a really personal question that I’m really not comfortable answering.”

While it may be awkward when you start using this response, it can be incredibly effective at shutting down the conversation about your family-building plans and will often prevent your friend or family member from asking the same question again in the future.

5. Make any discussion about family-building off-limits.

If all else fails, you may need to use more forceful language when speaking with your friends and family. Subtle responses like the one above may not stop a nosy relative, so be prepared to shut down the conversation if you have to. As uncomfortable as it may be, tell the asker that this is not a topic for discussion during your family gathering, that you wish to focus on the family that is already here to celebrate, and that you do not want for them to ask again. It may cause tension in the family for a little bit, but it is always worth it when it comes to your emotional well-being.

The holidays can often be stressful enough without feeling like you have to fend off intrusive questions from your loved ones about your personal life. If you need to, don’t be afraid to take some space for yourself during these gatherings or even avoid certain get-togethers completely. It is important for you to keep yourself emotionally healthy, especially if you are in the middle of surrogacy, adoption or another family-building path. Remember, your family’s journey is only your own business; you do not owe anyone an explanation.

For more guidance about discussing surrogacy and infertility with your family and friends, don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

Can I Find a Free Surrogate Mother for My Surrogacy Journey?

If you’re considering building your family through surrogacy, you know that you have an expensive route ahead of you. Surrogacy can be a complicated journey, and there are many moving parts and professionals required in order to complete this process safely and legally. There is not a great deal of options when it comes to making surrogacy more affordable, but there is one big one — deciding to find a free surrogate mother.

Often, the base compensation paid to a gestational carrier can be one of the largest aspects of an intended parent’s surrogacy cost. By eliminating this compensation, intended parents can pursue a significantly cheaper family-building journey.

However, the path to find a free surrogate mother is not as easy as it may seem. There are many things to consider before embarking on this kind of surrogacy journey and, when you learn more about it, you may even discover that it is not the right path for your family.

Below, we’ve tackled a few of the important facts about working with a surrogate mother for free to help you decide what is best for your family-building journey. Remember, our surrogacy professionals are always available at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) if you have any more questions about surrogacy costs, surrogate compensation and the possibility of working with an uncompensated gestational carrier.

Can a Surrogate Mother Do It For Free?

As you research surrogacy, you’ll likely first learn about the most common surrogacy path — compensated surrogacy. In this situation, a gestational carrier is paid base compensation (as well as reimbursement for any medical and pregnancy costs) in exchange for her services and sacrifice in carrying an intended parent’s baby. This process is available through most of the United States, depending on the laws of the state where the gestational carrier lives and will give birth.

However, you may also stumble across another surrogacy process: an altruistic surrogacy. During this process, intended parents find a free surrogate mother — someone who is willing to carry a child without receiving a base compensation. A woman’s medical and pregnancy costs will still be covered in this kind of surrogacy arrangement.

It is perfectly legal for a gestational carrier to carry a child altruistically. In fact, it is required in certain states that prohibit paid surrogacy contracts.

Are There Any “Pro Bono” Surrogate Mothers?

While it is certainly possible for a surrogate mother to do it for free, altruistic surrogacy is far less common than compensated surrogacy. Understandably, many women desire compensation when becoming a gestational carrier. After all, they are sacrificing their own time, energy and body to help someone else, and they often don’t feel comfortable doing so without some token of appreciation.

However, there are still women who are willing to complete altruistic surrogacies. Often, these are women who know the intended parents they wish to carry for. Perhaps a gestational carrier is a sister or friend of an intended mother, and she is happy to make this sacrifice for her loved ones. On the other hand, a woman may wish to become a traditional surrogate (in which she is related to the baby she carries) — a path which, in many states, cannot be legally completed if she receives base compensation. However, traditional surrogacy can be a risky legal and emotionally process that is uncommon today — and, even if you find a traditional surrogate for free, you should seriously consider the risks before moving forward with this path.

If you are looking to find a free surrogate mother, you might start by looking within your own network for an eligible friend or family member who wishes to carry for you. Otherwise, finding an altruistic surrogate is often a path you must take on your own. Many agencies (including American Surrogacy) typically work with gestational carriers who wish to receive compensation. So, to find a surrogate mother for free, you may need to search online and identify a surrogacy situation yourself.

Things to Consider About an Altruistic Surrogacy

For you, as an intended parent, working with a free surrogate mother may seem like the perfect path. It allows you to cut down on your surrogacy costs, of which there will be many. However, before you decide to pursue an altruistic surrogacy, it’s important that you think about this path from the perspective of the woman who will carry your child.

Surrogacy is a lot of work for a gestational carrier. Not only is she sacrificing a year or more of her time and energy to help you, she will also incur certain risks during the surrogacy process. A traditional pregnancy is risky for a pregnant woman, and a gestational pregnancy is no different — especially when you think about the extra medical procedures and medications required to impregnate a gestational carrier.

If a woman does not receive compensation as a token of her intended parents’ gratitude, she may feel taken advantage of — which can greatly impact your relationship with her. Similarly, if you are an intended parent in an altruistic surrogacy, you may feel incredibly indebted to your gestational carrier. These kinds of feelings can quickly cause tension in a relationship, even between friends and family members.

So, before you go looking for any “pro bono” surrogate mothers, we encourage you to reach out to our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY). Our specialists can discuss with you the pros and cons of this path, including the responsibilities you will have to take on if you choose to find a free surrogate mother instead of a compensated one. We can also explain the benefits of finding a compensated gestational carrier with our agency and help you get started whenever you are ready.

For more information, contact American Surrogacy today.

Is It Possible to Get Twins from a Surrogate Mother?

In many cases, the people who pursue surrogacy had dreams of a large family — but found it was something they couldn’t achieve on their own or through infertility treatments. Looking into surrogacy, they may still have hopes of having more than one child as quickly as possible. Therefore, they may ask, “Is it possible to get twins from a surrogate mother?”

The answer is yes. Whether it’s because of a natural split in the uterus, resulting in identical twins, or transferring two separate embryos that implant, having twins during the surrogacy process is definitely a possibility — but it does come with certain considerations.

Here at American Surrogacy, we are experienced with gestational pregnancies of twins, and our team is happy to help you start your surrogacy process today. Don’t hesitate to reach out to our specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) but, in the meantime, keep reading to learn more about how it is possible to get twins from a surrogate mother.

Why Intended Parents Want Twins

It’s no secret that the surrogacy process is expensive. Intended parents who pursue this family-building path may have spent months or years saving up to afford the costs of a gestational surrogate carrying their biological child. So, it’s fairly common for them to ask, “Is it possible to get twins from a surrogate mother?” to get more “bang for their buck,” so to say. Rather than simply hoping for one healthy, biological child, they wonder if they can have a gestational carrier carry twins. This way, they can have the bigger family they dreamed about without having to go through the surrogacy process more than once.

In other situations, having twins via surrogacy may provide a genetic connection for both parents that would be otherwise impossible. Take, for example, a gay male couple. In a singleton surrogacy, only one of the fathers could be genetically related to a child. But, when a surrogate carries two children, each parent could have a genetically related child. For some parents, genetic connection isn’t always important — but a twin gestational pregnancy provides that option for those who want this advantage.

How a Multiples Gestational Pregnancy Occurs

There are two main ways in which it is possible to get twins from a surrogate mother.

The most common way is through multiple embryo transfer. In the majority of surrogacy journeys, reproductive endocrinologists evaluate the quality of intended parents’ embryos to ensure only the healthiest embryos with the best chance of implantation are transferred to a woman’s uterus. If more than one embryo has a high enough quality, two embryos may be transferred. The odds that both will implant are usually low but, when they do, a twin gestational pregnancy occurs.

The decision to transfer multiple embryos in one procedure will always be determined before the medical process of surrogacy begins. Because there are important things to consider about a multiples pregnancy (more on that below), intended parents and their gestational carrier will discuss this in depth and finalize their decision in their surrogacy legal contract.

Another less-common way that a multiples gestational pregnancy occurs is when a single embryo is implanted in a carrier’s uterus, only for that embryo to naturally split and create identical twins. In the general population, identical twin pregnancies only occur about 0.45 percent of the time, but there is evidence that using in vitro fertilization can increase that possibility to an overall 0.95 percent. Regardless, having identical twins via surrogacy is still rare — but not impossible.

The Cons of a Multiples Pregnancy

Before asking, “Is it possible to get twins from a surrogate mother?” ask yourself this: “Do I really understand the risks of a multiples gestational pregnancy?”

If you are an intended parent, it may be a bit easier to look to the advantages of having multiple children at once — but you need to think seriously about the risks you ask a gestational carrier to take on if you are interested in this path. There is a reason why many reproductive endocrinologists today recommend transferring a single embryo to a woman’s uterus during IVF, whether or not it’s a gestational pregnancy. When a woman carries more than one child, her risks of complications and potential dangers during her pregnancy greatly increase. Are you comfortable asking someone else to accept those risks on your behalf?

If your gestational carrier is pregnant with twins, there is a higher likelihood of:

Preterm labor and delivery
Low birth wright
Preeclampsia
Gestational diabetes
Placental abruption
Cesarean section
And more

So, yes, transferring multiple embryos to your gestational carrier’s womb can seem like the perfect way to complete your family in one IVF procedure, but this decision involves much more than that. You will need to speak at length with your fertility professional to determine what options are available in your situation and what the safest path is for your gestational carrier.

For more information about having twins via surrogacy, please reach out to our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) and your personal reproductive endocrinologist.

5 Things to Know About Raising a Donor-Conceived Child

Surrogacy can be a scary enough concept for hopeful intended parents — but, if you are in need of a sperm or egg donation to complete your surrogacy, you may be even more nervous about the path ahead. Raising a child born from surrogacy comes with its own unique challenges, and raising a child born from a gamete donation is no different.

Fortunately, there are many resources available to you if you are considering surrogacy with a donated gamete. Many intended parents have been in your situation, and they are successfully raising children born from a donated gamete in a healthy and positive way. You can, too.

Know that the surrogacy specialists at American Surrogacy can always discuss this situation in more detail with you. We can answer all your questions about surrogacy and donated gametes, as well as help you move forward with the process whenever you are ready. To learn more today, please contact our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

In the meantime, we’ve gathered a few things that every intended parent should know if they are considering surrogacy with a donated gamete.

1. Identified gamete donors promote positive self-identity in children.

One of the first decisions that intended parents considering surrogacy with a donated gamete have to make is whether to use an anonymous or identified donor. Many fertility specialists and surrogacy professionals encourage the use of an identified donor — for many reasons.

Choosing an anonymous sperm or egg donor may seem like the easiest way to go about this process, but intended parents need to consider their child’s future well-being. What will happen when their child has questions as they grow up? How will they answer them? What happens if a medical emergency occurs, and a child does not have their full updated medical history?

If you choose an identified donor, you will have access to medical history and more. An identified donor is always available for contact and information if necessary, as well as to provide answers to your child that you may not have as they develop their identity.

2. You should not keep the gamete donation a secret.

Even if you choose a sperm or egg donor who looks similar to your family, gamete donation should not be a secret. Your child deserves the right to know their full history. Imagine a day where your child might develop a dangerous genetic disease; if they are operating under false assumptions about their genetic heritage, their life could be in danger.

This isn’t even to mention the situations in which children find out about their gamete donor later in life. It can severely impact a child’s self-identity to feel betrayed or lied to by their parents. They will have created a self-identity that may be based on completely false information. Being honest about a sperm or egg donation from the beginning is much more preferable than this circumstance, which can destroy relationships between children and parents.

3. Your child will have questions — and this is completely normal.

Even if you make your child’s surrogacy and gamete donation story an open topic of conversation as they grow up, your child will always have questions. You may not be able to answer all of them. A child goes through normal phases of interest and disinterest about their history as they grow up; it’s all a part of developing their self-identity. Therefore, intended parents need to be ready for the day that these questions about a sperm or egg donor come.

If a child starts asking about their genetic history, it is not a sign that they are looking for their “real parents.” In fact, that’s not it at all. If you have been open and respectful with your child about their genetic history, they will continue to respect and love you. Questions about background are normal for anyone to have; in the case of donor-conceived children, they just have to go to someone else to find the answers. Don’t ever take it as a sign that you aren’t “enough” of a parent for your child.

4. The Donor Sibling Registry can be an invaluable tool.

As your child learns more about their genetic history, they may have questions about extended biological family members. Remember: Your child finding their biological family is not a bad thing. If anything, it’s a positive to gain more family members!

To aid your child in your future search, you could choose to sign your child up in the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) as soon as they are born. That way, your child and your child’s half-siblings and genetic relatives can contact each other to share personal relationships and provide up-to-date family medical information. Signing your child up for this registry in advance will show them your commitment and respect for their personal surrogacy and donor-conceived story.

5. Gamete donation is a lifelong journey for parents and their children.

Finally, keep this in mind if you are considering surrogacy with a donor gamete: Many forms of assisted reproductive technology are a lifelong journey, and surrogacy and gamete donation are no different. While you may think your journey in these processes will be over once your child is born, you will need to make these topics an open conversation and a source of pride as long as your child lives. Respect any decisions they make to seek out biological relatives and support them in that journey. Answer any questions they have and help them find any you can’t answer. You will always be your child’s parent; it will be up to you what kind of parent you choose to be for them.

To learn more about surrogacy with a donated gamete, please contact American Surrogacy today.

Surrogacy Laws & “Medical Necessity”: What Does It All Mean?

Surrogacy provides a great way for hopeful intended parents to add to their family. Usually, the process is not restricted for intended parents; as long as they meet the basic requirements set by state laws and their surrogacy professionals, they can choose surrogacy to bring a genetically related child into their home.

However, in addition to the medical and psychological screening all intended parents must undergo, some intended parents may be subject to one more requirement: “medical necessity.” Whether it’s because of a requirement set by their surrogacy professional or their state laws, proving medical necessity can be just one more hurdle to hopeful parents achieving their family-building dreams.

If you’ve heard the term “medical necessity” in your surrogacy research, you may have a few questions. What does it mean to “medically need” surrogacy, and how do you know if you are subject to this requirement?

You can always contact a surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy for more information, but we’ve also provided some of the basic things you need to know about this topic below.

What Does “Medical Necessity” Mean?

Today, there are two states that require “medical necessity” in order for a surrogacy contract to be enforced: Louisiana and Utah. In both cases, these states’ surrogacy laws mandate that an intended mother must be medically proven to be unable to bear a child and cannot use another reproductive method to add a child to her family. However, these states do not go into more detail about exactly what this “medical necessity” might entail.

In Louisiana, a physician in obstetrics and gynecology and/or reproductive endocrinology must provide an affidavit that an intended mother’s medical condition requires a gestational surrogate. Utah requires the same kind of “medical evidence” in order to validate a gestational surrogacy agreement.

Fortunately, because there are no state regulations on exactly what this term means, all intended parents need in these states is to receive documentation from their doctor affirming their inability to safely and successfully have a child in any other way than gestational surrogacy. If you have further questions about obtaining this affidavit, speak to your fertility specialist and your local surrogacy attorney. They will help you meet this requirement before moving forward with your surrogacy journey.

5 Conditions that May Lead to Medical Necessity for Surrogacy

There are many reasons why an intended mother may be medically unable to carry a child to term. Infertility is a complicated thing, and every intended parent’s path with this challenge will be unique. However, there are a few common reasons why gestational surrogacy may be deemed “medically necessary” for an intended mother.

Unexplained Infertility

In some ways, this can be the hardest path for intended parents. About 1 in 8 American couples struggle with infertility at some point and, for some intended parents, their infertility issues go unexplained. Infertility is usually described as failure to conceive after having unprotected sex for 12 months. Intended parents in this situation are encouraged to see a medical professional, who may suggest fertility treatments. If those treatments fail, gestational surrogacy may be that couple’s only option.

Lack of a Uterus or Vagina

Some women are born without a uterus, while other women undergo hysterectomies early in life to treat conditions like endometriosis. Other times, women have congenital malformations, which can include the absence of a vagina — making traditional conception and delivery impossible. For these women, gestational surrogacy is the only way they can have a genetically related child carried to term.

Scarring on the Uterus

In other cases, women with otherwise healthy uteruses find they cannot conceive or carry a child to term because of extensive uterine scarring. This scarring can be caused by fibroids, a past surgery and scar tissue. Uterine scarring makes it difficult for an embryo to implant and receive the nutrients it needs while it grows. A gestational surrogate’s healthy uterus can often provide a more welcoming environment during this crucial stage.

Complicated Previous Pregnancies and/or Miscarriages

Some intended parents have been able to conceive and carry previous pregnancies — but many of them have either experienced miscarriages or other complications along the way. For intended mothers who already have one child, secondary infertility may be the reasoning behind choosing gestational surrogacy. Usually, a woman’s obstetrician will inform her of the dangers of another pregnancy and may suggest surrogacy instead.

Existing Medical Conditions

Finally, some intended mothers must use gestational surrogates because of existing medical conditions that make pregnancy exceedingly dangerous for them. These conditions often include heart disease, kidney disease, or severe diabetes. Any previous pregnancy conditions (like preeclampsia and gestational diabetes) can also impact a woman’s ability to safely carry a child to term without putting her own life at risk. Usually, conditions like these are noted before pregnancy by a woman’s personal physician, although some may not appear until a woman has already become pregnant. This is why close care from an experienced obstetrician is so important for all women, including intended mothers and gestational surrogates.

What If You’re Experiencing Social Infertility?

Not all intended mothers and fathers have a “medically necessary” reason for choosing gestational surrogacy. For example, single gay and straight fathers may wish to have a child on their own, while gay male couples will need a surrogate to carry a child for them.

If you live in a state that requires “medical necessity” to pursue surrogacy, and you’re in one of these situations, know that you do have options. You can always match with a surrogate in another state where medical necessity is not required. You can also speak with a local surrogacy attorney and surrogacy professional to determine what paths are available for you in your home state if you wish to pursue gestational surrogacy.

Medical necessity doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker for intended parents considering surrogacy. If you wish to have a child through this family-building method, there are options. To learn more about them, please call our agency at 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Join Us in Honoring Those Lost Too Soon: Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Month

While Oct. 15 may be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, those who have suffered the loss of a pregnancy or baby take time throughout the entire month of October to remember their lost children and to spread awareness.

Many hopeful parents who turn to American Surrogacy have experienced a miscarriage or infant loss prior to pursuing surrogacy. All of us at American Surrogacy offer our support to those who are remembering a lost pregnancy or infant this month. Remember, your surrogacy specialist is always there for you. She is also happy to connect you with an infertility counselor, should you need a little extra support during this time of the year.

However, one of the best ways to help others during this month is to educate yourself and to spread your new knowledge. There may be a lot about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month that you don’t know about. Here’s your chance to learn and share:

Who Observes Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day?

The United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Australia, Wales, Norway, Kenya and Italy all honor lost pregnancies and babies on Oct. 15. The day culminates in the Lights of Love International Wave of Light, where candles are lit for an hour in remembrance at 7 p.m. local time across the globe.

Anyone who has ever felt the pain of a lost pregnancy from miscarriage, or the loss of an infant due to illness, stillbirth, SIDS and more spend the month of October honoring that loss. Parents and families of the children who have passed away are those who most commonly observe this month, but their cause is often shared among friends and loved ones.

How Many People Are Affected by Miscarriages or Infant Deaths?

The number of people who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or baby may come as a surprise to you. If you yourself have never experienced this, then it’s likely that at least one person in your life has, whether you know it or not. Even if you think you’ve never been affected by this kind of tragedy, someone close to you probably has.

Here are some of the statistics behind pregnancy and infant loss:

An estimated 15 to 20 percent of confirmed pregnancies will end in miscarriage.
In 2016, there were 23,161 infant deaths in the U.S.
The global infant mortality rate has dramatically decreased from 1990 to 2016, going from about 64.8 deaths per 1,000 live births, to 30.5 deaths per 1,000 live births.
The top three leading causes of death for infants in the U.S. are chromosomal abnormalities and various types of congenital malformations, low birth weight or premature birth-related problems, and SIDS.
Most infant deaths in the United States occur within the first 27 days of life.
A lack of health care access is one of the highest contributors to infant death, so poorer rural areas are most affected, most commonly among minority ethnic groups.
Mississippi is the U.S. state with the highest infant mortality rate, while New Hampshire has the lowest rate.

Ways You Can Participate in Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Whether you’re a grieving parent or you simply want to show your support to those who have been affected by pregnancy and infant loss, there are several ways you can take part in Pregnancy, Infant Loss and Miscarriage Month:

Spread awareness and share stories through social media using the hashtag #PregnancyAndInfantLossRemembranceDay.
Join or organize a local gathering for the Lights of Love International Wave of Light and use the hashtag #WaveOfLight.
Do something kind for someone who is grieving, like making them a meal or offering to listen or babysit their older children so they can have a night out.
Join a pregnancy or infant loss support group, either online or in your area.
Wear the pink and blue ribbons that signify Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day to raise awareness.
Contact your representatives about initiatives that can improve maternity and infant healthcare access and education, so that those who are most at-risk (mothers in the first trimester and babies in their first year of life) have better access to life-saving medical care.
Share simple pregnancy and baby care information (about preventing SIDS, prenatal health, etc.) through social media to reach mothers who might not otherwise have access to reliable and accurate healthcare information.
Offer your support, and never judge anyone who has lost a child for any reason.

Tragically, even with the best medical care, children can leave us just as soon as they come into our lives. A parent’s grief can last a long time, even if their child’s life was a short one. But your stories and shared experiences may help others who are going through similar emotions. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone.

There are many people who are remembering lost pregnancies and babies this October. American Surrogacy joins those who are hurting in honoring those who were gone too soon, and we offer our condolences.

What are you doing this October to help raise awareness about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month? Let us know in the comments below.

Choosing Between Egg Donation and Surrogacy: What’s Right for You?

Are you considering using an egg donor or a surrogate to help you become a parent? It’s a complicated decision to make, which is why it’s so important that every intended parent in this situation fully understand both of their options before moving forward. Only then can you choose the path that is truly the best one for your family.

This article will help you better understand the differences between egg donation and surrogacy, and what situations might call for working with one or the other (or both). You can always contact our surrogacy specialists for more information about what the gestational surrogacy process will look like for you.

What is Egg Donation?

Egg donors are carefully screened women who are willing to share information about themselves with intended parents — and eventually share genetic material, as well. Egg donors are healthy, often educated and have no family history of genetic conditions. Some intended parents like to choose an egg donor who has particular personality traits or physical characteristics that they wish to see in a child.

An egg donor would provide half of a child’s genetics, so most intended parents choose their egg donor carefully through a trusted fertility clinic or donor agency. Sometimes intended parents choose someone that they know to be their egg donor, like a friend or family member.

Viable eggs are surgically collected from a donor. Then, they can be fertilized in a lab through in vitro fertilization (IVF) using sperm from either a donor or an intended father. Next, the resulting embryo is transferred to the uterus of either a surrogate or an intended mother to carry.

Who Might Consider Using an Egg Donor?

There are several people who might choose to build their family through an egg donation:

A woman who is unable to produce viable eggs but who has sperm from an intended father or a donor, and is physically able to carry the pregnancy to term herself.
A same-sex male couple who is working with a gestational surrogate to carry their baby.
A single man who is working with a gestational surrogate to carry his baby.

In many situations, an egg donor is used in tandem with a surrogate. Typically, the only situation in which someone would exclusively use an egg donor and not a surrogate is when the intended mother’s eggs are not viable, but she is able to carry a baby safely to term.

In those instances, an embryo would be created in a lab through IVF using the donor egg and sperm from either the intended father or from a donor, and then the embryo would be transferred to the intended mother’s uterus.

In most situations, however, the created embryo is transferred to a gestational surrogate.

What is Surrogacy?

Surrogates are carefully screened women who are able to carry a pregnancy to term and safely give birth. Intended parents partner with surrogates they trust through surrogacy agencies, or with a woman they already know who has offered to carry the child. Intended parents and surrogates communicate directly and typically form a relationship throughout the process.

In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate’s eggs are not used, so she would not be related to the child she carries for the intended parents.

Instead, an embryo is transferred to the uterus of a gestational surrogate for her to carry to term. That embryo can be created in a lab through IVF using donated eggs and/or sperm, egg and/or sperm from intended parents, or a combination of a donor and an intended parent.

Who Might Consider Using a Surrogate?

Anyone who is unable to safely carry or deliver a child themselves for any reason will likely use a surrogate. However, the people who most commonly work with a surrogate include:

A woman who is unable to carry a pregnancy herself but has viable eggs to use.
A same-sex male couple who are using a donor egg.
A single man who is using a donor egg.

Often, egg and/or sperm donors are used in tandem with a surrogate. Heterosexual couples who have viable eggs and sperm will usually not need to work with an egg or sperm donor and will only work with a surrogate.

Most Intended Parents Will Work with Both

In most situations, donors (for sperm, an egg or both) and surrogates are both needed to help the intended parent(s) have a child. However, there are a couple situations in which you could choose to work with only an egg donor or only a surrogate:

If you’re a heterosexual couple with viable eggs and sperm, then you likely won’t need to use a donor.
If you’re a woman who is able to safely and successfully carry a pregnancy to term, then you likely won’t need to use a surrogate.

In almost every other situation, you’ll need to work with a donor (either for an egg or sperm) as well as a surrogate.

Need help finding the right egg and/or sperm donors? We can refer you to trusted fertility clinics to help you find the right donor.

Need help finding the right surrogate? We can help you match with surrogates who fit what you’re looking for.

Want to learn more about surrogacy in general? Contact us online or call 1-800-875-2229 to learn more about our services and how we can help you on your journey to parenthood.

Do Surrogacy Agencies Work with Single Parents?

Most surrogacy agencies today are happy to work with single parents, and American Surrogacy is one of those agencies. We work with single men and women, as well as married couples — both heterosexual and same-sex. If your dream is to become a parent, we can help get there, regardless of your marital status.

Here’s a basic overview of how single parent surrogacy works, and what you can expect during the process:

Completing the Screening Process

When working with a surrogacy agency that accepts single mothers and fathers, like American Surrogacy, the screening process for individuals is the same as it is for couples. Here’s a glimpse of what that process is like:

You’ll be required to undergo a series of background checks.
You’ll complete a home assessment with a social worker to ensure that your house is safe for a baby.
You’ll submit financial documentation, health records and more to verify that you’re financially, physically and emotionally prepared to meet the demands of a baby.
And more

All intended parents, including single parents, are carefully screened so that we know you’ll be able to provide a safe, stable and loving environment for a child. Likewise, surrogates are thoroughly screened to make sure that they’re physically and emotionally ready for the surrogacy process, as well.

Matching with a Surrogate

After you’ve been approved to work with a surrogacy agency that accepts single mothers and fathers by completing the screening process, you’ll begin the process of finding the right surrogate. With American Surrogacy, that process looks like this:

You’ll complete a Surrogacy Planning Questionnaire (SPQ) that helps us understand what you’re looking for in a gestational carrier.
We’ll help you create an intended parent profile, which our surrogates can view.
You’ll also view profiles of our surrogates who we think best match what you’re looking for.
Once you’ve been matched with your surrogate, we’ll guide you both throughout the entire process and help you get to know one another.

We’ll help you connect with a surrogate who is excited to help you complete your family as a single parent.

Creating an Embryo

As a single intended parent, you will find this step is a little different than it is for many heterosexual couples or same-sex couples.

While most heterosexual couples pursuing surrogacy will create an embryo in a lab using in vitro fertilization (IVF) with their own egg and sperm, donated eggs or sperm are usually required to create an embryo when you’re completing the single parent surrogacy process.

Single men will typically use a donated egg, which will be fertilized with their own sperm. Single women will usually use their own egg, which will be fertilized with donor sperm.

Using an egg or sperm donor is one of the few extra steps that single parents and same-sex couples will usually need to complete when pursuing surrogacy. In almost every other way, the process remains the same for all intended parents.

What You Should Know About Single Parent Surrogacy

There are a few key differences in completing the surrogacy process as a single parent, and we always want to talk through the challenges and benefits of being a single parent before you undertake the surrogacy process.

Children who are raised by single parents are just as loved as those in two-parent homes. However, having a child via surrogacy as a single intended parent includes some challenges and benefits that you should consider, such as:

You will have the ability to have a biological child, regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship.
Single parent surrogacy may be easier than adoption, as many birth mothers prefer a two-parent home for their baby.
Raising a child as a single parent is increasingly common, and the stigmas surrounding single parenthood are decreasing.
The financial costs of surrogacy and raising your child on one salary are often difficult to manage.
The time and physical, mental and emotional energy you’ll need to nurture a child on your own is intense, and you’ll need a highly committed support system of friends or family.

Solo parenthood is not for the faint of heart, but many people are successful parents on their own. While the surrogacy process for single men and women is the same as it is for married couples, raising a child will be a different experience for individuals than for people with a partner. Ultimately, you’re the only one who can decide if single parent surrogacy is right for you.

We can help you become a parent as a single man or woman if you do decide that pursuing surrogacy as a single parent is how you want to have a family. Contact us online or call us at 1-800-875-2229 to learn more about how to become a parent on your own through surrogacy, or to begin your surrogacy process now.