10 Ways to Be a Good Surrogate Mother

The Essential Dos and Don'ts for Surrogates

Looking for ways to be a good surrogate mother? Want to ensure you are being the best surrogate you can be? Here are 10 tips for a great surrogacy experience.

Being a good surrogate is about more than meeting certain health requirements. When you become a surrogate, you take on one of the biggest responsibilities of a lifetime — keeping another family’s baby safe and healthy and giving them the best possible start in life.

So how do you ensure you are being the best surrogate you can be? What are some ways to be a good surrogate mother?

Below, find the essential dos and don’ts for surrogates so you can make the most of your experience.


  • Focus on your health. Staying healthy may be the most important thing you can do to be a good surrogate. Make sure to eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly and get plenty of rest, and always follow the instructions provided by your doctors.

  • Communicate. An open, honest relationship is essential to a positive surrogacy experience. Always keep your surrogacy specialist and your intended parents informed throughout your pregnancy, and if you find yourself struggling with any aspect of the pregnancy or surrogacy, don’t be afraid to ask for additional support.

  • Document your journey. You are an important part of this intended family’s story, so tell it. You may want to take pictures, keep a journal, take notes or write a letter to document the progress of your pregnancy. Many intended parents like to include these artifacts and mementos in a baby book for their child.

  • Create a support system. A traditional pregnancy can be physically and emotionally challenging — and surrogacy often involves additional stress, medical procedures and legal considerations. It is important to have the emotional support and practical assistance you need throughout this process. Create a strong team of supportive friends and family members you can lean on during and after your pregnancy.

  • Help the baby transition. During your pregnancy, the baby will become familiar with the sounds and smells associated with you, your family and your home. You can help prepare the baby to go home and bond with the intended parents by introducing the baby to the sounds and smells of their new home and family. For example, you may familiarize the baby with his or her parents’ voices, either through in-person conversations or with recordings, or play the intended parents’ favorite music. Consider providing a transitional item, such as blanket or stuffed animal, which will carry familiar scents when the baby goes home with his or her parents.


  • Be afraid to ask questions. Surrogacy can be complicated, and it involves a number of complex medical procedures and legal processes. You will likely have many questions throughout the process, so don’t be afraid to ask for clarification.

  • Overlook the intended parents’ feelings. Pregnancy can be challenging, and you may have some uncomfortable days. But before complaining of your aches and pains to the intended parents, remember that they likely would do anything to trade places with you. Be mindful of their struggle with infertility, and be sensitive to their feelings throughout the process.

  • Rush through the legal process. The surrogacy contract is typically the last thing standing between you and your surrogate pregnancy. You may be eager to begin medical procedures, but it’s important to take your time when reviewing the contract. This important legal document basically outlines your life for the next nine months or more, so work closely with your attorney and ensure you are happy with the terms included and that you feel protected before signing.

  • Leave your loved ones out. Being a good surrogate isn’t just about meeting the intended parents’ needs — it’s also about your own family. Going into the surrogacy process, it is essential that you and your partner are on the same page and that you have his or her full support. It’s also important that you don’t leave your own kids out of the discussion; you should explain surrogacy to them and involve them in the process when possible.

  • Do it for the money. While you certainly deserve to be fairly compensated for your time and efforts as a surrogate, that motivation may not be enough to make your surrogacy experience a fulfilling one. It is important that you examine your motivations for pursuing surrogacy; you should be doing it because you enjoy pregnancy and you want to help another family in an incredibly generous way.

By following these tips to be a good surrogate mother, you can ensure a more positive surrogacy experience for everyone involved — you, the intended parents, the baby and your own family.

To learn more about how to be a good surrogate mother with American Surrogacy, please contact us today.