Utah Supreme Court Protects LGBT Parents’ Right to Surrogacy

A ruling by the Utah Supreme Court will now allow same-sex couples to enter into gestational agreements to add to their families. Now, “same-sex couples must be afforded all of the benefits the State has linked to marriage and freely grants to opposite-sex couples.”

The big takeaway? LGBT married couples in Utah can now pursue gestational surrogacy without legal barriers!

Before we get into the details of this ruling, a little history: American LGBT individuals were granted the right to marry across the country thanks to the Supreme Court ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges. While the ruling protected LGBT parents’ rights to adopt as a couple, it didn’t extend to surrogacy law. Because surrogacy legislation varies greatly from state to state, individual states (including Utah) were able to write in conditions that prevented LGBT couples from pursuing this family-building process.

So, when two men from southern Utah found their gestational surrogacy agreement denied by a district court, they took action with an appeal. The language in the original surrogacy legislation dictated that surrogacy could only take place when an “intended mother is unable to bear a child or is unable to do so without unreasonable risk to her physical and mental health or to the unborn child.”

While the Utah Attorney General’s Office told the Court the statute should be interpreted as gender-neutral, the justices chose to strike down that specific language in the law. Because the couple was afforded the same protection under marital law as any heterosexual couple, their petition was approved — and the state surrogacy law was changed.

“This is a positive step to protect children, intended parents and strengthens families,” said Troy Williams, the director of the LGBTQ rights group Equality Utah, in a statement Friday.

American Surrogacy applauds this legal change to Utah surrogacy legislation and stands ready to help any intended parents — LGBT or heterosexual — reach their surrogacy dreams. For more information about working with our agency, please call 1-800-875-BABY(2229) or contact us online.

What to Say — and What Not to Say — to the Intended Parent in Your Life

So, your friend or family member has told you they’re pursuing surrogacy to add a child to their family — how exciting!

But, what if you’ve never had any experience with surrogacy before? How do you know what to say — and what not to say — when you receive this news? How do you express your excitement without offending the intended parents?

Surrogacy can be a tricky conversation, but American Surrogacy is here to help. In this blog post, we’ll run through some of the biggest things not to say when talking to intended parents and offer some alternatives instead. Remember, our team is always available to explain more about surrogacy when you call us at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

In the meantime, find some tips for this conversation below:

5 Things Not to Say to an Intended Parent

There are a few common things that people say when their loved ones first share their surrogacy news. As well-meaning as they are, they can actually be quite intrusive and hurtful for intended parents to hear. Here are a few phrases you’ll want to avoid:

1. “How much are you paying your surrogate?”

Surrogate compensation is a hot topic among those who are unfamiliar with the surrogacy process — but it’s not a topic up for discussion with intended parents. Refrain from any comments on money or how the intended parents must be “rich” for pursuing this path. The fact is that many intended parents are often in debt or have spent much of their life savings trying to have a child.

Any compensation they are paying their surrogate is between them and her. Rest assured that it’s a number the two parties have both agreed is fair.

2. “Why don’t you just adopt?”

Adoption is a lot harder than many people think it is. It’s a process that takes a great deal of time and money, just like surrogacy. It also comes with some unknowns that surrogacy doesn’t.

Asking intended parents this question comes across as judgmental. Odds are, they considered adoption when deciding on their next step in their family-building process, and they decided it wasn’t right for them. It’s not your business why they chose surrogacy over adoption; it’s your job to support them through their family-building journey.

3. “Who’s the baby’s real mother?”

Most surrogacies today are gestational surrogacies, in which the surrogate is not genetically related to the child she carries. Instead, the intended parents’ embryo is implanted in her uterus for her to carry to term. Some intended parents use donor gametes to create this embryo.

Using the word “real” in reference to non-traditional family-building processes only perpetrates the idea that pregnancy is the only way to be a parent. Pregnancy and genetic relationship does not make a family; instead, it’s love and dedication.

4. “Whose sperm are you using?”

Similarly, when a male gay couple pursues surrogacy, people often ask who the “real” dad will be. This is an incredibly rude and intrusive question. A parent’s genetic connection to their child is only the business of the parent, the child, and the spouse.

Both men in a gay couple will be great parents to their child, regardless of genetics. Focus on that in your conversation, not their biological relationship.

5. “Can I meet your surrogate?”

This question may come from a place of interest; after all, you want to meet the woman who will be carrying your loved one’s baby! However, a surrogate isn’t someone to be put on display. She’s her own person with her own life, not subject to whims of intended parents and their friends and family.

Intended parents should be the one bringing up this idea, not you. Their relationship with their surrogate and their personal preferences will determine whether they are comfortable with this sort of thing.

6. “Wow, you’re lucky you don’t have to get fat/have morning sickness!”

You may be trying to find a silver lining in your loved one’s journey to surrogacy, but remember that many intended mothers would much rather carry their child on their own — regardless of side effects or risks. It may have taken an intended mother a long time to grieve her dreams of pregnancy, and this flippant response can bring up her negative experiences and feelings all over again.

7. “Don’t you feel jealous of your surrogate?”

Of course an intended mother has some feelings of jealousy toward her surrogate! On the same note as the comment above, don’t mention these kinds of things to intended mothers. Infertility grief is strong and can last a long time, and your loved one should be looking forward to the positives of the future — not the bad experiences of the past.

3 Things to Say to an Intended Parent

While there are many things you should not say to an intended parent, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t talk about their surrogacy at all! Here are a few more positive phrases you should make sure to use in your conversations with intended parents:

1. “How can I help?”

Even though intended parents aren’t the ones physically going through pregnancy, their journey through gestational surrogacy will still be hard. Not only do they have to stay organized and pay for all of the expenses of pregnancy, there will be tough emotional journey ahead as their surrogate gets pregnant and they watch their baby grow within her over the next nine months.

As their friend or family member, you can play a huge role in making this journey a little easier. Offer to take them out for dinner or do something else to take their mind off of surrogacy. Throw them a baby shower or help them decorate their nursery for their future child. Find ways to help them out just as you would anyone else who is expecting a child in the traditional way.

2. “You must be excited to be parents!”

Intended parents often have conflicting feelings about surrogacy. It’s one step closer to them finally having a child, but it also requires them to give up their dreams of pregnancy and a great deal of control over their child’s development in utero. Because of the emotions involved, it may be difficult for them to share their excitement.

So, give them an opportunity to talk about it! Instead of focusing on the details and asking lots of questions, accept their news with excitement and reflect what they are likely feeling. Ask them about their plans for the nursery and what will happen after the baby is born; don’t focus too much on their choice of surrogacy in getting there.

3. “I know you’ve waited a long time for this. I’m happy for you!”

Similarly, express your excitement about their news, too! Remember that intended parents have often gone through a lot before choosing surrogacy, and it can be reassuring for someone to notice and validate their struggles. This is the kind of response they are looking for when they announce their surrogacy journey. You can’t go wrong with mentioning this in your conversation.

More than anything else, pay close attention to the intended parents’ language and responses during this kind of conversation. You should be able to detect fairly easily what topics they are comfortable with and which they are not. Use that to guide your conversation.

Want more tips on supporting those going through the surrogacy process? Talk to our surrogacy specialists anytime by calling 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

What to Say — And What Not to Say — to the Surrogate in Your Life

Talking about surrogacy can be tough — especially if you’re still learning about the ins and outs of the process. If a loved one tells you about her plans to become a surrogate, you may not be sure of how to respond. What should you say to be as supportive as possible?

We know surrogacy can be a tricky conversation for some people. That’s why we’ve gathered this helpful guide to what to say — and what not to say — when someone tells you they’re becoming a surrogate. Proper language is so important in the surrogacy process, and it’s a good idea to have a base knowledge of surrogacy before your loved one begins their journey.

Below, check out some important things to know for talking about surrogacy with your loved one. Remember: American Surrogacy’s team of surrogacy specialists is always here to answer any of the questions you may have about the surrogacy process.

5 Things Not to Say to a Surrogate

First, let’s start with the things not to say to a gestational carrier. There are a lot of misconceptions about the surrogacy process, and a lot of them emerge as ignorant or insensitive questions to a gestational carrier.

Before you have a conversation with your loved one about her surrogacy journey, scratch these ones from your vocabulary:

1. “Aren’t you afraid that you’ll ‘get attached’ to the baby?”

Many people assume “surrogacy” still means “traditional surrogacy” — that the carrier is related to the baby. But, that’s not the truth. More than likely, your loved one is a gestational carrier, meaning she is just “the oven” for the intended parents’ baby.  It’s silly to ask her if she’ll get attached; she knows she’s just “babysitting,” and she will likely be excited to hand over the baby once he or she is born!

2. “How much are you getting paid?”

This is an absolute hands-off topic when you’re talking with gestational carriers. How much a woman is paid for her surrogacy services is her family’s and the intended parent’s business alone.

Know that if your loved one is receiving compensation for her services, it is a number that she and her intended parents agreed is fair to all parties. Avoid any conversation about money when talking to your friend or family member about her surrogacy journey.

3. “Why don’t the intended parents just adopt?”

This is one of the most common questions that intended parents get — and their surrogate will likely get the query, too. The fact is that adoption is not right for everyone. Every parent has the right to choose the family-building path that is right for them, and it’s no one’s business to question it.

Intended parents choose surrogacy for many reasons: They have remaining embryos, they want a genetic connection, or adoption may not be possible for them. Their reasons are not your surrogate’s story to tell, so stop asking!

4. “How will you tell your kids?”

While this question itself can be a well-meaning one, it can come off in another way. Often, the people who ask this question are implying that the surrogate’s children won’t be able to understand the surrogacy process, or that they will take it personally when their mother “gives away” the baby she is carrying.

Children understand more than adults give them credit for. It’s highly likely that your friend has already started to explain the surrogacy process to her children in a positive way — maybe even in a way not much different than how she explained surrogacy to you.

5. “Pregnancy is dangerous — are you sure about this?”

Most likely, by the time your friend is telling you about her plans to become a surrogate, she has already begun the process. She may have already matched with intended parents, she may be taking fertility medication, or she may even be pregnant!

Whatever stage she is at, she’s already made up her mind about this journey. Expressions of concern from her loved ones are not what she is looking for. A woman has to be fully informed of all the risks well before she starts the surrogacy process. So, she’s already evaluated those risks, and she won’t like to be reminded of them.

3 Things to Say to a Surrogate

While there are certain things that surrogates are tired of hearing, there are also some things that surrogates don’t hear often enough. If you’re discussing your friend’s surrogacy journey with her, here are some positive things that you can say:

1. “The intended parents must be so grateful!”

A surrogate knows that what she’s doing will help her intended parents reach their dreams of having a family. But, to hear someone else acknowledge her impact is a big deal.

Rather than focusing on what she gets out of the surrogacy process (ie. surrogate compensation), focus on what her decision will give to other people. It shows that you truly understand why she chose this path and, in turn, that you appreciate her, too.

2. “You are such a wonderful person for doing this!”

But, don’t just assume that your loved one knows you respect her decision — tell her to her face!

A surrogate may not always receive positive comments from all of her friends and family. It can be disheartening to be so excited about being a surrogate, only to have someone respond with judgement or disapproval (see comments above). Make it obvious that you respect her decision by congratulating her on it and clearly showing your pride in what she has chosen to do. After all, surrogacy is something that affects the whole world, not just her intended parents.

3. “How can I help?”

When your loved one becomes a surrogate, she gives up a great deal of her time and energy to grow a baby for someone else. She may be just as tired and overwhelmed as during her previous pregnancies, but she may not be receiving the same support from her friends and family because the baby isn’t hers.

So, when your friend tells you she’s being a surrogate, take the opportunity to offer your assistance. Tell her you’ll make dinner on a busy night or watch her kids when she has doctor’s appointments. She will certainly appreciate it in the next year or so to come.

Want more advice on talking to a surrogate about her journey? Contact our surrogacy team at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for our tips and advice.

5 Tips for Parents via Surrogacy on this Parents’ Day

After celebrating mothers in May and fathers in June, American Surrogacy brings them both together to celebrate National Parents’ Day this Sunday, July 28. We know that becoming parents is a tag-team effort for many intended parents, and we want to recognize the hard work that went into their surrogacy journey — and continues every day as they raise the next generation.

That’s why our team of surrogacy specialists is always here for our intended parents, even long after their children are born. Surrogacy is something that will affect your life forever, and we are here to provide advice and guidance whenever you need it. Don’t hesitate to reach out to your surrogacy specialist anytime at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

In the meantime, we’ve gathered some of the biggest tips we have for the parents who’ve used surrogacy to bring their children into the world. Check them out below:

Tip #1: Always be honest with your child about their birth story.

In order to be the best parent possible, those who have used gestational surrogacy should always make sure their child knows their birth story — and is proud of it. Surrogacy is a beautiful way to build a family, and it’s important that your child knows their story from the moment they are brought home.

Many times, parents who have brought children into their family in a non-traditional process (such as surrogacy or adoption) think they are doing their children a favor by waiting until they are “old enough” to understand. However, when they eventually get around to telling their child about their surrogacy or adoption story, they cause a great deal of emotional harm. After all, this child has grown up believing one thing, only to discover that their identity is a lie.

Your surrogacy specialist can always provide tips for explaining surrogacy to your child as they grow up. Start with these surrogacy books to aid you in an age-appropriate conversation.

Tip #2: Always be open to questions from your child and your family.

Surrogacy shouldn’t just be a topic of discussion during the conversations mentioned above. It should be a constant part of your life.

This means being open to answer questions from your child whenever they have them. By putting off their questions instead of answering them right away, your child unconsciously picks up on the idea that you are uncomfortable about the topic. That can manifest into your child being embarrassed of their surrogacy story.

Similarly, be open to conversations about surrogacy with your extended family, as well. Even if you took time to explain surrogacy to them when you were first going through the process, be ready for questions and comments to pop up every now and then.

Tip #3: Be a positive role model during insensitive comments or questions.

When you’re open about your surrogacy journey, it’s highly likely that you’ll receive comments and questions from friends and strangers. Not all of them will be positive. Surrogacy is still a fairly misunderstood process, and you should be prepared for ignorant and insensitive comments at times.

Remember: Your child sees everything you do. So, when you receive these questions and comments, instead of brushing them off, take them as an opportunity to educate others about surrogacy. If your child sees you aren’t embarrassed about their surrogacy story, they will mimic that behavior.

A great deal of parenting is setting a positive role model for your child — and that’s even more important if you brought a child into your family in a non-traditional manner. Stand strong against negative comments about your family-building journey, and give your child ways to respond when they get similar questions and comments from their peers.

Tip #4: Celebrate the unique way that your family came to be.

Addressing questions and concerns from your child does more than educate them about their past. It also shows that you are proud of the way they came into your family.

Being a parent to a child born via surrogacy is a lifelong journey. Your surrogacy decision will impact your day-to-day long after your child is born. You shouldn’t pretend it didn’t happen; instead, you should celebrate your decision.

Perhaps this means including your gestational surrogate in certain family events. Maybe it means displaying maternity photos of your gestational surrogate in a visible spot. How you celebrate your story will always be up to you. But, make sure you do it — it will teach your child that they have nothing to be ashamed of in regards to how they were brought into this world.

Tip #5: Remember that you are a parent as much as any other parent out there.

There are a lot of practical aspects of being a good parent, but the emotional aspects can be one of the biggest factors in just how “good” of a parent you will be. Anyone can feed, shelter and raise a child, but it takes a wonderful parent to provide the emotional support a son or daughter needs as they grow up. This is even more important for children who are born via surrogacy.

Children can pick up on a lot more than adults tend to give them credit for. If you are harboring feelings of guilt or sadness over your path to surrogacy, even after your child is born, they will know. Your child should only know happiness and pride when it comes to them being your child. That’s why it’s so important that you have properly grieved your dreams of pregnancy before becoming a parent via surrogacy.

Choosing surrogacy doesn’t make you any less of a parent, just as having a child via gamete donation or adopting a child doesn’t lessen your parental “claim.” In order to be the best parent possible, you must be confident in your role.

If you have concerns about the surrogacy process, or you have questions about raising a child born from surrogacy, American Surrogacy is here to help. Contact our surrogacy specialists anytime for more information.

How are Embryos Shipped from Clinic to Clinic?

Intended parents often have questions about transporting frozen embryos from one fertility clinic to another, especially if those embryos are about to cross the whole country. It’s completely understandable — those embryos are the result of a lot of time, money and hope, so they mean a lot to you.

To help you prepare for your embryos’ journey, here are the answers to five frequently asked questions about shipping embryos:

1. Why Would You Need to Ship Embryos?

Common reasons why you might need to ship your embryos include:

  • Switching fertility clinics
  • Moving and needing to take them to wherever you’re relocating to
  • Sending them to your gestational surrogate’s clinic for her transfer date

2. Does Shipping Embryos Damage Them or Affect Viability?

No. In vitro fertilization is still a relatively new family-building method, so there’s not a lot of data on the success rates of shipped versus not-shipped frozen embryos outside of what’s collected by individual clinics. But, looking at the data that has been collected, there’s no real difference in the success rates between the two.

This is because of how the embryos are frozen, stored and shipped — and the extreme care that’s taken in that process.

Shipping embryos does not hurt them or affect their viability when done correctly, as is consistently the case. It’s common to ship embryos and, if there’s an issue with those embryos, it’s usually because the embryos themselves were low quality or (possible, but less likely) they were damaged in the freezing or thawing process.

3. How are Embryos Stored When Shipped?

The embryos are kept cryogenically frozen during the move with dry vapor liquid nitrogen. They’ll be safe in the packing and can be kept at a consistent temperature for about 10 days.

Some clinics partner with shipping services that ship the embryos in cryogenic storage dewars, high-density foam coolers or other temperature-safe packing material. Whatever shipping service you and your clinic partner with, it will have the necessary containers to protect the embryos and maintain their frozen state. These types of containers are meant to transport medical samples and live tissue, so they’ll work for embryos, as well.

The shipping service may provide the temperature-controlled containers itself, or you may need to pay a deposit, which is refunded when the empty container is returned to the shipping service after the embryos have arrived at the new clinic.

4. How Much Does It Cost to Ship Embryos?

Total shipping cost (within the U.S.) usually falls somewhere around $200 – $500, but this can change based on a number of variables similar to shipping costs with anything else.

Your cost will primarily depend on how far you’re shipping the embryos.

Shipping can be done by ground or air, and it can often happen overnight, depending on how close the two clinics are. Don’t stress about paying extra for overnight shipping as; again, the embryos will be protected in the temperature-controlled storage container. However, how quickly you need the embryos shipped will also significantly affect your cost, just like any delivery service.

Some intended parents choose to drive the embryos (after the clinic has packed them up) from one clinic to the other if the distance isn’t too far. It’s kind of your first road trip with the “kids,” right? This might save you a significant amount of money if your clinic is able to handle this for you, but that option might not be available in every situation.

Other factors that can affect cost are any add-ons you purchase with the shipping service, such as insurance. There will also typically be an equipment rental fee of some sort, regardless of whether the embryos are shipped through a third-party service or the clinic, or you choose to drive them yourself.

You should be able to receive a cost estimate from the company you’re working with for shipping, so check with that professional and request a fee breakdown.

5. How Do You Find an Embryo Shipping Service?

The sending fertility clinic may have a particular cryogenic shipping service with which they partner. If not, your clinic may have a recommendation for a third-party shipping service that specializes in this type of transport, like one of these companies:

However, most clinics don’t work with third-party companies. You might be surprised to learn that the primary (and typically, preferred) mode of transportation for frozen embryos is through FedEx and UPS. Both of those shipping companies frequently work with fertility clinics, hospitals and medical laboratories, and they offer specialty services for transporting cryogenically frozen samples and live tissue. So, you’ll likely work with one of those two primary shipping providers.

If you have any more questions, or you’re worried about transporting your embryos, you can always reach out to your surrogacy specialist at American Surrogacy by calling 1-800-875-BABY(2229).

Am I Too Old to Have a Child via Surrogacy?

Intended parents come to surrogacy from all kinds of situations and backgrounds. Many of them have unsuccessfully pursued other assisted reproduction methods before turning to gestational surrogacy. They may have already spent years on unsuccessful attempts, and they may be coming to gestational surrogacy process much older than when they first wanted to be parents.

If you’re in this situation, you probably have a lot of worries about being an older parent — keeping up with the challenges of an active child, being around for as much of their life as possible, and more.

But, before you get ahead of yourself, you may be asking: Can I even pursue surrogacy if I’m of a certain age?

Gestational surrogacy is not right for everyone, and there are reasons why surrogacy agencies will turn away certain people. If you’re worried about your situation, we encourage you to call our surrogacy specialists at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for more information.

In the meantime, learn about the realities of pursuing surrogacy as an older intended parent below.

Are Older Intended Parents Accepted into Surrogacy Programs?

Many intended parents consider all of their options before turning to gestational surrogacy. One of these common options is adoption — whether private domestic, international, or through foster care.

But, hopeful older parents may have been dismayed to find out that many adoption agencies set strict requirements on age for adoptive parents. This is for several reasons: Older adoptive parents may experience longer wait times for adoption opportunities, as many prospective birth mothers are looking for young adoptive couples who will have many active, healthy years to spend with their children.

As older intended parents research gestational surrogacy, it’s reasonable that they have the same concerns. However, surrogacy is a completely different ballgame than adoption — which makes it much more a possibility for older would-be parents.

Here at American Surrogacy, we are happy to work with intended parents across a wide range of ages. As long as you meet our agency requirements for intended parents, we can help you move forward with your surrogacy process.

For more information about working with our surrogacy agency, please contact our specialists today.

The Reality of Creating Your Own Embryo

While we are happy to help you begin your surrogacy process if you meet our intended parent requirements, you should also know there is another professional who can determine your eligibility: your reproductive endocrinologist.

One of the biggest challenges for older intended parents is the path to creating their own embryos. It’s a known fact that fertility declines as one gets older. And, it’s not just female eggs that decline in quality as they get older; there is evidence that a man’s sperm can decline, as well, making in vitro fertilization for older couples less likely to be successful.

If you have remaining embryos from earlier fertility treatments, and you created those embryos years ago, they may be of high enough quality to successfully pursue surrogacy. However, if you are looking to create fresh embryos when you’re an older intended parent, your reproductive endocrinologist may have more difficulty creating viable options.

That’s why we encourage intended parents to always speak with their fertility clinic prior to contacting a surrogacy agency. Your reproductive endocrinologist will always be the best professional to determine whether gestational surrogacy is in the cards for you. By contacting this professional early on, you can reduce the chance of wasting time and expenses moving forward with the surrogacy process before you’re truly ready.

Consider Donated Gametes

If you wish to become an intended parent through gestational surrogacy at your older age, and your current embryos are not viable, you might always consider creating embryos with donated gametes, instead.

There are many reasons that intended parents pursue surrogacy, and a genetic connection may not be the only reason you specifically are choosing this path. Surrogacy gives intended parents more control over their baby’s development in utero and reassurance that the baby will be “theirs” after birth (in comparison to adoption, where a prospective birth mother can always change her mind). Surrogacy also offers options for single and LGBT intended parents who may not be able to safely adopt locally.

On that note, you may be okay with still pursuing surrogacy if your own gametes can’t be used in an embryo. There are many sperm and egg cells available for donation that can offer you a better chance at a viable embryo and pregnancy.

Always talk to your reproductive endocrinologist if you think donated gametes may be necessary. This is a big decision to make; you’ll need to do research into how the process works, how you choose a donor, what it’s like raising a donor-conceived child, and more.

Remember: Your surrogacy specialist is always here to support you, and you talk to an American Surrogacy specialist about this topic anytime. For more information, contact us today at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).

How to Save Money on Surrogacy Fertility Meds as an Intended Parent

It’s well-known that surrogacy can be an expensive family-building choice for hopeful parents. It’s only normal that intended parents look for ways to bring those costs down.

One of the costs that intended parents have to worry about is the fertility medications that their gestational surrogate takes in preparation for the embryo transfer procedure. If an intended mother plans on using her own eggs to create the embryos used in this process, she’ll also be prescribed a course of fertility medications prior to an egg retrieval procedure.

The costs of the required medications can certainly add up, and they’re not cheap. There are, however, a few ways you can try to save on the costs of those fertility medications:

Talk to Your Surrogate and Your Doctors

Your gestational surrogate doesn’t want you to have to pay a fortune for medical expenses, so she’ll help you out whenever possible. Ask her if she’ll talk to her fertility specialist about money-saving tips on meds. Her clinic might have recommendations for lower-cost brand substitutions that are equally effective, or offer medication promotions or discounts and other helpful suggestions.

Fertility clinics don’t always offer you the lowest-cost medications unless you specifically mention your budget desires. That means you need to ask, and ask early on!

You can talk to your own fertility specialists, but it’s a good idea if your surrogate does this, too. Her doctors will have her medical history, so they can make sure any brand swaps won’t interact with what she’s currently taking, won’t trigger an allergy she may have, or cause another harmful result.

Wait for a List of Your Surrogate’s Prescribed Medications

Remember that not every gestational surrogate will be prescribed the same medications or dosages, so there’s only so much price research you can do in advance. But, once your surrogate has been prescribed her regimen of fertility drugs and has been given a list of supplies to purchase by her fertility clinic, you can use that list to look for potential deals.

Doing some price-scouting and research ahead of time won’t hurt — just as long as you know that your surrogate might not end up taking certain types or brands of medications.

Resources for Fertility Medication Comparison Shopping

Your fertility clinic’s pharmacy partners aren’t always the cheapest option, although the clinic may have some recommendations about places you can look. Checking around for discounts can yield some decent results.

Here are some websites where you can compare medication and pharmacy prices and check for discounts. These specialty pharmacies may have cheaper meds than traditional pharmacies:

If your surrogate has a local specialty pharmacy, check there, as well. Specialty pharmacies tend to carry the correct medications and supplies — and at a better price than the place you go for your everyday medication!

Always talk to your doctor about any specialty pharmacies to ensure they provide legitimate products. American Surrogacy cannot ensure the validity of or endorse the specialty pharmacies listed above.

Save on Supplies

Some of your surrogate’s medications will need to be administered using specific medical supplies, and you may be able to save some money by shopping around for those supplies. She’ll likely need a stash of particular syringe sizes, alcohol wipes to clean injection sites, and more. Talk to her fertility clinic about what she’ll need, and be sure to get your surrogate’s input on products she prefers. You may be able to find your surrogate some coupons for her supplies, or discount offers for options like bulk purchasing or recurring deliveries.

Again, do your research to ensure the supplies you receive from non-traditional pharmacies are new and safe to use.

Other Options

The fertility drugs themselves can be extremely costly, yes. But keeping medical costs low starts at more immediate sources: your insurance and benefits.

Ask your employer if a flexible spending account (FSA) or a health savings plan (HAS) is available to you. These plans allow you to use your pre-tax income for medical expenses, and fertility treatments are usually a permitted spending use for these types of plans by most employers.

If you aren’t already, make sure you’re working closely with your insurance provider to get the most out of your plan throughout the surrogacy process. Your American Surrogacy specialist can help guide you through this to make sure you’re as covered as possible.

Saving money on IVF medications themselves is often possible; there’s no doubt about that. Just make sure you first double your efforts on getting medications covered by insurance whenever possible and see if there are any benefits available through your employer you may have missed.

Need more help financing your surrogacy journey? Learn more cost-saving strategies here, or reach out to American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) to talk to a surrogacy specialist.

4 Times Surrogacy is Great (and 4 Times When It’s Not) for Surrogates

The surrogacy experience has plenty of emotional ups and downs for surrogates. Even though it all ends with you being able to help create a family, it takes a lot to get there. So, it’s good to be prepared before beginning.

Without further ado, here are some of the best (and worst) moments for gestational surrogates along the way:

4 of the Best Parts of Surrogacy for Surrogates

There’s plenty to love about being a gestational surrogate. These are four of the best feelings:

1. Feeling Like You’re Paying it Forward… with Parenthood

A requirement for surrogates with American Surrogacy, like most professionals, is that you must be already raising at least one child. That means you already know what it’s like to be a parent.

One reason that a lot of women cite as a motivator for becoming surrogates? To help people who have been waiting for a child become parents — and for them to know that same joy a surrogate has in her own lives.

Many women love being able to pass on the blessing of parenthood to those who have been hoping to experience it themselves.

2. Working Toward Financial Goals Using Surrogacy Compensation

Most surrogates choose to accept some amount of compensation in exchange for the time and effort they dedicate to their journey. And most surrogates choose to use that compensation toward important financial goals. Whether you’re paying off student loans or your car, putting the money toward your child’s college fund, or using it as a down payment on a home, compensation can be a genuine advantage for surrogates.

But, not just you, either — your whole family can benefit from something your heart felt called to do.

3. A Greater Appreciation for Your Body

A gestational surrogate is keenly aware that they’re physically able to do something that intended parents are unable to, no matter how much they wish they could. This is a loss that many intended parents have to grieve before they even begin to consider surrogacy. The ability to grow and protect a baby within your body is a gift, and becoming a surrogate is one way to use that gift and to pass it on to someone else.

The connection you share with the intended parents’ baby during that time and the connection you have to your own body during pregnancy are also special — pregnancy symptoms, pain and all.

4. The Moment When You Unite a Family

This is probably an obvious choice for “The Best Several Seconds of Surrogacy,” but placing a child into the arms of their parents for the first time is a pretty incredible experience. All the ups and downs are made worthwhile then. It’s the reason why women become surrogates in the first place!

4 of the Worst Parts of Surrogacy for Surrogates

Surrogacy is rewarding, yes. But it’s also tough. There are plenty of frustrations and low moments. These are some of the not-so-great aspects of the process for surrogates:

1. The Medications

The side effects that women experience while taking the required surrogacy medications vary widely, but most women experience at least some. Even if you don’t have any side effects, the process of carefully organizing, timing and administering fistfuls of pills, patches, creams, injections and more is anything but enjoyable!

Gestational surrogates and women who have undergone fertility treatments can commiserate about the general unpleasantness of this aspect of the medical process. Fortunately, it’s all for an important purpose.

2. The Differences in Pregnancy Experiences

Getting pregnant as a surrogate is so different than getting pregnant in the “old fashioned” way. It was likely easy for you to become pregnant in the past but, when you’re a surrogate, there are so many steps, tests, boxes to check and even just time spent waiting and hoping that the transfer worked this cycle.

When you’re in the middle of this comparatively complex process, it can be disheartening and leave you daydreaming of how simple your non-surrogacy pregnancies seemed without all the clinical fuss.

3. Juggling Responsibilities

Not only are gestational surrogates responsible for growing a tiny person — someone else’s child at that — they’re also expected to continue caring for their own children, keep up with their non-surrogacy-related responsibilities and, if they work outside of the home, maintain a career.

Surrogates are superheroes, surely. But there are only so many hours in a day, and the surrogacy process involves more appointments, coordination and time commitments than many people realize.

4. The Emotional Weight

This is both a benefit and a burden, in many ways. Although you know you’ve been entrusted with something amazingly unique, and you get to experience a lot of beautiful moments in your surrogacy journey, this intense responsibility can take a toll. Many gestational surrogates struggle with taking on the emotions of their intended parents, or they may feel personally responsible if an embryo transfer fails or there’s another kind of medical complication.

When you’re so invested in helping another family, it’s easy to become entangled in some of these feelings, even though your intended parents would never want you to. Surrogates also experience heightened emotions due to fertility medications and pregnancy hormones. Access to emotional support before, during and after a surrogate pregnancy will be important for your wellbeing.

American Surrogacy will always be there for you.

Surrogacy is Worth It — Highs and Lows and All

When all is said and done, you’ll probably walk away with more stretch marks than you had before, an alarming knowledge of human anatomy, a lifelong bond with a family you helped create — and an unparalleled sense of pride. It will all be worth it.

Ready to start your surrogacy journey? Contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) to begin.

4 Times Surrogacy is Great (and 4 Times When It’s Not) for Intended Parents

Anyone who has completed the surrogacy process can tell you that it’s an emotional journey that has some ups and downs. While it’s all worth it in the end, it’s important to be prepared for the challenges and rewards ahead of you.

Here are some of the joys and struggles that intended parents often experience in surrogacy:

4 of the Best Parts of Surrogacy for Intended Parents

Surrogacy is an incredible experience that most intended parents would do all over again, when possible. Here are some of the best parts of that journey:

1. Having another Chance at a Genetic Connection

For intended parents who dream of a child with their spouse’s smile, surrogacy is a path that can allow this to happen, where adoption cannot. Not all intended parents are going to be able to have a genetic connection to their child through surrogacy, but for those who can, surrogacy is the only way many parents will be able to experience having a biologically-related child.

2. Embracing the Feeling that it “Takes a Village”

At first, it can be disconcerting to have so many people involved in what’s usually such an intimate and personal process. But once intended parents let go of any preconceived ideas of how having a baby usually goes, most people find comfort and community in the number of people who are fully dedicated to helping them have their child.

Everyone at American Surrogacy, your gestational surrogate, attorney, fertility clinic staff, doctors — they’re all rooting for you and here to help bring your family together! Surrogacy has an amazing way of uniting people for a common good.

3. Making a Genuine Connection with Your Surrogate

When you’re first matched with your gestational surrogate, it can feel a little odd. You might have some initial hang-ups about someone else carrying your baby and involving a near-stranger in such a life-changing event.

However, as you come to know each other more and you experience this emotional journey together as a team, most intended parents are thrilled to walk away from their surrogacy experience with a lifelong friend. The bond between surrogates and intended parents is unique — so enjoy it!

4. Finally Meeting Your Baby

This could go without saying, but we’ll say it anyway: The arrival of your baby is the best part of the surrogacy process, for everyone involved. Your surrogate gets to see you all together — her hard work paid off. You’re finally united with your child, and you have the family you’ve been dreaming of. That moment makes all the highs and lows of the surrogacy process worth it.

4 of the Worst Parts of Surrogacy for Intended Parents

As amazing as surrogacy is in the bigger picture, intended parents have to deal with some difficult experiences along the way:

1. Loss of Control

All alternative family-building methods involve a loss of control for the parents. With surrogacy, intended parents are unable to carry their own baby and, therefore, aren’t able to personally control their child’s developing in utero.

You’re also not able to control certain factors such as when you’ll be matched with a surrogate, when (or even if) IVF will work, and more. The need to control is something that intended parents have to let go, because surrogacy is a complicated process with a fair amount of unknowns.

2. Grief for What You Had to Give Up

Surrogacy isn’t often an intended parent’s first or even second choice. Intended parents have to give up a variety of things. Some have to give up the dream of having a biological child. All intended parents have to give up control and some involvement in the pregnancy experience, including the ability to carry and deliver their child.

These are all types of losses and sacrifices that you have to grieve in order to embrace a new and different dream. If you have experienced infertility or pregnancy loss, these are additional losses you’ll have to grieve. Even though you’ll ultimately welcome the child you’ve been waiting for, it often happens after some painful experiences.

3. Uncertainty

Nothing is truly certain in surrogacy. You never know exactly when you might be matched with a gestational surrogate, you don’t know when (or if) embryo transfers will work, you don’t know the exact amount that surrogacy will cost you because of all the variables involved, among other uncertainties. Surrogacy professionals like American Surrogacy will prepare for every possible event, but there’s always going to be an unavoidable amount of uncertainty for both the surrogate and the intended parents.

4. Waiting

Intended parents often spend some amount of time waiting to have a child even before they begin their surrogacy journey. Perhaps you underwent fertility treatments for months, or even years. Then, once the surrogacy process is officially underway, it typically takes at least a year for waiting parents to have a child.

The most frustrating part of all this for intended parents is that there’s often very little that they can do while they wait, because there’s not much that’s within their control. There is a lot of paperwork to wait on, coordination between multiple professionals, waiting for the surrogate’s cycle to synch up for transfer, and much more. There’s no way to fast-track surrogacy, even if you begin the process shortly after deciding you’re ready to become a parent.

Surrogacy is Worth It — Highs and Lows and All

No matter how your family came together, if you’ve been fortunate enough to experience parenthood, you know that it makes all the ups and downs worthwhile. If you are a hopeful parent, take comfort knowing that when you finally meet your child, the difficulties you’ve faced will have been worth it.

Ready to start your surrogacy journey? Contact American Surrogacy at 1-800-875-BABY(2229) to begin.

Getting Your Newborn Home After Their Birth via Surrogacy

It’s more common than not that intended parents are matched with an out-of-state surrogate. Sometimes, it’s legally necessary; the intended parents may live in a state that is not particularly surrogacy-friendly. In other cases, it’s simply because the best surrogate for their goals and preferences happened to live in a different state.

Many of the aspects of a long-distance surrogacy are easily managed with a bit of organization and professional guidance. But, there is another important thing to think about, and it comes after the surrogacy process is complete: how to bring your new baby home across state lines.

When you have a brand-new baby, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, especially if this is your first go at being a parent. Getting ready to bring your baby home requires all kinds of preparations, but you may be unsure of how to do this safely.

Don’t worry: American Surrogacy is here to help. Below, find out your options for bringing home your little one after birth. Don’t hesitate to contact your surrogacy specialist at 1-800-875-2229(BABY) for more guidance on this matter.

The Big Debate: Flying vs. Driving

When it comes to bringing a baby home that was born out of state, there is often one question: Should I fly home on a plane or drive home instead?

First, know this: Which path you take should always depend upon your pediatrician’s recommendation. Your baby’s health will play a crucial role in this decision, and only your doctor will know what is best for your family. Always stay in close contact with them leading up to and after your carrier’s delivery.

In general, here are some things you should know about each option:

Putting a Newborn on an Airplane

Taking a newborn baby on a plan comes with certain pros and cons. You’ll need to consider these before booking your flights.

First, the advantages:

  • Shorter travel time: When you’re looking at a 12-hour drive or a couple-hour flight, choosing to fly may take a lot of stress off of you as intended parents. It’s likely that you want to get home as soon as possible, and a plane ride is often the way to best do so.
  • More travel options: There is always a degree of uncertainty when a baby is born. The baby may come early, or they may overstay their welcome in your surrogate’s womb. If you rely on a car to get you there, you may miss your baby’s birth! A plane, on the other hand, offers more frequent options to leave (and return) whenever you need to. This can give you a bit more leeway when bringing your little one back home.

But, there are also some disadvantages, too:

  • Potential for more germ exposure: Newborn babies are vulnerable, and a plane’s atmosphere can be the worst place for an underdeveloped immune system. If you choose to take your infant on a plane, you must be comfortable with the exposure to viruses and bacteria that other travelers are carrying.
  • Flight changes can be expensive: While flying gives you more opportunity to update your travel plans if necessary, these changes can be expensive. For this reason, many intended parents buy one-way tickets on airlines with minimal change charges (check out Southwest) and wait to buy their return ticket until they are more aware of their baby’s situation.

If you think flying might be the right option for you, always speak with your baby’s doctor. Certain airlines will require a doctor’s note for a baby under a certain age to travel. Make sure to always research tips to make your return journey as stress-free as possible.

Taking a Road Trip with a Newborn

Another way you can return home with your baby is by driving them. Whether or not this is an option for your family will depend upon your personal situation.

So, why do intended parents choose to drive home with their newborn?

  • Cost savings for shorter distances: In some cases, driving to and from a surrogate’s state is much cheaper for intended parents than flying. In many cases, if intended parents have a drive of a day or less, they will save substantial money in comparison to buying flights on short notice, as baby delivery can sometimes necessitate.
  • Safer immuno-environment: When you travel with a newborn in a car, you are in more control over the bacteria and viruses exposed to them than if you were on a plane. You can take steps to keep your car as clean as possible, and you may be more comfortable knowing that your son or daughter will only come in contact with you on this journey.
  • More control over journey: When you drive, you are in charge of your journey. This includes how frequently and where you stop, as well as deciding what is best for your child. You aren’t at the mercy of an airline; if you need more time to get home, or if you and your child need a break on the way home, you can always take it.

But, keep in mind these disadvantages before you strap in your newborn to their car seat:

  • Fatigue on long journeys: If you are taking a long road trip, make sure you have a partner to help you out. Driving long hours is exhausting for anyone but especially so for a new parent caring for a brand-new baby.
  • Cleanliness of stops along the way: You’ll need to stop at rest stations along the way to stay safe. If you are taking a longer journey, you may even spend the night at a hotel. Will your hotel be clean enough for your newborn baby? Are you prepared to haul all of your baby supplies across state lines and in and out of your hotel rooms?
  • Distance from a doctor or hospital: Even if your newborn baby is 100 percent healthy at birth, it’s normal to be worried about their health in the weeks after they are born. When you take an extended road trip after their birth, there will be times that you are a distance away from any doctor or hospital. While many intended parents bring their children home safely via car, this is an important consideration not to overlook.

Remember, the best person to talk to about returning home will always be your baby’s doctor. They are likely the one who will make the ultimate decision in which option is right for you.

Your surrogacy specialist will always be there to support you. To learn more about this topic or about surrogacy in general, please contact our team at 1-800-875-2229(BABY).